Time's Echo (35 page)

‘You’re very quiet.’

‘I’m thinking.’

‘What about?’

About what it would be like to nip his throat, to push up the paint-spattered T-shirt and kiss my way down his long, lean body. My mouth dried. For a dizzying moment my mind was blank and I was
terrified the words would fall out of my mouth of their own accord.

‘About Sophie,’ I said in a rush, clutching onto the first idea that came into my head. ‘Did I tell you that we saw Ash yesterday?’

We’d been in a charity shop in Goodramgate. I’d just found a sleeveless dress in a wonderful shade of yellow that I thought would work with a belt and vintage cardigan that I’d
found in the Save the Children shop a couple of weeks earlier. It was a beautiful fabric too, silky and slithery, and I couldn’t wait to try it on.

‘I was showing her a dress I wanted to buy, and she was rolling her eyes and giving me a hard time about it, but that was fine,’ I told Drew. ‘She was being normal.’

One minute Sophie was relaxed and laughing, and the next her face had coloured up as she saw someone behind me. Even before I turned I knew who it would be.

‘Ash Vaughan was outside, looking at us through the window.’

I twitched my shoulders, remembering the shiny malice that reminded me so much of Francis Bewley.

‘He looked at me and then he looked at Sophie, and I could
tell
he didn’t like the fact that she had been enjoying herself with me. He summoned her like a dog,’ I said
tightly. ‘He didn’t move his lips or anything; he just
looked
, and she turned without a word and trotted out to join him. And then he looked back at me and he smiled.’ I
pulled a face. ‘He gives me the creeps. I can’t prove anything of course, but I think he did that just to show me he could control her. It was a challenge.’

Drew’s face had darkened at the first mention of Ash’s name. ‘That sounds like him. Arrogant little tosser.’

‘I slung the dress back and hared out after her, but there wasn’t much point. Ash already had her just where he wanted her.’

When I went back into the shop someone else had snapped up that yellow dress. I was still cross about it.

Drew loaded more paint onto his roller. ‘I can’t suggest it to Sophie, but I’ve got a nasty feeling that he’s deliberately targeting her because she’s my daughter.
Ash isn’t the type to forgive or forget, and I know he blames me for not giving him better marks – conveniently forgetting the fact that he didn’t do any bloody work.’

‘I thought he’d decided university wasn’t spiritual enough for him?’ I said, and Drew snorted.

‘He says that now, but at the time he was furious. Ash likes to think of himself as king of all he surveys, and that’s hard to pull off when you’re a university dropout. Much
better to recast it as being victimized by the system – that’s me – that is too stupid or corrupt to understand his unique talents. I wasn’t at all surprised he’d set
up his own cult. I just wish he’d done it somewhere else, where Sophie wouldn’t have crossed his path.’

‘I’m guessing he’s someone who prefers to be a big fish in a little pond,’ I said.

‘I just wish I knew why Sophie is so impressed by him,’ Drew sighed as he attacked the wall with the roller.

My masking-tape duties finished, I perched on the windowsill. ‘She’s looking for somewhere to belong,’ I said, spinning the roll around my forefingers. ‘From what
she’s told me, she’s lonely, and torn between you and her mother, and she doesn’t find it easy to make friends at school. Whatever they do at these “gatherings” that
she talks about, they’re giving her something she needs. You may not like it, but she loves all that spirituality stuff.’

‘Then why doesn’t she go to church?’ asked Drew. ‘I wouldn’t mind that so much.’

‘I don’t think the Church has quite the glamour that Ash offers. We might think it’s all mumbo-jumbo, but for Sophie it’s mystical and powerful and it’s different
from conventional forms of spirituality. It’s a heady mix.’

Drew sighed. ‘So what should I do? Just accept that Ash can manipulate my daughter at will?’

‘I wonder if it’s more about accepting
her
,’ I said slowly. ‘She knows how much you hate what she believes in. Maybe that makes her feel that she doesn’t
belong with you, either.’ I hesitated. ‘Does Sophie know about your mother?’

He shook his head. ‘I never wanted to encourage her.’

‘She didn’t need any encouragement,’ I pointed out. ‘She’s looking for someone to feel a connection to, and neither you nor her mother share her beliefs. Maybe she
needs to know that she’s not the first in her family to feel the way she does.’

I saw Drew thinking about that. ‘Do you think I should tell her how her grandmother died?’ he asked after a while. ‘Show her how dangerous these cults can be?’

‘Not yet,’ I said. ‘She’ll just think that you’re getting at Ash. First, let her feel that you’re not completely hostile to everything she believes in. You
could give her something of her grandmother’s, maybe. Or why don’t you ask Vivien Price to invite her back to their coven, or whatever it’s called? I know you haven’t got
much time for Wicca either, but it’s harmless compared to Ash.’

I thought about Vivien’s garden, and her calm, powerful presence. I didn’t think ‘harmless’ was really the right word, but she had none of the malevolence I sensed in
Ash.

Drew was frowning at the wall, the roller moving more and more slowly as he thought. ‘That might be worth a try. Sophie was right into witchcraft before Lucy died. She might be tempted
back – although, God knows, I never thought I’d be encouraging my daughter to join a coven!’

‘Sophie’s too young to join their coven, but I’m sure Vivien would find a way to include her,’ I said. ‘She’s quite an impressive person really.’

‘Hmm.’ Drew looked unconvinced, but when I offered to have a word with Vivien, he didn’t say no. And when I was round for supper a few days later he produced a small box
decorated with moons and stars.

‘What’s this?’ said Sophie when he pushed it across the table towards her.

‘It was your grandmother’s. Look inside.’

She pulled out a pentagram hanging on a fine leather cord, and her mouth dropped open. ‘My grandmother was a
witch
?’

‘Among other things,’ said Drew.

‘Wow, that is so cool!’ Sophie’s smile was brilliant as she slipped the pendant over her head. ‘Is it really for me?’

‘I think she’d have liked you to have it,’ he said gruffly.

‘Thanks, Dad.’ She patted the pendant as if to reassure herself that she wasn’t imagining it. ‘It’s like a real
connection
.’ Her eyes lifted to her
father’s. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about her before?’

Drew opted for honesty. ‘I was hoping it was a phase you’d grow out of.’

He told me later that Sophie bombarded him with questions about his mother all evening after I’d gone, which I think must have been quite difficult for him, but Sophie certainly seemed a
lot happier for a while. I’d given her Lucy’s jewellery, but this was special. It was a link to her own family, and she was delighted with it.

I kept my word and went to see Vivien about Sophie, too. She noticed straight away that I wasn’t wearing the amulet.

‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘It’s over. I’m chalking it up as an amazing experience.’

Vivien studied me, a frown touching her eyes. ‘Over? Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure,’ I said. ‘Nothing’s happened for weeks now.’

‘I don’t think you should let down your guard,’ she said. ‘Your aura is still very cloudy. Hawise is with you still.’

‘Well, if she is, I’ve got her under control,’ I said lightly.

‘That’s what Lucy said. And Lucy died.’

Something – a lift of breeze? a breath? – touched the back of my neck. I felt it all the way down my spine, but I shook the sudden chill aside.

‘I’m not Lucy,’ I said. ‘Besides, I’ll be leaving soon.’

In the meantime there was no hurry. The house still needed a bit of work before I could put it on the market. I liked my job, and with new courses running all the time, it was flexible enough
for me to stay, but leave whenever I needed. As summer slid into September and I stayed resolutely in the present, I let myself relax and enjoy myself. Sometimes, it’s true, I missed Hawise
and wondered about her story, but I never again tried to regress deliberately. It had to be the right moment, I’d realized. Somehow on each occasion there had been a sharing of some sensation
or feeling, and there was no way I could know what might trigger a slip into the past.

Besides, I didn’t want to. I’d had enough of being dragged backwards and forwards through time. Vivien could say what she wanted about it being a privilege, but I’d hated that
feeling that Hawise was controlling me, that she could take over at any point and make me wild with lust, or long for a baby. I wanted to be my own person again.

So I did exactly what Drew said I always did. I papered over the cracks and told myself that life was back to normal. Once when Drew and I were out we bumped into Sarah with, I was glad to see,
her boyfriend, and we all went out for a drink together, but it was awkward. I wished I hadn’t had to tell her about the tsunami. I didn’t like her knowing what had happened, and when
she asked me how I was, I brushed her concern aside.

‘I’m absolutely fine now,’ I said.

And for a while I was.

It was early September before I put the house on the market, and I had the first offer barely two weeks later. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but I hadn’t
thought it would come so soon. Didn’t it take months to sell a house?

‘Congratulations,’ said Drew when I knocked on his door to tell him the news. ‘So you’ll be leaving soon?’

‘I . . . well, yes . . . ’ I said, brought up short. ‘Yes, I suppose I will.’

Leaving. Leaving would mean never seeing Drew again, which would be fine, of course, but I’d sort of got used to his dry voice and the way everything felt steadier and safer when he was
near.

But what was the alternative? To stay in York? Stay with Drew? And if I did, how long would we be happy to stay just friends? And if we weren’t friends, we’d be lovers, and he would
expect me to talk about how I felt and everything else that went along with having a ‘relationship’. The thought of all that emotional intimacy opened up a yawning chasm in front of me
and instinctively I backed away from it.

‘I was thinking it was time that I was moving on anyway,’ I said. ‘Mel’s having a great time in Mexico, and she says there are plenty of jobs there. I’ll probably
go and join her.’

And that’s when I heard it, for the first time in weeks.

Bess
. It sounded feebler than before, a last desperate gurgle before Hawise’s lungs filled with water.

‘What?’ said Drew as I froze.

‘Nothing.’

The familiar dread was uncoiling in the pit of my belly. ‘It’s over,’ I had told Vivien, and it
was
over. I was selling the house and leaving York. I wasn’t
going to get sucked into the past again.

‘In fact I’m going to see if Mel can fix me up with a job right now,’ I said to Drew, but the defiance in my voice was meant for Hawise.

‘Sounds like a plan,’ he said.

Not:
Don’t go
. Not:
Please stay.
Not:
I’ll miss you.

Which was exactly why I had been sensible not to get involved with him.

‘Want to have a drink tonight to celebrate the sale?’ I said, determinedly cheerful, but he shook his head.

‘Can’t, I’m afraid. I’m going to a conference in London tomorrow and I still haven’t finished my paper. Can we celebrate when I get back?’

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Let’s do that.’

I knew that when I went back into Lucy’s house there would be an apple waiting for me – and there was, right next to the kettle where I couldn’t miss it.

My lips tightened and I set my jaw in what Drew called my pig-headed look. ‘I’m going,’ I insisted out loud.

My laptop had been working fine over the summer, but now when I logged on to the Internet the screen kept going blank.

Bess
.
Bess.

The whisper curdled the air, and I felt Hawise’s anguish settle on my skin like a fine web. I scrubbed my hands over my face as if I could brush it away.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said into the empty air. ‘I’m sorry you drowned, but I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how it all went wrong. I can’t help
you. I’m sorry.’

Bess
. It was faint, but implacable. Hawise was as stubborn as I.

I gritted my teeth. ‘I’m leaving,’ I said and closed the laptop with a snap. ‘You can’t stop me.’

Outside, a dreary mizzle was falling as I marched into the library near the Minster. I was all riled up, and ready for a fight. Drew hadn’t begged me to stay, which was just as well, as I
wasn’t going to; and now Hawise was trying to get into my head again. I wasn’t having it.

I found a computer and logged on to email.

Mel
, I typed, making the keyboard rattle.
Have sold house, which means will be buying my ticket any day now. Can you suss out job situation? Am thinking

The screen went dead before I could finish.

‘That’s odd,’ said the assistant when I asked for help. ‘I’ve never seen that before. Try one of the other computers.’

I did, but that crashed too, and the one after that. The assistant was looking at me strangely, as if it was all my fault. ‘Weird,’ he said.

‘Must be a problem with the server,’ I said.

‘All the other computers are working.’

‘Oh, well, maybe it’s me.’ I rolled my eyes to show that I was joking. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll try somewhere else.’

I found an Internet cafe and bought myself a coffee. I had a wild idea that the coffee would somehow fool Hawise into thinking I wasn’t trying to contact Mel at all. It didn’t work,
anyway. I could google to my heart’s content, but the moment I logged onto email and tried to send a message, the screen went blank again.

In the end, I gave up. Which wasn’t the same as giving in. The thought was aimed at Hawise. I was very conscious of her lurking in my mind. It felt as if it had become a battle of wills
between the two of us. This time I wasn’t frightened at the idea of her. I was cross, and it was all bound up with feeling edgy about Drew and the house sale, and with myself for not being as
delighted at the prospect of moving on as I ought to be. I’d been perfectly happy all summer, and now everything was changing.