Timing (302 page)

Her smile was huge as she grabbed my hand. “You’re very

charming, and now that I know I have no possible chance with your

boyfriend—can I help you?”

“That’d be great,” I grinned at her.

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We both looked over at Tristan. He said nothing before he left the

room.

“So,” I teased her, “tell me all about yourself.”

I had more fun talking to Candace than I had her brother. When

we called everyone in to dinner, having set up the food like a buffet,

they were all appreciative. I took plates out to Chris and Paul, who had

relieved Everett and Dustin, and told them to call over to the bunkhouse

to see if anyone else wanted to eat. When I was back in the kitchen,

Rand appeared at my side. Turning to look at him, I realized for the

hundredth time how beautiful his eyes were.

“What?” he asked me after a minute of silence.

“Nothing,” I said, smiling at him. “I think I need to go back to

bed.”

“Okay,” he grinned at me even as his eyes clouded.

“What’s wrong?”

He looked suddenly like he wanted to be anywhere but with me.

“Rand?”

Deep sigh from him. “This ain’t gonna work.”

“What won’t?”

“This. I can’t play at this because I want it so bad.”

Without warning, my choice was upon me.

He took a breath and dived in. “You can’t make it so being here

without you will be bad for me. I can’t take that; I can’t feel like that in

my own home. Jenny wasn’t able to do that, to make me hate the ranch,

because I never felt like she fit here. Every day after we were married,

she was miserable standing in this kitchen, talking to the men, even

riding beside me… she wanted to run away, and instead she ended up

marrying her jailer.”

He had actually done the digging I had thought he’d missed.

“Jenny hated how we were together because she didn’t want

anything to do with me. She needed everything to be bad so she would

have a reason to go. She didn’t want to enjoy being in bed with me

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because she never wanted to stay. She hated ranch life, but her family

an’ friends all thought it was in her blood. I saw that after we were

married, knew she wanted to be gone, so I made it easy for her and let

her blame it on me.”

No doubt about it, Rand Holloway was a very good man.

“But now I see how it was supposed to be.”

I swallowed down the emotions welling up inside me, realizing

that suddenly, without warning, I was in the middle of a life-making or

life-breaking decision.

“You, Stef… you make me love my home more,” he whispered,

his voice going out on him, “because whether you know it or not… you

love it here.”

I could only stare at him.

“You’re so beautiful, Stef… and cold and hard and fiercely

independent… it’s scary how careful you are not to need anybody.”

He was right, I was very careful with my heart.

“But this mornin’ when you first opened your eyes and looked at

me, just for a second before you remembered that you’re supposed to

be on your guard with me… the trust that was there…Jesus Stef. Your

eyes were so soft and the way you look at me, the way you always do,

like I’m a gift… how could I not be in? How could I not want you right

here with me?”

He was going to kill me.

“I love you Stef,” he exhaled, “and it’s killin’ me.”

I had no idea what to do.

“After just one day of your smell on my sheets, one day of your

hair in my face, just one day of you biting my bottom lip when you

don’t want the kiss to end… I don’t want to live without it.”

“Rand—”

“Just… I love touching your skin. I love how rough I can be with

you in bed and how gentle you are with me, and I love how you feel

inside when we—”

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“Okay,” I cut him off, having trouble breathing.

“What? You know that you were made for me.”

He was right: together, in bed, we were amazing.

“So I need you to stay. Will you stay?”

This thing with us was a minute old, and I had no idea if it was

real or just a lifetime of crazy, mixed-up desire.

“I know I said I would settle for you comin’ back after a week,

but I don’t think I can.” His voice cracked, deserted him.

I turned to face him, and he put his hands on my shoulders.

“Think hard now,” he said before he bent and kissed my forehead.

Seconds later, I watched him walk out the door.

IF I thought about Rand, I would lose my mind so I went upstairs to

check my e-mail and see if I had a response from anyone about Knox.

There was nothing. When my phone rang, I answered it without

looking.

“Stef.”

“Holy shit,” I breathed out. It was unbelievable that my boss was

just somehow on the phone. “Where the hell are you?”

“I need to see you—talk to you. I’m in trouble.”

“In trouble for what?”

“I’d rather not say on the phone.”

“I’m sorry, is this a party line? Are you worried about your phone

being tapped or—”

“No, I just—”

“Just fire me already, because this is bullshit. Donna said she

hasn’t heard from you in a week.”

“You talked to Donna?”

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187

“Well, yeah. I mean, if I can’t get a hold of my boss, then I need

to call my boss’s boss to try an’ get some goddamn answers! What the

fuck is going on?”

He didn’t answer for so long I was tempted to check and see if he

was still there.

“I’m in trouble.”

“Yeah, I figured, because in four years of working for you, this is

the first time I ever couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“Shit.”

I changed tactics. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

He cleared his throat. “Just come see me.”

“Fine. Where are you?”

He explained about the motel where he was and how he needed to

talk to me and that if he didn’t, he was sure he was going to completely

lose it. The strained, broken sound of the man’s voice, normally so

filled with absolute confidence and conviction, scared me to death.

“It’s okay,” I soothed him, grabbing a hoodie, pulling it on, and

zipping it up. Everything seemed to be taking forever. I felt like I was

moving underwater. “It’ll be all right. Whatever’s wrong, we’ll figure it

out, okay?”

He sucked in a breath. “Okay.”

“I’ll be right there.”

I knew Rand would never understand me going to see my boss, so

I left him a quick note and went out the back door, around the side of

the house. Because everyone was eating and talking, there was no one

on the porch. I got to my rental car, put the car in neutral, and rolled it a

quarter of the way down the long drive. When I was sure I was far

enough away from the house that I couldn’t be followed, I started the

engine but left the lights off. I navigated by the moon to the highway,

and almost the second I turned off of Rand’s property, my phone rang.

“Why can’t I hear your phone ring from somewhere in my

house?” Rand asked me, his voice cold and hard.

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“My boss called, and he needs to see me.”

“Fine, come back and get me.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

“I think it is.”

“I need to see him alone, Rand.”

“I can’t believe you’d sneak off the ranch, and even worse—”

“I can’t believe I did either,” I said, the weight of what I’d done

suddenly hitting me. “Holy shit, since when and in what realm of the

imagination am I scared of you?”

“Stef—”

“Fuck me.” I caught my breath. “I honestly care about what you

think of me… I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Stef—”

“Shit… I think I love you.”

The coughing was instant and loud. “You what?”

“You heard me… goddammit, when did that happen?”

He was still coughing, sounding more and more like he was

choking. “Stef… tell me.”

“This is bullshit, I refuse to do this over the phone—it’s a cop-out

because it’s easier, since I don’t have to look at you. I wanna tell you to

your face.”

“Tell me what?”

“That I love you, asshole, have you not been listening?”

The laughter was warm and made it hard for me to breathe.

“Jesus, Stef, don’t sound happy about it or nothin’.”

Just saying the words out loud settled things for me. It was like I

had blurted out the vault of my heart. “I don’t wanna give up my life,

Rand, I still wanna be me.”

“No one says you gotta give up any part of bein’ you. Why would

I want that?”

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189

“I won’t work on that ranch.”

“All right.”

“I’m serious.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay then, tell me where you’re meetin’ your boss,” he

demanded.

So I did.

IT WAS further than I remembered it being when I had driven with

Rand earlier in the day, but that was probably because the man had

been so distracting. I had been more interested in getting in his pants

than the ride.

The motel was small with rooms to rent by the hour, and that was

strange for me, as my boss always did five stars or nothing. What in the

world was going on? The man who answered the door when I knocked

looked nothing like the man I knew. It was like he was in disguise,

covered in stubble and wearing jeans and flannel. I was absolutely

floored.

“What the hell?” I asked him as he yanked me into the room,

roughly shoving me sideways so he could lock the door. As I turned to

face him, it was only then I saw the gun. “Seriously, Knox, what the

fuck?”

His smile was fast and finally reminded me of whom I was

looking at. “Remember how I always tell you that you’re so loyal that

you would take a bullet for me?”

I was suddenly freezing.

“Well, today we both get to test my theory,” he said, looking past

me at the same time I heard someone behind me. Then there was only

black.