Titanium (14 page)

Not by a long shot, but she didn't need to know. For several
seconds, our glazes clashed. If I said what I really wanted, what
would happen? Something that shouldn't, I decided. Riley's bright
eyes and hopeful smile hinted that she might have growing feelings
for me--something I'd been afraid of from the get-go.

Or was this merely thanks for the weekend R and R?
Anything but pity. I didn't want her pity.

"Geez, Zander. A simple yes or no will do."

"No."

She started to respond, but hesitated, her puzzled
expression nothing short of adorable. "Er, how did I word the
question?"

I cracked up and let her off the hook. "A kiss beats a penny
any day."

Riley ran right over to me. We were both smiling when she
rose on tiptoes to give me a kiss on the lips. It started out kind of
awkward because I held back. Riley didn't, though, and her tongue
touching mine resulted in me promptly losing it. The tote fell on the
floor. Two steps put her back flat to the wall. My palms under her
butt and a quick boost put us at eye level. She wrapped her arms and
legs around me in a monkey hug. One chaste kiss became a dozen,
all-out--open mouths, tangled tongues, her exhale my inhale. I had
my hands on her before I knew it. And the worst part? She touched
me back.

Me losing my balance broke us up. I don't know how I kept
from dropping her. With ragged breaths, I moved away and tried to
put a humorous spin on things. "Now I've forgotten what started
this."

She self-consciously tugged at her T-shirt, which wasn't
even close to where it had been when we started making out. "I
wanted to know what you were thinking."

"Oh yeah." I began telling her about the good old days. While
I talked, I heated the chili, which had been stored in an enameled
bowl with a plastic lid. I set it directly on the logs burning in the
fireplace. It scorched on the bottom, but still tasted pretty damn
good when I poured in the Fritos and added the cheese and
ketchup.

With our tummies full of our dinner, the two of us sat on a
dusty braided rug in front of a crackling fire. Miles away thought-
wise, Zander watched but probably didn't see my attempts to evenly
toast the marshmallows he'd brought. I gently rotated the skewer
he'd improvised from a coat hanger. Flames threatened the golden
brown I was going for. I quickly blew them out and slid the fluffy goo
off the hanger.

He opened his mouth. I popped it inside, stringing hot white
sugar over his chin and lips. I resisted licking if off. I didn't want the
mood of the room swinging to weird again. Was it simply a stumble
that had broken us up earlier? Or had he done it deliberately? I
suspected he'd taken the kiss over the penny to keep from hurting
my feelings. But that didn't explain the passion that instantly flared
between us.

Or maybe it did. I was a girl in love. He was a guy. In love or
not, no guy was going to turn down sex.

Did he have any idea that my heart did funny things every
time I looked at him? And that wasn't the only part of me affected. I'd
have given my body to Zander in a flash, which was saying a lot.
Although I wasn't a virgin, I'd definitely been picky about partners.
In fact, there'd only been two--the old high-school-steady-on-prom
night cliché and a guy I'd flipped for my freshman year at
Rocky Falls Community College. The latter relationship had lasted a
whopping six months, and I now knew why. What I'd thought was
love, really wasn't. At least not when compared to my feelings for
Zander.

"Are you still scared that someone followed us?" he
said.

"Not so much now."

Zander got up and went to the window that he'd left open so
we could hear the night. With the cabin illuminated only by the
flickering flames in the fireplace, he could see the woods around us
pretty well.

"All clear?" I asked.

"Yep. It smells like rain."

"But the moon was out when we came in."

"Not anymore."

I joined him at the window, staying on the other side of it as
I peered through the dusty panes. The forest lay thick with shadows
now--shadows of trunks and limbs that could be humans. "You're
sure we're okay?"

"I am. Don't worry."

He coaxed me back to the fire, where we finished snacking. I
yawned more than once as we cleared up. "How are you going to
keep the mice away?"

"We'll stay right here, very close to the flame. Rodents don't
like fire."

"And you know this because...?"

"It was in our Army training manual. Chapter two, page
seventy-three. 'How to Keep Rodents Away While Catching some Zs
in a Sleeping Bag inside a Lakeside Cabin Owned by Sparks's
Parents.'"

"You are such a liar!"

Zander unexpectedly caught my wrists and pulled me into
his arms. I tipped my head back to meet his gaze. "Cute little mice are
the least of our worries, okay?"

"I know that."

"And I already told you that you're safe with me."

I nodded, my heart swelling with love for him. Did he love
me back even a little?

Zander stepped away. "Help me spread the sleeping
bag."

I did, grateful for something to do besides worry and
wonder. In moments, the bag lay parallel and in front of the
fireplace.

"You get the warm side," he said. "I'll roast if I try it."

"Okay. Turn around so I can put on my PJs."

Never questioning why I suddenly needed privacy, he
dutifully turned his back on me. I pulled off my boots, leggings, and
Piko top. Moments later, dressed in flannel sleep pants and a thermal
shirt, I crawled into the bag. Zander's bedtime prep involved
removing his shoes and substituting sweat pants for his jeans. He did
not ask me to turn around. He did not remove the prosthesis. I knew
this because I shamelessly watched his every move. After taking one
last look out the window, he joined me. Although the bag wasn't built
for two, we found it plenty wide for both of us if we spooned, his
front pressed to my back.

With our heads on the pillow I'd brought from home, we
talked about nothing until he spit some of my hair out of his
mouth.

I sat up. "Sorry. I meant to put it in a ponytail."

"Don't. I like it this way."

When I lay back down, I faced him. His eyes widened
slightly, but he quickly adjusted and let me snuggle up. "Will you be
able to sleep with the leg on?" I rubbed my bare foot down the
prosthetic.

"No, which is why I haven't taken it off. I promised I'd keep
the mice away, remember?"

"Forget the mice. I have." Impulsively I brushed my lips over
his to test his reaction.

He tensed, but didn't stop me.

Encouraged, I kissed him again, this time a full-on lip lock
that was still a bit tame considering the scorchers we'd shared
earlier. But I wanted him to take the lead this time.

Zander did just what I'd hoped, sweeping his tongue over
my lips. I parted them. He frenched me. I loved it. With my heart
hammering in the best of ways, I crawled on top of him and sat up,
my thighs straddling his torso. I boldly pulled my thermal tee up and
over my head, which left me in bikinis and the sleep pants.

He sat up, too, kissing me again and again while I hurriedly
rid him of his shirt. I pressed my upper body against his as we made
out and didn't stop him when he touched me as he had before. In
fact, I encouraged it, loving the tantalizing flick of his tongue, and
how warm his hands felt against my chilled flesh.

I went for the waistband of his sweats. He sucked in a sharp
breath and pinned my hands in his, his gaze boring into mine.
"Why?"

Because I love you.

No, too soon. "Because I want you, of course."

Zander lay back and groaned. "This is bad. This is so freakin'
bad."

Not the response I expected. Naturally, I recoiled, more
confused than I'd ever been. "Because you don't want me?"

"Hell no. Because I don't deserve you."

"Believe me, I'm no bargain."

"I disagree, but it's not just that. I'm no good for any
woman."

Again? "Don't you think that's my decision to make?"

"Not when you can't think straight."

"Do you read minds?"

He rubbed his hand over his head, unconsciously messing
his hair. "I told you before that I didn't."

"Then how do you know I'm not thinking straight?" I
climbed off him and reached for my top.

"Because you have such a big heart that you might not
realize what's really going on here. You deserve so much more than a
cripple with broken dreams."

"So you're worried this is pity sex."

"Exactly!" He sounded so relieved that I'd finally gotten
it.

"Bullshit!"

He blinked.

"Don't you dare play that card. There's nothing wrong with
you that we can't work around."

"But--"

"Nothing. If I got hurt and lost an arm or something, would
you abandon me?"

"Of course not."

"Ditto." I finished yanking down the hem of my shirt and
pulled a coated band off my wrist to hold my hair back, twisting the
tresses into a messy ponytail with agitated movements. "And for
your information, another of your body parts was on my mind when
I kissed you. In fact, I didn't give your stupid leg or lack of it a
moment's thought."

Zander just looked at me.

"Everything isn't about you and your war wounds, okay? If
you don't want me, say so. Or, better yet, don't speak at all. It won't
make a difference. I'll still want you, and I don't think you're getting
laid often enough to turn down sex, even if you're not particularly
attracted to me."

His mouth moved, but no words came out.

"Nod if you can hear me."

Zander came to life, quickly nodding. "I don't know what to
say."

"I'll make this easy for you. Blink once if you want sex. Blink
twice if you don't."

He blinked once. We went for each other, kissing like crazy,
each one better than the one before it. He touched me. I touched him.
Once again, I sat up to pull my shirt over my head.

The sharp snap of a tree branch right outside made both of
us jump. Zander slapped a hand over my mouth as if sensing the
scream in my throat. I rolled off of him. He got to his feet, cursing
softly and stumbling into the wall. Precious moments were lost
tugging at the prosthesis, which must've slipped.

The low howl of something wild sent shivers up my spine. I
crawled to the corner of the room and stood with my back to it while
Zander snagged his hoodie and stepped into his shoes. He quietly
exited the house, which made no sense at all to me. A chilly wind
swept through the room in his wake. I huddled in my corner for
several seconds, scared out of my mind. But something weird
happened. Slowly but surely my fear turned to anger.

Was I really cowering in the dark while someone I loved
faced danger alone?

Before I could change my mind, I stepped into my boots and
ran lightly through the open doorway and into the dark in search of
Zander. I stopped just outside the door, listening, but heard nothing.
With my heart jack hammering, my stomach in a twist, and no real
plan of action, I headed east around the house, pausing frequently to
listen. Nothing. I moved on, rounding the southeast corner and
running smack into Zander. He shoved me so hard that I landed on
my butt in a huge pile of leaves.

"S'me!" My words were barely a whisper in the dark.

"
Riley?
Shit! I could've killed you." He yanked me to
my feet.

"With what?" I whispered as I brushed wet leaves off my
rear. "A coat hanger?"

He reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a
gun.

I fell back in horror. "Where'd you get that thing?"

"It's a Glock 22, not a 'thing.' And I've had it since I got back
from Afghanistan."

"Why?"

He hesitated, and when he did answer, I barely heard him. "I
had my reasons. Now would you please go back inside? No, wait. I'd
better go, too, and make sure the cabin's still empty."

Wishing I'd stayed put so we'd already know, I took the
hand he offered me and followed as he skirted the exterior, entered
through the front door, and searched the place. Only then did I relax.
"Did you see anything outside?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine."

"What do we do now?"

"Sleep."

As if I could, but I pasted on my game face. "That's boring.
Why don't we take up where we left off? You, me, sex."

"Not happening."

"Why?"

"There are so many reasons I don't even know where to
start. Bottom line: not here, not tonight."

The flickering firelight revealed Zander's determined
expression.

I guessed why he'd changed his mind. Over the past week,
I'd become one man-sized burden, something I'd never intended to
do. He'd taken on me and my problems, not once complaining even
though they'd ridiculously complicated his life. And now I wanted
sex, something that always changed things whether or not the ones
involved meant for it to.

Cutting him some slack, I crawled back into the sleeping bag
without a word. Zander zipped it to my neck and stretched out on
the plaid couch a few feet away.

The weight of the gun on my belly made me feel safer,
something I credited to my time in Afghanistan. There, a weapon
equated to preparation and protection. Without it, there was no
defense against a fully armed enemy as changeable as a
chameleon.

As a special operations weapons sergeant, I'd become adept
at what they called unconventional warfare tactics and techniques--
in my case a psychic skill--as well as the conventional ones, which
included firearms.

Before I joined up, I'd only owned a rifle that I used deer
hunting with my grandpop before he died. To be honest, I didn't even
know where it was now. I suspected my mother had gotten rid of it.
She didn't like guns any more than Riley did. I couldn't blame either
of them. Guns could be scary in the hands of the bad, and, sometimes,
in the hands of the good.