T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (12 page)

H
AVE
you ever tried to throw a surprise party for someone? Its nigh fucking impossible to actually have it end up
being
a surprise because sooner or later, the person figures it out. Someone will tell them, or theyll find some kind of evidence, or theyll just see how weird everyone is acting. Then theres the nonchalant way that you have to get rid of them for just a little bit so you can set up for the damn party. You tell them to go do something with someone, and youll meet up with them later. Now try doing this with a kid who has abandonment issues, who clings to you almost every waking second. On
his
birthday.

That said, the Kid was totally surprised.
Wed had birthday parties for him the last couple of years, but this year, I got it under my skin for some reason to want to do something big. Id been saving for four months to make sure I could get everything I wanted. I even got some random magician to come out and do magic tricks (I know, I know. Youre thinking how is that any different than having a clown? Well, a magician doesnt wear face paint and haunt your dreams). We decorated the hell out of Creeds house, and it looked like wed robbed the damn party store. It was a little much, especially when I realized that we had run out of the ten rolls of streamers I had bought. And then there was the fact that pretty much everyone in Tys grade had shown up. There were almost a hundred people in the house when Anna called to tell me they were on their way. Id gotten everyone to park at a church that was down the street. That parking lot had never been that full, not even on Sundays.
I crowded everyone into the entryway and living room in the house. I stood in front of them, trying to get everyone to be quiet, and caught Otter grinning crookedly at me, watching me trying to shut up forty kids. I made sure no one was looking, and I flipped him off. He chuckled.
So you’ll talk to him?
Creed had asked me a few days after the conversation at my house.
Can’t it wait until after this damn party?
Yeah, but make it soon okay? I’m getting sick of Depressed Otter.
You really think it’ll make that big of a difference?
I think it will. I think you need it too.
What do you mean?
I had asked, slightly annoyed.
You might be the only one Otter will listen to, but I know for a fact
hes
the only one
you
listen to.
I hadnt asked him to elaborate.
So there I stood, waving my arms frantically, wondering why in the hell I had seen fit to invite so many children, being absolutely sure one of them had spilled the beans. I heard Anna and the Kid walking up the front path to the door. I heard Ty preaching to Anna about
something
, and I ran, trying to find a spot to hunker down. I was running past when a hand reached out and snatched mine, pulling me down. Otter almost pulled me down in his lap.
“Oof,” I grunted.
“Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all.
He didnt let go of my arm, and I only had two seconds to wonder when his hands had gotten so big when the door opened and the house erupted in screaming and chaos. I jumped up, shouting incoherent babble, and noticed the exact second when Otters arm left mine, and he roared next to me.
Have you ever had that many people yell at you at one time? No?
Its loud.
I saw Ty and Anna both reel back, and she told me later it was like hearing a sonic boom pass overhead when youre least expecting it. Ty almost leapt from his skin, and I knew wed pulled it off when he went slack-jawed and stared out at everyone. Creed rushed forward and threw him up in the air. Even in mid-throw, I could see him looking around for me, so I went and stood next to Creed, who set him down. The Kid put his hand on the exact spot where Otter had. He tugged at my arm and pulled me down to whisper in my ear above the noise.
“Bear,” he said, “is this all for me?”
I ruffled his hair and said, “You bet your ass it is.”
Then he grinned, and the past four months of scrimping every cent I could was worth it.

Amazing Whats-His-Name pull a rabbit out of his top hat. The kids shriek with laughter, and the parents clap politely, and Creed leans over and hisses, “How is this better than a clown?”

He looks at me incredulously. “Did you not see the van he rolled up in? And that fake mustache hes wearing? For Gods sake, Bear, you should probably count regardless.” I punch him in the arm.

The magician takes a bow and promises to be back in a little bit. The kids disperse, and my Kid comes running up to me and launches himself into my arms, talking about a billion things at once. He then wiggles out of my arms and runs with some boys from his class to a jumping castle that Creed had randomly rented. I told him I would pay him back for it. He told me to shut the fuck up.

Anna appears at my arm. “Hey,” I say, putting my arm around her shoulders.
“Hey, yourself,” she says back. “I cant believe you really pulled this off.”
I snort. “You mean
we
pulled this off.”
She looks over at Ty, who is bouncing off the walls of the castle. “Did you see the look on his face? I thought he was going to pass out.” We all laugh as Ty attempts to do a somersault and fails miserably. “Ive never seen him like this before,” she says.
I know what she means. Since the party started, he had been running up and down the backyard, a state of perpetual ecstasy etched across his face. He had come up to me every now and then, but only to tell me about what hed just done before taking off in the opposite direction. He hadnt been at my side for more than a few seconds. I grin as I feel kind of sad at this.
“Its been a while,” I say.
Creed chokes on his drink next to me. I look over as he points to Otter, who is surrounded by kids, all who seem to be trying to climb up on him at once. We can hear him yelling from where we stand as he collapses under a sea of tiny ankles.
“Its too bad,” Anna says.
“What is?” I say distractedly, watching Otter try to right himself when Ty appears out of nowhere and tackles him from behind.
“That hell never have kids of his own. Hed be a good father.”
Otter picks up Ty and swings him around by his arms, and the Kid screams in happiness, spinning round and round and round.

parties with this many people in attendance. Where before the house had been festive and bright, it now looked like a graveyard where parties go to die. I sigh as I open another garbage bag, the sixth in the last half hour. Creed is grumbling as he picks up a discarded shoe that had somehow been left behind. I swear, though, it has nothing to do with the magician. I counted.

I look in through the window into the living room and see Ty asleep on the couch, surrounded by wrapping paper and gift bags. I dont know how the hell I am going to get all this shit home. I dont know where we are going to put all of it when I do. Im already thinking ahead to next year, vowing to have the party at my apartment, where only a few people can come. This is ridiculous.

“Remind me never to do this again,” Creed says, echoing my thoughts. “Where the hell is Anna, and why isnt she helping?”
I shrug. “Probably cleaning up inside,” I say, grimacing as I pick up a pile of wet
something
from the ground. I shudder and thrust it into the bag, trying not to think of what it could be.
I walk over to the table and start putting cups in the trash when I hear Creed walk up beside me. “You did a good job, Bear,” he says quietly. “The Kid is going to remember this forever.”
“He better,” I say, sitting down in a chair with a groan.
Creed eyes me. “I mean it, Bear. Im proud of you.” He shakes his head. “I dont know if I could be doing what you are if I was in your position.”
“Yeah, well, I didnt think I could either, if it makes you feel any better,” I say wearily.
“I guess. Still….” He trails off.
“Why are you being all touchy-feely?” I ask him suspiciously. “What do you want?”
He jerks his head over his shoulder, and I lean over to look around him and see Otter standing by the jumping castle, tossing more shit into a garbage bag.
“Now?” I whine. “Im so fucking tired, and theres so much more shit to do.”
He waves me off. “Screw it. Itll be here tomorrow, and I doubt youre going to get Ty to move off that couch until then, so you might as well just stay here tonight. I think Ill go ask Anna if she wants to start getting drunk with me so I can take advantage of her.” I throw a cup at him as he walks away.
“You owe me,” I call after him, and he flips me off, going inside and shutting the door. I look back over at Otter as he ties off a garbage bag and starts looking around at the ground for another one. Theres a fog rolling in off the ocean, and its starting to get cold. I sigh dejectedly and stand up and stretch, feeling like Im going to war.
“Hi,” I say as I walk over to him.
“Hey, Bear,” he says. “Great party.”
“Thanks. You looked like you were having fun.”
He frowns. “Ill probably feel it in the morning. Having twenty children dogpile you is a good way start to feel your age.”
I laugh. “I bet. If it makes you feel better, even I felt old today.”
He rolls his eyes. “So much better. Thank you, Bear. Im what, only eight years older than you?”
“Someones got to be the old man around here.”
“Might as well be me, right?”
“Right.”
“So,” he says.
“So,” I say.
“What do Anna and Creed want you to talk to me about?” I startle at this. “Huh?”
He snorts. “Creed isnt exactly the master of subtlety. Cmon, Bear, you should know this by now. What did he say to me a few days ago? „You keep feeling sorry for yourself, Otter. You just keep on being a fag. Wait until I sic Bear on you again, then well talk,” he says, doing an eerie imitation of his younger brother. “You havent said two words to me since after you left last week, yet here you are.”
I curse under my breath. I look out over the back fence of their property and can see the ocean. Its getting foggier by the second, and I shiver. Seagulls caw. I can hear the waves crashing down on the beach. “Ive been thinking,” I say finally.
He arches his eyebrow. “About?”
“I guess what you said that night.”
He sighs. “I wondered if you would. You have a tendency to overanalyze everything.”
“Whatever.” We bend to pick up more trash. He holds the bag open in front of me as I shove paper plates in it. I avert my eyes to try and focus elsewhere, but I know we are heading toward dangerous ground, ground where theres little to no footing. I begin to think this was a bad idea.
You might be the only one Otter will listen to, but I know for a
fact
he’s the only one
you
listen to
, Creed says in my head.
He said that he’d thought he’d lost his only chance to be happy
, Anna whispers.
Maybe Otters right, maybe I
do
think too much about things. But I wouldnt have gotten this far, I wouldnt have gotten
Ty
this far, had I not. I marvel again how people dont seem to understand. Its not their fault, I know, because theyve never been in my position before. Being overanalytical is the only way we could have survived. I try to curb the irritation thats rising in me. This conversation isnt supposed to be about me. This is supposed to be about him.
“You think too much, Bear. You always have,” Otter insists, as if reading my thoughts. “Its not a bad thing. Its just who you are.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Dont take it the wrong way. I do the same thing.”
“Yeah?” I say. “Maybe you should work on that.”
He looks at me, an amused annoyance splayed out across his face. “Since when did you get so mouthy?”
“Youve missed a lot, Otter. Maybe you should stick around for while this time.”
“Bear—” he starts.
“You really think youre getting too old now?” I interrupt him, an idea forming in my head.
“I guess.”
“Too old to get into the jumping castle?”
He laughs and looks surprised at the sound. He glances up at the looming deathtrap that Creed has on reserve until tomorrow morning. “I dont know, Bear. Ill probably end up popping it.”
“Stop being such a pussy,” I say, a note of challenge in my voice. He looks me up and down, and we both know he could squash me in a heartbeat. He drops the garbage bag and throws his hands up into the air and starts kicking his shoes off.
“There you go, old man. Thats better,” I say as I slip off my own shoes. He grumbles something threateningly at my person and walks over to the entrance, peering inside. I see him start to change his mind, so I put my foot on his ass and push as hard as I can. I hear him grunt as he falls face-first into the jumping castle.
I climb inside, and its dark, and I cant see him, and then he grabs my arm in the same spot that hed done earlier, and I almost have time to form a thought, whatever it might be, but then he throws me across the castle, and I bounce off the wall and land on my back. He moves quickly and jumps right next to me, causing me to lift in the air and fly into the wall again, all the while, a great bellowing laugh pouring from his mouth, reverberating through the tiny confines of the plastic castle. I get up and glare at him, and he covers his mouth and snickers.
“You should see your face right now,” he says through fits of laughter. “Its so fucking priceless. You look like—” But thats all he gets out as I run silently toward him and tackle him around the midsection, putting the full force of my shoulder behind it. I think Ive won whatever it is that Im trying to win, but everyone knows jumping castles are unfair. As I drive him into the wall, my socks slip on the rubber surface and both feet slide out from underneath me and frantically I try to grip something, but all I have is a handful of Otter, and I pull him down with me. I land flat on my back and only have a second to react before he crashes down on top of me, my head against his chest. I can feel him breathing heavily, and I can hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest. I lay frozen for a moment, willing myself to move, but I cant. I can feel the length of his body resting against me, and its nothing like Anna, the only other person Ive had against me like this. Its strong and hard and smells distinctly male, and a billion things flash at me at once, and I cant breathe, and I cant move, and all I can think about is him being here with me now, and its like the last three years didnt even happen, and its like hes always been here and always been Otter, and Im terrified because I can feel myself growing hard at the weight of him and even though hes only there for a second, it feels like an eternity. Then he tenses as if electrified, and he moves quickly off of me, and I feel cold and surprised as a singular tear slides down my cheek.
He scampers off into a corner on the opposite side, his face hidden by the shadows. I hear him breathing raggedly, and he sounds feral as he growls at me, “What the hell are you doing?”
I say nothing.
“What do you want from me, Bear?” he barks, sudden and vicious.
“I dont know,” I mumble truthfully, not knowing what else to say.
Bear, oh Bear
, my mind whispers sadly.
He makes a pained noise and slumps against the wall. “Go back inside, Bear. Go back inside and leave me alone.”
I sit up and start to do just that and am at the entrance to the jumping castle when I stop. “What happened to you, Otter?” I ask without turning around. “Whyd you come back home?”
“Not now, Bear,” he begs. “I cant do this now. Go away. Just go away.”
“No,” I say, turning to show him that I am suddenly angry. “No, youre going to tell me, and youre going to tell me now. Ive put up with your bullshit for the last three fucking years and, goddamn it, you
owe
me.”
“Why do you care?” he grumbles.
“Because youre my friend, Otter!” I shout at him, shaking. “Even after all that youve done, even after all of
that
, youre still my friend! I dont have anything else to give you, so you give me something back for once!” My words echo of the walls and dance across my mind. I still cant see his face, but I dont want to move any closer to him. Ive never talked to anyone like Ive talked to him over the last week. If I were him, Id hate me. If I were him, I wouldnt want to talk to me either. I feel shame slowly heating my face, and I feel like I should apologize, but I cant. I
won’t.
However wrong I am for saying the things Ive said, at least its been the truth.
“Otter,” I try again, my voice softer. “Why wont you talk to me?”
“You said it already, Bear,” he tells me flatly. “Youve got nothing left to give, and I certainly know I shouldnt expect any more from you. Youve done enough. I cant expect you to be there for me when I wasnt there for you.” He stands, wobbly, and works his way past me, out the front of the jumping castle. I stare stupidly after him.
So that’s it
, I think dully.
That’s it. I can’t do this anymore.
Hes halfway across the yard before I call out to him. I dont mean to. It just happens. He stops, shoulders slumped. My feet are moving before I realize Im running after him. I stop a few feet away, and he doesnt turn around.
“What did you mean?” I ask before I can stop myself. “What did you mean, what you said to Anna?”
He sounds dejected. “What did I say to Anna, Bear?”
“You said you felt like youd lost your one chance to be happy,” I tell him, the words falling out of me in a croak. “What did you mean?”
He tenses, and I think hes going to turn around, and I dont know what Ill do if he does, but some part of me, that
secret
part, is willing him to turn, to face me so I can see the look on his face so Ill know if hes telling the truth with whatever he says. Im drenched with sweat and I feel sick to my stomach but
fucking turn around! Look at me! Give me
something
, goddamn you!
For a moment it looks like he will, but he doesnt. He walks inside without saying anything.
He walks away from me.
Again.