T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (20 page)
Bear! Bear!
” as he runs. People stare at him as he shoves past. He doesnt care. Im here, and everything is going to be okay.
This all ends when he catches up with the person. Its not me. It doesnt even look like me.
Three weeks later, the same thing happens again.
And again and again and again.
Otter thinks hes sick. He goes to the doctor. They do many tests. Hes poked and prodded and X-rayed and CAT-scanned and MRId and gives blood and urine. Two weeks later hes told hes perfectly healthy, at least in body. He tries to believe this, but I am one of the paramedics who rushed past him on his way up to meet with the doctor.
He thinks that maybe this is just an unhealthy obsession. He goes to a therapist. The therapist pokes and prods and asks if hes ever considered yoga. Or meditation. Or Xanax. Otter is told he needs to relax. Hes told that hes projecting. Hes told he needs to cut back on the stresses in his life. Hes told to take a long vacation.
He and Jonah go to Florida for a week. Im checking them into the hotel. Im the bellboy. Im the cab driver, the bartender, the waiter, the person on the street who passes by. By the end of the week, its the beginning of March, and Otter starts to think about going home.
Two weeks later, Otter finds himself at the self-storage unit. He hasnt been here in over a year. He opens the door, and the picture is where hes left it. He picks it up and takes it home. He hides it in a box in the closet. He takes it out whenever hes feeling sad. He takes it out whenever hes feeling happy. He wonders if the guilt of the past three years is finally catching up with him. He thinks its guilt making him see me everywhere. He cant possibly still have those strong feelings for me like he did. He thinks he just needs to make sure Im okay. He thinks he should go home for a few weeks, just to make amends. He talks to Creed and Anna more frequently now, and they tell him Im fine every time he asks, but he needs to see this for himself.
Its the middle of May now, and he comes home one day and finds Jonah sitting at the kitchen table, Moxie at his feet. My picture sits on the table. Otter freezes for a moment before continuing into the kitchen. Hes just told the studio that he needs to take some time off. Theyre calling it a leave of absence. Hes calling it a vacation from reality. He hasnt yet told Jonah of his plans, but he was sure he could think of something. Now, it would seem, he wont have to.
There is a fight and it is epic. Theres screaming and crying and accusations and kissing and making up and pleading and tears and anger and bitterness: a full gamut of emotion. Jonah tells Otter that he slept with someone from his office three months ago, and hes been trying to figure out how to tell him. He says it didnt mean anything. He says that he doesnt feel as bad now, knowing Otter is cheating as well. It might be with a picture or a memory or a feeling, but its still cheating. Otter tells him to go to hell. Jonah says hes sorry and he loves him. Otter believes him. Otter even loves Jonah in his own way. He thinks Jonah is a good man and that its not Jonahs fault he got wrapped up in this. He tells Jonah all of this, and Jonah seems to calm until Otter pulls out his suitcases and starts packing. He starts begging then, but Otters course has already been set. Jonah asks him where hes going. Otter tells him the truth. Jonah asks him if he is coming back. Otter says he doesnt know. Otter tells him hes not coming here to try and be with me, but to make amends for the shit storm hes caused. He kisses a crying Jonah lightly before getting into the Jeep and driving away. Before he goes, he makes sure the picture is tucked safely in his bags.
He takes his time on the drive back to Seafare. He rehearses what he will say. He tests all of my reactions. He comes up with different rebuttals. Hes happy. Hes sad. He feels bad for Jonah and even calls him on the third day after hed left. He gets voice mail but thats okay. He leaves a message but does not say, “I love you” at the end. Otter leaves California and crosses into Oregon and doesnt know if hell ever go back.
’
S
what happened. I came back, and you know the rest. I saw you
were doing fine. Actually, you were doing better than fine; you were doing amazing. You didn’t need me here, and I never really got to apologize the way I wanted to. I am sorry I left you, Bear. I am sorry that you’ve had to endure the last three years when I could have been here to make it easier. I’m sorry about a lot of things. I don’t know what it is we’re doing right now, and I don’t know if it will even last, but I don’t want to go anywhere again unless you’re with me. I didn’t think I still felt like that. But you want to know the moment I realized it all over again? When I looked at you and felt like the fight for you was all I’ve ever known?
It was when you threw my letter back at me. You took out your wallet and you threw that damn letter at my face. I told myself it was stupid to think like that, that maybe you kept it as a reminder of how much I had hurt you. But part of me couldn’t help but
…
hope. Even if nothing ever comes of this, I want you in my life. Anywhere you go, I want to be there. I’ve missed you, Papa Bear. God, how I’ve missed you. I don’t want to miss you ever again.
He strokes my hair. His heart beats in my ear. I rise and fall on his chest with every breath he takes. I sit up and stare deep into the gold-green of his eyes. Hes the first to break away. He looks down at his hands. I reach out and lift up his head. I wipe away a tear. He leans into my hand and kisses my palm. I think this is a dream. Ive fallen asleep while he was speaking and this is a dream.
, he said to me. This is a dream. This is a dream.
the voice asks.
Can you handle all of this?
“Otter,” I say gently. “Look at me.” He does.
I kiss him.
God help me.
, so we
all
saw that coming. It doesnt mean it makes it any easier.
to the sound of a phone going off somewhere near my ear. My mind is blurry and the bed is warm, and I want nothing more than for that fucking phone to shut the hell up so I can curl back under my covers and fall right back asleep. But it doesnt. It continues to play some song Ive never heard before. When did I put that song on my phone? I reach out from underneath the covers blindly and finally find the offensive object and open it and put it against my ear.
“This better be good,” I growl.
“Bear?” a voice says, sounding surprised.
“Yeah, what. Who is this?”
“Its Creed.”
I stretch my legs and feel something against me but dont open my eyes. Its too nice keeping them closed. “Creed, why the fuck are you calling me so early?” I groan.
My eyes flash open, sleep the furthest thing from my mind. “Bear?” I hear a tinny voice say in my ear. “Dude?”
I look over at the other side of the bed. My movement has knocked the
covers back and Otter lays sprawled out beside me. He lies on his stomach, his head turned to the side, facing me. His eyes are closed, and he hasnt a care in the goddamn world. His hand is still on my thigh, hot and hard through the fabric of the clothes I wear. His clothes. I cant help but stare at him, strong and tall and tan and… and….
“Bear?”
“Uh… yeah?” I say hoarsely, trying to keep my voice down.
Oh, Bear!
it laughs.
I can’t wait to see you work your way out of this one! Just
what
are you going to say to him? That his big brother bared his HEART and SOUL to you? That when he was done, you had never been more fucking aroused in your entire life? That even though you were scared of what it meant, that you thought once or twice that his admitted obsession will tear you apart piece by piece, that even beyond all that, you couldn’t help but groan when you felt his BIG, STRONG ARMS wrap around you, and he started to SUCK on your TONGUE….
“I… I was here because… Otter wanted to make breakfast for Ty,” I finally choke out. It sounds lame even to me.
“Its really early,” Creed says. “Otter never wakes up before ten unless he has to.”
Goddammit, Creed!
I curse.
Just shut the hell up and believe everything I’m saying!
Im panicking now. I want to kick Otter awake and make him help me. I want to hang up the phone and grab Ty and get the hell out of there. I want to leave him with Mrs. Paquinn and go to Annas house and beg her to take me back. I want to fuck her senseless so I can stop feeling my cock growing hard at
his
touch. I want Otter to run back to San Diego and go back to the stupid fucking boyfriend, who Ive never met but cannot stand. I want to ask Anna to marry me, and then well get a house and have babies and grow old together, and Ill never have to remember any of this, and if I do, Ill look back on it with fond disdain, knowing it was just a phase.
Uh-oh!
the voice cackles gleefully.
Trouble in paradise already? And things were going so WELL! But hey! Keep lying to yourself like that, Papa Bear! We both know you want nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and press your body against his and forget the way the world really works. But you just keep on thinking of marriage and kids and a future that will never be. What’s the point of life if you never second-guess EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE?
“I guess he wanted to get an early start,” I say weakly.
Creed laughs in my ear. “Does that mean youve got him to stop moping?”
You could say something like that….
“Uh, sure,” I grunt. “I dont think youll have to worry anymore.”
“Thats my boy!” he howls into the phone. “I dont know what you did, but thank God you did
something
. I dont feel so bad about not coming home when I said I was.”
“What?” I say half-listening. I am trying to slide my leg out from underneath Otters hand without waking him. It doesnt work too well, as he curls his arm around my whole leg and hugs it gently to his chest.
“Im going to stay up here for a few more days,” Creed says, completely oblivious to the fact that his best friend is partially stuck underneath his older brother. “Another friend of mine came up, so I wont be back until Friday. I just wanted to check in and make sure that things were cool. Sounds like youve got everything under control.”
“Yep,” I say, resigned. “Everythings cool here.”
“Good,” he says with a laugh. “So Ill see you when I get back, okay? Tell Otter when Ill be home so I dont walk in on him fucking some guy on the floor in the living room.”
My face grows hot. I try to picture something like that, knowing its probably not the best time to be doing so. We had made out last night to the point where I started to wonder what would happen if I took off Otters shirt, but I had stopped myself. Otter had respected this and seemed content to just be near me. I havent really thought through the…
mechanics…
of what the next possible steps could be. Images flash through my head, and my mouth grows dry.
“Sure,” I say, trying to brush a naked Otter out of my thoughts. “Ill let him know.”
“Thanks, dude.” Im about to hang up, when he excitedly says my name.
“What?” I say, annoyed.
“Make sure that you get Mrs. Paquinn to be able to watch the Kid the last Saturday in August. We are going to throw a motherfucking party like Seafares never seen before I leave. I got some people coming into town, and I figure it could be like a last hurrah before I have to go back and be an adult.”
“That sounds… nice,” I say.
“You sure youre okay? You sound weird.”
“Me?” I squeak. “Oh, Im just great. No worries here.”
“If you say so. Be cool, Papa Bear.” And he disconnects.
I sigh and hang up the phone, and Otter bursts out laughing. It startles me for a moment because I thought he was still asleep. He lets go of my leg and rolls over onto his back, clutching his stomach and bellowing out laughter. I glare at him and cross my arms. “Whats so fucking funny?” I scowl.
“„Everythings cool h-here?” he sputters, mocking me. “You s-sounded like you were going to throw up through t-the whole phone call!”
My eyes narrow. “You were awake for the entire conversation?”
He nods, wiping his eyes.
I kick him on the leg. “Why the hell didnt you help me?” I shout.
I raise my leg to kick him again, but hes too fast for me. As soon as my foot shoots out, he rolls over nimbly onto it and squashes it into the bed. Im pissed, so I raise my hands to beat him off me, but he reaches up and grabs both my arms with one big paw and pulls me down onto the bed. He pushes my arms to the sides and pins them with his knees and straddles my stomach. It happens so quickly that I have no time to react. He smiles down at me wickedly, his intent naked on his face. I glare up at him, a sneer twisted on my lips. He cocks his head to the side.
“Everything cool here, Bear?” he says through his grin.
“Get the fuck off me, Otter!” I say, trying to twist and wiggle out from underneath him. Its no use. Hes too big, and the grinding of our hips isnt exactly supporting my cause, either.
“Good morning to you too,” he says, arching his eyebrow. He leans forward until his face is a few inches from mine. I dont move, not wanting to be the one who shows weakness here. I wont lose this game. His nose touches mine, and it distracts me from what hes really doing, and when his hand comes up and he starts tickling me, my eyes bulge and I start squealing like a girl. My mind goes blank, and I try to break free, and I scream at him shrilly, to no avail. His face is still down near mine, and I do the only thing I can: I reach up and grab his bottom lip with my teeth and pull none too gently. He immediately stops tickling me and doesnt move. I jerk my head lightly to the side, threateningly.
“You gonna stop?” I say through a mouthful of Otter.
“Depends on what youre going to do next,” he says and presses his face against mine, taking my mouth in his. I kiss him back even as the alarms go off in my head. I grimace slightly as we both taste like we gargled dead animals, but he sticks his tongue in my mouth, and my hands go to his back and rub the landscape there through the shirt. He lays down flat against me, and I can feel him pressing against my leg, and I find the place where his shirt has lifted up from his ass and my hand touches bare skin and my brain shorts out again as I slide a tentative fingertip underneath the waistband of his shorts….
“Bear?” a little voice calls from the other side of the closed door.
My hand freezes. My eyes open wide, and Otter quickly rolls off me to the side. He pulls the covers up around his waist, but not before I can see his dick outlined through his shorts, hard and bulging against the fabric. I look down at myself and see the same, and so does he, and he has a brief moment to stare hungrily at me before the door opens and the Kid makes his entrance. I bring the comforter up around my lap before he sees too much.
“Whats up, Ty?” I say, my voice coming out deep and rough.
Ty jumps up onto the bed and sits on the end of it. “Were you guys fighting again?” he asks us accusingly. “Bear, you woke me up because you were screaming.”
I blush and avert my eyes. “Er, no,” I stammer, scooting as far away from Otter as I can without falling off the bed. “Otter was… he was….” I dont know how to finish. I might be in possession of the smartest nineyear-old vegetarian ecoterrorist-in-training but theres some things even
he
shouldnt be told. Especially when I dont even know what the hell Im doing.
The Kid looks at me expectantly, and I open my mouth to make something up when Otter comes to my rescue. “I was tickling him,” he says soberly. I shoot him a look that tells him I will be kicking his ass later, and he shrugs and grins his grin.
Ty laughs. “Thats why Bear sounded like a girl,” he tells Otter. “He always does when you tickle him.” I scowl at the both of them as they laugh at me some more. Otter reaches over and ruffles the Kids hair, and Ty smiles so beautifully at him that I let the pseudo-anger wash out of me. I dare you to try and stay mad when you have a fake-son who smiles like that and a guy lying next to you who, up until two minutes ago, was doing things to you that youve never even thought about.
Ty jumps off the bed and walks to the door. “Im going to go watch MSNBC. It would sure be good if I had some waffles to go with it,” he calls back to us as he leaves.
“There are cartoons on,” Otter shouts after him.
“
Cartoons
?” he says incredulously. “Otter, Im
nine
now, not some little kid.”
Otter looks at me indignantly. “What do you expect?” I ask him. “Hes
nine
now.” He grins and reaches for me, but his phone rings again. He groans as I hand to him. I stand to follow Ty and am almost at the door when I hear him leap up from the bed, and he grabs my hand and whirls me around and kisses me again.
I hiss and pull back. “The Kid is awake!” I whisper to him. He rolls his eyes and a shadow briefly crosses his face, and I cant quite place what it is. He shakes it off and grins crookedly, and as he puts the phone against his ear, he says “You owe me,” as he pokes me gently in the chest. He says hello into the phone, and Im about to turn and leave when I see the smile slide quickly off of his face.
“Oh, hey,” he says into the phone. “Whats up?” He sees me still standing in the room and covers the phone and says hell be right down. I nod and walk out of the room and am about to head down the stairs when I hear him say, “What do you want, Jonah?” This causes me to stop.
Have you ever tried to eavesdrop on a phone conversation? It sucks. Big-time. Its one-sided, and you wish you could see the person on the other end. Not that you
want
to know what they look like or anything, but because you want to put a face to a name. You hear the person near you say things like, “Why would you say that?” and “Jonah, I dont know what youre talking about,” and all you can do is imagine what is being said to make a person respond like that. It doesnt help either when you start to feel something strangely like jealousy, and it burns away at your insides like acid. You try to grapple with this and shove it away, but you lose, and it envelops you completely. You ball your fists and grit your teeth and hear the person say, “What do you expect me to do?” and you think,
I expect you to hang up the phone
, and you almost reel at the thought because you dont know where it came from. You start to feel queasy at how strong this sensation is. You wonder why youve never really felt jealousy before until now (not that its
really
jealousy or anything; this is all hypothetical), and you start to question if youre getting in over your head, and you start to think that maybe the last twelve hours have been a big mistake and that life was perfectly fine before a certain someone (who happens to be on the phone with a certain someone else) ever came home. You begin to distrust yourself and the person in the other room who is now saying, “I never meant for you to think like that!” and you smile sickly to yourself at how quickly all of this is happening to you. You never asked for this, did you? You were good before. Peachy fucking keen, even. And then you cant make out the next words that are said, and you inch closer to the room, knowing what you just didnt hear was probably the thing you wanted to hear the most. As you are almost back in the room, you freeze because you hear the phone slap shut and you hear a sigh. You then turn, shamefaced, and leave quickly before youre caught.
Ever been in that position?
Im just asking.
morning, Ty comes to me with a request that catches me off guard. I know I should have been expecting it at some point, but when he asks, it throws me for a loop. I mean, with all thats been going on as of late, I thought that we were miles away from here. And damn if it doesnt sort of hurt.
“You what?” I say to him, disbelieving what Id just heard.
He sighs and sits on the couch next to me. “You know how I dont have school tomorrow because its a grading day for teachers?” I nod. I have to work later on today and was planning on taking Ty to Otters before I went.
“Well, my friend from school wants me to stay the night at his house tonight,” he says patiently, as if Im the child and hes the adult.
“Do you want to go?” I say slowly.
He sits back on our couch and scrunches his face. “I think I do,” he says finally. “But if I wanted to come home, would you come get me?” he adds quickly.
“Of course,” I say sullenly. “Either me or Otter, if Im still at work.” I shake my head. “Who is this kid? How do you know him? Have I met him? Have I met his parents?”
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, Bear. I told you, hes my friend from school. You met him
and
his parents at my birthday party. Remember Alex Herrera? His mom was the one who asked you where you got the jumping castle from because she wants one for his birthday next month. You said Alex was very polite.”
Its funny, I know, but I havent had to face this yet. The Kid seemed content on not having sleepovers or play dates or anything like most normal kids do. Sure, he would go outside and play, but he never went over to someone elses house. I begin to think that this is going to be much harder on
me
than it is on
him
.
Have I really gotten so dependent on him?
I think, bemused.
I always thought it was the other way around. Do parents feel like this when their kid goes off for the first time like this? Jesus Christ, I need a life.
The next thing I know Im on the phone with Mrs. Herrera, whos telling me of course its okay that Ty is coming over, and how sweet and intelligent he is. She wonders out loud why the Kid and Alex have never had a slumber party before, and I tell her Ty doesnt eat meat and that if he needs anything to just call me. Or Otter. Or Anna. Or Creed. Ty looks mortified as I make Mrs. Herrera recite the phone numbers back to me. She says that yes, she knows the number to Poison Control. No, they dont have any big dogs. Yes, she knows not to let Ty go to the beach by himself. No, shes quite sure that its not expected to rain, but shell keep him inside if it does. Yes, shes positive I dont need to pack any special vegetarian meals. Shes telling me that no, she
doesn’t
