To Be the Best (52 page)

Finally, in desperation, Barry called Daisy at her Rose Bay house one afternoon, and spoke to her confidentially, and at length, about her son and his concern for him.

The minute she hung up on Barry, Daisy telephoned Shane, who had just returned from a two-day trip to Melbourne and Adelaide, where he had been visiting the O’Neill hotels.

‘I have to come into Sydney today…in a short while, in fact. May I pop in to see you, Shane?’ Daisy asked.

‘Of course,’ he said. ‘That’ll be fine.’ He glanced at the clock on his desk. It was exactly five minutes past three. ‘Come by in about an hour. We’ll have tea together and a nice chat, Daisy dear.’

‘Thanks, Shane, I appreciate it.’

Promptly at four, his secretary showed his mother-in-law into his private office in the Sydney-O’Neill Hotel. Shane rose, went around the desk to greet her.

After kissing her on the cheek, he held her away, eyed her closely. ‘You look lovely, as usual, Daisy. But troubled,’ he said. ‘About Philip,’ he added, leading her over to the sofa in front of the wall of plate glass overlooking Sydney Harbour.

Daisy made no comment.

They sat down together. She reached out, took hold of his hand, stared into his face. She had known him all his life, since the day he was born, and she loved him like a child of her own.

She said, after a moment, ‘You’ve always been such a good friend to me, Shane, not to mention a wonderful son-in-law. You were a great comfort to me when Mother died, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget how caring you were, and supportive, at that most awful time in my life – when David was killed. You’ve been a rock for me, and for Paula, too. Now, yet again, I must ask you to help me, to do something else for me.’

‘You know I’ll do anything I can, Daisy.’

‘Go to Philip,’ she said, leaning closer to Shane with some urgency. ‘Talk to him. Try to get through to him. Make him see that he’ll become ill if he goes on like this.’

‘But he won’t see me!’ Shane exclaimed. ‘It takes me all my time to get through to him on the phone! You know I ring him every day. Maggie literally has to force him to take my calls. It’s one hell of a tussle, I don’t mind telling you. And
when I ask to see him, beg almost, he hides behind pressure of work, business meetings, and the like.’

‘Oh yes, I know, I’m having the same problems with him myself. And encountering the same type of resistance. But I believe you’re one of the two people who
can
get through to Philip. The other is Paula, but she’s not here. So it has to be you. Please, please do this for me, and for Philip. Help him to help himself,’ she pleaded, her desperation surfacing.

Shane was silent, ruminative.

Daisy said swiftly, ‘Go over to the penthouse tonight! Force your way in! Actually, that won’t be necessary. I’ll phone José, alert him that you’re coming. He’ll let you in, and once you’re inside the penthouse, Philip will see you, I’m sure of that.’

‘All right,’ he agreed. ‘I’ll go. I’ll do my best.’

‘Thank you, Shane.’ She tried to smile without success. ‘Barry’s been helpful,’ Daisy now explained. ‘But there’s only so far he can go with Philip. He’s awfully worried about him. He says Philip’s full of anger. Rage, really. Rage that Maddy died. He doesn’t seem able to accept it, or place her death in any kind of perspective.’

‘It’s been the worst shock to him…a very severe shock.’

Daisy opened her mouth, closed it, bit her inner lip. Then she said softly, ‘Oh Shane, he hasn’t even been to see the baby since Jason and I brought her to our house from the hospital, or asked me about her either.’

Shane was not altogether surprised to hear this. ‘Give him time on that one,’ he said, and paused thoughtfully. He chose his words with care when he added, ‘He may well blame the baby for Maddy’s death, and therefore himself, since he is the father of the child. Remember what Alan Stimpson said – that Maddy’s pregnancy might have caused her to have the brain haemorrhage. I haven’t forgotten how appalled Philip looked.’

Daisy nodded. ‘Neither have I, and I’d thought of that,
too. Blaming himself, I mean.’ She sighed heavily. ‘Barry says Philip sinks into the most awful depressions. Maddy’s death is a terrible scar on his heart, one that will take months to heal.’

If it ever does, Shane thought gloomily, although he did not voice this opinion to his mother-in-law, seeing no reason to worry her unduly. Instead, he said, ‘Now, tell me about the baby, Daisy.’

Instantly her face changed, lit up. ‘Oh Shane, she’s the most adorable little thing. Actually she reminds me of your Linnet and Emily’s Natalie. She’s definitely going to be another Botticelli redhead…she’s a real little Harte through and through.’

Shane smiled and nodded and listened, giving Daisy every ounce of his attention. He knew how important it was for her to speak about her new granddaughter, the long-awaited heiress to the great McGill empire. Poor kid, he thought suddenly at one moment, she’s come into this world under a cloud and carrying a rotten burden…her mother’s death. Shane knew then that he had to do everything within his power to make Philip accept and love the baby. For both of their sakes. The father needed the daughter just as much as the daughter needed him.

After Daisy finally left, Shane waded through an enormous amount of paperwork that had been accumulating over the past week. He then penned a quick but loving note to Paula, and wrote postcards to Lorne, Tessa, Patrick and Linnet. He finished just before six o’clock, when he went into a meeting with Graham Johnson, managing director of the O’Neill hotel chain in Australia, and three of the other top executives in the company. The main subject on the agenda was the new O’Neill hotel currently under construction in Perth. At seven-thirty Shane brought the meeting to a close, and
he and Graham walked over to the Wentworth for dinner. When Shane was in Sydney he always made it a point to visit other hotels in the city. He liked to take stock of the décor, food, drink, service and conditions in general, in order to make comparisons between the competition and his own hotel. He had always liked the Wentworth, and he and Graham spent a pleasant couple of hours together over a delicious meal of roast baby lamb with the most succulent vegetables, and a bottle of local red wine that was excellent. For the most part they spoke about business, covering various aspects of the new hotel in Perth. Shane agreed to fly out to Western Australia with Graham the following week, before returning to London.

It was ten o’clock when the two men exited the hotel. Graham took a taxi home, and Shane strode off in the direction of Bridge Street where the McGill Tower was located. He needed the walk and the fresh air, after being cooped up in the executive offices of the hotel all day; also, he wanted to be certain Philip had finished dinner and was relaxing when he arrived at the penthouse. Daisy had suggested that he get there around ten-thirty and he had taken her advice.

A little while later, as he approached the black-glass skyscraper, Shane steeled himself for the impending encounter with his brother-in-law. He knew it was going to be difficult – painful, emotional and upsetting. Riding up in the elevator he asked himself what kind of wisdom he could offer Philip in his pain and sorrow, and he realized that he had none. All he could do was talk to the other man with compassion, give him his understanding, his support and his love.

As prearranged by Daisy, the houseman, José, let Shane into the apartment immediately he rang the doorbell.

The Filipino showed him into the beautiful cream-and-white living room that floated high over the city. It was dimly lit tonight, permitting the spectacular view to dominate. Bowing politely, the houseman said, ‘I tell Mr Amory you here, sir.’

‘Thank you, José.’ Shane strolled over to a chair and sat down.

A split second later Joséwas back, bowing again. ‘Mr Amory says please wait.’

‘Yes, all right. Thanks again.’

The Filipino smiled and bowed and hurried out on silent feet.

After fifteen minutes had elapsed, Shane grew restless, wondering what was keeping Philip. He got to his feet, walked over to the bar set against the far wall, poured himself a small cognac. He carried this back to the chair, where once more he sat down to wait. Sipping the drink, he mentally prepared himself for Philip, seeking the right words to use, the proper approach to take with him. One thing was vital. No matter what else he accomplished tonight, he must persuade Philip to go to Daisy’s house with him tomorrow. To see the baby. He had made that promise to Daisy, and he himself knew how important it was that Philip put aside any feeling of blame, all guilt. Shane was convinced the baby was the key to Philip’s well being. Once he accepted her he would love her, and only then would he begin to recover from his grief for Maddy, the loss of her.

It was another fifteen minutes before Philip finally emerged from his study. He stood hovering in the entrance to the living room, silently staring at Shane, his demeanour morose.

Shane rose at once, took a step forward, then stopped abruptly with a quick intake of breath. It took all of his self-control not to exclaim in concern when he saw his brother-in-law’s appearance. Philip had lost weight, and there was an
air of exhaustion about him, but it was his face that so appalled. It was ravaged. The cheeks were hollow, gaunt, the bright blue eyes dulled and red-rimmed, the purplish shadows beneath resembling dark bruises. The most startling thing of all, perhaps, was his black hair. It had turned pure white on either side of his temples.

There had never been any question in Shane’s mind that Philip had taken Maddy’s death badly; he had merely miscalculated the extent of his agony. The man was lacerated inside, suffering more horribly than even Shane had imagined. He understood then that whatever exterior equanimity Philip may display to the world it was utterly fraudulent. His cold containment and aloofness, so described by Barry, were his only defences against total collapse. All this instantly became clear to Shane as he regarded Philip, and his heart went out to him.

Shane moved forward, and the two men clasped hands.

Philip said, ‘I almost sent you away.’ He let go of Shane’s hand, shrugged wearily, walked to the bar where he poured himself a large vodka, added ice cubes from the silver bucket.

‘But there was no point, I suddenly realized that,’ he went on without turning around. ‘I knew you’d be back tomorrow or the day after, and that my mother would come. And Jason. And then it occurred to me that one of you might have the insane idea of dragging Paula out here, so I decided I’d better see you…’ Philip did not bother to finish his sentence. His voice was drained. He was worn out from lack of sleep, and his tiredness became apparent as he lethargically ambled over to the sofa and sat down. His usual vitality had fled.

Shane observed him quietly for a moment, then murmured, ‘It’s been three weeks since Maddy was buried, and in that time you’ve seen me only once, Daisy only once. Your mother is worried about you, Philip, and so am I, for that matter.’

‘Don’t be! I’m okay!’ Philip said snappishly, with more spirit than he had displayed thus far.

‘That’s not true! You’re not okay!’ Shane shot back. ‘Oh for God’s sake, I’m fine.’

‘
I
don’t think you are. And, very frankly, you need your family around you at a time like this. You need me and Daisy and Jason. Don’t shun us, please. We want to help you, Philip, to comfort you as best we can.’

‘There is no comfort for me. I’ll survive, everyone survives, I suspect. But the sorrow will stay with me forever…she was so young, don’t you see? One expects old people to die…that’s the life cycle. When we bury the old, time heals the pain eventually. But when we bury the young, the pain never, ever goes away.’

‘It will, please believe me, it will,’ Shane answered in his most compassionate voice. ‘And Maddy wouldn’t want you to be like this. She would want you to take strength from –’

‘I don’t want you to make one religious statement to me, Shane!’ Philip exclaimed with a flash of irritation.

‘I wasn’t going to,’ Shane replied gently.

Philip let out a long wearisome sigh, leaned back against the sofa, closed his eyes.

A silence drifted between the two men for a short while.

Suddenly, Philip got to his feet, went over to the bar, plopped more ice into his glass. He gave Shane a most penetrating stare, said in the bleakest of voices, ‘I can’t remember anything about the past year, Shane. That’s the most horrendous thing. It’s…it’s…
blank.
She’s gone as if she never existed in my life.’ His voice broke, and he said hoarsely, ‘I can’t remember
her…
I can’t remember Maddy.’

‘That’s the shock,’ Shane was quick to say, speaking with assurance, knowing this was the truth. ‘Really, it’s only the shock, Philip. She’ll come back to you.’

Philip shook his head with vehemence. ‘No, she won’t. I know she won’t.’

‘The body is dead, but you have the spirit,’ Shane told him. ‘She’s alive in you. Her spirit is in you, and in the child. Only her body’s gone. Please believe that. Maddy is in your heart and in your memories, and she will be with you always. And there is the child.’

Philip made no response.

He moved away from the bar, slowly crossed the room to the window, moving like an old man. He stood looking out. He had listened carefully to Shane, had absorbed his words. Now he was trying to come to terms with them, to accept them. Were they true? Was Maddy’s spirit in him? Would she be with him always?

He sighed. He found no solace in anything Shane had just said to him. He had acknowledged the finality of death days ago, had acknowledged that his Maddy was gone from him forever. She had meant everything to him. She had been his life. Maddy had made the pain inside him stop, and just thinking about her had warmed his heart. Now he could not even recall her face in his mind’s eye. He had to look at a photograph to remember her. He did not understand why this was so. He had loved her so very much.

He snapped his eyes tightly shut, resting his aching head against the glass. He had killed her. He had killed the woman he loved more than life itself through the very act of love…