To Do List (9 page)

They stumbled from the shower and into bed.

Rafe looked at her skin as the sun fully rose and the house heated. “Do you have to be at work today?” she asked lazily, not opening her eyes.

“I do, but not for a while. Gabe is the guy on point today and tomorrow I have the day off to spend with your family in the morning.”

“I’m spending tonight there. They know I’ll be in after midnight when I get back from mass with you all. But it’s tradition, we all sleep in sleeping bags in the living room.

We used to stay up a lot later but now that the boys are old enough, they’re up at the crack of dawn and raring to open presents. Would you like to be there too? Share that with me?”

For as long as he’d been essentially part of the Taylor family, he’d never actually spent the night there on Christmas. He’d been with his own family and usually cruised by for brunch after he’d had breakfast with his own crew. But the idea of waking up and making himself part of her tradition after she’d done that with him made him warm inside.

“I’d love that. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to sneak in each others’ sleeping bags and mess around, huh?” He kissed the tip of one breast, breathing her scent in.

She laughed. “Doubtful. All my brothers will be there and while I think they’re all okay with us being a couple, I don’t think that extends to me giving you a hand-job under the tree.”

A surprised laugh bubbled from him. “You can save that one for when we’re alone and have our own celebration. Or well, after Brian finally moves into his house again and this place is empty but for you and me.” He paused. “Belle, everything is empty without you.”

She opened her eyes and turned toward him. “Yeah. But I’m here and if you think I lusted after you for fifteen years so some other chick can lay her hands on you, you’re out www.samhainpublishing.com

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of your mind. Look, my job situation is really messed up right now. I don’t know what to do. But there’s one thing I do know and it’s that I want to be with you. Of everything right now, it’s totally clear to me.”

He kissed her for a long time. Just long, lazy meetings of tongue and lips, their breath mingling.

“Good. I want you with me. Do you want to talk about your job?”

To his surprise, she nodded. “Everyone makes fun of me for being so compulsive and organized but it’s what keeps me sane. It’s how I manage the world. And so, I have plans for my life. Big ones like becoming a lawyer and even small ones like learning how to do beadwork. I have my list, I check off my goals when I reach them. You know.

Anyway, I’m within reach of the top goal on my list for the last eight years. Hell, more than ten years really. In college when I decided I wanted to go to law school I knew what kind of firm I wanted to work at. I knew I wanted to be the best at what I did. When I interned at HPG in law school I knew I wanted the corner office with the view. I knew I wanted
my name
on the letterhead. My own secretary and paralegal, a spot in the garage near the elevators. And so I worked my butt off and it all fell into place goal by goal and I’m within reach now. But I just never imagined the sacrifices. And I’m not talking about hard work, I’m not afraid to work hard.”

She said it defiantly, proudly and he saw the farm girl in her right then and it made him warm.

“But I don’t have a life. Being here with you and my family only makes that plain.

Even though I’ve been working hard since I graduated, it has only been this last year that it’s taken over my entire existence and I’m drowning. I’m losing myself, Rafe. I used to have friends. I used to come home on weekends and even meet Mom halfway for dinner sometimes but I don’t do that anymore and everyone has moved on. Chelsea said I’m like a ghost. I don’t want to be a ghost! I love my family and I love you.”

She sat up, eyes wide and glimmering with unshed tears. He knelt and kissed each eyelid, tasting her. “I love you too.”

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“Thank God. Anyway, I’m,” she sighed, “I guess I’m afraid. And I’ve not been afraid much in my life really. I’m afraid that for the first time I’m going to have to deviate from a list, make an actual leap. I’m not very brave I guess.”

He shook his head and kissed her again. “You’re very brave, honey. Change is a scary thing. But you’re a damned good lawyer. There are other options out there beside working every waking moment. And I’m behind you, no matter what. If you stay where you are, we’ll work it out somehow. Maybe you can negotiate less hours?”

“I don’t know. I have to think more about it. But today is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas and it’s all about my favorite people in the world and I’m not going to let this work thing overshadow that. I’ve never been to midnight mass. Holy cow, I’m nervous to be doing this thing with your family!”

“They all love you, Belle. Why be nervous? You know everyone. Rosemary was in your year in school. Gabe thinks you hang the moon and my mother just giggles to herself that I’m bringing home a woman she thinks is worthy.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh? Have you brought home unworthy women for Christmas before, Raphael? Like, say Sarah Munson?”

How the hell did she know about that? He shifted, torn between discomfort and wanting to laugh at how sweet she was when she was jealous. “Sarah and I have been broken up for eight months. And I’ll have you know I never brought her home for anything much less something important like Christmas Eve. Belle, honey, none of us has ever brought home a sweetheart for Christmas Eve. Even if I’d wanted to invite her, which I didn’t, my mom is the one who invites. That should be a big signal to you. Hell, she didn’t invite Ben until after he and Rosemary were engaged. You’re the first girlfriend to ever actually be invited. So see, you’re in, honey.”

“Yeah, nothing like knowing that to make me feel better! Oh my God! I need a new dress. The stores will be insane but I’ll just go now and deal with it.” She rushed to get out of bed but he pulled her back.

“You will not. Don’t be silly. You’re beautiful and you’ll be just fine in what you have. Now, I’ll meet you here at six, all right?”

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They arranged to meet later and both went their separate ways for the day.

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Chapter Seven

Instead of heading over to her parents’, she went back to her condo for a while. She needed to grab a more appropriate dress for that night with the Bettencourts and she needed to think.

When she turned on her laptop, over forty messages from David about meaningless stuff popped up. He’d also given her home and cell number to one of their clients who’d called to bother her about an issue he knew very well she couldn’t get an answer on until after the new year. Two other partners she did work for on a regular basis had also called and her stress level began to spike.

She stood in her living room, holding her cell phone in her hands and shaking with the desire to call and answer emails even though it was a short damned vacation and the answers were meaningless at that point.

Heaving a sigh, she walked through her place. It was beautiful and she could only barely afford it but she’d splurged and bought the small condo overlooking the water in the distance. Gleaming tile and chrome made her feel serene. Or it had at one point but all she could think about was the warm, Spanish tile in Rafe’s kitchen and the open, airy feel of the very large house. By contrast, the condo stifled and it felt like she couldn’t sit or breathe for fear of making a mess.

When it’d happened that her white carpet and spotless tile became less comforting than the jumble of colors and noise of Rafe’s house she couldn’t say. The suddenness of it startled her and she sat rather abruptly in the middle of her kitchen.

She’d thought the Kitchen Aid mixer was the epitome of success when she’d bought it. A status marker that she was a grown up professional woman. Her dinnerware had been imported from Italy and the china from England. It wasn’t the cost so much, but the way she’d been able to take a step up each time she’d hit a new high in her career.

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But it all fell from her grasp as she realized none of it mattered. Yes, being a damned good attorney mattered. Being successful mattered to her very much. But what she had wasn’t success, it was slowly siphoning her life, her personality away.

Shame washed through her as she realized she’d let her job eat up her life and take over her identity. That wasn’t what she wanted at all. She didn’t want to exchange a corner office for her family and she sure as hell didn’t want to give up time spent with Rafe, in his arms and at his side in their community, for her name on letterhead.

She stood with new resolve and felt better than she had in three years.

When she walked into her parents’ house sometime after noon her mother merely smiled serenely at her. “Well now, did you have a late night?”

“I was here until midnight watching movies with Scott. And I went on a run and had some quality time with Rafe this morning before he had to get to work and I ran to my place to grab a few dresses for tonight. I need your opinion.”

She held one outfit, a deep red wrap dress that came to her mid-calf, to her body.

“I’d wear this one with those boots I got a few years back. You know the black ones with the nice heel?”

“Hmm, that’s a good color for you too. Makes your skin look pretty, highlights your hair. I do love those boots too and you’ll be nice and warm.” Her mother looked her up and down. “What else do you have?”

“Black is always good, right?” She pulled out a black cashmere dress with buttons up the front, this one a bit shorter than the red one. “I have a few scarves I can accessorize with and a few different heels to choose from depending on which scarf I choose.”

“Go with the first one. It’s prettier I think.” Chelsea came in and sat on a stool at the counter.

The air between them was still a bit unsettled since their spat the afternoon before.

They’d only begun to tentatively mend things last night but Belle knew they’d be all right.

“Is it okay to wear red to mass?”

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Her mother laughed. “It’s not a really conservative church and it is Christmas Eve so the red would work just fine. It’s not slutty red, it’s not overly revealing. It’s classic and feminine and totally what I’d love to see a daughter-in-law-to-be wearing to an audition dinner.”

“Holy cow, Mom! Don’t say stuff like that. I’m nervous enough as it is. Rafe told me he loved me today and that none of them has ever had a sweetie home for Christmas Eve before.” Belle hung the dresses up in the hall closet and returned to the kitchen where her mother had poured her some cranberry juice.

“We’re making gingerbread houses with the kids, come on then. Look, Annabelle, of course he loves you. I can’t believe I never noticed the way he looked at you before. And of course Beatriz and Anthony love you, you’re already a member of their family. Don’t be anyone other than yourself. It’s not a job interview. You’d wear that black dress to a business dinner. You wear the red to a family holiday dinner. You’re Belle, the very organized woman their son is lucky to have landed.” Chelsea hugged her, their fight forgotten.

“Now come on, I only came in here to get more gumdrops and the kids will riot if we’re gone too long. Maybe you can help. They’re fighting and everyone wants to do the same part of the job.” Her mother grabbed Belle’s arm and pulled her into the dining room where her nephews and the younger children of her cousins had a huge assembly line set up.

“This smells good! Why don’t we all just eat the gingerbread and forget about the houses?” Chelsea came in and the kids gasped.

Belle stepped in and began to set up little stations, assigning the kids a specific job on the assembly line so they’d stop arguing over who did what. Within a few moments the bickering had stopped and things were moving along.

“Hmm, sometimes being anal retentive isn’t a bad thing, now is it?” Belle winked at Chelsea.

“Totally.”

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After the houses were made and the gingerbread people were decorated and eaten, Belle took the kids out back with her brothers and they ran them like puppies until they were so exhausted they didn’t have the energy to fight.

Instead, they huddled on the big couches in the living room with snacks and blankets and watched the same version of Rudolph she and her siblings had watched. Burl Ives’

narration and wooden puppets always made her nostalgic.

“I gotta say how cool it is to see the next generation out there. This is my favorite time of year. All the people I love are right here with me. Belle, sweetie, I’ve missed you so much this year.” Her mother hugged her. “I am so proud of you for making this dream of yours a reality, I am. But I am sad that you’re going back home day after tomorrow and we may not see you for another year or more. It breaks my heart.”

“Mom, trust me on this, okay? I’ve done a lot of thinking and it breaks my heart too.

Just give me some time and trust me. Now, I need to get back to Rafe’s to get changed for dinner.”

She grabbed the presents for the Bettencourts, promised to see everyone when they got back from mass and headed out with her dress.

Rafe looked Belle up and down and seriously regretted having to share her with anyone. The shade of red she had on was gorgeous and she looked amazing with her hair hanging in loose waves, held back from her face with some sort of fancy band thing on her head.

“Those boots are quite the thing, honey. You’ll need to wear them for me again when I can have you to myself all night long.”

She blushed, making him laugh.

“What?”

“I love that you blush when, honey, you have the dirtiest mind of any woman I’ve ever met. It’s seriously sexy.”