To Dream Again (45 page)

Tears stung her eyes, and she squeezed his hand. "I'm afraid so, love."

He looked back at her. "They goin' t'take me dad away, too?"

"Yes. They'll bury him."

"In the ground?" When she nodded, she saw a change come over his face. The bewildered innocence disappeared, and his expression hardened to angry defiance. "I don't care what they does with 'im. I hope they dig a real deep 'ole, and I 'ope the worms get 'im, I do! I do!" His face puckered, and he yanked his hand out of hers. But instead of jumping from the cot to run away as she thought he might, he suddenly hurled himself into her arms, sobbing. "I don't care what they does with 'im. I don't care!"

She wrapped her arms around his thin shoulders and held him tight as he clutched her shirtwaist and sobbed out his grief and fury. She rocked back and forth, helpless to do more.

Nathaniel came and knelt down beside the cot, facing her. She stared at him over the boy's head, seeing him through a blurry haze, and she realized she was crying, too.

Nathaniel said nothing. He just reached out his free hand and gently wiped her tears away.

Mara was awakened in the middle of the night by a frightened cry, and although it was a sound she hadn't heard in a long time, she knew instantly what it was. She was out of bed and down on the floor beside Billy's pile of blankets in a second.

"It's all right, sweeting," she murmured. He reached up his arms and she sat down on the floor to pull him into her lap. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"It was awful," he mumbled. "It was the worms."

"Worms?" One arm tightened around him, and she ran her fingers through his hair in a soothing motion.

He nodded and snuggled closer to her, shaking like a leaf in the wind. "The worms was eatin' me dad," he wailed. "I saw 'em."

She held him even tighter at the horrible images he had seen in his dream, images that would terrify anyone. "It must have been awful. But it was just a dream."

"They started eatin' me. It was scary."

"I know. Worms don't really eat people," she added, hoping she wasn't lying to him.

"They don't?"

"No. They eat dirt." It sounded logical enough.

"Oh." Billy seemed to accept her word for it. He said nothing more, but he was still trembling with fear.

She held him tight, rocking him. How many times had she soothed Helen in just this same way, chasing away dragons and monsters with hugs and soothing words. She used to hum to Helen, too. What was the song?

She rested her cheek against the boy's hair, and began to hum the melody of "Barbara Allen," feeling the fierce protective love flowing from her heart like water from a mountain spring. She kept humming until Billy's small body stopped shaking and his fists didn't cling so tightly to her nightgown.

She pulled back a little. "Feel better?"

He sniffed. "Yes."

"Good. Let's tuck you in again, shall we?"

"I don't want worms in me bed. Could we 'ave the light on and make sure they're not really there?"

Mara almost smiled. "Of course."

She stood up and fumbled in the darkness for the lamp on the table and the box of matches. Then she lit the lamp, turning the knob until the light was as bright as it could be and filled every corner of the room.

When she turned, she found Billy standing beside her, staring at her hands. Her first impulse was to hide them, but she didn't. She remained still, her hands curled around the base of the lamp.

"What 'appened to yer hands?"

"I was in a fire once, and I was burned. Now I have scars." She glanced at him and saw the thoughtful frown on his face.

"It's a bit like me, ain't it, ma'am?"

She watched him touch his fingers to the birthmark on his cheek. "Yes," she answered, "I suppose it is."

She grabbed the handle of the lamp and carried it to the twisted pile of blankets on the floor. She made a great show of searching for worms before she picked up the pile of quilts and moved it even closer to her own narrow bed. There, she spread them out, one on top of the other, until it was once again a mattress of sorts, then she pulled back the top one. "In you go."

He dived into his makeshift bed, and she pulled the quilt up to his chin.

"Do people say mean things to ye about yer hands?" he asked.

"No, Billy, because I wear gloves most of the time. But if I didn't, they probably would."

"Then it ain't the same as me after all." She looked at him in puzzlement and watched as he rubbed a hand over his cheek. "I can't hide me mark with gloves."

"No," she whispered and leaned over to press a kiss to the birthmark. "I suppose not. Good night, Billy."

"Good night, ma'am."

She carried the lamp back over to the table and turned it off. Then she stepped carefully over the boy, and climbed into her own bed. She closed her eyes, remembering the night Nathaniel had removed her gloves and taken down her barriers, leaving her nothing to hide her scars or shield her heart. She lifted her hand above the sheet and pressed her lips to the palm of her hand just as he done that wondrous night, wishing he could be beside her to do it again.

"Ma'am?"

Billy's voice broke the silence, and she reached down to give his shoulder a squeeze. "Yes?"

He grabbed her hand and clung to it. "Am I really going to stay with you from now on?"

"Yes."

"Bloody smashin'."

Billy fell asleep almost immediately. But when Mara woke the next morning, the boy was still clinging to her hand as if, even in sleep, he needed to know she was there.

She took him down to Mrs. O'Brien's kitchen for breakfast, and soon the landlady was happily cooking bacon, eggs, and toast. Billy watched, asking every few seconds if it was ready yet. Mara thought it a very good sign that the boy was so hungry.

Mara laughed. "Billy, it'll be a few minutes yet. Why don't you go over to the factory and see if Nathaniel might want some breakfast?"

He was out the back door in a flash, and by the time Mrs. O'Brien was ready to dish up the food, the boy was back, dragging Nathaniel by the hand.

Mara gave him a smile of greeting, and he answered it with a smile of his own, a smile that gave her hope for the first time in days. No matter what the outcome of his battle with his brother, she wished they could regain the closeness they had once shared.

They ate in Mrs. O'Brien's tiny dining room as if they were a family. Mara watched Nathaniel and Billy as they sat side by side and talked about trains. The landlady bustled around the table, refilling their plates, looking happier than Mara had ever seen her.

"I intend to help the employees pack train sets today," Nathaniel told the boy.

"Can I be an em-ploy-ee, too?" Billy asked, pronouncing the word carefully.

"Of course. How about if you stand at the end of the line and check each train set to make sure nothing is missing? I'll pay you..." He thought for a moment, then said, "A penny per set. How's that?"

"Smashin'!" Billy swallowed his last mouthful of eggs and shoved back his empty plate, then jumped to his feet and started for the kitchen. "Let's go, Nathaniel. Time's a'wastin' and we got to go t'work. 'Bye Mara. 'Bye Mrs. O'Brien."

Nathaniel lifted his teacup, his eyes meeting Mara's over the rim. "I think I just officially hired him as an employee, partner."

Something fluttered inside her at the tone of his voice. "A part-time employee," she answered in a firm whisper. "He shall go to school."

Nathaniel gulped down the last swallow of tea, and rose. He set the cup back in its saucer and gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

She and the landlady followed them through the kitchen as far as the back door of the lodging house. There, she leaned in the doorway, watching Nathaniel being dragged up the steps of the fire escape by a very enthusiastic boy, both of them laughing.

"By Mary and all the saints, it does me heart good t'see that."

Mara glanced over at the landlady, who was standing behind her, peering over her shoulder. Once again Mara looked across the alley at Nathaniel and Billy and couldn't agree more. It did her heart good to see it, too, and she realized she'd been very wrong about herself.

Her heart wasn't empty at all. A man and a boy had somehow sneaked in, had managed to slip past every barrier and wall in their way, and had filled her heart with love again, filled it until there was no room for fear.

***

Calvin Styles was buried the following morning in Tower Hamlets, the same public cemetery where his wife had been buried the year before. Mara and Nathaniel attended the brief graveside service with Billy between them. Emma Logan was also in attendance, looking much older and sadder than her twenty-five years. No one else came.

Billy's face betrayed no emotion as the body was lowered into the grave, but he squeezed Mara's hand very tight when they dropped in the first handful of dirt.

Afterward, Mara and Nathaniel had a brief whispered consultation and agreed that keeping busy was the best thing for the boy. It was Saturday afternoon and the factory was closed, but they set him to work checking the train sets already awaiting delivery, a task that occupied much of his weekend.

Mara bought a cot for him to sleep on and placed it right beside her own bed, just in case his nightmares returned. When they did, she was there to soothe him with a comforting touch or hug.

Monday morning, Nathaniel drafted a letter to all the retailers who had agreed to purchase train sets, informing them that trains would be delivered to their warehouses by Friday. Percy typed the letters, and Nathaniel sent Billy out to post them with enough money to buy stamps.

Proud to be in charge of something really important like letters and money, Billy raced to the post office and completed his errand. Eager to tell Nathaniel, he ran all the way back and turned the corner into the alley beside Elliot's at full speed. When he found Jimmy Parks and his friends playing marbles beside the fire escape, he skidded to a halt, his pride in his accomplishment replaced by a sick feeling of dread.

Jimmy spied him and swaggered forward, pushing the other two boys aside. "Well, if it ain't Spotty Face," he drawled and pulled at the brim of the too-small cap that sat atop his head.

Billy swallowed hard, knowing what he had to do. He faced the larger boy, spreading his legs wide apart in fighting stance just as Nathaniel had taught him, his heart pounding like a piston on one of Nathaniel's steam engines. "I don't like it when y'call me that, Jimmy. And I want me cap back."

***

Algernon was hungry. He made his demand for food known to Mara by sitting by her chair and letting out a series of loud and indignant meows.

"In a minute," she told the kitten, her fingers moving rapidly over the beads of her abacus. "I want to finish this first. It won't take long."

She continued adding up the column of figures. She had to finish the December budget today so that she and Nathaniel could make some decisions tonight about expenditures. Their cash balance was very low, and if they didn't cut their expenses somehow, they'd be overdrawn before revenue from the trains started coming in.

As she worked, she tried to remain oblivious to Algernon's protests. But the kitten meowed so loudly and persistently that she lost count three times and finally gave up.

"All right, all right!" She pushed aside her abacus and stood up, laughing in capitulation. "Food first."

Nathaniel and Billy often used the fire escape as a shortcut to Mrs. O'Brien's. Mara usually did not, finding the drop to the ground difficult to navigate in a skirt. Today, however, she decided expedience was more important than decorum. She opened the door onto the fire escape, but froze in the doorway at the sight in the alley below.

Billy was facing another boy as two others looked on, and she knew immediately what was happening. All her protective instincts came to the fore, and she stepped forward to start down the fire escape, but Nathaniel's words came back to her.
He has to be able to stand up to those boys on his own
.

She pressed one clenched fist to her mouth, and watched with all the fear and agony of a mother as the larger boy stepped forward and gave Billy a shove.

But Billy didn't move. He stood straight and unshaken, a frown of fierce concentration on his face. "I want me cap, Jimmy," she heard him say.

Jimmy lifted the cap and waved it in front of Billy, but when Billy tried to grab it, Jimmy jerked it back out of reach. "Come an' get it, Spotty Face."

Billy stepped forward and reached for it again. Jimmy pulled it back and moved to hit him with his free hand, but Billy was ready for that. He blocked the blow and slammed his fist into the other boy's stomach.

Mara bit down on her knuckles and watched in silent agony as the fight began in earnest. Jimmy threw himself at the other boy, but Billy stepped back and kicked him in the teeth. The blow sent Jimmy sprawling backward to the ground.