To Dream of Snow (29 page)

‘I wish you bon voyage,' she said gently, sorry to see him leave. ‘I'll look forward to the first thawing of the Neva's ice in the spring. Then I'll know you'll be back again.'

For a few moments he did not speak, only looking at her deeply. She knew he was about to kiss her and lost all will to move. Suddenly his arms went about her and his kiss was both hard and tender and, above all else, loving. Then he broke away and swung himself into the saddle.

‘Take care,' he said, looking down at her. ‘If ever you feel yourself to be in danger, seek the help of the Comte and Comtesse d'Oinville. They alone could have influence on your behalf.'

‘Nothing will happen to me,' she answered reassuringly. ‘You are the one embarking on a dangerous voyage once again. God be with you, Jan.'

‘And with you, Marguerite.'

He rode away. She had no qualms about having let him kiss her and the pressure of his mouth seemed to linger on hers. She hummed a little tune under her breath as she went upstairs to bed, Sarah having already retired.

Eventually the day came for another farewell when Tom came to take Sarah away to England with him. He was at her side as she and Marguerite stood together at the head of the flight of steps down to the waiting carriage.

‘Always write to me,' Sarah implored huskily, for both knew that the likelihood of their ever meeting again was remote.

‘I will,' Marguerite promised and they hugged each other for the last time. As Sarah hurried down the steps Marguerite turned to Tom and gave him her hand. ‘Farewell, Tom. I wish you well.'

He kept his grip on her fingers as he had once in the past, and she was suddenly uneasy. ‘But I'm coming back to Russia,' he said quietly. ‘Of course I shall stay for a while in England to make sure Sarah is happily settled near her sister-in-law.'

‘But you must never leave her!' she protested vehemently in dismay. ‘You're the entire world to her!'

He smiled. ‘Not when she has those nephews and nieces whom she can engulf with love. I'm not deserting Sarah. I shall visit her from time to time. Did you think you had seen the last of me, my love? I could never stay away from you. I know you are going to need me in time of trouble as never before. You'll not stay loyal for ever to a husband who is more often in the Empress's bed than he is in yours.'

He turned from her and went down the steps to take a seat beside his wife. Shocked beyond measure by his words, she acknowledged almost automatically Sarah's wave as the equipage departed. She remained standing there for several minutes, scarcely able to believe that she had heard Tom's words correctly. There had been no malice in his tone. It was as if he had assumed she knew about Konstantin's supposed infidelity and was enduring it in silence. But it could not be true!

Slowly she went back indoors. Then, unbidden, there came into her mind any number of small signs that could be slotted together. There was Konstantin's rapid promotion in the Imperial Guard from captain to colonel in a comparatively short time and his certainty that the Empress would grant him a grand residence before long. She recalled the maliciously amused glances from both men and women on her wedding day and the whispering behind fans that frequently followed her. Now the reason was clear. They had been mocking a woman in their midst too naive to realize that her husband was the Empress's lover and that the marriage would not change that situation in any way. No wonder Jan had tried to stop the wedding and just this evening had given her that strange warning. He had heard the ugly facts as had Tom. It was an old adage that the wife was always the last to know and in her case it seemed to be true.

Sinking down on to a chair as if in a daze, she recalled how Konstantin had mentioned that the Dashiski Palace had once been imperial property. Now she understood why. It had been a gift to him from the Empress! No wonder he wanted a wife out of the way in the country, allowing him to be unhindered by domestic ties whenever he went to the imperial bed!

A gust of fury consumed her, making her head snap back, high colour glazing her cheekbones, and she clenched her fists. She would not stay under this roof another night! She would go to Jan's apartment. He had once offered it to her as a place of refuge and she needed it now.

Going swiftly from the room, she gave orders in all directions and, catching up her skirts, she hurried away up the stairs. Two maids followed in her wake to start the packing.

She left Dashiski Palace an hour later and without a backward glance, taking with her Jan's painting, a valise and a travelling box, the rest of her belongings to be sent on to reach her in time to accompany her home to France. After she had confronted Konstantin she would set off at once. She cared nothing for the hazards of the journey she would make, although winter was already showing itself in the bare-branched trees standing amid carpets of yellow, russet and ochre leaves under an afternoon sky of pale icy blue.

She thought of her Frenchwomen, whom she would be leaving behind. None of them would wish to accompany her. Sophie and Isabelle had their futures settled and Violette was living now in a fine apartment, only coming to the atelier to embroider and avoid loneliness whenever her besotted general was on duty or with his wife. As for Jeanne, she had too much loathing of her husband ever to risk meeting him again in Paris, while Rose, much subdued and subjected to her mother's strict rules, would be compelled to stay with Jeanne, whether she wished it or not.

Reaching the city and being driven through the streets, Marguerite was amazed to see how much the building of the new Winter Palace had advanced over past weeks, already looking as if it had always belonged there. Its long frontage, still windowless and bare of ornamentation, gave the illusion of stretching for ever where it overlooked the Neva.

The coachman and the groom carried her travelling box up the stairs to Jan's apartment. Immediately she felt safe and more at home than she had ever done at the Dashiski Palace. That night, emotionally exhausted, she slept in the bed that Isabelle had occupied and did not wake until morning when Saskia, entering the room, exclaimed aloud with surprise at finding her there.

Sitting up, Marguerite scooped her hair back with one hand. ‘I'm here to stay for a few days,' she explained.

‘I'm sure Mynheer van Deventer would be pleased. I will heat water for your bath and then prepare your breakfast.'

‘But I brought no food with me.'

‘The bakery is almost next door and I was given instructions always to be prepared for your coming.'

As the woman left the room, Marguerite folded her arms across her up-drawn knees, her expression thoughtful. Jan had realized that when eventually she discovered the truth about Konstantin she would not wish to remain under his roof. She closed her eyes in gratitude for his thoughtfulness.

Knowing that Konstantin was normally at one of the city barracks in the morning, she walked there as it was not far from the apartment. An orderly showed her into his office. He was writing at his desk, but he sprang up from his chair, pleased and surprised to see her.

‘You are looking very fine,' he said, his gaze sweeping her up and down. ‘I was intending to come out to the country to see you now that we can have the place to ourselves again.' He reached out to take her into his arms, but she drew back. ‘What's the matter?'

‘I want our marriage to be dissolved.'

He stared at her in disbelief. ‘What are you talking about?'

‘I will not play second fiddle to the Empress any more! All the world seems to have known about it, except me.'

He raised an eyebrow and a resigned expression settled on his handsome face as he lodged his weight on the edge of his desk to look steadily at her. ‘So old gossip has finally reached you. It was what I have always feared. I admit I was one of her lovers when I was younger. It is only duty that keeps me in her tow these days. Nothing else.'

‘Don't lie any more,' she countered in exasperation. ‘As I want nothing from you except my freedom it should be a simple affair for lawyers to end our marriage.'

He narrowed his eyes incredulously. ‘Do you suppose it would be as easy as that for us to part? You're a Russian subject of the Imperial Throne through your marriage to me and the Empress would never permit it! Apart from anything else, she brought you here all the way from France to design for her, honoured you with one of the highest awards she can give and approved you as my wife. To reject all that would be tantamount to treason in her eyes.'

‘You're exaggerating!' she exclaimed impatiently.

‘Indeed not! Mention this matter to her and you'll find yourself shut away in a convent somewhere.'

‘She would not dare!'

He sighed. ‘You would be at the mercy of a ruthless woman. You must have heard how she seized the throne by incarcerating a child, the rightful Tsar Ivan IV, in a fortress where he exists to this day. It has happened to others who have crossed her in minor ways. Do you imagine that she would deal more leniently with you for displeasing her?'

Marguerite had turned pale, horror possessing her. ‘This is a monstrous regime!'

He saw how she shuddered. It was a pity she had found out the truth, but it should not be too difficult to mend matters.

‘I happen to love you, Marguerite,' he said genuinely, ‘whether you believe me or not. Don't suppose I'd ever let you go even if the idea is running through your mind of leaving Russia secretly. I'd follow you to Paris if need be.'

‘But it is all over between us. You have had a long relationship with the Empress!'

‘I don't deny it. But not any more, you must believe me!' He took hold of her by the arms. Although she went rigid, he did not release her and brought his face close to hers. ‘I'm telling you in total confidence that in a matter of months Russia will be at war with Prussia, which is increasing its military power under Frederick II to become a dangerous threat to Europe as well as to us. Great Britain is allying herself with Prussia for reasons best known to herself, probably because George II is of German descent, whereas France and Austria will be our loyal allies. There's even a chance that Spain will eventually become involved. There's a great deal of coming and going happening everywhere. I'm telling you that although I disliked Sarah being constantly under my roof, my lengthy absences from you have been through my regimental duties and nothing else!'

‘But the Empress . . .?'

‘Her final benefaction was my promotion to colonel, granted upon our marriage. Why else do you suppose a city residence has not been granted to me as it has to others?'

‘I never wanted us to be dependent on her munificence!' Her tone was bitter.

He saw she was angry and resolute, but he gave a forceful reply, becoming the accuser. ‘In recent months you would have stayed by your own choice in the country with Sarah in your care,' he pointed out sharply, ‘even if I had asked you to share a new home with me. I've been waiting for you to decide who comes first in your life. Is it I or do you have another lame duck like Rose to whom you will be giving preference?'

She was puzzled and indignant. ‘I have never thought that I was putting anyone or anything before you. I don't understand.'

‘For the past month we have had our own house here in St Petersburg, independent of all imperial benefaction. It was up for auction and I bought it. If you wish to live in it I'll take you there this evening.'

‘I have a place to stay.'

‘Not your little pied-à-terre, because I've cancelled that, and I forbade you ever to return to Van Deventer's place.'

‘I'll not be browbeaten!'

He sighed, seeing that his modified confession, persuasion and bullying had been to no avail. Now finally he spoke from the heart. ‘Give me another chance, Marguerite. As I said before, I love you and I hope you will eventually come to love me as much.' There was a rueful twist to his mouth. ‘Did you think I haven't known that you've never felt as much for me as I do for you? Maybe it's been good to get the past into the open, because there's no reason why everything should not go well from now on. There shall never be any more secrets between us.'

She regarded him sharply. ‘Do you mean that?'

‘Yes, with all my heart. Let me show you the house. You may take your time before making a decision as to if and when you will move in with me. In the meantime live wherever you like, but don't turn away from me.'

He watched her reaction to his plea that flitted across her expressive face like a passing shadow.

‘I'll see the house,' she conceded almost inaudibly, ‘but as yet I can make no promises.'

The mansion had gilded balconies overlooking the Neva and was painted the colour of dawn. All the rooms were spacious with high ceilings, the parquet floors laid out in intricate designs. The grand hall and some of the salons were furnished finely with effects that had belonged to Konstantin's late parents and had been taken out of store. He had taken up residence quite recently and servants moved about discreetly.

When they had returned to the first salon she had viewed Konstantin waited while she went to the window and stood looking out, her back to him.

‘I need time,' she said quietly.

‘You shall have it, but grant me a favour. Furnish the rest of this house for me, but in your taste. Redecorate anywhere and everywhere if that is what you wish. If you do come to live here one day I want you to be happy with everything in it.' Then he added dryly, ‘Even me.'

The winter passed slowly. Marguerite did as he had wished, changing colours, having damage repaired, windows well fitted and faded silk panels replaced. She added elegant furniture and draperies, which had been imported from France. There were some paintings, but not one of them pleased her. She wished she could have asked Jan's advice when he returned, but she could not risk being with him any more if ever her marriage was to be mended.