To Have and to Hold (44 page)

Tears pooled in
Isobel’s eyes as she listened to his tirade.
 
Despite his shouting, she knew she could not argue with him.
 
Everything he was saying was true.
 
Her actions were entirely borne out of a
selfish need to preserve her freedom from Rupert.
 
She knew the social scandal it would cause if
her endeavours did become the talk of the Ton.
 
Despite some of the Ton’s members being amongst the most eccentric in
England, Dominic and his family were not amongst them and didn’t deserve the
censure her actions would cause.

“Has anybody
recognised me?”
 
Isobel’s voice was
low.
 

“
Manvers
and Edwards saw you.
 
Gossip spreads Isobel, you should know that.”

Isobel nodded
unable to speak for the choking knot of misery lodged in her chest.
 
She would save her tears until she was alone
in bed tonight when she could give in to the wrenching sobs that were
threatening to choke her.
 
With a silent
prayer heavenwards and with all of her options spent, Isobel sealed her future.

“When matters
with Rupert are resolved I will leave for an extended visit with Aunt Elspeth
while I arrange for the transfer of funds from London.
 
Once I have secured the necessary funds,
should my recent actions become the talk of the Ton, then I shall of course
remove myself permanently to prevent bringing further disgrace upon your name.”
 
She stiffly moved towards the door, aware of
his watching silence from across the room.

“Is that
it?”
 
Dominic snapped. “Your only answer
is to run away again?
 
Damn it, you will
not keep running away!”
 
Raw fury shone
in his face as he stalked swiftly across the room.
 
“Do you seriously think you can keep going
through life running away from everything that challenges you?
 
Do you think it is fair, and right that you
should just run and leave me and my family to face the censure you have
created?”
 
Frustration flared to life
within him and he angrily thumped the door above her head.

Swamped with
humiliation, Isobel couldn’t withhold the whimper of fear that escaped
her.
 
She could feel his warm breath on
the back of her neck.
 
His looming
presence behind her offered her no comfort.
 
Inwardly, she felt sick as she sank to her knees.
 
Lost in the memory of the beatings from
Rupert, the feel and sound of flesh meeting flesh followed by the horrific
bursts of pain were was fresh in her memory they might have happened only
yesterday.
 

“Isobel?”
 
Dominic murmured.
 
All anger and pain evaporated in an instant
as he watched Isobel slide to the floor, and curl into a tight ball at his
feet.
 
“Darling?”
  
Instantly, his tone softened as he
immediately he sat on the floor beside her.
 
He ached to slide his arms around her but as he placed a hand upon her
back, she immediately flinched, and whimpered as if in pain.
 
Clearly his anger had terrified her, or maybe
it was the thump of his fist hitting the door, he couldn’t be sure but
immediately felt the sting of remorse for terrifying her so.
 
Burning prickled in his eyes as he witnessed
the reality of his wife’s past trauma reveal itself before his very eyes.
  
He knew she was badly affected by what had
happened, how could one not be?
 
However,
he had never until now, witnessed the depth of the scarring the beatings had
caused her.
 
Outwardly her bruising had
faded; inwardly she was still battling with demons he had no idea how to
fight.
 

“Darling,
please.”
 
Carefully he sat as close to
her as possible before gently resting his cheek briefly upon her bent
head.
 
Placing a tender kiss upon the
tousled curls as she sat frozen in misery, he willed her to accept his
presence.
 
His love for her grew stronger
with each passing moment and he understood exactly, why she felt she had to
take the action she had.
 
Why she had
felt the need to run to the only source of support she knew she could be sure
of.
 

It behoved him
to know that she didn’t consider him her only source of support.
 
He was her husband after all.
 
The one man she should have been able to
trust beyond all others. It rankled to acknowledge that the momentary flicker
of doubt he had felt upon reading that marriage certificate had been so evident
to her she had felt no recourse but to run for her life.
  

“Isobel?”
 
He murmured softly, easing back to try to
look into her face as it lay hidden in her folded arms as they rested upon her
bent knees.
 
Easing a hand down her back
he carefully stroked her, offering her the only comfort he knew how at that
moment.
 
Slowly, steadily her shoulders
relaxed and the trembling eased.
 

“I think I will
go and lie down before dinner, if I may remain here for the night?” Isobel
murmured after several moments of desperately trying to gather her
composure.
 
Her voice was a mere whisper
in the silence of the room.
 
Without
looking at him, she slowly pushed herself to her feet before carefully
straightening her skirts around her, clearly waiting for Dominic to move from
his position on the floor.

Once on his
feet, Dominic opened the door and stood back to allow her to leave the room.
“Of course you are staying here.
 
This is
your home.”
 
Dominic murmured, careful to
keep his tone soft.
 
“Of course you must
rest.
 
I’ll see you at dinner.”
 
It took every ounce of his self control to
step back and allow her to glide silently out of the room.
 
He stood and watched as, pale as a ghost, she
glided silently up the main staircase until she disappeared out of sight.

With a frown, he
closed the door before heading towards the brandy decanter.
 
His own hand shook visibly as he raised the
amber liquid for a long draught.
 
Easing
himself thoughtfully down into the high back chair beside the fireplace, he
allowed the burning brandy to ease the empty hollow in his stomach as tried to
think of a solution to the horrible mess he had made of everything.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Dinner passed
pleasantly enough.
 
By the time she had
appeared in the parlour, Isobel had regained some of her composure and was in enough
control of her emotions to be polite but vaguely distant with those around
her.
 
She still hadn’t settled in her own
mind how best to deal with the possible gossip within the Ton, should anyone
have gotten wind of her behaviour.
 
After
all, as Dominic had said, it wasn’t fair for her to leave him and his family to
face such censure but she had the rest of the night to decide upon her next
course of action.
 
After all, it wasn’t
as though she would be sleeping much.
 
Usually when the memories of her beatings came to the fore in such a
fashion, sleep would elude her for some nights.
 
It would give her ample opportunity to make some sound decisions on how
best to ease Dominic’s path through the Ton, whilst she herself lived a
separate life from him.
 
Could she do it?

Humiliation
still burned in her stomach whenever she glanced down the table at her
husband.
 
He was the epitome of tall,
dark and handsome.
 
Broad shoulders
filled his elegant dinner jacket admirably, his rugged masculinity and dark
features screamed masculinity.
 
Isobel
knew she was mad to surrender her place beside him, but felt given her exploits
and her past, she really had no choice.
 
Quickly, she turned her melancholy thoughts inwards to deal with later
as the burning sense of loss surged within her.
 
Sharing a small smile with Martha, she carefully kept her gaze away from
her husband and seemingly waited an indeterminable age before she could excuse
the ladies from the table.
 

 
Dominic watched the pale features of his wife
across the length of the dining table.
 
He should have instructed Manvers to remove a leaf from the large
oval.
 
Despite the number of people
dining, the table still seemed huge.
 
He
desperately wanted to be seated nearer to her.
 
To reassure himself that she really was as in control as she
appeared.
 

He had noticed
her looking at him once or twice, and hoped it wasn’t with any hint of
fear.
 
For his part, he had tried not to
openly stare at her but found himself unable to draw his gaze away from her.
 

“You have yourself
a beautiful wife.”
 
Hubert murmured by
his elbow.
 
Dominic smiled at him with a
nod of acknowledgement.

“I know.
 
I just hope I can keep her.”
 
Dominic murmured softly for Hubert’s ears
only.
 
Having heard their history, and
knowing Isobel’s instinctive flight to Hubert’s for help, Dominic knew the man
was aware of Isobel’s recent activities.

“She has a lot
of demons to fight.
 
It will go some way
tomorrow to vanquish Rupert and see him behind bars once and for all.”
 
Hubert sipped at his wine thoughtfully.
 
“Take a word of advice?”
 
He waited for Dominic’s brief nod before
continuing.
 
“She must be there tomorrow
to see Rupert taken down.
 
He has left
her with considerable scars that she may never recover from.
 
You have to understand that, if you are to
have any future with her.”
 

Dominic nodded
in stoic acceptance, remembering her behaviour earlier that afternoon.
 
“I know, but she is talking about leaving for
an extended visit to her Aunt’s once Rupert has gone.”

“Then you must stop
her from leaving.”
 
Hubert murmured.
 

Dominic fought
the urge to roll his eyes at such an obvious statement.
 
“How do you suggest I achieve such a feat,
without causing her further distress?
 
You have seen how melancholy she is?”

“You must show
her that you are the exact opposite to Rupert and everything he stood for.
  
You cannot fight her demons, she must do
that.
 
All you can do is give her your
love, and allow her the time to deal with them.
 
A lot of love and plenty of time, my boy.”
 
Hubert murmured.
 

Dominic
thoughtfully pondered his meal.
 
Cook had
prepared a most sumptuous feast beset for Kings, but it tasted like dust to
Dominic.
 
All of his senses were firmly
locked upon his wife seated so far down the table.
 
If only he had enough time to show her the
love he had within him.
  
If only she
would allow him close enough again.
 
If
tomorrow didn’t go well, would they have a future?
 
He couldn’t bear the thought of not having
her in his life.
 
Somehow, he had to find
a way to get her to allow him in again.

Later, as Isobel
entered the unfamiliar suite of rooms that were the Dowager’s apartments, a
sense of loneliness swept through her that was so strong, she wasn’t sure her
legs could keep her upright.
 
Silence
echoed around the huge room until she thought she would go quietly mad with
it.
 
Briefly, she wondered if she should
go back down to the study and sit with Martha for a while.
 
For certain, the Dowager’s room was almost
too quiet.
 
She could hear her own
thoughts and that made her uncomfortable.
 

Already she knew
the night would be long and restless, despite the weariness pulling at
her.
 
Slowly she fumbled with the laces
on her dress and with considerable twisting and turning, finally managed to
loosen her dress enough to slither out of it.
 
She casually kicked off her satin slippers and draped her shawl along
the back of the chair beside the fireplace.

She felt as
though the life within her had gone out.
 
She was edgy and restless.
 
Dissatisfied with circumstances, but constricted enough to not be able
to change matters.