To Honor (10 page)

Jonathan Flint had showed up earlier that morning, his face set in the firm lines of a man on a mission. The hug he gave her was still full of gentle care, but their short conversation had been terse, at best. Her husband acted much the same way, though the appearance of his longtime friend and superior officer seemed to put him more at ease.

They’d left her not long after Jonathan’s arrival. Derek pressed a kiss against her forehead before wrapping his arms around her in a sudden, unexpected hug. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he whispered against her ear. “One way or another, I’m not leaving you here alone. We have to go to a meeting now. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she’d replied.

That had been hours ago and Evelyn had yet to hear from them again. She didn’t like the fact that until Jonathan showed up, Derek had said nothing about a meeting. What kind of meeting was it anyway, and with who? She could only assume it had something to do with her dislike of Dr. Williams. Or maybe her desire to go home. Either way, the wait was killing her.

She’s a crazy bitch anyway.

Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut at the hateful words. I’m not crazy, she argued.

You say, “I am loved.” Don’t try think about who or where or why.

The soothing words that Sandra said yesterday filled her head. Yes, that was what she needed to do. With as much force as she could muster, Evelyn screamed the words in her head.

I am loved!

* * * *

The wind was like a balm on Derek’s skin. The office where the board meeting took place had been freezing. Or maybe it was just his nerves playing hell on his system? Either way, the warm summer breeze felt damn good. He inhaled, filling his chest with as much of it as he could and tried to wipe the smell of cleaning agents from his lungs.

“That was fun.” Flint leaned against the railing that ran along a patio outside of the cafeteria.

Derek smiled at the obvious sarcasm in his friend’s voice. “All that arguing and debating, just to be informed that since she signed herself in, all I had to do was insist on signing her out.”

“Told you that power of attorney would be helpful. Just be careful if Eva asks how
you got her out. I’m not sure
You were discharged into
my care against medical advice
will set well with her.” Flint’s smile almost reached his eyes as he gave Derek a sideways glance.

The bottom dropped out of Moore’s stomach. “Oh, hell. Can you just imagine? I could see her stomping her fo
ot and screaming, I don’t need a babysitter.
”

They both laughed at the imagine of petite, dark haired Evelyn losing her temper in such a way. The silence that followed hung heavy between them.

“So now what?” Jonathan Flint clasped his hands together as he stared out across the grounds.

Derek shook his head, at a loss. Now what, indeed. He searched deep into the pathways of his soul before he had an idea. “First thing I’m going to do is disassemble the nursery. It hurt bad enough to see everything intact the past few months, as if Astridea was coming home any minute. Now, I’ve got the memory of finding Evelyn in there, damn near dead too.”

“You think she’ll let you?”

“I don’t know,” Derek admitted with hesitation. “Not sure what else to do though.”

Flint raised up, stretched, and then grabbed one of the patio chairs and seated himself in it. “Are you two going to try for another baby?” His voice was quiet, neutral, careful.

With a sinking heart, Derek shook his head. “We can’t. Astridea was our one in a million shot. The doctors performed a hysterectomy after the birth because the polyps that were preventing us from carrying had gotten out of hand. They were afraid they’d turn cancerous soon. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Hell, we had our miracle…” He trailed off as
a
lump formed in his throat.

Jonathan nodded in silent understanding. He’d known about their trouble conceiving. His wife and Evelyn were close friends too. Or at least, they’d been before depression caused Evelyn to literally shut everyone out of her life by never leaving her home or answering her phone.

“I know it’s none of my business, but what about adoption?”

Adoption? Derek mulled it over, stunned. They’d never talked about it, never even thought about it. Well, at least he hadn’t. The two of them had been so busy trying to prove that they could, against all odds, have a baby, that they didn’t think to look at alternate routes. Now, with the gaping hole in their lives…

“We hadn’t thought about it.” Derek rubbed his jaw line and frowned over the stubble that scratched his palm. “But I’m sure as hell going to bring it up to Eva.”

Flint nodded before pointing across the grounds. “Isn’t that her, over there? Bet she’s about worry herself sick over the meeting. You’d better go break the good news to her.”

Derek smiled at the figure wandering around the flower garden across the way. He’d talk to her about the adoption bit, but not just yet. Right now, he just wanted to tell her that she was going home.

Chapter Fourteen

The voices were happening far less often these days. Evelyn smiled at the knowledge as she continued folding laundry. The words Sandra taught her, along with Derek striving to repair their marriage and weekly therapy appointments with a local psychiatrist had done wonders for her.

She was still sad. When she saw children out in public, it broke her heart. The first couple of times Derek managed to coax her into going shopping or out to dinner, it seemed the world wanted to taunt her. There were literally babies and toddlers everywhere! Evelyn ended up in tears and begged Derek to take her home.

Progress was slow, but it was being made. That, she reminded herself, was what really mattered.

Four months had passed since that night when she’d taken all those pills. Three since her release from R&R Resort. Evelyn sent letters to Sandra on a regular basis, updating her on the little milestones she’d conquered lately and promising she wasn’t suicidal anymore. The letters she got back where often short, scribbled in crayon, and full of positive words. It was funny that at the worst moment in her life, when Evelyn was at rock bottom, was when she’d made one of her greatest friends.

Derek often left her notes too. Little scraps of paper that simply said I love you, or praising her beauty. They were random, and usually in unexpected places. On her mirror above her sink so she’d see it in the morning while brushing her teeth, or on the table in the kitchen with flower beside it. The day after they’d finally had sex again, she’d gotten one stashed in her underwear drawer, describing how sexy she was and how grateful he was to have her as his wife.

Her favorite surprise, by far, was a fairly recent one. Her husband had come home with a card in hand. The front had a picture of a kitten being shielded from rain by
a massive dog. The inside read,

I’ll always be your umbrella during any storm.

In tiny handwriting, at the bottom of the card, Derek had added more words.

But will mew be mine?

She’d smiled at the word play, but puzzled over it as well. The card was cute and she liked the message. “Of course I’ll be your umbrella too,” she exclaimed while she hugged him.

“That card isn’t from me,” he said with a cryptic smile.

Evelyn frowned at him, not understanding. “Then who is it from?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me his name. Or more like, he tried, but I can’t speak his language.” He laughed at her then and, before she could say anything more, he reached into the side pocket of his fatigues. Time seemed to stand still as he pulled a tiny, orange striped kitten out of his uniform. The creature was sleeping and only stretched over the disturbance.

“Oh my gosh,” Evelyn squealed. “A kitten. Where on Earth did you get him? He’s such a little guy.” She pulled the baby animal close to her chest and fell instantly in love. His tiny body vibrated with an automatic purr as he opened his gray-green eyes and gazed up at her.

“We had shooting practice today. Aarons, one of the best snipers around, was on his stomach taking aim at a target when this rookie pops up larger than life in his scope. Damn near made Aarons shoot him out of reflex. He was trying to climb the barrel of the rifle. No one has the slightest idea where he came from, since our gun range is way out in the far corner of the base.” Derek shrugged as he patted the kitten on the head. “I thought maybe you’d like him, so I brought him home.”

Evelyn laughed again as she thought about the story. The kitten, now known as Sniper, was her constant companion. He couldn’t fill the aching gap in her heart, but he did a good job of trying. His antics were enough to make her forget some days.

Still, it would have been nice to have a baby.

* * * *

Derek arrived home, his hand hesitating above the door knob. Is it too soon? I want to do it today, but maybe I should wait just a little bit longer?

He shook his head at his thoughts in defiance. No, he was not going to wait any longer. He’s seen the look on her face; he knew the depths of his wife’s heart. Enough was enough.

Set on his course, Derek pushed the door open and entered the house. “Evelyn, I’m home.”

Silence met him, causing his stomach to clench. Memories of finding her upstairs in the nursery, head lolling back, murmuring incoherent gibberish slammed into him. He waited a moment, two, three. His heart pounded in his chest so hard it vibrated throughout his body.

“Evelyn!” He roared her name, trying to trample the panic that threatened to overtake him.

He heard the back door open and slam shut. “Derek?” Her soft voice left him nearly sagging against the nearest wall in relief. “Are you okay?” She walked into sight, her eyes large and full of question. Sniper was in her arms, his tiny paw swatting at a stray lock of her hair.

“I didn’t know where you were and I got scared,” Derek admitted. He’d found it easier to tell her the whole truth these days; to offer her a full look at the emotions that coursed within him. It felt right to be so honest with her.

She smiled at him, her eyes revealing her pleasure at the fact he cared so much. “I was just outside, taking the trash out. Nothing to worry about, I promise.”

It didn’t matter that he knew that now, Derek realized. Regardless of the fact she was safe, he still needed to touch her, to hold her, to check every inch of her body and soul for wounds. He knew he’d find plenty of scars on her soul, but what mattered was that she’d survived those. He needed to be sure nothing new was threatening to take her away from him.

Until now, he’d been cautious in his sexual advances. Evelyn needed time to heal from what he’d done to her, and he understood that. Just now, driven by the rush of adrenaline and relief over finding her alive, he couldn’t bring himself to be slow or gentle.

The kiss he laid upon her lips was more a claim than anything. He heard her breath catch and a smile tugged at his lips as she issued a soft moan of joy. She enjoyed it, he reassured himself. She’s not drawing away from me.

The odd sensation of something moving against his upper stomach had him breaking the kiss and looking down in puzzlement. Sniper, glared back up at him.