To Love a Man

Rontora Nolan

http://ranolan.wix.com/ranolan

[email protected]

Text Copyright ©2012

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in any form, in whole or in part, without written permission from the author.

First Printing April 2013

ISBN-13: 978-1484146439

ISBN-10: 1484146433

T
he Characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is a coincident and not intended by the author.

First and Foremost I want to thank God for creating in me this passion. With you all things are possible and I am truly blessed.

This book is dedicated to my wonderful parents Rufus and Cookie who are celebrating 30 years of marriage. You have shown me that everyone can get a second chance at love if you are willing to work at it.

To my h
usband Donald for serving his country and still finding time to stand beside me helping my dreams become a reality. To DL and Alex my boys. I love you so much.

To Patrice my best friend and sister. You were there in the beginning when all we had were notebooks and Pens. I love you.
To my brother Scott for believing in me and taking such an awesome photo. And my sister in law Candice (sis) for always encouraging me to follow my dreams.

To Chell, Miriam, and Octavia my sisters who inspire me to reach higher than I ever thought possible.
And to Andre and Sh’vonne whose wedding pic inspired my cover.

For my Sisters
Candyce, Bola, Angie, Blondie, my cousin Keji and those unnamed we may not be around each other but the love has never left. For My brothers Akeem, Marcus, Dave, Dennis and those not mentioned you guys are the best. My Uncles and Aunts I love you.

F
or Shay Michael, Ashley, Amanda, Alexis, Scotty, Jordan, Samari and all of my nieces and nephews dream big and reach for the stars. And all for all my family and friends who believed and still believe in me. I have had this dream for so long I sometimes felt it would never happened but your faith has helped me through. For Dawn the coolest and greatest big sister I know, it is because of you my faith in myself has never wavered. And last but certainly not least my niece A ’Keisha who may be gone but is never forgotten you believed in me when you were five saying I would be famous one day. I will do you proud.

I love you all!

Desiree Holloway wiped the tears from her eyes. No matter how hard she tried to stop them, they wouldn’t stop falling. She stood up from her tan recliner and walked over to her double paned window nook. She sat on the light brown suede cushions and looked up at the darkening sky. She wanted to forget the last twenty-four months, but the whole two years kept replaying in her head like it was a tape on loop. She shook it off no man was worth all this suffering she thought.

As she wiped the tears away again she began to get pissed. How all the tears she thought had long dried returned for an encore was beyond her. As her invited guest gathered around her 51 inch flat screen TV, stuffing their faces with the spread she laid out for them and telling their predictions for game seven of the basketball finals she began to regret inviting anyone over.

As her eyes turned towards the TV her head told her to look away seeing the players wouldn’t do her any good, her heart wanted to catch a glimpse needing the validation that she still felt something. And as the pre-game started, she did feel something, she could feel the hot steam of anger rise from her body. All the hurt and lies resurfaced and she sank deeper into her own world of self-pity.

A part of her was afraid of what watching this game could mean and how it could hash up all those memories she tried bury. But a bigger part of her wanted to see where it all went wrong?

As the commercial played she went back to her recliner and sank down deep into the seat.  As everyone laughed at the TV all she could do was sit there and wallow in her own stew of hatred, denial, loneliness and loss. When the game started, Desiree couldn’t pull her eyes away from the
monitor. She wanted to but something inside her kept her eyes glued to the screen.

The camera panned over the players and the crowd, she rolled her eyes at the fans cheering and chanting. The game hadn’t even started yet and they were screaming like it was over. She didn’t know what people got so excited for. Jumping and screaming, looking a fool over players they didn’t even know. But what made it worse was she was once happy to be a part of it all, happy to be loud and proud supporting her team…and him.
             

The camera stopped on Ramón Norris and Desiree felt her heart flutter. Damn him for still setting those butterflies loose in her stomach. Shame on him for still holding a place in her heart and screw him for all the hurt that he caused. Her best friend Nikki sat next to her on the edge of the chair and caressed Desiree’s hair.

“You ok?” she said with a tone filled with sadness and concern.

Desiree sank deeper in the recliner folding her arms together.

“Yep” She forced out of her lips. For saying nothing would be a dead giveaway she thought.

Nikki
tilted her head sighing. “I can’t believe you didn’t want to go to the game. It’s the finals.”

“I don’t want to see it in person.” Desiree whispered so softly Nikki barely heard her.

“You don’t want to see it or him?” Nikki spoke in a knowing tone.

“Neither.” Desiree expelled. 

Nikki hugged her.

“Sweetie it's been four months since you walked out of his life come on let it go.”

Desiree stood up forgetting the people around her and walking back to the window nook.

“Nikki he lied to me, he hurt me. How can I let it go? I trusted him.”

“I know you did. But he never meant to fall for you anymore than you meant to fall for him.”

Nikki wanted her best friend to feel
better; she needed her to be her old self again. The last time Desiree was this distraught was when she had filed for divorce from her first husband.

Tears flooded Desiree’s eyes. Her guest which included Nikki’s husband and brother in law, Desiree’s two cousins who happened to be
brothers and her next door neighbor were all engrossed in the food and placing their bets on who would win.

“It doesn’t matter
anymore; he doesn’t want to see me.” Even saying the words created a little doubt in her heart.

Nikki turned Desiree towards her with a light in her eye. “And how do you know that?”

“He has been back in town since last night if he wanted to see me he would have come here. He knows where I am he knows where I live.” Desiree wiped her eyes as Nikki sat with her.

“You walked out on him maybe he figured you didn’t want him and he did send you the tickets. Seems to me he made the first move and the next one is up to you.” She gave a hopeful smile.

Desiree heaved a deep sigh.

“I don’t care it doesn’t matter anymore I will never get what I want.”    

“And what do you want?” Nikki asked hoping for once her friend would be honest with herself.

They showed Ramón again and Desiree hit her head on the back of the window pane.

“I don't know.” She moaned softly.

“You remember when we would watch the games and you would tell me how much you loved him? And wanted to be with him, you knew he was the one. And now you have him and you talking about you don't know what you want but you and I both know you do.”

Desiree exhaled deeply.

“I know.” She whined. “And you know I want him I have always wanted him. It's him who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” Desiree’s eyes lit up as she thought back on the first time they kissed.

Nikki stood. “So go get him. You still have the tickets and Rachael has Zack and Maddie come on we can leave these clowns here.” She pulled her up and Desiree pulled away.

“So they can mess up my place I don't think so I just got this place in order.”

Nicole pulled her towards her room.

“You have been making excuses ever since he sent you the tickets. Come on. The game won’t start for another 20 minutes it takes what 45 minutes to get to the arena the most we will miss is half of the first quarter so come on. I know you wanna go and you know you wanna go let’s get it together and go to the game.” She said in a tone that signaled to Desiree she was serious.

“Why do I have to be the one going to him why can’t he come to me?”

“Because men aren’t like the ones in those romance novels or hit movies. They are not the fullest books on the shelf when it comes to love. You have to make that first move and the last. Make him remember why he fell in love with you and that you can forgive him.”

Desiree folded her arms and frowned.

“I don't want to forgive him I want to know why he lied to me. I wanna know what he was doing with that stupid heifer and I want to know if his feelings were real or fake.”

“What were yours?”

Desiree looked at her with eyes glistening, “You know they were real.”

“So get in the car and let’s go find out what his were.”

Desiree stared at her best friend for a second then gave a half smile.

“Give me five minutes and we can head out.”

Desiree ran into her room and pulled out the jersey Ramón gave her the first time they kissed. She pulled out a pair of black leggings and a white t-shirt and walked into the bathroom. She frowned as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her golden brown eyes were puffy and her lips were swollen from crying. She looked down to her stomach smoothing down her shirt. She washed her face brushed her teeth then pulled her hair out from the ponytail. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

She thought a silent prayer that everything would work out. She looked at her hair and was thankful for her lace wig. She wasn’t blessed with naturally long hair like Nikki was so she had to resort to all the help she could get. She pulled out her brush then brushed her hair over to the left side and put it in a side ponytail. She pulled out her mineral makeup and applied it as lightly as she could. 12 minutes later she was out hair done, smelling good wearing “Pure Seduction” by Victoria Secret that he loved so much and ready to see Ramón whether he wanted to see her or not. And unfortunately she was banking on the latter.

***

Ramón looked out into the crowd. He glanced at the empty seats in the fifth row. He knew Desiree wouldn’t show up but he couldn’t help the wishful thoughts that crept through his mind. He squeezed the ball between his hands trying to release some of his anger and aggression. Someone tapped him on his shoulder and he jumped. He turned and faced his best friend AJ Hickson.

“Hey ma
n you alright?” he asked his best friend as he bounced his own ball between his hands.

Ramón looked at him for a second then
nodded his head yes.

“Yeah I am. Are you ready?” he gave AJ and inquisitive look.

“You know I am.”

Ramón looked out again and Aj frowned. He knew his boy was in a bad way and while he wanted to do everything he could to help him, they had a championship to win. One step at a time in his eyes. He’d get Ramón to focus on the game, they win then he’d help him woo the love of his life. What woman didn’t want a baller with a ring? But then again he thought, Desiree surely was not like a lot of the women he knew. She was like his wife and he knew that meant she was stubborn as a mule.

“I know you wanted her to come but maybe it’s for the best. You have been kinda off your game these last few weeks.”