To Make You Feel My Love (20 page)

“Shell, we’ve known each other a long time. And I care for you,
because
you are my best friend’s sister, and you’ve always been a part of our lives. But, and look at me when I say this.” He turned to face her in his seat. “I. Do. Not. Love. You. This thing you think is between us?” He motioned between the two of them. “It’s only in
your
head. I love Alana, Shelby Lynn. All you managed to do was make me loose the only thing I’ve found to make me happy. And I will
never
forgive you for this. Ever.” He turned back to face the front of the jeep. “Now, please, just drive me home.”

Pulling her sunglasses down to cover her teary eyes, Shelby Lynn put the jeep in drive, and pulled out from the parking lot. With an ache in his chest, and tears threatening his eyes, he pulled his ball cap down to shade his face, and tried to find peace in sleep. How was he ever going to find happiness again after meeting Alana? As long as he lived, he would never forgive Shelby Lynn for destroying his future. If he hadn’t wanted to get the hell out of here so fast, he wouldn’t have to put up with psycho bitch from hell sitting next to him. But he had to get as far away from the hurt as he could. To hell with Dusty or anyone else who tried to stop him. With the hum of the tires and gentle rocking of the jeep, sleep overtook his thoughts.

* * * * * * * *

After ten long, arduous hours, Uncle James made it out of surgery. Alana and Aunt Penny had worn paths in the tiled floors pacing in circles. Crying enough tears to fill swimming pool, Alana’s face was beyond recognition. Her eyes were red and swollen, along with her nose that was raw from all the tissue she had used. It had been easy to hide her tears for Logan behind her worry for Uncle James. But now that the surgery was over, she had to pull herself together and put a heartfelt smile on her face.

The pain ripping through her body was just too much to handle. She ached from the top of her head down to the pits of her stomach. Being a nurse, she knew that you couldn’t die from a broken heart, but damned if she didn’t feel as though she would. She had even thrown up several times after drinking a cup of coffee. What was she going to do? What
do
you do when you lose the love of a lifetime? Although she had only known him a short period of time, that time had been the best of her life. If only her mother and father hadn’t left such a sordid memory for Alana to recall, maybe she could’ve gotten past this. But she wasn’t Sarah Hatfield, and wasn’t about to go down that same path. Whether or not Logan was telling the truth, it would always be there in the back of her mind, festering, waiting to erupt at the wrong time, and eventually pushing them apart anyway. Alana couldn’t let that happen,
wouldn’t
let it happen. She was going to pull herself up by the boot strap and get on with life. There had to be a way,
right
?

“So this means he’s going to be all right?” Aunt Penny asked with red rimmed, hope filled eyes.

“Well, he’s not out of the woods yet, Aunt Penny. But I have faith that he’ll be fine,” she lovingly smiled back at her aunt.

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost him, Alana,” she broke down crying. Alana moved to her side and sobbed with her as they held one another.

“Shhh,” Alana cooed into her aunt’s blonde hair. “It’s going to be okay now. I know you love him.”

“No, Alana, you don’t understand. He’s the air I breathe. The world doesn’t exist without him. He’s my rock. My hero. Without him, there is no me.” Alana tried to dry her aunt’s tears, but they came as fast as she tried.

“Aunt Penny, how long did you know Uncle James before you knew he was the one?”

“I knew the minute our eyes met. It was like electricity shot through me,” she giggled remembering how she felt when they met.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard the story? Tell me.”

“My college friends and I came to Paradise Beach for spring break. Being from Glen Carbon, Illinois, I had never seen the beach before. All I wanted was to see the ocean and feel the sand in my toes. Of course things were so different then,” she sighed before continuing. “I was eighteen years old, and the world seemed so big. Your uncle helped bring our bags to the room. He was so handsome. Curly black hair, dark skin and shocking blue eyes. Even back then he seemed to be mad at the world,” she smiled shaking her head.

“Imagine that,” Alana teased.

“He had stopped just inside the door as I walked in and bumped right in to him. I was so embarrassed, I know my face turned five shades of red. I couldn’t even look at him. He said sorry and excused himself. Later that evening, I was walking on the beach and ran into him putting chairs away. I gathered up enough courage to speak to him, and asked if I could help. He snapped his head around so fast, I’m sure to say something smug, but that’s when our eyes met, and took my breath away. I helped him put the chairs away, then we went for a moonlit walk. We were inseparable after that. All my friends were so jealous, but I didn’t care. That was the best week of my life.” Dreamy eyed, she wilted in the chair.

“So what happened after the week was over? You lived in Illinois?” Alana questioned.

“I went back to school, of course. We wrote letters.
Lots
of letters,” she chuckled. “He worked an extra job to buy a bus ticket to come see me at Christmas break. That’s when he asked me to marry him. Those were the hardest years of my life, waiting to be with the man I loved. But it was worth the wait.”

“That’s a beautiful story, Aunt Penny,” Alana sighed, thinking of Logan. Maybe she wasn’t crazy thinking she could fall in love in a week. Aunt Penny and Uncle James did, and they had been happily married for almost thirty years.

“Alana, promise me if you ever find love, you won’t push it away. I know your mom and dad’s history had a huge impact on you, but true love does exist. But you have to grab hold of it and accept it.” Aunt Penny patted Alana’s shoulder as she walked away to find out how Uncle James was doing. She had given Alana a lot to think about. But was it too late?

* * * * * * * *

The next few days, Alana busied herself nursing Uncle James, coddling him and driving the nurses on his floor absolutely bonkers. Yes, she was one of
those
family members. The ones that you hide from in the lounge, or run into another patient’s room to avoid. Being a nurse herself, if it needed to be done, she wasn’t going to wait around for one of them. Asking for extra pillows and blankets or bed linen because he couldn’t wait for them to have his bed changed was just the icing on the cake. She was constantly questioning his medications, hanging over their shoulders or showing them a
better way
to do something. By the time he was discharged, Alana felt sure the staff was planning a “good riddance” party in the lounge.

“Hi Mr. Carpenter,” Kayla, his day shift nurse said. “Today is the day. You ready to go home?”

“Well, no offense to you sweetheart, you’ve been great, but I sure am,” he smiled. It was nice to see a smile on his face again. Alana hadn’t seen a real smile on his face in forever.

“What’s got you all sappy eyed?” he asked Alana.

“You!” she smiled “I’d forgotten you knew how to smile. You know, a
real
smile, not one for the purpose of a guest.” She began busying herself by picking up his belongings spread throughout the room.

“Well,” Kayla interjected, “Let me unhook your IV’s and get your paperwork ready. We’ll have you out of here in no time,” she cordially smiled at Alana.

“I think I’ve worn out my welcome,” Alana giggled.

“You sure have given them a run for their money,” Uncle James laughed.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “I can’t help that I’m more vested in their patient than they are.”

“Oh, now, baby girl, be nice.” He took her hand and patted it with his own. “They did a fine job, when you let them,” he chuckled.

True to her word, Kayla unhooked his IV’s, went over all his discharged instructions, and had him sign papers. Finally, she called transport to push his wheelchair to the pick-up area where Aunt Penny was waiting with a huge smile on her face.

“Let us help you get in Uncle James,” Alana said, setting the brakes on the wheelchair.

“I don’t need your help, I can do this. All this fussing over me is over now. We’re going home where things can get back to normal.” He bellyached at the women who looked on with love in their eyes.

“Let the fun begin!” she laughed as James grumbled under his breath.

* * * * * * * *

“Momma, how many times do I need to tell you I don’t need you waiting on me hand and foot?” Logan lovingly said to his doting mother.

“Oh honey, as your momma, it is my God given right to wait on you hand and foot. And with that leg of yours,” she motioned toward his leg wrapped nice and neat in his new brace, “you need an extra
foot
,” she teased.

“Thanks Momma,” he chuckled.

“Well, nice to see that smile again. I was beginning to think it was permanently erased.”

“I’m just worried about work, Momma. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“Now baby, that dog just won’t hunt.”

“Excuse me?” Logan looked at his mother like she had just grown two heads as she handed him his glass of sweet tea.

“I said, that dog….” Logan cut her off.

“I heard what you said Momma, I’m wondering what you meant behind it.”

“Isn’t it as clear as the nose on my face?” she smiled.

“No ma’am, I don’t see any clarity in your statement at all,” he laughed.

“Darlin’, I gave birth to you. And even though you may have been gone for the last fifteen years, I still know my boy.” Patting him on the back, she continued. “You’ve been moping around this house for two weeks now. I’ve seen your love sick puppy face before.”

“You’ve been talking to Dusty’s momma,” he shook his head. “I know you don’t believe a word that comes from that boy’s mouth, now do you Momma?”

“Logan, Lutrelle Richards is a God fearing woman. She would not spread idle gossip.” She shook her head as she tsked him.

“No, but
Dusty
Richards would if it would save his own skin.”

“So, you didn’t fall hard for a pretty little nurse on your hiatus from work? And that’s not how you got your leg hurt again?” she asked with a wondering smile.

“Oh dear lord!” he exclaimed. “I’m going to kill Dusty. Momma, do not listen to anything else Miss Lutrelle tells you. He is just trying to get her off his trail.”

“Why? Did Dusty finally meet a woman as crazy as he is?” she sat down next to him waiting excitedly to hear his answer.

“Oh no you don’t! I am not getting in the middle of that one,” he laughed.

“Relax. He’s already told
his mama
about the new lady in his life. What I want to know is why your mama hasn’t heard about yours.”

“There’s nothing to tell, Momma, really.” Looking off in the distance, he thought about how he left his beautiful Alana. Breaking the promise he made to her and to himself, he knew he had broken her heart. Even without Shelby Lynn’s malicious scheme, it was over between them. Oh, she had purged herself of her sins all the way home. Sobbing. As she explained to him how she had slipped the key to Alana’s room from Dusty while he jumped in the shower, after she overheard the conversation he had with Alana on the phone. Then, she had filled a condom with conditioner and snuck into her apartment, leaving all the incriminating evidence she thought she would need to make sure Alana would never forgive him. Well played, it worked. He had picked up the phone a hundred times to call her and explain it to her, only to stop himself. Even if she forgave him, what did he have to offer her now? Nothing.

His mother’s words broke through his thoughts as she gently touched his hand. “Honey, look at me. I know your daddy hasn’t exactly been a good example to show you what love is all about. He’s a hard headed man, with a stubborn streak as deep and wide as the Jordan River,” she smiled as if reliving some fond memories. “But he loves the only way he knows how. Now you on the other hand, you’re something entirely different.”

Logan smiled at his mother’s sweet face, with eyes the same color as his, and crinkled at the corners as she lovingly smiled at him. She had never been an extremely thin woman, and often described herself as plus sized. How many times had he heard her say if she didn’t like her own cooking so much, she wouldn’t have to worry about her waistline? With her natural gray hair to her shoulders, people often told her she favored Paula Deen.

“How is that, Momma?”

“You’re different because you have my blood running through your veins. You’ve always tried to be like him. Why, only heaven knows,” she hooted. “But you’re not like him, Logan, you’re like me. You love with your heart, darlin’. And you’re only going to give your heart away once. So, if you gave your heart away to this girl, you’re not going to get it back baby. My best advice,” she rose from her seat, and opened the squeaky screen door leading in to the house, “go get the girl that holds your heart. That’s the only way you’ll get it back.”

Maybe Ruthie Montgomery was right. It was time for Logan to regain what was his.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

“Montgomery, are you sure this is what you want?” His lieutenant asked.

“Yes sir. I’ve spent too much time in the field to sit at a desk now,” Logan replied.

“Alright son, I’ll take care of everything, and be in touch. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant, will do.” Logan walked away from his lieutenant’s office with a feeling of purpose for the first time in weeks. He was getting his life back, and not the one dedicated to the military. Logan breathed in the fresh air as the sun hit his face, and he felt more alive than he had in years. His moment of clarity was interrupted by the sound of a honking horn, as Dusty pulled up to pick him up.

“Damn, son. Take your time, it’s not like you got some dumbass sitting out in the heat waiting for you or anything.” Dusty shook his head in disgust.

“Shut up, man. You volunteered for this mission, remember. I was perfectly fine driving myself,” Logan tossed back.