To Protect and Serve (23 page)

             
After the picture came out in the paper, Doug was sure that Nancy would think the worst and would want nothing more to do with him.  She didn’t need to get involved with a cop!  She had a nice life, great kids and a wonderful job.  He’d just mess it up for her.

             
One night he actually pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, planning to go to her and explain everything, but it was 1:00 in the morning and no lights were on.  He sat there willing Nancy to turn on her bedroom light, or go into the kitchen and see him sitting out there waiting for her, and come out to him like she had before.  But no lights came on, and no Nancy came to him.

Doug reluctantly started up the engine and pulled slowly down the block, missing the light that came on in Nancy’s kitchen when she looked out to see who had pulled into her driveway. 

              She’d been hoping it was Doug, but no one was there.

             
Foolish woman, Nancy chided herself and doubts crept further in.  Why in the world would someone like Doug want someone like her?  Nancy walked slowly back to bed feeling very tired and very old.

CHAPTER 22

             
“Okay, thanks guys!  Great job!”  Nancy stood and smiled at the drama students as they exited the theatre.

             
“Bye!”  “Hope I get the part!”  “When do we find out?”  The students spoke excitedly as they left.  Nancy just smiled and waved at them all.  She gathered the audition sheets and the copies of the script they’d used for the try-outs.  Everyone knew that she’d make the casting decisions over the upcoming four-day Thanksgiving weekend.

             
Auditions were always exciting and way too much work; but worth it all when it finally came to opening night.  And surprise of surprises, for once she had the principal’s son in attendance.  Nancy had always felt that Russell had the makings of an excellent actor; he’d just never really seemed to want to try before.  Now he’d auditioned for the male lead and was actually in the running for getting the part!  Nancy hoped that the other boys wouldn’t feel that she was playing favorites if she cast Russell for the role.  The politics involved with casting a school play were sometimes more than she wanted to deal with.

             
And speaking of dealing with.  What was she going to do with all her emotions regarding Doug?  She hadn’t heard from him in weeks.  Her kids were still trying to get her to call the station again, but she didn’t want to look like she was chasing him.

             
This was worse than high school!  Nancy still blushed when she remembered how inane she felt when she saw Doug drive past her house last weekend.  She chastised herself for still feeling hurt that he hadn’t stopped, but she couldn’t make the yearning go away.  And for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what Doug was thinking.

             
Well, as Kate said, “Ask him!”

Nancy wished that she could be as level headed as her older daughter seemed to be when it came to dealing with men.  Kate must have gotten that analytical ability from Jonathon.  It sure hadn’t come from Nancy.  Nancy was more of the “tell me you love me and I’m yours forever” type of gal.

Which brought her thoughts back full circle to Doug.  He’d said that he loved her.  He had been tender, sweet, sexy, warm and attentive.  He’d said the words and then he’d disappeared.  Nancy didn’t know what to think about that.  She loved him so much.  She’d been walking across the stage with her papers in her arms and stopped dead in her tracks with the realization.   She really loved Doug.  She hadn’t actually thought that she’d ever feel this way again.  She had prepared herself for being single the rest of her life.  Now, this wonderful, virile man had entered her life and had made her feel young and beautiful again.  And now she had a broken heart.  Love hurts!  Weren’t there just about a million songs about heartbreak?  Of course there were, and she’d heard every single one of them over the past few weeks.  It seemed like no matter which radio station she tuned in, there had been some song that exactly matched her mood.  She’d given up listening to the radio, just so she could spare herself the pain.  But then she went out and bought Dolly Parton’s
I Will Always Love You
.  Sigh.  What a masochist.

“Ms. Adams?”

Nancy turned to see who had called to her from the back of the auditorium.  It was Principal Newman’s son.  Russell walked down the audience aisle towards her as she crossed to the front of the stage to meet him.

“Hi, Russell.  What can I do for you?”  Nancy shifted the paper stack from one arm to the other.  She really hoped he wasn’t going to ask her about who she was going to cast in the lead.

“Ms. Adams, I just wanted to let you know that I’m willing to take any part you want to give me.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want the lead, but I understand how much trouble it might cause to have the principal’s son get that part.”  Russell reached up to take the papers from Nancy, as she started to sit on the apron of the stage in order to jump down into the audience section.

“Thank you, Russell.  Your insight is right on the money.  I was just thinking about that situation and how I should handle it.”  Nancy took the papers back from him and they started to walk out into the lobby.

              “Actually my mom made me come find you.”  Russell smiled.

“She didn’t want you to feel any pressure from either her or me.  But I do agree with her.  And I would be very happy to take any role you gave me.”  Russell looked and sounded very sincere, but there was an underlying feeling that Nancy wasn’t able to pin yet.

“So!  Are you casting Carol for any specific part?”  Russell had tried so hard to appear casual with his question that it took all Nancy’s

self-restraint not to grin at his very apparent interest in the young brunette who’d also auditioned that afternoon.

Nancy tried but couldn’t resist.  “Is Carol the reason you tried out for this show, Russell?  It would help me make my decision on the

casting if I knew whether you really wanted the part, or if you’d be just as happy being part of the crew.”

Russell shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and looked at the floor.  By now they’d reached the front doors.  Nancy stopped walking and turned to look at Russell.  He turned towards her but still kept his eyes on the floor with such intentness that he reminded Nancy of her girls when they had been little and searching for candy and colored eggs on Easter mornings at home.

“Russell, you know that anything you tell me stays with me.”  If he only knew how much Nancy totally understood the pain that he was going through right now.

             
“Ms. Adams, if you cast Carol but can’t cast me in the lead, at least don’t cast Frankie opposite her.  Please?”  At that last word, Russell looked up from the floor and Nancy could see just how strongly he felt about what he’d just said.  Nancy thought you couldn’t pay her enough money to be seventeen again.  Emotions ran way too strong, and feelings were felt way too deeply.

Yeah, like she wasn’t in a similar boat right now herself.

“Russell.  I understand completely, and I promise that I won’t cast Frankie opposite Carol.  But you do remember that acting is just that – acting.  It’s called acting because the actors pretend their emotions on stage.”  Nancy had never taught Method Acting because she’d always felt that anyone could make themselves look sad by thinking about something awful in their past.  But it took real acting to make the audience think you were sad on stage, when really you were having the time of your life!  She’d followed the lives of too many actors who’d studied Method Acting and had watched their personal lives disintegrate, while truthfully their craft hadn’t improved that much.

Russell blew out a breath and grinned.  “Thanks, Ms. A.  You’re the best!”  With that he bounded out into the sunshine.  Nancy laughed to herself.  He reminded her of a Labrador puppy.  All feet and ears and endless enthusiasm.

She wished her life could be handled so simply.  Nancy could just picture herself walking up to Bradley Harris and saying “Bradley, please don’t have Doug and Sue sit together at the courthouse.”  Nancy smiled and pushed open the door to the outside just as her cell phone rang.

She fumbled with the paper stack and finally pushed the talk button by the fifth ring.

“This is Nancy.”

“Mom?”  It was Kate, once again sounded distraught.  Her voice tone set Nancy’s nerves on alert, since she knew just how much it took to rattle Kate.

“Honey?  What’s up?”  Nancy held her breath.

“Oh, Mom!”  Kate wailed.  “I feel so stupid!  I let Robert drive when I borrowed your car this afternoon and now we were in a fender bender!  I’m so sorry!  It was stupid of me!  I feel so bad!”

Nancy breathed a sigh of relief.  “Honey?  Is anyone hurt?  I don’t care about the car, just you.”  Robert was the newest boyfriend.

Kate expelled a shaky laugh.  “Mom, I told Robert you’d say that, but he wouldn’t believe me.  We’re fine.  No one’s hurt.  Your front right fender is dented and the other lady’s front bumper is messed up pretty good.  Robert miscalculated and turned in front of her car when he should have waited.  We’re waiting for the police so we can get the report for the insurance company.”

“Where are you, Honey?  I’ll meet you there.”  Nancy had reached her classroom by this time and thankfully dropped the papers out of her arms onto the desk.  She reached for her purse and headed out the door.

Nancy got directions from Kate and fortuitously ran into Tess who was able to drop her at the accident site on her way home from work.

When they pulled up at the curb Nancy’s heart stopped beating and her breath caught in her throat.  Of all the officers in the world and all the accidents.  There but Doug, looking absolutely great!

Tess gave Nancy’s left arm a pat and wished her good luck.  Tess had watched the roller coaster ride that Nancy had been on recently and sincerely hoped that this opportunity for Nancy to speak with Doug would help.

Nancy walked over to where Doug was standing with his back to her while writing on a clipboard and listening to Kate and Robert.

“Mom!”  Kate moved swiftly past Doug into Nancy’s arms for a quick hug.  “I am so sorry for the damage to your car and Robert and I will pay for fixing it!”

“Hon, I’m just glad you’re alright.”  Nancy had to fight back tears because of the reminder of the motorcycle accident Christy and Jackson had been in months ago.  She wiped her eyes and looked up to see Doug standing three feet in front of her.

The remainder of the world stopped while their eyes locked and they both held their breaths.  Nancy’s emotions were running riot inside of her.  She couldn’t tell what Doug was thinking and truly wished he’d say something.

Doug felt his insides twist up with the longing to take Nancy in his arms and just hold her.  But he no longer felt that he had that right.  God!  He’d missed her so much.  He was lost in her eyes.

When Doug didn’t say anything, Nancy grimaced and decided that he must not feel the same way she did, so she said the first thing that came to her mind so he wouldn’t feel pity for her.

“Thank you for being here, Officer Saunders.  I’m glad you’re the one to help Kate.”  Nancy congratulated herself on sounding friendly, but not anything more than that.

She was going to get through this conversation if it killed her.  And truth be told, it felt like a knife was stabbing her in the heart.  She missed him so much her heart hurt.

Doug exhaled and tried to hide his feeling of rejection.  He’d hoped that Nancy still felt for him the way he felt for her.  But it was obvious from her demeanor that what they’d shared hadn’t meant as much to her as it had to him.  Boy, had his misread it, or what?

“Doug.  You can call me Doug, Nancy.”  He tried to sound normal.

Nancy saw him put on his “cop face” and wished with all her heart that she had the courage to say,
Doug, don’t close me out.  I love you.  I miss you.  I don’t care what you feel for me, but I want you to know just how much you mean to me.  My life has been awful these past few weeks without you.  Please, let’s try again.