To Protect and Serve (5 page)

             
“What was what all about?”  Nancy pushed in the top rack and pulled out the bottom rack for the plates.

             
“Will you stop that and look at me?”  Now he just sounded mad.

             
“Actually, no I won’t.  You see, usually after one of these types of conversations, you go to bed, and I am up late finishing the dishes, getting lunches ready for tomorrow and getting one last load of laundry done.  Tonight, I’m going to get enough sleep.  If you want to talk, we’ll do it tomorrow after work.”  With that said, Nancy went back to putting plates and pots in the bottom rack of the dishwasher.  She wasn’t sure exactly when Jonathon left the kitchen.

             
When her head finally hit her pillow, Nancy felt almost good.  For the first time in a long time, she slept throughout the whole night and woke up feeling rested.

             
In fact, she felt so energized that that weekend she painted the downstairs guest bathroom a soft sage green and added some pretty ecru lace towels she found on sale.  Then she went to the new little downtown boutique and picked up some pink rose-scented bars of soap and a small container of potpourri.

             
Their realtor was delighted with the bathroom and asked Nancy to do the upstairs one as well.  She felt the value of the house would go up with the improved décor.  The only reason Jonathon did not voice any disapproval this time, was because he liked the idea of more money for the house.

             
And so life continued for the next several weeks.

CHAPTER 3

              “Menopause!?!”

             
Dr. Worksley looked up from Nancy’s patient folder where she’d been studying the lab results.

             
“No, not menopause.  Perimenopause.  Does that bother you, Nancy?”

             
Dr. Worksley was an excellent doctor.  Nancy had found her two years previously when Jonathon’s health plan from work was switched ... again.

             
“No.  I’m just surprised.  That’s all.”  Nancy lifted one shoulder and tried to appear composed, while sitting on the hard examining table wearing nothing more than thin paper.  Perimenopause. Well, that pretty much put the icing on the cake.  Could her life get any more complicated?

             
After receiving the usual advice of “get more sleep, cut down on sugar and coffee, and try to fit in some time for exercise,” Nancy was released from her yearly physical.

             
She’d declined Dr. Worksley’s offer of a prescription for hormone replacement drugs.  Nancy thought she’d wait a bit to see what was going to happen before taking a pill.  This certainly explained the hot flashes and her inability to sleep through the night.

              After getting dressed, Nancy stopped by the front desk and paid her co-pay.  She only had two more years on Jonathon’s health plan according to the divorce agreement.  She had no idea what she would do after that.  The private school where she worked didn’t offer medical benefits.

             
Driving back to work, Nancy had time to contemplate where her life was going now that she and the girls were living by themselves. 

             
Jonathon had managed to land at one of the newer singles apartment complexes, complete with pool, spa, outdoor barbecue, gym room and a gaggle of firm, attractive 20-somethings.

             
Nancy and the girls were renting a house close to the school.  The house was old and the landlord was slightly creepy.  However, the neighborhood was wonderful and their neighbors were happy to have a nice normal woman and her nice normal children living there.  Apparently the previous tenants hadn’t fit in very well with the family-based neighborhood.  The girls each had their own bedroom and Nancy even had room for an office!  Unfortunately most of her office stuff was still in boxes, but at least there was no one to complain to her about it.

             
It had been three months since the split.  Three months that had produced some interesting results.  Jonathon was already dating someone.  He sure hadn’t wasted any time.  Whereas, Nancy had decided that her girls came first.  Besides, she just wasn’t in the mood to date.  She was enjoying not being criticized 24/7.  So she had made the

conscious decision to wait until the girls were out on their own to throw her hat back in the dating pool – ring – whatever.

              Jonathon had joined an adult volleyball team, a Tai Chi group in Newport Beach, a fencing class that he’d talked Kate into attending with him, not to mention the bicycling club that Nancy personally thought was ridiculous.  He looked awful in the spandex outfits they wore.   When had she ever thought Jonathon attractive?

             
Nancy had also been busy during those three months. 

             
She’d purchase her first car, gotten a new queen-size bed that she thought was extravagant, gained 12 pounds (not on purpose) and during one glorious pity-party had burned all of her wedding pictures.

             
Kate and Christy seemed to be hanging in there despite the stress of the split.  Kate had even gone to her first prom, which could have gone smoother.  Jonathon was supposed to drive Kate and her date to the dance but was late picking her up, which of course put Kate in a bad mood, which made her date nervous, which made for five days of very uncomfortable living around the house for Nancy and Christy after, what came to be known as, the
Prom Fiasco
. 

             
When Nancy asked about his tardiness, Jonathon casually said that he’d had to work.

             
When Nancy asked why he hadn’t called to say he was running late, Jonathon told her to stop making it into such a big deal.  Nancy sighed and decided that she’d just drive from now on.  It was so much easier than trying to work with Jonathon.

             
Between the two girls, Christy seemed to be doing better.  One evening after supper, she told Nancy that she was glad they weren’t living with dad anymore.  Nancy asked her why. Christy replied that she liked not getting yelled at all the time.

Perplexed, Nancy asked more questions, and Kate jumped into the conversation too.  Apparently, Jonathon would wait until Nancy had left to run errands before he’d start in on the girls.  It seemed that pretty much nothing they did was good enough.  He’d nag, badger or yell

about whatever he felt needed correction.  The girls were surprised to find out that Nancy had known nothing about it!  They thought she knew that Jonathon did this.

             
Nancy felt betrayed.  She also felt like a very bad mother, leaving her girls at the mercy of that sort of behavior.

             
Of all the stories Nancy heard that night, one was the worst and made her sick.  Nancy knew about it somewhat, but not to the extent that the girls were now telling her.  It had happened about 10 years earlier...

             
Nancy remembered being happy that Jonathon had agreed to watch the girls so that she could go to the movies with one of her friends that Saturday afternoon. 

             
She and her friend Brenda both had children the same age, so they rarely got a chance to talk without the constant interruption that is typical around young children. 

             
They’d gone to see the new Kevin Costner movie and then gone for coffee.  It had been a wonderfully relaxing afternoon for Nancy.  For the first time in a long time, she’d felt like someone who was more than just “mother.”

             
When she got back to the house, she found Jonathon in the kitchen reading the newspaper and having coffee.  She found the girls sitting on the living room couch watching TV.  On the surface it all looked calm, but Nancy felt something was amiss.

             
“So.  How’d it go around here?” she asked Jonathon while taking off her jacket and setting down her purse and keys.

             
He looked up from the paper and said “Actually, it’s been pretty quiet.  I don’t know what you complain about.  The girls aren’t hard to deal with.”

             
“I’ve never said that the girls are hard to deal with!”  Nancy was puzzled that Jonathon thought that.

             
“Well then, what do you keep complaining about?”  Now it was Jonathon’s turn to look puzzled.

             
“What are you talking about?  When have I complained?”

             
“Just yesterday!  You said that you never got any time to yourself.  That’s why I baby-sat today.”

             
“Baby-sat!?  They’re your children.  You’re
supposed
to spend time with them.”

             
“There!  That’s what I’m talking about.  You’re complaining again!”

             
“Jonathon, I don’t want to argue!  I had a great afternoon with Brenda and now in the space of two minutes … oh, never mind.”  Nancy went upstairs to change her clothes. 

             
When she came back downstairs a few minutes later, the girls were still on the couch watching TV.  Nancy went to the couch and sat down between the girls, putting an arm around each of them.  They both

cuddled close to her and the three of them sat there watching Big Bird sing to Oscar the Grouch.

              When the show was over Nancy got up and shut off the set.  She turned back to the girls and asked if they wanted to help set the table for dinner.  It was then, while really looking at them, Nancy saw that they looked devastated.  They both had hollow-looking eyes and not much color in their faces.  There were old tear tracks running down Christy’s cheeks.

             
“What happened?”  Nancy softly asked as she knelt down in front of the couch so she’d be at eye level with the girls.

             
“I hate Daddy.”

             
Nancy couldn’t have been more shocked!  Christy had said it with such vehemence!  Nancy then looked at Kate.  Kate was starting to quietly cry.

             
“Girls!  What happened?”

             
Neither was willing to say anything more.  Nancy got up, told the girls to wait there and went into the kitchen.  Jonathon was still reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee.

             
“What happened here this afternoon?”

             
“Why?  What do you mean?”  Jonathon actually looked almost blank.

             
“The girls are upset.  What happened?”

             
“Oh, nothing really.  They threw away their baby bottles.”  He went back to sipping his coffee.

             
“Why’d they do that?”

             
“Because they are getting too big for bottles.”

             
“Jonathon.  They don’t really drink out of them anymore.  They just play with them.  Very rarely, Christy likes one at bedtime if it’s been a really rough day.  You didn’t
make
them throw their bottles away, did you?”

             
“Look, Nancy.  I think you’re being too soft with the girls.  They are big girls now and need to get rid of all their baby stuff.  You keep bitching at me that I’m not being a dad, now you’re bitching at me because I’m parenting.  Make up your mind.”

             
Nancy felt sick.  She went back into the living room and sat down with the girls.  After some more questions, it came out that not only had Jonathon made the girls physically throw the bottles away while they were crying, but he made them “wave bye-bye” to the bottles. 

              He had explained to the girls that it was kind of like the funeral they’d had the week before when their pet hamster had died.  Nancy couldn’t fathom how Jonathon thought that particular correlation would possibly help.

             
She wasn’t sure what to do at this point, but knew for sure that her girls were hungry.  She stood up and got them to go wash their hands for dinner. 

             
Everyone sat quietly around the table while Nancy served up the chicken and dumpling dinner that she’d started earlier that day in the crock-pot.  She added a salad from the fridge and pudding cups for dessert.

             
Kate and Christy ate a little, Nancy ate even less and Jonathon ate as usual.  When dinner was done, Nancy took the girls upstairs and got them into bed.  By the time she was done with that, Jonathon was buried in the computer, so she cleaned up the kitchen and got things set up for the next day’s breakfast.

              Now it was ten years later, and Nancy was hearing these things again, but seeing them in a new light.

             
“Girls.  I’m sorry.  I should have made sure you didn’t have to go through anything like that.  I guess I just didn’t believe that your father would actually be that callous.”  Nancy’s voice was choked with unshed tears.

             
“Aw, Mom.  Lighten up.  We lived.  Besides, we know you pretended not to notice when we each retrieved a bottle out of the trash bag they were in.”  Kate was almost laughing.

             
“Yeah!  And remember when you pretended to not see the bottles when we put them in the dishwasher?”  Christy was also laughing.

              Nancy was able to smile slightly.  “So, whatever happened to the bottles?”

             
Both girls jumped up off the couch and ran to their respective rooms.  Within seconds they were both back, laughing and holding out their bottles.

             
“Good grief!  I always wondered what you did with them.”  Nancy was feeling much better now.

             
“Mom,” said Kate.  “You are a good mom.  Please don’t worry anymore!”

             
“Yeah, Mom,” chimed in Christy.  “Consider it as training for the type of guy that Kate and I AREN’T going to look for!”

             
“Girls, your father is a good man.  He just --” 

             
Nancy was cut off mid-sentence by the girls, “Mom!  Stop already!”