To Tempt Highland Fate (The Mac Coinnach Brothers) (31 page)

             
She felt him stiffen immediately, his body going rigid and his arms becoming like iron vises.

             
“No Willa.  Never.  I told ye, I willna even discuss it, so give up on the thought right now.”

             
Oh, this was going to be so much worse than she thought!

             
“Why, Drust?” she asked softly.  “Please tell me why you feel so strongly about it.  I need to understand.”

             
He let out a long, frustrated sigh.  “It’s far too dangerous.  I wouldna risk yer life just to have a child.”  He relaxed just a little, pulling her closer.  “But perhaps, if ye really want a child to raise, we could take in an orphan, someday.”

             
So at last she knew.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be a
father
.  It was misguided fear for her safety that drove him.  “Why are you so afraid Drust?  Women give birth all of the time and come through it just fine.”

             
He stiffened again.  “No’ all of them do.”

             
“Tell me”, she said simply.

             
He was silent for a long moment, and Willa was afraid the conversation was over, but the he blew out a breath and nestled his chin against the top of her head.

             
“It was the day my parents died.  Bren was away training to be a warrior, and Eian was fostering with one of our father’s closest friends.  I was just sixteen at the time.  No longer a child, but no’ yet a man.  We were having a celebration of sorts that day, because my mother was expecting another child.  It had been fourteen years since Eian, and it was assumed she would never bear another, so it was akin to a miracle.  Everyone was gathered in the hall for a feast when the attack came, and we were caught completely unprepared.  The men all fought valiantly, but in the end it was a slaughter.  I was fighting with the men when I saw my father go down.  My mother was behind him, pinned against the wall.  He had been guarding her with his life.  The man who cut him down kicked her in the stomach and I heard her scream.  I can still hear it, even now.  I thrust my sword through the soldier I was fighting and ran to her.  I carried her into a solar and barred the door.  By then she was already unconscious, and there was blood everywhere; even in the deadliest of battles I’ve never seen so much blood.  I could do nothing to help her, nothing to save her.  There wasna even a wound to stanch.  She bled to death in my arms, and the babe died with her.”

             
A single hot tear rolled down Willa’s cheek.  She knew the strength it had taken for him to tell her that story. Knew how long he had been holding it inside. “I’m so sorry, Drust.”

             
“And I saw the same again, twice more.  Women bleeding to death when something went wrong with a birth.  And I saw their husbands grieve for their wife and child all in the same terrible moment.  I swore I would never ken that grief.”  He reached up to wipe away her tears.  “Oh, my love, it’s no’ that I dinna want to give ye a child.  But if I did so and lost ye because of it… lost everything…I… I would be a broken man.”

             
Oh Hell.
  There was no way, after such a heart-felt confession, that she could tell him she was with child!  She just couldn’t!  It would have to wait until… well, she had no idea when.  There would just have to be a better moment than this one.  Perhaps she was a coward, but instead she turned in his arms and kissed him, a deep and life-affirming kiss that told him she was alive and in his bed and that everything would be all right.  He deepened the kiss, his hands gripping her so tightly that it was almost painful. 

              Drust couldn’t believe all that he had just told her, or how easy it had been.  He felt as if a weight had been lifted from him, and yet he felt raw and edgy.  He needed her again, but in a far different way than when he had first come into the room.  Then, he had needed to sate his body, but now he needed to sate his soul.  He rolled on top of her, never breaking the connection of her kiss.  He groaned when her legs parted instinctively, welcoming him.  He thrust into her in one smooth motion, filling her completely, and completing himself as well.  He continued the kiss, continued the slow, measured thrusts, until it became too much.  He rose up on his forearms, unable to stop himself from pumping harder, faster, and after Willa had arched beneath him, her body trembling and shuddering with release, he pulled out of her just before he found his own.

             
She still did not have the heart to tell him the pulling out part had not been necessary.  Oh, what a mess this was going to be. 

             
Two days later, Willa and Faith accompanied Drust on his rounds to check in on the crofters whose cottages lay outside the castle walls.  The two women walked slightly ahead, chatting as they went.  It was a rare warm summer day in the highlands, and Willa thought the sun felt hotter and hotter, her clothing growing tighter and tighter, the farther they went.  Perhaps she should have eaten more at the morning meal, but her stomach had been a bit unsettled and she didn’t want to risk losing her breakfast in front of some unfortunate crofter’s wife.  But now the cold sweat suddenly covering her body did not bode well.  Damn it all, she was going to faint!  As the edges of her vision began to dim, she gamely took two more steps before sinking to the ground like a rock.

             
Drust watched in horror as Willa slumped to the ground a few yards in front of him.  His heart in his throat, he was at her side almost before she hit the earth. 

             
“Willa!  God, Willa are ye all right?” 

             
Faith knelt down and automatically put two fingers to her throat, relieved to find a strong and steady pulse. 

             
“I think she’s just fainted.  Did she have much to eat today?”

             
“I dinna ken.”

             
“Look, she’s waking up already.”

             
Drust looked down at her as her eyes fluttered open and she tried to sit up.

             
“Och, Jesus God, lass!  Dinna do that to me!”

             
“I only fainted… I… I think I’m all right now.”

             
She tried again to sit up, but Drust prevented her with a heavy hand on her chest.  Then in one swift motion he scooped her into his arms.

             
“I’m taking ye right back to the castle to have Maggie take a look at ye.”

             
Willa could actually feel the color drain from her face.

             
“No!  No, I’m fine now.  I was only too warm, and I don’t think I ate much this morning… that’s all it was.”  Her panicked gaze flew to Faith, who gave her a sympathetic smile and nod, as if telling her to just get it over with.

             
She turned to look at Drust, but by the hard set of his mouth, she knew he wasn’t going to let her out of this.  Maggie would know her secret right away.  The old midwife had already been eyeing her suspiciously.  And there was no point trying to keep the truth from Drust any longer, anyway.  She already felt terribly foolish for keeping it as long as she had.  All because she feared her husband’s reaction to the news that he would be a father.  What a thing to be afraid of!  It wasn’t as if it was her fault.  She turned her head and rested her cheek against his warm and solid chest.  She could only hope his reaction wasn’t going to be as bad as she thought it would be. 
Oh, but it is… don’t fool yourself.

              Faith went in ahead of them to find Maggie, while Drust carried Willa up to their bed.  She had protested all the way that she could walk on her own, but he refused to put her down.  No sooner than he had her settled, Maggie bustled into the room, followed closely by Faith and then Bren as well.  Drust was encouraged that the color seemed to have returned to Willa’s face, but he would not be happy until Maggie declared her hale and hearty.

             
Maggie went directly to the bed, her face tight with concern.  “Och lass!  Are ye unwell?” 

             
Not even giving her time to answer that she was fine, Maggie began loosening the ties to her gown before turning to the two men at the foot of the bed.

             
“Out!  Both of ye!  I’ll let ye ken when I’ve finished.”

             
Drust started to protest But Maggie glared at him and pointed a finger towards the door.  He reluctantly turned and went to wait in the solar across the hall with Bren.  His brother was eyeing him strangely, and a shiver of foreboding slid down Drust’s spine. 

             
“What, Bren?  Do ye ken something?”

             
Bren pasted a look of innocence on his face.  “No.”

             
“Then why are ye looking at me like that?”

             
“Like what?”

             
“Like you ken something yer no’ telling me!”

             
“I ken a lot of things that I doona tell ye”, Bren said, thinking he had neatly evaded the question.

             
Drust really wanted to punch his brother in the face.

              Faith put a hand on Maggie’s arm.  “It’s all right.  We know what’s wrong.  She’s with child.”  She looked at Willa reassuringly.  “I fainted twice in my first month, it’s just all the changes happening in your body.”

             
Maggie could not hide the look of joy on her face.  “Och!  I had a feeling! Another babe!  What a blessing.”  She took in the uneasy looks passing between Faith and Willa.  “Drust doesna ken?”

             
Faith shook her head, then turned to Willa.  “I’ll tell him.  Bren is out there with him, and he knows already.”  She winced.  “Sorry, I was too excited not to tell him.  He can help with damage control, if it comes to that.”

             
Willa nodded weakly.  “Thank you.”

             
Drust was just about to slam his fist into his brother’s too-smug smile when Faith came into the room, closing the door behind her.  Drust quickly searched her face.  Panic was rising in his chest even as he tried hard to stay calm. 
She’s fine.  Just fainted
. 
Women faint, don’t they?

             
“Well?  Is she all right?”

             
Faith bit her lip and looked away, causing Drust’s heart to plummet.  Bren nodded to her encouragingly.

             
“Tell me!  What is it?”  He wanted to shake her, but he knew Bren would probably kill him for that.

             
Faith took a step back towards the door.  “Um, Drust… Willa is… with child.”

             
Shock and dread froze his features as he stared at her for a long moment.

             
“What?  No!  She canna be with child!”

             
“Well, she is…”

             
“Whose child?”

             
“Well… I assumed yours.  You did ummm… consummate your relationship?”

             
“Aye. Aye, but this… this wasna supposed to happen! 
Bloody, bloody hell!
”  He pushed his hands through his hair and paced across the room.  “It’s no’ what I wanted.  It could kill her.  Do ye ken it could kill her?  What if I’ve killed her?”  He paused long enough to drive his fist into the wall.  “And I doona want to be a father!  I’m no’ meant to be a father!  That’s Bren’s bloody job, no’ mine!”