To the Moon and Back (24 page)

Honestly, you tried your best and sometimes everything worked out perfectly.

Other times, it all went horribly wrong.

Ellie blamed the alcohol. Or more to the point, the lack of it. When she'd invited Roo over for dinner, the plan had been to soften her up and make her realize that the time had come to give in. And a couple of bottles of Barolo might well have done the trick. Then, when the doorbell rang and Todd appeared, the metaphorical violins could start to play and in years to come they would fondly remember the night when Ellie had managed to persuade them they really should be together.

Plus, she would be a bridesmaid.

Whereas the reality, minus alcohol, meant that Roo was stone-cold sober and Todd at his wits' end.

‘I'll go.' Roo put down her glass of water.

‘No.' From the doorway, Todd shook his head. ‘I will.'

‘Can't you both stay?' Was this how it felt to be a relationship counselor? Filled with frustration, Ellie said, ‘Couldn't we just have a nice evening together?'

Todd looked at Roo. ‘I've sent you letters and texts and emails and you've ignored them all. Now that I'm here, can we at least talk?'

‘About us, you mean? I'd rather not.' Roo was breathing rapidly. ‘No point.'

The air was thick with sexual tension, like extra-crackly cellophane. Ellie said, ‘OK, how about both of you staying and
not
talking about any of that stuff?' She turned to Todd. ‘You're one of my oldest friends. And you'—she swung back to Roo—‘you're my newest. I don't want to be stuck in the middle. So how about we give it a try?'

Silence.

Followed by more silence. Apart from that almost-audible zing of sexual tension.

‘Please,' Ellie tried again. ‘Because why should I be the one to suffer? Haven't I been through enough?'

Oh yes, she could be shameless when she wanted. Jamie wouldn't mind.

‘I can't believe you just said that,' said Roo.

Todd shook his head at Ellie. ‘Talk about low.'

‘Fine. Are you staying or not?'

‘I'll stay.'

But the next couple of hours weren't easy. The tension didn't let up for a second. On the surface Roo and Todd were eating and talking, but their feelings for each other remained the elephant in the room.

Finally Todd cracked and said, ‘This is crazy.' He put down his beer and said abruptly, ‘Roo, can I talk to you in the kitchen?'

‘No.'

His eyes blazed with emotion. ‘Just for one minute.'

‘Not even for one second,' said Roo.

They glared at each other across the table. It was almost unbearable to watch. Ellie pushed back her chair and said, ‘I'm just off to the loo…'

‘Stay where you are!' Roo blurted out.

‘Hello? I need a wee. And no'—Ellie rose to her feet—‘you're not coming with me.'

She didn't need a wee, but she loitered in the bathroom for a couple of minutes. Honestly, was this a ridiculous situation or what?

Finally there was a knock on the door.

‘If you're being discreet, you can come out now,' said Todd.

Ellie emerged from the bathroom.

The living room was empty.

‘Where is she?'

‘Gone.'

‘Oh God, I'm sorry.' Ellie collapsed back down on her chair.

He rubbed his hand over his head. ‘She said thanks for the dinner, by the way.'

‘Right.'

Todd indicated the table, strewn with plates and the remains of the tiramisu. ‘Me too.'

‘No problem.' She'd have the rest of it for breakfast.

‘And for doing your best. Nice try.'

‘It would have been better if it had worked.'

‘This whole business is killing me.' Todd looked defeated.

‘I know. I'm sorry.'

‘I feel like Bridget bloody Jones.' He gave a huff of annoyance and flipped the top off another bottle of beer. ‘I'm like a
girl
, all churned up inside. I tell you, it's doing my head in.'

‘Same.' Ellie nodded.

‘Do I sound like a girl?'

‘A bit.'

Todd's lip curled. ‘If Jamie was here now, I'd never hear the last of it. Right, let's stop.' He mimed zipping his mouth shut. ‘No more about me. We'll talk about you. Still going OK with Joe?'

Ellie smiled and nodded; she had been through this earlier when Roo had asked the same question. Except Todd was less likely to want to know if the sex was good.

‘We're having fun. I feel normal again.'

‘That's fantastic. Brilliant.' Todd clearly meant it. ‘I can't wait to meet him.'

They'd get on well together. Ellie nodded. ‘We'll do it. I'll set something up.'

Todd left at eleven. There were two things she hadn't shared with him. The first was what she'd found out earlier today from Christine. Tony had confided in her about Martha, but Todd didn't know about any of that, and there was no reason to tell him.

Ellie, though, felt the need to do something about it. Even if she wasn't sure what.

She cleared the dinner table and loaded the dishwasher, then sat down on the sofa and switched on her laptop.

Sending an email to Tony was off the agenda. Telling him his lover's husband had died would be just so wrong. If Martha had wanted him to know, she would have contacted him herself.

And she hadn't. Of course she wouldn't. Her guilt would be as all-consuming as her grief.

Ellie typed Martha Daines into Google and up came the link to her website.

There was the home page. There was the gallery of paintings. There was the email address.

She wrote the email straight from the heart, without stopping once.

Dearest Martha,

I have just heard, via someone who works at Stanshawe House, about the death of your husband, Henry. I'm so very sorry, please accept my deepest condolences. My father-in-law Tony is a great admirer of your work. I haven't told him about Henry. I was married to his son Jamie, however, and do know how it feels to lose a husband, so I understand some of what you're going through and how you might be feeling now. If you ever feel you'd like to email or speak to me, please do so at any time.

Ellie gave her phone number and home address and the link to an online forum for widows that she had found helpful last year when the grief had been at its most overwhelming. She concluded with:

Love, Ellie Kendall. P.S. I mean it about contacting me. You don't have to if you don't want to, but it does help to talk.

Then she leaned back against the sofa cushions and made Jamie walk into the living room.

‘Well? Should I send it?'

Jamie stayed by the door, his hair glinting white-blond from the light behind him in the hallway. He was wearing a pale yellow shirt and the usual jeans.

‘Go for it.' He shrugged easily. ‘You obviously want to.'

If she tried hard enough, she could even conjure up the smell of him. ‘I know, but is it the right thing to do?'

‘Sweetheart, you want to help her. You've got something in common.' Jamie paused for a moment. ‘And not just the obvious. Do it.'

By
not just the obvious
, he meant the burden of guilt.

He knew. Of course he knew.

Ellie pressed Send and the email went hurtling off into cyberspace. She might hear back from Martha. Or she might not.

There was now a mischievous glint in Jamie's eyes.

‘I don't want to talk about the other thing,' said Ellie.

‘Sure?'

‘Quite sure, thanks.'

His grin was playful. ‘OK. But I know anyway.'

‘Well, you would.'

‘Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Bye!'

Jamie left with just a hint of a jaunty swagger. Ellie closed her eyes. This was the second secret she hadn't shared with Todd this evening. And Roo didn't know either. It wasn't the kind of information she would dream of passing on to anyone. Not whilst she was in a relationship, at least.

How would any self-respecting man feel if he were to find out that while he was making love to his new girlfriend, she was busy pretending he was someone else?

‘Your boyfriend's waiting outside.'

Was there a particular reason for Zack looking ever so slightly pissed off about it? Ellie checked her watch: three minutes to five.

‘He asked me what time I'd be finishing work. It's OK if he meets me here, isn't it?' She heard herself sounding defensive; Zack hadn't been in the sunniest of moods recently. ‘Is there anything else you need me to do, or can I go?'

He shot her a look of impatience mixed with a hint of an eye roll. In retaliation Ellie shut down her computer and pushed back her chair.

‘Right, well, I'll be off then. See you tomorrow. Have a nice night!' She flashed him an extra-bright smile to cover up for the fact that having to sidle past him in order to reach the door was having its habitual heart-galloping effect.

Evidently bored now, Zack turned his attention to the calendar on the wall as she left. ‘You too.'

Outside, Joe held out his arms and gave Ellie a huge hug.

‘I've been waiting for ages.'

‘I know. Zack said you were out here.'

‘I saw him at the upstairs window. Thought he might have invited me in.'

Overhead the sky was leaden and it was spitting with rain. Slightly embarrassed that Zack hadn't asked him inside, Ellie said, ‘Sorry, he's been a bit funny lately.'

‘Speaking of funny. There's something I have to tell you.'

‘Oh God, is it my hair?' She knew she shouldn't have cut her bangs last night. Ellie's hands went up to tug at the ends. ‘Is it crooked?'

Joe shook his head. ‘It's not your hair. Listen, this is pretty major.'

Where was this going? Ellie couldn't imagine. ‘Major good or major bad?'

‘Major good.' He gazed at her in his beaky, intense way. ‘Well, I think so.'

It was raining properly now. They were standing on the pavement outside Zack's house, getting wet. Was Zack still there, in his picky mood, watching them and wondering what was going on?

‘Come on, let's get home.' Ellie began to walk up the road. ‘Tell me on the way.'

‘OK.' Joe loped alongside her, his arm around her shoulders, his baggy khaki jacket flapping at his side. ‘Here goes. I've just had a call from Stephen in LA.'

Stephen was the agent they'd signed with at the agency in LA. ‘And?'

‘Mac Zeller's been in touch.'

‘Right,' said Ellie. Mac Zeller was the producer-director who had bought his and Kaye's film script.

‘He wants us to work exclusively with him on a new screenplay…'

‘Wow, fantastic!'

‘…And he's also produced a sitcom that's breaking all records in its first series in the States.
The Afternooners
. It's set to be bigger and better than
Friends
.' The words were tumbling out now. ‘And Mac wants us to join the writing team. Me and Kaye! It's just unbelievable. I could hardly breathe when Stephen told me… to think he has that much faith in us…' Joe stopped walking and gripped her hands, his silver-rimmed glasses speckled with rain.

‘That's great.' Ellie reached up and wiped them clean, so he could see. ‘It'll mean going back out there for a bit.'

‘More than that.' Joe's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. ‘It means going out there for a while. Six months, minimum. A couple of years, preferably. It's just not something we can do from over here. We have to move to LA.' His hands were trembling. ‘Ellie, he's made us an offer we can't refuse. It's the chance of a lifetime. There's no way we can turn it down.'

He was searching her face for a reaction. Ellie hugged him. ‘Of course you can't! Move to LA and work with Mac Zeller? It's amazing. And you deserve it.'

Joe pulled back, his own expression unreadable. ‘Seriously?'

‘God, yes!' Why wouldn't she mean it?

‘OK, here's the thing. I was kind of hoping you might be a bit more upset, so that I could say, “And I want you to come with me.”'

‘Oh.'

His crooked smile flickered like a lightbulb struggling not to go out. ‘Well? How would you feel about that?'

Fifty yards away, in his first-floor living room, Zack watched from the window as Ellie and Joe stood and faced each other, oblivious to the increasing rain. He'd have a better view if he flung the window wide open and leaned out, or if he happened to have a handy periscope, like the ones he'd bought his nephews last Christmas so they could spy round corners.

But that wasn't really on. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but Ellie had just hugged Joe and he was now stroking her cheek. She was smiling up at him. Zack turned away, slightly despising himself. As he did so, his phone rang in his pocket.

Taking it out, he saw the caller's name. Meg.

***

Back at Nevis Street, Ellie took off her wet jacket and put the kettle on, prevaricating while she worked out what to say.

But Joe wasn't stupid. He already knew.

‘So you're not tempted?'

She turned to look at him. ‘I can't, sorry, no.'

‘That's a real shame. I have to go,' said Joe. ‘You do understand that, don't you?'

Ellie nodded. ‘I do.'

‘I'll really miss you.'

‘I'll miss you too.'

‘But not as much.' The lopsided smile was back. ‘Otherwise you'd come along.'

OK, here goes
. ‘Joe, the last few weeks have been brilliant. We've had a fantastic time.'

He spoke with rueful resignation. ‘That means you really aren't going to change your mind.'

‘You wouldn't want me to. Listen, can we be honest with each other? Marks out of ten for how you feel about me.' Ellie held up her hands. ‘And don't say ten. You have to be
completely
honest.'

Joe raked his fingers through his damp hair. ‘Nine. OK, not nine. Eight and a half. But that's good, that's really good.'

‘Thank you. Now it's my turn.' Ellie had been going to say eight. To be kind she said, ‘You're an eight and a half too.'

‘They sound like pretty high marks to me.'

‘They are. But not high enough. If you're planning to live with someone, it has to be tens all the way.'

His eyebrows went up. ‘You told me not to say ten.'

‘Because it wouldn't have been true.' Ellie reached for his hands. ‘But you've given me my confidence back, and that's the best present in the world. Thanks to you, I know I can feel normal again, do all the stuff that normal people do, have sex and enjoy it.'

Joe said gravely, ‘It's a special talent of mine. I've always been excellent at sex.'

Everything was going to be OK. She felt herself relax. ‘You're great in bed. And out of it.'

‘In an eight and a half out of ten kind of way.'

Ellie broke into a grin. ‘When you meet your perfect ten out of ten woman, I want you to phone me up and say, “Now I get it, now I understand. Ellie, I'm sorry. You were right and I was wrong.”'

‘Come here, you.' Joe pulled her into a hug. ‘It's OK, I already know you're right. I'm just going to miss you, that's all. We've had a good time, haven't we?'

‘The best.' She planted a fond kiss on his mouth. ‘Thank you. For everything.'

His face softened. ‘Trust me, it's been a pleasure.'

‘For me too.' It had stopped raining. Ellie said, ‘Come on, we have to go out and celebrate. My treat. You're going to Hollywood!'

‘You're feeling normal again.'

‘We've had a fantastic fling,' she agreed happily.

‘And some fantastic sex,' Joe modestly reminded her.

Ellie smiled and kissed him again. It had been good. Inside her own head, though, it hadn't always been Joe she'd been having the fantastic sex with.

But she wouldn't tell him that. There was no need for him to ever know.