To Whatever End (Echoes of Imara Book 1) (23 page)

“I got it before it reached the palace,” Callum said. “The messenger had instructions to deliver it to the king, and only the king. I had to be extremely persuasive to get even that much out of him.”

Cecily looked around. She didn’t want to meet Callum’s eyes. She could feel his gentle prodding, a slight uplift in her emotions, but it did nothing to stave off the empty chasm that opened inside her. She felt as if someone had pushed her off a cliff and she was free-falling into darkness.

“This is madness,” she whispered as she looked up to meet Callum’s eyes. Mira remained silent at her side.

He shook his head. “I don’t know. This is why I rarely trust anyone. People are capable of anything.”

“He knew?” she said, not asking anyone in particular.

“No,” Mira said. “That isn’t the Rogan I know.”

“We all knew him,” said Callum. “Or we thought we did.” He shrugged.

Cecily reached for the note again, hesitating as if it might burn her fingers. She spread it out on the table and read it over again. “You make it a habit of intercepting Rogan’s missives?”

“Not usually. I had reason to believe Rogan might be involved. I’ve been looking into it for weeks now.” He paused and looked down. “I know I’ve been keeping this from you. But it’s Rogan. I couldn’t tell you I suspected him until I knew for sure.”

Something began to fill the dark void inside her. For the first time in weeks, her mind began to clear as the haze of fear and despair lifted. She sat up straight as anger, hot and bright, filled her. She had spent so much time waiting, hoping, despairing. She’d put her faith in a lie and her heart raged at the time she had lost.

“You said you intercepted this before it reached Rogan?”

Callum nodded. “That’s right.”

“Which means he hasn’t seen it yet?”

“True,” he said and tilted his head. “Why do you ask?”

“I think it’s time someone delivered it,” she answered as she folded the note and tucked it away.

23. CONFRONTATION

Cecily stood outside the doors to Rogan’s study, arms crossed and chin held high. Mira hovered next to her. They’d been silent the entire ride to the palace, despite Mira’s attempts to speak to her. For the first time since Daro disappeared, her mind felt clear. The haze of desperation lifted, burned away by white-hot anger and clarity of purpose.

The door opened and the guard nodded her in. Mira stepped with her but Cecily held up her hand. “Stay out here. I need to see him alone.” Mira opened her mouth to protest, but Cecily walked into the study and shut the door behind her before Mira could follow.

The king stood behind his desk, conferring with Alastair over some paperwork. They both looked up at her abrupt entrance and Alastair dropped something to the floor.

She crossed the distance to the pair and looked at Alastair. His eyes were wide and he fumbled, apparently trying to decide if he should pick up the papers he’d dropped. She stopped in front of him and raised her chin. “I need to see Rogan. Alone.”

His mouth opened and he looked back and forth between Cecily and the king. “Excuse me?”

Rogan’s shoulders were set and his brow furrowed. “It’s okay, Alastair. Allow me to speak with Cecily for a moment. Please.” He gestured to the door.

Alastair looked to Cecily again, confusion plain on his face. She was past caring. He walked away and she waited for the click of the door as it closed behind him.

She stood across the desk from Rogan and pulled out the note Callum had given her. She tossed it on the desk, recrossed her arms, and stared at Rogan.

He picked up the note and his brow furrowed as he read the contents. “Where did you get this?” he asked as he folded the note and tucked it into his doublet.

“I hardly think that matters. Who is Nihil?”

Rogan looked down for a moment before answering. “Nihil is... a mess I am trying to clean up.”

Cecily narrowed her eyes. “Do you admit you’ve been working with him?”

Rogan’s face was unreadable. “In a manner of speaking, yes. But it is a relationship that has not been without difficulties.”

“Does Nihil have Daro?” She paused and held his gaze. “Do not lie to me.”

Rogan’s face remained composed. He pulled out the chair from behind his desk and sat down. Cecily remained standing, her eyes fixed on her king.

After a long pause, he looked up at her and spoke. “Yes.”

Cecily’s neck stiffened and her voice was low. “How long have you known?”

“It’s complicated.”

Her hands trembled and her heart raced. She struggled to keep her voice even. “Complicated? How can this be complicated? I came to you looking like I’d lost a tavern brawl after they tried to kill me. You said you’d help. But you knew? Damn you, Rogan.”

He held a hand up. “I only suspected Nihil at that point. I didn’t know anything for certain.”

“You should have told me. You could have at least given me his name, given me something to go on. We’ve been working for months, trying to find out who did this.”

“I wanted to get to Nihil myself. My hope was that he would release Daro to me and we could resolve this quietly.”

Cecily’s anger burned hot, but as much as she wanted to hurl obscenities at Rogan, she needed to find out what he knew. “Who is he? Why did he take Daro?”

Rogan pitched his fingers together under his chin. “Nihil is something I inherited from my predecessor. He was working for Hadran, and when the dust settled after the war, he came to me and explained his work. He was researching Wielding Energy and claimed to have found a way to increase a Wielder’s power. He convinced me of the importance of what he was doing, and my position was still so tenuous. I let him continue.”

“Why would he have been working with Hadran? Isn’t that something the Lyceum would oversee?”

“Quite honestly, I don’t know. My greatest mistake in all this is failing to find out enough about Nihil’s background. One of my contacts at the Lyceum recently told me he may have been denied entrance. And if what I suspect about his work is true, the Lyceum would never have allowed it.”

“I still don’t understand why he would want Daro. He isn’t a Wielder.”

Rogan shook his head. “I don’t know the answer to that either.”

Cecily walked over to the window and looked out over the gardens below. The plants looked gray and tired, weighed down by the rain. “Please tell me you know where to find him.”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Rogan said. “I haven’t been successful at finding his location. The men I sent haven’t returned.”

Cecily felt hollow. “How could you let this happen?”

Rogan rose from his seat and stood behind her. “I didn’t realize what Nihil was doing until it was too late. I thought…” He paused. “I don’t know what I thought. I have been so wrapped up in other things, I let Nihil go about his business and didn’t ask very many questions.”

Cecily turned to look at him. “Busy? That’s your reason? You were too busy?”

“I am the king. Every day I make decisions that affect the life of every person in this kingdom. I still have nobles plotting behind my back and the Lyceum trying to grab power out from under me, not to mention threats from outside the kingdom. You have no idea the pressures I am under.” He pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Damn it, Cecily, I’ve needed you and Daro here. You never should have left Halthas in the first place.”

Her mouth dropped open. “So this is my fault because I left Halthas?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I just…” He trailed off and turned back toward the window. “You have no idea what’s coming. It’s been generations since we had to fight anyone but ourselves. The nobles all think we’re impenetrable, but they’re wrong. This palace, the Lyceum, all the trade that flows in and out of our city, it all makes us a target. It’s only a matter of time before someone shows up on our doorstep with an army we didn’t see coming, and we won’t be prepared. I can’t let that happen.”

She narrowed her eyes, as her anger rose again. “That’s why you let Nihil continue working, isn’t it? You weren’t too busy to handle it. Whatever it is he’s doing, you want what he’s promised you. And if you take Daro back, he might not give you what you want.”

“It isn’t that simple.”

“No, nothing is simple with kings, is it?” she said. “I knew Hadran, and what he was capable of. I would have expected something like this from him. But you? I thought you were different.”

Rogan’s eyes widened and his hand drifted absently to his chest. “I’m not Hadran,” he said, his voice cold. “You don’t understand what it is to be the king.”

“I suppose now you’re going to tell me it was all for the good of the kingdom.”

“And what if it was?” he said, his voice rising. “We both know what it is to do things that are in the best interest of the kingdom, even at a hazard to ourselves.”

She laughed, a short clipped sound with little humor in it. “You colluded with the men who took my husband and lied to me about it. And now you want me to believe you did it for the good of the kingdom? Very noble of you.”

“Ah yes, noble,” he said. “How noble we were, as we hid under the depths of the city and plotted treason. I don’t recall either of us worrying about nobility in those days.”

She whirled on him. “That treason made you king, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Yes, it did. And now we’re hailed as heroes.”

“There’s only one difference between a traitor and a hero.” She looked up and met his eyes. “Whether he ends up on the winning side.”

Rogan sighed. “Be that as it may, you know as well as I do, there is nothing simple about the lives we lead. I always have to work for the good of the kingdom. This was no different.”

“It’s completely different! Nihil has been abducting people for years. Let’s pretend for a moment that it wasn’t Daro—forget that he was your friend. These are still your subjects. People’s lives are being destroyed.”

He shook his head. “Yes, and I’m sure someone like you wouldn’t ever be a party to destroying lives.”

Her heart raced and her fingers tingled. She spoke through clenched teeth. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. You hide it so well, but I know who you were. I know how you helped Hadran. You want to talk of destroying lives? How many did you destroy for him?”

“I never would have betrayed someone I cared for.”

His eyes rose. “So there’s nothing wrong with what you did for Hadran because they weren’t people you cared about?”

Her voice rose to a shout. “I never once said there was nothing wrong with what I did. I have to live with it every single day of my life. That, and more. You want to talk of pressure? You have no idea how much blood I have on my hands.”

“Then stop lecturing me about what’s right,” he snapped.

Her anger began to boil over. She clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palms. “You want to talk about the past? Fine, let’s talk about the past. How many times did Daro save your life? How many times, when we thought we were done for, did he bring us back from the brink? I don’t care what has happened since then. I don’t care about the threats you see or the pressures you’re under. There is nothing that makes this right.”

Rogan reached a hand out to her. “Cecily, please.”

“No,” she said, and the word sliced the air between them. “This is your fault. You let this happen. You always wanted us to come back. How do I know you didn’t plan this from the beginning? How do I know Nihil isn’t getting ready to deliver Daro right back into your hands?”

“You can’t believe that.”

“I don’t know what to believe.” Her voice rose again. “I trusted you. I trusted you with his life. His life, Rogan. You were supposed help me, with all your resources. Do you have any idea what I would do for him? What I have done for him?” Her hands trembled. She walked toward him and stopped just inches from his face. “I have done the worst of things to keep him safe. And I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.”

Rogan’s eyes widened, and he leaned back. He opened his mouth, but no words came.

“I want you to understand something,” she said, her voice low. “There is only one reason you will live past this moment. If I kill you now, your guards outside will probably kill me. And if I die today, no one will save Daro.” She held his gaze and watched his eyes look her up and down.

He took a step backward. “Cecily, you’re angry. You shouldn’t say such things.”

“Why not?” she said, her voice hushed. “I killed a king before. I could do it again.” The words escaped her lips and hung between them, thick like fog.

“What are you saying? You didn’t kill Hadran.”

She drew in a breath. Her heart beat fast and her shoulders knotted with tension. She’d never spoken the words aloud, not even to Daro. “Yes, I did. I killed Hadran.”

Rogan shook his head. “No, you didn’t. It was Nolan. They killed each other. Nolan sacrificed himself for all of us.”

“I let you believe that. But I was there. I was supposed to keep Nolan hidden. You remember the plan. It failed. We failed. Hadran saw him coming and sucked the heat out of him. His body was blue and stiff before he hit the floor.” Visions of that terrible night floated through her mind. She had promised herself she would take the truth to her grave, but there was something freeing about saying the words aloud, even in anger. “So I killed him.”