Together We Heal (11 page)

When we got back to my room, Max and I did homework, but he seemed distracted. He wouldn’t stop tapping his pen on his textbook and it was driving me crazy.

“Sorry,” he said a million times before I got up and took the thing out of his hand.

“What’s up?” I said as I held the pen out of his reach. Sure, he could just stand up and take it from me, but he stayed seated. “Tell me and you’ll get the pen back.”

He rubbed his face and he looked really tired. It might still be from the date, but something told me it wasn’t.

“My mom said she and Dad would buy me a brand-new car if I came home.” Damn. That was intense. I handed the pen back to him and pulled my chair over so we could sit close to each other.

“I don’t even want to consider it, but…” he trailed off and shrugged. “That would mean I had transportation. I could stop working a bunch of jobs just to get by. I could work for my dad and I’d have a way to get around. It’s a tempting idea.” My heart dropped. For a fraction of a second, I thought about what my life would be like without him.

No. I couldn’t. It just wasn’t possible. I didn’t want my life to not have him in it.

He gave me a tight smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to do it. But they’re playing hardball. Makes me wonder how far they’re going to go.” I took a shaking breath and tried to calm myself down.

“It’s not just school I don’t want to leave, it’s you and my new friends and freedom and everything. If I went home, I’m sure my mom would want me to dye my hair a normal color and wear different clothes and act properly and be someone who isn’t me. Now that I’m away from my parents, I realize how much they stifled me. Controlled me. I can’t… I can’t go back to that.” His voice was thick and I thought he might cry, but he cleared his throat and smiled again, this time sadly.

“It’s just hard to realize that even though you love your parents, they don’t accept who you are, and being around them means you can’t be yourself.” I was having a really hard time understanding his emotions. It didn’t mean I couldn’t sympathize with the fact that he was hurting, but I had never, ever loved my parents. When I thought about them I felt nothing. Not anger, not hatred. Nothing. I didn’t even know if they were still alive. It really didn’t matter anyway.

“I’m sorry, Max. If it helps, I like you just the way you are. I wouldn’t change you for anything.” He chuckled and pulled me toward him for a kiss.

“I wouldn’t change you, either.” I went back for another kiss. He’d touched my stomach on our date and it had been a test for me. To see if the bad thoughts and dark things would turn the sweet moment into something awful.

But when he touched me, all I could feel were his fingers, slightly calloused, and all I could see were his unbelievably blue eyes looking at me as if I was the only thing in the entire world that he had ever wanted.

We were still in separate chairs, so I got up and straddled his lap. I would have been lying if I said I didn’t feel him get hard in his jeans. I froze and waited for the horror to kick in, but it didn’t come. Instead a rush of warmth and desire washed down my body, pooling in several key places.

He reached up and seized my face and the kiss went from sweet to deep and a little vicious in seconds. Add to that the downstairs action and I was instantly a ball of want.

I gasped a little as he moved his hips ever so slightly against me. Oh holy shit. I was almost ready to blow just from that one movement. He paused, as if waiting for me to stop him, and then he did it again. Unable to help myself, I curled toward him, enjoying the things friction was doing to that specific area.

He nipped at my lower lip and I did it back to him. Our kisses were very egalitarian. Give and take. He was such a gentleman.

Before I knew what was happening, we were kissing hard and thrusting hard and I was fucking ready to come.

“More,” Max breathed harshly against my lips. “More.”

I moved faster, harder against him. The chair legs made noises as they banged against the floor, but I didn’t give a shit if anyone heard us. We were both making plenty of noise, and I didn’t want to stop. Couldn’t stop.

Need had wrapped around us and wouldn’t let go until we were both satisfied.

“I’m going to come,” he said and his voice was so raspy and harsh that it set me off. The climax shot through me, attacking my whole body and I was helpless as bursts of stars and fire and light shot through me. It was so intense, I didn’t think I could survive. It was going to kill me.

I finally started to come down, but then Max was groaning and thrusting against me so hard I nearly fell off his lap. He yelled out a string of curses followed by my name and then his head dropped onto my shoulder.

We both gasped, trying to refill our lungs. I shivered a few times as little bits of pleasure went off again.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit,” Max said, and then he chuckled a little bit. I looked down at him and he had the widest smile on his face.

“You are the sexiest fucking thing,” he said, gazing at me in awe. I didn’t know what to say. Now that the euphoria was wearing off, I realized what we’d just done. I waited again to be seized with terror or regret.

All I could see was his face as he smiled at me and then pulled my face down to give me a sweet and innocent kiss.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered. I wrapped my arms around him again.

“No, you are.”

I HAD NEVER
come that hard. Never fucking ever. Trish blew everything I’d ever done out of the water. It made me think of that scene in
The Wizard of Oz
when Dorothy steps out of the house and into Technicolor. That was what being with Trish was like.

Seriously, though. Holy shit.

I couldn’t move for at least ten minutes and she seemed content to hang out in my lap. But my jeans were wet and starting to get uncomfortable, so I eventually told her that I had to clean up.

“Oh, okay,” she said, swinging her leg over and standing. She hadn’t said much, but she didn’t seem upset, so that was a good sign. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of satisfaction because she wobbled a little. I wasn’t so steady myself. I got up and had to sort of hold onto the chair. It was also a miracle that my spine was still intact and I hadn’t injured myself in any other way.

Going to my bag, I pulled out a spare pair of jeans and boxers and balled them up.

“I’ll, um, be right back.” She nodded, her eyes a little glazed over.

WHEN I CAME
back, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed, chewing her lip.

I wasn’t sure what to do besides shoving my messy clothes back in the bottom of my bag and hoping I’d remember to do laundry ASAP.

Did we talk about it? Did we not talk about it? What was the protocol here?

“So, that happened,” she said and it was the second time I’d seen her blush.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I resumed my place on the chair, even though I wanted to sit next to her. I was worried about invading her space.

“I’m not really sure what I feel right now,” she said.

“Yeah, me neither. Except that I’m one hundred percent sure I’ve never come that hard in my life. I thought the top of my head was going to come off.” We both sort of laughed nervously.

“I… I haven’t come in a long time,” she said, so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.

What? I mean, I knew we hadn’t done anything below the waist together, but I guess I assumed she was just satisfying herself on her own. I knew I was. I couldn’t be around her and not be turned on all the fucking time.

“Yeah?” I said. I definitely wasn’t uncomfortable talking about this. If we were ever going to trust each other and be together physically, we were definitely going to have to talk about it ahead of time.

“Yeah,” she said, twisting her fingers together. As open and blunt as Trish was, there were a few touchy subjects for her and this was clearly one of them.

“Do you… I mean, are you upset that it happened?” Fuck, I didn’t know what I’d do if she was. Get on my knees and apologize and do whatever I could to make it up to her. It almost scared me what I would do to keep her. Anything. Absolutely anything. It might not be healthy, but I didn’t care.

Her eyes flicked up to meet mine in alarm.

“No, no! I’m just surprised. I didn’t think I could… do that anymore. I thought that part of me was busted.” She laughed a little hysterically.

“Clearly not,” I said.

“Yeah, guess not. I’m relieved, actually. And it was good for me too. More than good. Mind-blowing.” I finally got a real smile and it made the tightness in my chest loosen. Thank God.

“So, are you saying that you think we might get to do it again?” I asked.

Her smile turned flirty and sexy.

“I think that could be arranged.”

Glory fucking halleluiah.

MY BRAIN WAS
still a little melty from the orgasm. I’d told Max that I hadn’t come in a long time, and that was the damn truth. A really long time. I honestly couldn’t remember when. And I was pretty sure it wasn’t like that.

It wasn’t bad and I didn’t regret it. Not even a little. But I was so confused right now. I’d avoided physical contact of that sort with anyone because I’d thought my past would come up and then I’d have to explain and it was a lot easier to just avoid the whole thing.

Max was different. Everything about being with him was different.

The crazy part was that neither of us had even gotten naked. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet.

“This has been pretty much the most amazing two days in the history of days,” Max said as we snuggled in bed later. He’d kept his distance until I’d motioned for him to get in bed with me.

“Yeah, they pretty much were,” I said as he stroked my hair. I loved it when he played with the wisps at the base of my neck. They always grew out first, showing my natural ashy-blonde color. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually had hair my real color. I’d started dyeing it when I was pretty young. A therapist would probably say it was me outwardly expressing my inward pain or something.

“Every day with you has been amazing,” he whispered and kissed the very top of my spine. When we first started sharing the bed, I’d pretty much worn a similar outfit to a nun. I covered up as much as possible.

Gradually, I’d gotten more and more comfortable with showing skin around him. Tonight I just had a tank top and thin shorts on. We both pretended that I didn’t notice when he popped a boner, but it jolted me a little every morning. Sometimes I thought about what he would do if I went ahead and touched him.

Heated thoughts ran through my head and it took me a long time to calm down and finally get my mind to stop and let me sleep.

AS USUAL, I
woke up before him the next morning. He was on his back, splayed out as much as he could be on the narrow twin bed. I lifted up the blanket and yup, there was definitely something happening down there.

He seemed totally asleep, so I slowly brushed my palm down his chest. He slept in a t-shirt and his boxers. I knew he’d probably be more comfortable without a shirt, but he kept one on for me. A small cotton barrier between us.

Max was so good to me. So wonderful and I didn’t deserve it. But maybe I could repay him and make it worth his while, if only a little.

Reaching the end of the shirt and the beginning of the waistband of his boxers, I had a moment of hesitation. A moment of “what the hell am I doing?” before I screwed up my courage and stroked him. He definitely felt it and made a little sound in his sleep. I stopped. It was so much easier doing this without him being awake and looking at me and talking to me. This was safe.

I stroked him again, eliciting another moan. That sound made me feel sexy. Powerful. It also turned me on just a little bit.

Before I knew it, I was reaching my hand under his waistband and going skin-to-skin.

Oh, wow. Was
this
what I’d been missing?

He felt so good. I was getting totally hot and bothered and I wondered if I could do this and use my other hand on myself at the same time.

I was about to try it when his eyes snapped open. I yanked my hand back so hard the elastic on his boxers smacked against his skin.

“Sorry!” I said. I’d been caught.

His chest rose and fell rapidly and he stared up at me as if he’d never seen me before.

“It’s okay. You… you can keep going if you want.” He wiggled his hips a little, as if he was uncomfortable. He probably was. I really sucked at this. I was the world’s worst girlfriend.

“Will you close your eyes?” I asked. Having him watch me would just be too much.

“I can do that,” he said and his eyelids fell again. Okay, I could do this. I could do this. It was just a simple hand job, and he was probably close anyway. Or at least I hoped so. Despite having a brother, I didn’t have a whole lot of good penis knowledge.

Working my hand under his boxers again, I wrapped my fingers around his shaft. He made a strangled sound and bit his bottom lip.

“You can make noise if you want,” I said and he nodded, his eyes squeezed shut.

I took my time with him. Letting myself enjoy the moment and feel all of him. Hear his harsh breaths. Feel the way his muscles clenched. He really was beautiful, and he was all mine.

Moving my hand slowly, I went up and down his shaft, all the way to the tip and then back down to his balls. I knew he’d probably enjoy it if I added my other hand, but I wasn’t quite ready for that. His hips pumped into my hand and I could tell he was almost there.

“Jesus fuck!” he said and then he came, hissing my name. I’d never seen the eroticism in that, but I definitely felt it now. The way he said my name at the peak, as if he was worshipping me.

It was an intense moment, so I removed my hand. It had a little bit of cum on it, but that was okay. He was definitely going to need a fresh pair of boxers.

“Can I open my eyes now?” he said, his voice going back to normal.

“Uh huh,” I said, grabbing a tissue to clean off my hand.

“That was quite a wakeup call,” he said, his lips forming a lazy and sated smile.

“Yeah, well. It was there, so I figured I might as well do something about it.” I didn’t want him to make a big deal out of it, because then I’d start thinking and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.

Getting out of bed, I tossed the tissue and tried to screw my head on straight. I heard him get up too and then he was standing behind me, his front just barely touching my back.

He snaked his arms around my waist and put his chin on my shoulder.

“Thank you for that. I hope you didn’t do it because you felt obligated after last night.” I had sex on the brain and it kept getting worse. The high I felt from touching him was wearing off and I was starting to ache for more.

“I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to see what it was like. And I like the sounds you make,” I admitted, glad he couldn’t see me blush. He chuckled a little.

“Well, whatever the reason, I’m very appreciative. You’ve definitely guaranteed me an awesome day. Would you like me to return the favor?” I shook my head so fast that he laughed again.

“Okay, okay. We’ll get there eventually. Because I want to touch you. I want to taste you. I want to make you feel what I feel. Every. Single. Day.” I shivered, but it wasn’t due to a sudden chill. Fuck, he was saying all the right things and my body was screaming out for it too. I stepped away from him and started rummaging through my drawers for some clothes.

“We should, um, go to breakfast?” It sounded like a question.

“Sure, hun,” he said, kissing the top of my head. I didn’t want him to think I was rejecting him.

“I want that too, you know. The problem isn’t that I don’t want things,” I said.

“I know,” he said, giving me a reassuring smile.

JUST WHEN I
thought things couldn’t get any better, she’d surprised me. I fucking loved it. Loved her. More every day. I wasn’t sure I could love her more and then it would happen.

Trish consumed my thoughts when I wasn’t with her. I was wishing I was with her and remembering her smile and her laugh and the things she’d say.

She was driving me fucking crazy and I loved every damn second.

BECAUSE I’D TAKEN
off work so I could spend the weekend with her, I had to work mega hours the following week, which sucked ass. I would text her and she’d text me back, or she’d come visit sometimes, but it wasn’t enough.

“Why can’t we just be independently wealthy?” I said on Wednesday night as I collapsed next to her in my bed after an extremely long day. I’d come back super late from working at the gym and she was already in bed waiting for me. I’d given her my key so she could let herself in earlier.

“I don’t know,” she said around a yawn. She was definitely too tired to do anything tonight and I tried not to feel disappointed. She’d woken me up every morning this week with a sweet hand job. I’d never really seen the appeal, but then again, I’d never gotten one from Trish. She’d progressed to letting me keep my eyes open and watching her face as she got down to business made me shoot in about three seconds flat.

She looked so serious, like she was really concentrating on the task. Fucking hot was what that was.