Tollesbury Time Forever (30 page)

“Oh, ok.”

I thought of all the times my wife and my son had just been so close yet I had been nowhere near them.

“Does Robbie know I’m going to be here?” I asked. I had to ask.

“Yes. I told him.”

“What did he say?”

“He just nodded.”

“Oh right.”

“He understands so much, Simon. He is so beautiful. He is twenty-six now, you know.”

All I could do was look at her, for she was beautiful too. I felt a tear come to my eye. I had a beautiful son. And I was about to meet him.

“Do you think he will be okay with me?” I asked.

“He is okay with everyone,” she replied. “Let’s go in.” Julia held my hand and led me inside.

To have a woman you love hold your hand is as wondrous a thing as a lonely man could want. Just that touch will amplify the beating of the heart, will set free the sparks and will ignite the very firmament. It’s all in the recognition, the acceptance that the beauty of life is no more complicated than one hand held by another, fingers entwined like lovers and wrists a-pulsing. Anything is truly possible.

It was the darkness that hit me as ever it did. That’s what comes from staring too much into the sun, I guess. I could see some tables around the edge of the hall about which stood and sat various people. I could make out only their forms, however,
so slowly did my ageing eyes adjust to the gloom. Some were in wheelchairs and others tottered a little. There was a life force that abounded.

If there was anybody in this hall that was truly disabled, it was I - if there was anybody here that was handicapped it was none other than me. For souls are perfect and all that was before me were souls of the purest, sweetest kind.

Bang, bang, bang - do you larve me? Dar de dar - do you larve me?

And there rolling out from a corner with a bowl and a stroll was a young man who began to fill the room with his dancing and his love. I could see he wore glasses and that his jeans came down almost to the floor. And he wore a denim jacket too. And indeed, everybody did love him. His body reeled as if upon the sea, he threw his head back and at times sank to his knees. He was absolutely fantastic and I couldn’t help but grin.

Do you larve me, now that I can darnce??

Oh God I do!

When Julia whispered to me that it was Robbie, they were whispered words wasted; for Robbie danced not alone, but with my big old heart. Bam, bam, beauty, beauty - my son was making me whole.

The darkness hid my wonder and the music played on.

Julia squeezed my hand tight. I was quivering like a bubble. My wife rested her head upon my upper arm and I began to cry.

And silence.

Then darkness.

Not a sound.

Not a breath.

The moon appears in the window and gazes upon my son as he kneels upon the floor, his head bowed.

And then a song began that rooted me where I stood. It had been our wedding song. I didn't know the words then and I can barely remember them now to write on my kitchen wall, but I will try…

Oohh

There must-be-lightning burning brighter

Somewhere

Great-a-big birds

flying higher

In-a-sky so blue

I stand near Robbie now and see him clench a fist. His eyes are closed and he sways a little. Then he goes down on his knees, facing the darkness head-on.

There must-be-peaceful understanding

Sometime

Some kind of promise

That-will

Blow-away

The dubious fear

Robbie is still on his knees but his back is straight now and he stares straight ahead. My whole body tingles as I watch him.

Just wanna dream

Of-a brighter sun

Where love keeps raining on everyone

He raises his right arm in the air, his fist tight - all rigid and hard.

Tell me
D
ad

Oh
D
ad

Oh why won’t that rain come down?

And suddenly he stands, his arms by his side - and he turns in one motion to face me, his father, the man that had abandoned him.

We’re lost in the mist

With too-much pain

We’re trapped in-a-dream

Again and again

But as long as I know

My dad is near

I can survive

And-I

Can

Fly

The air is his to command. There are drums and there are strings yet they are inconsequential against the throbbing of my son’s entire being. Everybody hears it. Everybody feels it.

Deep-in-my soul

There’s a wandering

Feeling

But-I-just know

That you will,

You will come back

Someday

Over the park

We'll play us some cricket

Yeah

He is back on his knees now, both arms raised high, palms open, head up, eyes looking into mine, bringing me down to where he is.

And while I can breathe, while I can walk

While I can smile, while I can talk

While I can think, please let my dad

Come back

Right now…

And there I am now, kneeling down before my son as he kneels before me. We lean into one another as the band plays
on and Elvis dreams and we all dream. The tears on both our faces are mine.

Robbie led me out into the blackness and we stood there beneath the white stars. We sat on the grass, looking off into the direction of the salt marshes, much like Zachariah Leonard and I had once done. I spoke to Robbie of FRUGALITY and of my hopes and my love for him - he spoke not a word in response. How much he could understand of what I said, I knew not. I just kept talking.

The music continued on inside, but Robbie and I preferred the cold of the evening. Time seemed to have stopped, or perhaps it no longer had any bearing or relevance. It was Tollesbury Time.

“Dad,” said Robbie at last. He spoke in a deep, hollow kind of voice as if there were no restrictions between the boom of his heart and the opening of his mouth.

“Yes,” I replied, turning to him.

“You are wonderful.”

As the moon did reach into the sky and the stars did sparkle a greeting, so Julia re-emerged into the brightening night.

“So, Simon,” said Julia, coming to sit down beside me. “Robbie says you and he have been talking?”

Robbie, seated cross legged on my other side put his hand in mine.

“Me and Dad are g
oing to frugal up the frugals, M
um. It’s going to be great!” reported Robbie, proudly.

I just had to smile.

“Now is that so, boys?”

Robbie and I both nodded.

“Well in that case, I believe it is my duty as a wife and mother to frugal up the frugals too.”

Julia held my other hand and put her head upon my shoulder. She smelled of roses and of heaven and of sweet soul music.

“I love you, Simon Anthony,” she whispered. I could feel her soft red lips resting gently upon my ear as she spoke.

And all was well in the Tollesbury night.

I have not seen Simon since that day I didn’t give him his injection. Every now and then Penny gets a letter from Julia, something vague and excitable, but never any mention of them all returning. We don’t even know where they are.

Of course there was an investigation at work, a review of his care and treatment as there always is in such circumstances. I gave my evidence and then resigned before I was sacked. I still have my nursing registration so I can return if I want to; I can’t imagine I ever will.

It took me three weeks to transcribe Simon Anthony’s words from the walls to my laptop. Julia had given Mo Simon’s spare key and Mo in turn had let me have it.

I slept in a sleeping bag on Simon’s floor and got lunch from the Bakery every day. Penny knew me well enough to know this was something I had to do. Sometimes I would go to the King’s Head or the marshes, to see what Simon would see, to feel what he would have felt.

And one night, as the bells of St Mary’s church tolled, I rolled out of my sleeping bag, left the little house in East Street and went to the village square. I walked over to the village lock-up, pulled open the battered old wooden door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind me, I sat on the floor, shut my eyes and waited for something to happen…

Book 2 of the FRUGALITY Trilogy

– THE BIRD THAT NOBODY SEES –

is available for download here:

Amazon UK: The Bird That Nobody Sees

Amazon US: The Bird That Nobody Sees

6