Tomato Girl (16 page)

“You know why that slut stays away from me, don't you?” Mama asked as I came back into her room. If she kept up this way, she'd soon worry herself into a crying spell. After Mama's anger rises so far, the tears follow.

“Daddy said it would be best if he and I look after you.” I walked over to Mama and dabbed the crumbs from her lips.

“Yes, and what will her job be? As if I didn't know.” Mama's brow wrinkled.

“Tess will help Daddy at the store and do the cooking and cleaning here.” I folded the damp cloth and covered her forehead.

“They're up to no good, the two of them. You understand what I mean, don't you, Ellie? They're sleeping together, I know it.”

“Mama, please. I don't want to talk about Daddy and Tess. I just want you to get better so she can leave and we can be like we used to be.”

My face warmed with shame to think what Tess and my Daddy might be doing. I didn't understand it all, but knew a little. Mary Roberts had given me the birds and bees talk. She'd undressed Barbie and Ken and rubbed them together, face to face. I didn't want to think of my Daddy like the naked Ken doll on top of Tess.

Mama pulled the cover up under her chin. “We won't ever be like we used to be, Ellie. Not as long as that whore lives here.”

“But she'll leave, Mama. When you're better.”

She shook her head. “No, no, no! You don't see. You don't know your father. He won't let her go. I see it in his face.” The quiver in her voice told me she was about to cry.

“Here, Mama, we need to play with Jellybean.” I placed him on the bed. Mama's words made me want to cry, too, but if I broke down, who would hold Mama together?

She smiled and cupped her hands around him. I sighed, glad to see her attention shift to my green chick. “Have you taken him to show the baby?”

Talking about the dead baby gave me a sick feeling, but talking about Daddy and Tess was worse. That hurt went all through me like a dull butter knife. “I haven't, Mama, but will tomorrow.”

“You're a good girl, Ellie. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm counting on you to look after the baby for me. Go and check on him, tell him he's going to be fine. I know he's frightened. I heard him cry.”

“Cry?” My skin prickled and felt cold.

“Yes. While I was napping, he kept crying for me. It was awful, Ellie. I need to see him. You'll bring him up to me soon, Ellie? When your Daddy goes to work?”

“Mr. Morgan's going to fill in for Daddy for awhile. Try not to worry, Mama. You need to rest. We'll figure this out. Promise.”

I curled up beside my mother and rested my head beside her face. For awhile, I lay on the bed beside Mama, the two of us curled into each other like question marks.

“There has to be a way to get rid of her, Ellie. It doesn't matter how. She needs to leave. I was thinking maybe if I wrote to her father. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll write him and explain why she can't stay. Or maybe I'll telephone him. He's bound to have a phone out there, if I can get the number … in the phone directory … or maybe the operator will know …”

Mama's voice trailed off.

The room soon darkened. Storm clouds blew in and spilled rain. I fell asleep to the sound of raindrops on the tin roof.

I
DREAMED THE
dead baby crawled out of the freezer to find me. His blue body shivered from the cold. Pulling himself up the stairs, he squirmed his way from step to step, not so much crawling, but moving the way an earthworm does.

Daddy walked in and found the baby, then snatched him up in his arms. Covering the baby's mouth with his, Daddy breathed the baby back to life. Mama and I watched as the baby's tiny chest expanded like a thin balloon, the delicate ribs bending like stems. The frost melted away and pink skin showed through. The baby didn't shiver or struggle, but curled in Daddy's arms.

Mama smiled and held out her hands. She wanted to hold her baby. Her eyes filled with hopeful tears. I held my hands out toward the baby, too.

Daddy didn't give the baby back to my mother or me. He said we'd killed his son.

Mama screamed, “No, Rupert! Please! Give me my baby.”

Daddy shook his head and turned his back to us. He walked to the opposite side of the room and handed the baby to Tess.

A loud bang woke me. It had been raining as I fell asleep, but the noise that woke me was too loud to be thunder. My heart burned like a hot coil. My ears rang.

I knew that sound, had heard it up close once before. Last fall, while walking in deep woods with my father, we'd found a deer caught in barbed wire. Her neck, sliced open, spilled so much blood that Daddy said nothing could be done. He had to put her out of her misery. I'd turned away, not wanting to see. Even with my hands pressing my ears, the noise had pounded inside my head.

In the dark room, I touched my mother's side of the bed. My hand felt a cold sheet where her body had been.

I
SAT UP IN BED
, frozen in place, too afraid to go downstairs. The blasts had sounded so loud, rattling the walls and floor.

The thought of Mama or Daddy, lying dead on the kitchen floor, made me shudder with fear. “Let it be Tess,” I prayed as I sat in the dark.

I knew that was a bad thing to say. It's always wrong to wish somebody dead, even your worst enemy. I didn't care. “Please, God, don't let it be Mama or Daddy. I won't ever ask another thing as long as I live. If somebody was shot, please let it be Tess.”

I wondered if Mason Reed had come for Tess, and he and Daddy had fought. Neither Tess nor Daddy had said anything about their trip to pick up Tess's tomato plants. Had Mr. Reed been there? And where was Mama? Had Daddy found the baby and argued with her about it? Would Mama shoot Tess to keep Daddy?

Maybe this wasn't even about Tess or the baby. Maybe a robber had broken in to steal the few nice things we owned, Mama's good china or Daddy's radio.

But in those few long, dark seconds after the shots fired, I heard Tess cry, and then Daddy's voice as he swore out loud.

I didn't hear Mama. I strained to listen, but the floorboards muffled their voices. I heard dull, scuffling noises like furniture moving across the floor and glass breaking, but no sound from Mama.

Somehow, I had to make myself go downstairs. The phone was there, by the kitchen table. If Mama or Daddy were hurt, the ambulance wouldn't know to come unless someone called.

I crawled out of bed and tiptoed in the dark, feeling my way with my hands to the door and into the hallway. A little light from downstairs made it easier to see going down the steps.

There, in the kitchen, Tess leaned against the stove. She pressed a dish towel against her face and sobbed.

Daddy lay on the floor, pinning my mother face down under him.

I couldn't move. I'd never seen my father hurt my mother on purpose.

“Give me the gun, Julia.” His hands pressed Mama's body against the black and white tiles.

My hands shook.

Sweat dripped from Daddy's forehead. His shirt, stained with sweat and dirt, clung to his wide back.

Mama struggled against my father. “Get off me, Rupert!” She gripped the rifle under her belly.

Daddy managed to pull the gun from beneath her and shove it across the slick floor, out of reach.

As Daddy stood up, Mama pulled herself to her knees and tried to crawl away, but Daddy grabbed a handful of her nightgown to hold her in place. He locked his arms around her waist and held her. She kicked and screamed, her eyes so glassy and wide they scared me. Dirt covered the front of her gown, dark smudges the size of her hands. My mother's blue pansies scattered on the floor.

Everything happened so fast, I didn't know how to make sense
of any of it. Maybe Mama went to the cellar to visit the dead baby. Maybe she couldn't sleep and wanted to take a walk, or had come downstairs to find Mr. Reed's phone number. She must have gone outside and seen the flowers Daddy dug up to make room for Tess's tomato plants. Had Mama gone to the shed to get Daddy's gun? Maybe Daddy heard her outside and thought she was a prowler. Or maybe …

Just then, Mama saw me on the bottom step. “Ellie,” She reached out her hands to me. “Help me, Ellie, don't let them put me away, please. Please help … don't let them …”

“Daddy, don't hurt her.” I came closer and tried to touch my mother, but Daddy shouted, “No!” His harsh voice startled me, making me cry.

Daddy dragged Mama to the pantry near the back porch. After shoving her inside, he grabbed a chair and wedged it under the doorknob to keep her there.

I moved toward the door.

“Don't you touch that chair,” he ordered, pointing his finger at me.

“I can't … I can't … take this, Rupert,” Tess said between sobs.

“It's okay, honey. Just relax.” Daddy went to Tess and wrapped his arms around her.

Tess pointed at the wall where there were two black holes. The bullets had wedged in the kitchen wall near her.

Mama banged and kicked inside the pantry. Kneeling on the floor, I tried to talk to her through the tiny keyhole. “Mama, don't.” But she kept pounding and kicking, making too much noise to hear my voice.

She said bad words, too. Awful words. And her voice sounded so hard.

Tess wrapped her arms around my father's neck and cried. “She's mean, Rupert! I don't want to stay in this house with a crazy, mean woman.”

Daddy stroked her hair and told her not to fret.

I tapped on the pantry door. Using my knuckles, I kept tapping, slow and gentle like a heartbeat.

Mama quieted down.

Daddy saw me by the door. “Ellie, get away from there. Come on, we're going upstairs,” he said.

“But, what about Mama? We can't leave her here.” Determined not to leave, I held onto the doorknob.

“She needs to calm down, Ellie. Just for awhile.” Daddy knelt beside me and held out his hand.

“You'll let her out later?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

I put my hand into my father's and let him pull me up. I didn't want to leave, but knew the sooner I did what Daddy wanted, the sooner he'd open the door and let Mama out of the pantry.

U
PSTAIRS
, D
ADDY HELPED
Tess into my bathtub so she could soak. He poured her a drink from his whiskey bottle and told her to finish it all. “This will make you feel better,” he said.

I wished there was a pretty amber drink that would make me feel better, but Daddy never let me even sip from the whiskey bottle.

I sat on the floor outside the bathroom and chewed on my cuticle. As soon as I could stand up, I'd check on Jellybean, and then I'd talk to Daddy about Mama. She wouldn't spend the night in the pantry. Daddy had promised.

Just as the house quieted, someone knocked on the door downstairs. At first, I thought it was Mama, but Daddy looked out the window and swore. “Goddamn, it's Sheriff Rhodes.”

“A neighbor must have heard the gunshot,” Tess said.

“Shit, this is all I need. Christ!” Then he turned to me. “I want you to keep Tess company for awhile, Ellie. Read to her or something. Everybody just needs to relax a little, okay?” Daddy wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt sleeve.

I tried to offer a smile, but couldn't. I nodded, then walked to my room and pretended to look at a book.

Daddy went downstairs. The back door slammed.

I waited a moment, then tiptoed into the hallway. I didn't want to be seen.

Down the hall, Tess refilled the bathtub.

The sound of a car pulling away told me Daddy had lied. If Sheriff Rhodes knew Mama was locked in the pantry, he wouldn't have left her there. The sheriff thought the world of Mama. Once, when he'd said his wife made fun of his charcoal drawing of eggs, bowls, and apples, Mama kissed his smudged fingers and told him he had Picasso's hands. He'd adored my mother since.

A few minutes after the car drove away, Daddy came in carrying something. When he turned on the light, I saw the syringe and brown jar in his hand.

I
KNEW WHAT WAS
going to happen, so I sat on the stairs with my eyes closed and covered my ears with my hands. But I couldn't keep out the sounds or the pictures inside my head: Daddy's dirty work boots kicking away the chair that held the pantry door closed … hinges creaking as he opened the door … scuffle noises as he held my mother down … Mama screaming when she saw the syringe in his hand … her sobs as the needle broke her skin … the soft thud when her body folded on the floor.

After she quieted, I opened my eyes and uncovered my ears. I heard Daddy come out of the pantry.

A long, long time had passed since Daddy last tranquilized Mama. She had been getting better, her bad spells were coming less often. Now, like a strong wind that suddenly changes direction, they were back … Mama's tears and screams … Daddy holding her down to put the needle into her skin … The lines on Daddy's face … The voices inside Mama's head … And the sad, sick feeling that churned in my stomach like sour milk.

Daddy turned at the foot of the steps. Mama's body was a limp dishrag in his arms. He was coming upstairs.

I was supposed to be with Tess, who was soaking in the bathtub, and there wasn't enough time for me to get back to my room, and no hiding place on the landing.

The thud of Daddy's boots on the steps matched the beating of my heart.

“Ellie, I thought I told you to stay in your room and read to Tess?” He spoke softly, but his anger was clear.

I nodded, and opened my mouth, but no words came.

“You disobeyed me.”

His stern tone made me shiver.

“Come with me, Ellie.”