Too Busy for Your Own Good (52 page)

Acupuncture
. This is not a quick fix, but if pain is keeping you from sleep, six to eight sessions may give you some relief.

Sex with someone you love
. This is one of the greatest stress relievers known to mankind.

Cultivating humor is a healthier practice than you might suspect. It can relieve you of stress, support your immune system, and even increase your endurance. Besides providing a physical and emotional release, laughter reduces stress hormones and increases endorphins. A deep belly laugh exercises your diaphragm, abs, and even your heart. When you're laughing, you're getting a distraction away from negative emotions and lightening your perspective on your troubles. Get more giggles:

Hang around fun people
. Laughter, fun, and good times are increased around funny people and those who have a lighter view of the world.

Rent comedy DVDs
. Even if you rent the same ones over and over rather than checking out new releases, it's hard to beat a solid comedy. Everyone has a movie or particular series that never fails to tickle the funny bone.

Go to comedy clubs
. Live comedy makes humor contagious; you'll laugh sooner and longer when everyone else around you is laughing.

Keep a laugh journal of funny things
. Look for humor in your frustrations; you'll be training yourself to “look back and laugh about it”
now
. Collect funny jokes, cartoons, and sayings and go through the file when you're feeling stressed or down.

If your home is to be stress-free, then it's important to clear the air whenever there is friction (and no matter what, there will be friction sometimes). You must learn to defuse flareups of sibling rivalry and other conflicts as they arise if you're ever going to move forward in the right direction.

Most of us tend to respond
immediately
during conflicts, based on our perspective. Try not responding—at least not with words. A friend could raise one eyebrow without another facial movement; it said so much with so little and allowed her to keep her cool. She told me that it gave her a signal to
not
respond when things were hitting the fan—and the chance for a time-out to regroup her emotions. Remember, less can often be more. Next time you feel an urge to respond, fix it, or fight back . . . take a deep breath, let it out slowly, look thoughtful, and see what happens.

In nearly every sport, a coach can call time-out, usually to realign a strategy or because a player is injured. You're the “coach” in your family, so when family arguments make you (and your “team”) highly emotional, scattered, or stressed, ask for a time-out. Give everyone a breather by saying, “I think we're in gridlock and need some time to cool off. Let's give it a rest and discuss this tomorrow morning at ten.” This can help you and your family members look at the situation without high drama or strong emotions clouding your judgment. The final outcome may change toward the positive when you get the composure and perspective
afforded by a cooldown. Sometimes the anger dissipates, and apologies are given and received.

We are raised from the beginning to be winners and to accumulate stuff, and sometimes that aspect of our life becomes our entire life. One of the most important parts of life—making it truly worth living—is being with good friends. It is a necessary part of a healthy life and a sure way to de-stress, as well. If you're feeling pinned down by the demands of your job and your home life, perhaps that's a signal that you need some new friends in your life or to spend some time with the ones you've already got. Make connections with people who are open, accepting, warm, and who genuinely like you. Connect more with people you admire and want to be like.

Build your support system by connecting with friends and family who are your cheerleaders. Spend time with them for no good reason other than hanging out and watching the world go by. Those people you invest love in will pay you huge dividends when you need them the most. Connecting is important to your health and life. Scientific research reveals that excessive isolation can lead to a weakening of the immune system, serious diseases, and even premature death!

It's important to be there for your friends when they need you, but equally as important that you don't solve their problems for them. Think of your friends asking you for help with their problems as if they are tossing you a skunk.
You wouldn't hang onto a skunk, would you? You'd try to get rid of it! When they try to enlist you to solve their problems, empower them to take on the challenge by asking
them
for a solution. You might ask, “What would you like to see happen in this situation?” Or ask, “What would you feel is a fair outcome?” Toss the skunk back to them—solving their problems just stinks!

Stress relief often comes from a force that is beyond time and the material world—your spirituality. When you choose to nurture your spirituality, you'll be tapping into stress relief that is difficult to explain, much less quantify. It may be rooted in a particular religious practice or simply a belief in a higher power. Open yourself to a metaphysical reality greater than what you can identify through your senses—you may receive stress relief from mighty surprising forces.

One of the best vacations I've experienced was when I joined several friends in chartering sailboats in the Caribbean. One beautiful afternoon, a sudden storm transformed our stress-free vacation into a serious struggle. The metal line holding up the boat's mainsail snapped, bringing the sail and its heavy boom crashing into the cockpit. Radioing for help, we were told to start the engine, drag our anchor, and head directly into the wind. I also put out my own personal anchor—prayer—and asked for strength and hope from a power greater than myself. After the storm cleared, we found a calm cove to do the necessary repairs. When you're in troubled waters, get your engine started, head into the trouble, and keep your “anchor” out. Soon you will find yourself in a tranquil cove.

More than two decades ago, I attended a large church that encouraged the power of small groups. Our multi-thousand-member congregation was broken up into smaller geographic groups that could meet bimonthly closer to home. Our “minichurch” evolved into a small (ten to sixteen people), informal, flexible group of people with a wide range of age, experience, education, and spiritual path. Over the years, we've faced the joys and sorrows of life together with a level of strength and support that can't be described. But beyond being a soft place to fall, my “minichurch” folks have become family and a rock-solid foundation for my spiritual life, which has helped my stress level immensely.

Your ability to de-stress your home is directly proportional to how determined you are to stay out of the “busy danger zone.” Commit right now to eliminate your at-home stress by checking your “Duh” factors and using a couple (or all) of the ten steps in this chapter. Complete your plan:

The one action I will take this week is ___________ .
Within two weeks, I will ___________ .
Within one month, I will ___________ .
In six months, my home will be ___________ .

Congratulations! You're on the way to making your home a stress-free zone. Best of all, you're creating a place of peace and contentment not only for yourself but your whole family. Once you start to see the little things you can do to alleviate the day-to-day stressors from your life, you'll get used to practicing them automatically.

You are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life
.