Too Soon For Love (37 page)

Alan laughed. “Okay, no argument. I forgive you. But what does this have to do with Phillip’s journal?”

“Because this is my new beginning.” Releasing Alan’s hand, Michael tore several pages out of the journal and tossed them on the fire. “Our new beginning.”

“Stop!” Alan grabbed the journal before Michael could tear out any more pages.

“Why?”

“Because what if you change your mind? Why don’t we just put it away? Give you time to think about it.”

Michael shook his head. “No. I don’t want to know what’s in there. I don’t need time to think about it. I’ve thought about it.

Christ, I’ve thought it into the ground ever since I found it. And I already know more than I want to.”

He took hold of the book but Alan held on. For a moment they knelt there, both holding the journal, the heat from the flames baking their skin, firelight casting long shadows out behind them.

“How can you not want to know?” Alan asked a little desperately.

“Know what?”

“Why he did it? If Robby was the only one? Michael, what if there were others?”

“What if there were?” Michael shrugged. “Knowing it won’t change anything. Remember that payment to the property management company?”

“Vaguely. What about it?”

“Phillip had an apartment. In Maryland. Where Robby was going to school.”

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“Oh.”

“Yeah… Oh. So, you see, I already know more than I ever really wanted to.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t let it matter.”

“I don’t see—”

“Listen, Alan, I loved Phillip. I loved him a long time, my whole adult life. And yeah, finding out about him and Robby hurt me. But why should I let it keep on hurting me? There’s nothing in this book that will change that. There’s only stuff that can hurt me more.” Michael let go of the journal. “If you want to read it, go ahead. But I don’t want to hear it. I’m ready to not be hurt anymore. I’m ready to get on with my life.”

Alan looked from the journal in his hands to the face of the man who would be his lover and back to the journal. Ragged edges stuck out where Michael had torn out those few pages.

A loopy masculine scrawl covered the exposed pages, but Alan didn’t read the words. Instead he held the book out to Michael.

“Here, take it. I don’t want to read it either.”

Michael took it from him. “Why not? Aren’t you curious?”

How could this man read him so well already?

“Maybe a little. But whatever Phillip did, it doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is it brought you back to me.”

Michael’s smiled bloomed and they reached for each other at the same moment, coming together on their knees, the journal falling, forgotten and unimportant to the floor .

Entwined in each other’s arms, their mouths came together.

Michael made a sound, half sigh, half moan, and his lips parted, inviting Alan’s tongue inside.

The kiss was long, and deep, and sweet, so sweet. It felt to Alan like coming home, like everything good in his life was right here in this place, in this moment, and in this man.

“I waited so long for you,” Alan murmured against Michael’s too soon FoR Love
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lips.

“Not that long. We haven’t known each other even a year.”

“I know, but I think I wanted you my whole life, waited for you my whole life.”

“You’re such a romantic.” Michael smiled against Alan’s lips then kissed him again. His hands pulled up Alan’s sweater, slipped between fabric and flesh.

Alan’s cock, already hard from just the kissing, strained against his zipper.

Michael leaned in closer, angled his hips and brought their erections together. “You make me so hard, Alan. I want to take you to bed. Can you feel how much I want that?”

“I feel it. And I want it too.”

Michael recaptured Alan’s lips, silencing him. He rocked their hips together, cock against cock, the friction delicious even through their clothes.

Alan slid his hands down to Michael’s ass, cupped and squeezed and tried to pull him even closer.

God, he was desperate for this man.

The kiss broke, leaving both men gasping. But when Michael leaned back in his arms, Alan didn’t let go.

“I can’t let you go,” Alan said.

“Not a problem for me.” Michael trailed a fingertip down Alan’s cheek then over his lips. “It’s too soon for me to say I’m in love with you, but I’m more than halfway there. I just thought you should know.”

Alan thought his heart might shatter from pure happiness. Joy welled up inside him and for a moment he sat perfectly still, just waiting for it to begin oozing out his pores.

But Michael must have taken his silence for something else.

A frown appeared between his brows and the corners of his beautiful mouth turned down.

“Did I say something wrong?”

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“No! God, no. It’s not that.” Releasing him, Alan caught Michael’s hand in his, brought it to his lips and kissed the palm.

“It’s just that I never thought I’d hear that. From you, you know.

I’m already in love with you, Michael. I have been since … Well, since long before I should have been.”

“Since when?” Michael’s fingers closed as if he meant to hold on to Alan’s kiss.

“No, it’s not right.”

“Yes, it is. It’s fine. You can say it.”

“Since before Phillip died. Since we spent those nights sitting together by his bed. Since I saw how much you loved him and I wanted that for myself, wanted you for myself. That sounds awful, I know. I just—”

“No, it’s okay. It’s fine. I was glad you were there with me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through those nights if you weren’t. I felt sort of guilty about that, how much I wanted you there.” Michael’s eyes filled with tears and he blinked them away.

Sorry.”

“It’s all right.” Alan drew him close again, held him tight. “I love you. And I’ll wait as long as it takes till you’re ready to say it back. But I can’t wait to be with you.”

Michael pressed his face against Alan’s neck. “Me either.”

“So what are we waiting for?”

“I don’t know.” Michael drew back, got to his feet and held out his hand to Alan. “C’mon, we have a story to write, you and I.”

“Ah, Michael, God.”

On the pillow Alan thrashed his head left and right, left and right as pleasure coiled tighter and tighter low in his belly.

Flesh slapped against flesh as his lover pounded into him, driving them both higher and higher toward their mutual peak.

Yes, Michael was his lover, and had been for the past six months. They were undoubtedly the best six months of Alan’s life.

A drop of sweat ran down Michael’s cheek and splashed onto Alan’s chest.

“Shit, baby, you feel amazing.” Michael panted. “So hot. So tight. Fucking amazing.”

Yes, it was fucking amazing, Alan thought. Or as much as he could think with razor-sharp pleasure ripping at his control.

Michael leaned forward, pushing Alan’s knees even higher.

His eyes squeezed shut, his face and chest gleamed with sweat, the muscles in his arms stood out.

God, he was beautiful.

And he’s mine, Alan thought, really mine.

Alan’s hips screamed from being bent at such an acute angle, but he hardly took any notice. He rocked, meeting Michael thrust for thrust as he savored the play of expressions across his lover’s face and the way the late afternoon sun glowed golden on his skin.

They’d spent the afternoon at the park with the dogs. And now they were in bed, taking their own special brand of recreation.

“Coming, Alan. God, come with me.”

Yes, because what else was there? He would do anything this man asked. Anything.

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Alan closed his eyes and let go of his control. Sparks fired along his spine and his cock jerked.

Michael shoved in deep, once, twice then held himself there, just there, his dick swelling and pulsing against Alan’s channel.

“Oh, God.” Sweat poured down Michael’s face and chest.

Several drops splattered over Alan’s skin.

It was a wonder they didn’t sizzle from the heat baking off him.

He’s coming in me
, Alan thought, and hugged the knowledge close. It was all he needed to send him over.

Michael slumped forward as hot, silky cum shot from Alan’s dick and splashed over his belly and chest.

It was their first time without a condom and just the thought of Michael coming inside him had been enough. Alan hadn’t even needed to touch himself.

“I love you,” Alan said. He always said it after they made love and while Michael was still inside him. He wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tight, tight, while he tried not to wait for the words Michael had yet to say.

Yes, he knew they were committed, and yes, he knew they were exclusive, which was why he’d been good with going bareback.

But, Christ, he still wanted those words, still needed them even though he knew Michael’s heart.

And that was his issue, not Michael’s, Alan reminded himself.

“That was incredible.” Michael buried his face against the side of Alan’s neck and sighed. “You are so fucking sexy, Alan. I swear, I love fucking you.”

Both their bodies were slick with sweat and cum. Their hearts thudded, seemingly in tandem. Alan savored the moment and the man. With the house quietly settling around them and the sun slanted low through the wide bedroom windows, it was almost everything Alan needed. Almost.

Michael ran his tongue along Alan’s collarbone. “Mmm, sex sweat.”

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Alan chuckled and nuzzled the damp hair at Michael’s temple.

“You’re incredible.”

Michael kissed him just under his ear. His softening cock slipped out of Alan’s ass on a wash of cum.

Alan shivered. His cock twitched and tried to rise.

“You okay?” Michael asked.

“I am unbelievably okay,” Alan said. “Why?”

“You just shivered. Are you cold?”

“No, not cold.”

“What then? Is there something wrong?”

The man was amazingly perceptive. Scarily so sometimes.

“It was a good shiver.”

“A good shiver?” Michael raised his head. “How’s that?”

“It’s just…” Alan hesitated. “ I don’t want to say it. It sounds too sappy.”

“Say it anyway.” Michael drew Alan’s earlobe into his mouth and lightly sucked.

“No.”

“C’mon. Tell me. I want to hear it.” Michael rubbed his lips over Alan’s, kissed the corner of his mouth. “Please?”

Alan’s lips curved. Sappy or not, he couldn’t refuse this man anything.

“I just… I don’t know. You came in me, and it made me feel…

sexy.” Alan let out a breath on a laugh. “I told you it was sappy.”

“It’s not.” Michael’s expression was intent and serious. “It was amazing. You let me come in you. I’ve never done that with anybody else.”

Alan went still. “Really?” Not even—”

“No, not even with Phillip.’

“But I thought—”

“Only with you,” Michael repeated. He lowered his forehead
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to Alan’s.

“What does that mean?” Alan whispered the question. He knew he was fishing for those three little words, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t.

“It means you belong to me, and I belong to you.”

Alan tried not to be disappointed, he did. Because he had no right to be disappointed.

“I’ve been thinking,” Michael said, before Alan could think of what to say.

“About what?”

“I’ve been thinking that you should move in here.”

“Here?”

“Yeah, with me. You’re here all the time anyway. We hardly ever spend the night at your place. Hell, you hardly ever spend the night at your place, and it’s silly for you to keep paying rent on an apartment you never use.”

“So that’s why you want me to move in? To save me money?”

“Sure. It’s a good idea, especially now with you cutting back your hours at the vet’s and starting school.”

Michael was right, of course.

Alan had kept the job at Patrick’s office and had even started to help out with the animals. He had also applied to and been admitted to nursing school which would mean working fewer hours and bringing in less money. So, Michael’s suggestion completely made sense.

But it was not the reason Alan wanted to hear.

“This would be one of those times when I miss that nonverbal stuff,” Michael said.

“It’s a good idea,” Alan managed.

“Alan?”

“What?”

Michael pressed his cheek to Alan’s. His beard stubble was too soon FoR Love
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long enough that it felt almost silky. “Alan, I want you with me because I love you. That’s why I want you to move in. You know that, right?”

“I …” Alan swallowed. “Yeah, I do. You just never said it before. Say it again, will you? I want to hear it again.”

“I love you. And I want to live with you. You, me, and the dogs.” Michael grinned. “They’re sort of like our furry kids.”

“Furry kids, huh?” Alan laughed. He was so full of happiness.

It felt like his chest was literally swelling with it, like he couldn’t contain it all.

“Talk about sappy, right?” Michael raised his head and seemed to be listening.

“What is it?”

“I thought I heard something. Where’re the dogs?”

Alan shifted and propped himself on one elbow. Heidi was on the floor at the foot of the bed crashed out in a patch of late afternoon sunlight. But Oscar was nowhere to be seen. Then Alan heard it too, the unmistakable sound of chewing.

“Oscar!” Both Alan and Michael raised their voices and called for the dog at the same time.

Silence.

“Oscar, come,” Michael called.

Doggy toenails clicked against the floorboards. Alan sat up as Oscar appeared in the bedroom doorway, one of Alan’s sneakers in his mouth.

“Drop it, pal!”

“What’s he got?” Michael asked.

“My sneaker, what else?” Alan threw back the covers and swung his legs out of bed. “I said drop it.”