Topping the Alpha: Trident Security Series (15 page)

Jake pinned him to the wall and crushed their mouths together. Nick hardened in an instant. Their tongues dueled while their bodies rubbed against each other—chest to chest, hips to hips, hard-on to hard-on. Nick moaned, wishing they were in either of their apartments and not where someone could walk in on them. He wanted nothing more than to strip and let the Dom do whatever he wanted. Jake’s hands slid from where they’d been holding Nick’s head, down his torso, and clutched his hips. Breaking their lip-lock, he kissed and nibbled his way across Nick’s jaw to his ear, where he whispered, “I’ll tell you what you do to me. You make me beyond horny. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you—not only physically, but in every fucking way. You drive me fucking insane with need.”

“Not as insane as you make me, Sir. Please, let me touch you.” It had taken everything in him to leave his hands on Jake’s shoulders, waiting for a command or acquiescence to touch him elsewhere, now that they were in D/s mode. It was one of the things he’d read about last night—when playing, always ask or wait for permission, otherwise he may be punished. And that was not something he wanted now. Jake pulled his head back so they could see each other, and Nick almost fell to his knees from the heat in his Master’s eyes.

Opening his mouth to respond, Jake was interrupted when the door flew open and Ian marched in. The two men jumped apart, but not fast enough. His eyes flashing wide, Ian paused for a moment before striding over to the desk. “Fuck! Seriously?” he spat out.

His blood boiling, Nick glared at his brother as Ian turned to walk back out of the room, holding a file he’d retrieved from Jake’s desk. “Fuck you, Ian! You don’t have a problem with Jake being gay, but when it comes to your own fucking brother, all of a sudden it’s an issue! You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?”

“Nick…”

He ignored the warning in Jake’s voice as Ian pivoted slowly. But in an instant, the eldest Sawyer brother was across the room, twisting Nick’s shirt in his fist and propelling him up against the same wall he’d been pinned to moments earlier. Only this time, the hands holding him were the result of anger. Ian’s blue eyes glowered as Nick tried to shove him back, but his sibling was immovable. Short of taking a swing at him, there was no way to gain an advantage. Despite being out of the SEALs for over four years, Ian was still in fighting shape.

“You fucking little shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Close the door, Jake.”

Instead of following the growled order, Jake placed his hand on his boss’s flexed bicep. His voice was the only calm one at the moment. “Boss-man, let him go.”

“Close. The. Fucking. Door.” Ian’s jaw was clenched with barely contained fury. “As much as I want to beat some sense into his thick fucking skull, I won’t. But it’s time my little brother had a come-to-Jesus-moment.”

Jake hesitated a moment as the brothers stared daggers at each other, then walked across the room to shut the door. He leaned against it and crossed his arms, ready to play referee if needed. Refusing to release Nick, Ian got in his face and growled. “Listen, you little shit. The reason I reacted that way has nothing to do with you being gay. I left my fucking apartment this morning to find Dev and Kristen making out on the fucking stairs. Then I get here and Boomer is all lovey-fucking-dovey with Kat on the phone, to the point I wanted to fucking gag.
Then
I walk in here and you two are fucking going at it. My fiancée is up in fucking New York for her friend’s fucking baby shower, and apparently everyone around here is getting fucking laid but me. That’s what my fucking problem is, ass-hat.”

What the hell?
Nick gaped at his brother in undisguised astonishment.

Ian gave him one last push before letting go of his shirt and backing up. The ire subsided from his voice. “Yeah, I wasn’t thrilled to walk in on this, but it’s no different to the reaction I had when I walked in on Mom and Dad last year.”

“What? You walked in on them… like what, making out?”

“More like having sex.” Across the room Jake let out a bark of laughter as a queasy look came over Ian’s face. “I’m pretty sure they’ve done the dirty deed before, since they had four kids, but I wasn’t expecting that. I was near Charlotte for business and decided to stop in to surprise them. Yeah, well, we all had a surprise. I’ve been trying to scrub the image of them going at it in Dad’s recliner from my brain ever since. Thanks for making me bring it up again.” Nick felt the blood drain from his face and his brother’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“I sat in that recliner last Christmas for hours.” He was as nauseous as his brother looked while Jake roared with laughter.

“And I avoided it like the fucking plague.” Ian let out a deep breath and leaned against the desk. “Seriously, Nick. Jake’s one of my best friends, and Toby Walsh has been my best friend since third grade. You think that would be the case if I was a fucking homophobe?”

“Toby’s gay? How come I didn’t know that?” Nick took a few steps and flopped into one of the two client chairs in front of the desk. This was so not the way he expected this to go. Hell, he didn’t know what he had expected. Since Jake no longer had to referee, he left his post and took the other seat next to him, but remained quiet.

Ian shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably because he moved to New York City before you went into junior high school, and you only saw him a few times after that. He’s been in a relationship with a Broadway actor for about nine years now. Kelly’s a nice guy.”

“Jeez. I think I remember you mentioning Kelly before, but I thought he was a woman.” Nick felt like an ass. Talk about jumping to conclusions without all the facts. “How long have you known?”

“That Kelly’s not a woman or that Toby is gay?”

He rolled his eyes. “No, you jackass. Me. How long have you known I’m gay?”

“Since you were fifteen or sixteen.” Nick’s jaw dropped in utter disbelief.
Ian had known for ten years?
“I was home on leave for Thanksgiving weekend and Dev wasn’t. Mom told me to invite Toby, and one night, we took you out for dinner to that sports bar Dev likes. Toby was the one who noticed you checking out the same guys he was and mentioned it to me later on. He knew what it was like to not have the support of family when he came out and didn’t want you to go through it, so he let me know. I’ve been waiting for you to come out ever since, ass-hat. And I’m hurt you thought you had to hide who you truly are all these years. I’m a fucking Dom and own a BDSM club. I probably know more gay people than you do. Did you really think I would judge you negatively?”

Embarrassed, he couldn’t look his older brother in the eye, instead keeping his gaze on the floor. “No, I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you…or Mom, Dad, or Dev, either. I was just…I honestly don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Do they know?”

Ian nodded. “Yeah, they do. I told Dev back then, but Mom and Dad asked me about four years ago when I thought you would come out. When I asked how they knew, Mom just smiled and said it was a parent thing.”

Groaning, Nick stood and paced the room. “Great…just fucking great. So whenever Mom asked if I was dating someone, she meant a guy and not a girl. And here I was, inventing chick names for my fictional girlfriends. She knew I was lying the whole fucking time.”

Stepping into his path, Ian took hold of Nick’s shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. They understand how hard it can be for some gay people to come out. But now you know you don’t have to lie to anyone anymore. We love you, ass-hat—gay or straight—doesn’t fucking matter to us. As long as you’re not fucking any farm animals, we’re good.” He smirked. “Well, one other thing does matter. I don’t want to see your junk any more than I want to see Dev’s or Dad’s, all right?”

Nick snorted. “Yeah, I get it. And the feeling is mutual.”

His smile dropping, Ian became serious once more. “I have to ask, though. Are you sure about this? The lifestyle isn’t a game and I trust Jake as a Dom, a teammate, and a brother, one hundred and ten percent. That being said, I want you to be sure this is what you really want.”

“I’ll be honest,” he admitted. “If you asked me that two months ago, I would have said no. But now, in my gut, I know I have to give this a shot. I’ll regret it if I don’t. And no matter what happens, it will stay between Jake and me. I won’t be some sissy-teenager demanding you fire him or not to talk to him because we broke up. I promise. I’m going into this as an adult with an open mind.”

Pulling him into a hug, Ian slapped him on the back before releasing him. “Glad to hear it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and get my Angel on the line for some phone sex. She can’t come home fast enough for me.”

“TMI, big brother,” he called out as Ian hurried out of the office, shutting the door behind him. Eyeing Jake, Nick leaned against the desk and crossed his arms. “You knew, didn’t you? That’s why you gave me a time limit to come out to them. You knew my family knew I was gay, and you didn’t tell me. Why?”

Jake stood and shrugged his shoulders. “You weren’t ready to hear it. This was something you needed to do on your own. Coming out is a very personal thing. In my case, I didn’t have a choice, but in your case, your family knew about you for a long time and it didn’t matter to them. You just needed to come to terms with it.” Jake hooked his fingers into the waistband of Nick’s jeans and pulled him forward. “Now, where were we?”

Nick swallowed hard before opening the door to the lobby of the club. Tonight would be different then all the other times he’d been here. Tonight, he’d be here as a submissive. Jake’s submissive. Part of him was excited for what they’d planned to do later, but he was nervous about how the people he knew here were going to react to him being a sub. He dreaded the snide comments he was sure someone would make and knew he’d be tempted to deck the speaker. Jake had tried to reassure him everything would be fine and no one would insult him, but he still had butterflies in his stomach. Heck, he still hadn’t seen Devon, and while he now knew his brother was aware of his homosexuality, he was nervous about the announcement.

The security guard standing in Tiny’s normal spot at the double doors separating the lobby from the club wasn’t someone Nick recognized, so he flashed his club card as he walked past. The red-shirted guard pulled open one of the doors for him, allowing him to enter. Pivoting to the left, he quickly spotted Jake standing at the bar and the butterflies took full flight. The Dom was gorgeous, dressed in his black leather pants and boots. The grey T-shirt he wore hugged his entire torso. Nick’s gaze traveled over every mesa and valley of muscle as his mouth watered.

Jake was talking to Mistress China, but Nick knew the moment he’d noticed him walking toward them. Eyes which had been haunting him for over two months locked onto his own. Heat and lust had their green color morphing from jade to dark emerald.

When the Domme noticed she’d lost Jake’s attention, she glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Hello, Nick.”

“Mistress China. You look beautiful as always.” The petite woman was wearing her usual head-to-toe black. Nick assumed the comfortable-looking tank-top, jeans and two-inch-heeled boots meant she was the club’s Whip Mistress tonight.

He noticed her eyeing him and Jake, before her grin widened. “Well, it’s about damn time.”

Both men stared at her, but it was Jake who spoke. “What’s about time?”

She used one finger to point back and forth at them in a rapid motion. “You two.” Nick’s mouth dropped and she placed a hand on his shoulder while giggling. “Don’t look so surprised. I’ve been watching you since you first started gracing us with your rare visits. I knew the first night we met what gender your cock preferred.” Jake chuckled, but she ignored him. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I never call you Master Nick like the submissives and other Doms do. I figured out that you weren’t a lifestyle top, and you would never let just any guy dominate you. I was hoping you’d hook up with Jake because he needs a strong, intelligent sub, but he never seemed to be around when you were.”

Nick was flustered. Had his submissiveness been that obvious? He didn’t think so. The Domme turned her attention to Jake. “You know, Master Jake, I have an idea.”

He crossed his arms and smirked. “This should be good…or bad, knowing you.”

Mistress China frowned, but it was evident she wasn’t insulted. “If you don’t want my advice then that’s your problem, because I’m going to give it to you anyway. I think Nick would make a great switch.”

Nick’s eyes widened in shock. What the hell was she talking about? A switch flip-flopped from being a Dom to a submissive, and there was no way Jake would go for that. Right? But the look Jake was giving him said he was considering the crazy idea. “I…I don’t think…”

“Easy, Junior.” Jakes voice had dropped to a lower bass and it sent a shiver through Nick’s body. “I think I know exactly what Mistress China is suggesting. Out here in the public area, you can be an assumed Dom. You carry yourself that way anyway and the subs seem to think you are one. You’ve never played, so no one thinks differently. But behind closed doors, you will submit to me. We’ve already established that neither one of us is into public humiliation, and I prefer to play in private. I think it’s the perfect solution for you to be comfortable when your brothers and the rest of the team are here. You won’t have to follow submissive protocols in the presence of other Doms, either. I’m not saying we’ll be hiding the fact that we’re together, and there may come a time…an agreed upon time…when the switch thing may get thrown out. But for now, until you become more accustomed to the lifestyle, I think it’s a great idea. We just have to float it by your brothers and Mitch.”

At that moment, Nick knew it had happened. He was positive now. He’d fallen desperately and completely in love with Jake Donovan. The man knew his fears and concerns without even asking about them. And then, with a little help from Mistress China, he’d found, and agreed to, a solution for those insecurities.

“Float what by us?”

All three turned to see Ian and Dev had approached along with Kristen, who greeted them with the respect shown to every Dominant in the house. She said hello to Jake, Nick, and China using the title of Master and Mistress in front of their names. Nick had to hold back a grin at the knowing wink he’d received from her.

Instead of answering Dev’s question, Jake nodded at Nick. The new submissive took a deep breath, and realized this was going to be a lot easier since his conversation with their older brother that afternoon. “Dev, I had a talk with Ian earlier, and…well, I came out to him. I’m gay.”

Devon raised an eyebrow as if waiting for him to say something more. It was obvious Ian hadn’t told him about what had happened earlier, because his gaze flashed back and forth between his brothers. “And?” When Nick didn’t say anything, Devon added, “No shit. I’ve known for years. So has Ian. It’s about bloody time you came out, but don’t expect a fucking medal.”

Kristen let out little gasp, then put her hands on her hips and gave her Master the evil eye. “You knew?”

“Of course. We’ve known since he was a teenager.” Devon glared at his submissive. “But, Pet, why do I get the feeling that’s what you’re surprised about and not that my little brother finally came out of the closet? You know I don’t like you keeping secrets from me.”

Her gaze fell to the floor and she bit her bottom lip. Nick felt sorry for her and intervened. “She only found out yesterday and it was because I wanted advice. I made Kat, Kayla, and her promise not to say anything to any of you, unless you asked a direct question about it. They were going to tell you the truth if they had to.”

Devon crossed his arms and frowned at Kristen. “Is that true, Pet?”

“Yes, Master, it is. We promised Master Nick we wouldn’t say anything, but told him we wouldn’t lie if you asked us about it.”

The older brothers glanced at each other. “Technically, she didn’t lie,” Ian said with mild reluctance.

Nick didn’t want any of the women to be in trouble with their Doms, so he intervened once more. “Dev, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t punish her for keeping my secret. It was mine to tell, not theirs.”

Rolling his eyes, Ian snorted. “The kid’s got a point. And he also has something else to tell you, Dev, and I get the feeling your subbie knows about this, too.”

His eyes flashing from Ian to Kristen to Nick, Devon held out his hands in exasperation. “Okay, what am I missing?”

When Nick faltered a moment, Jake put his arm around his shoulders and took over. “Nick’s a submissive. My submissive.”

If Devon’s jaw dropped any lower
,
it would’ve been at his knees. Nick felt uncomfortable as it took a few moments for his brother to recover from the shock. Dev scratched his head while gathering his thoughts. “Holy…um, wow. Didn’t see that coming.”

Beside him, Kristen giggled. “Those were Kayla’s exact words, Master.”

Frowning and crossing his arms again, Dev glanced from Nick to his teammate, the man he considered to be another brother. “Jake, I’ve got no problem with the two of you hooking up for a fling, but Nick’s never expressed interest in the lifestyle. I’m just worried this isn’t for him. I mean, isn’t this sudden? And no offense, but you’re not known for long term relationships. I don’t want either one of you getting hurt if this goes south.”

Nick tensed but held his tongue when Jake squeezed his shoulder. Yeah, this was one of those times he would have to let his Dom be…well, his Dom. Jake didn’t seem to take offense at Dev’s statements as much as Nick did. “Well, it’s not as sudden as it seems to everyone else. We actually got together after your wedding, and although I was a little resistant to becoming a couple for the reasons you stated, and a few more you didn’t, Nick seemed to have other ideas. Yeah, this is new for him, but we were all new to it at one time or another. And I know I don’t have a great track record with relationships, but you and your new bride are exhibits A and B in my defense, Dev. A year ago, this was just a world Kristen wrote about, but then she met you—the Dom who introduced her to the lifestyle. The Dom who never spent more than a weekend with a sub and hadn’t been on a real date in over ten years. You’re the last person here who should be against this. I expected it from Ian, not you.” Devon still seemed to be struggling with the new situation as Jake continued. “The only thing I’m worried about at the moment is Nick being uncomfortable with the fact that he is indeed a sexual submissive, when outside the lifestyle, he’s a pure alpha.”

He wasn’t stupid enough to roll his eyes in front of a bunch of Dominants, but mentally that’s what Nick was doing. Jeez, his brothers and Jake were standing at the bar of a sex club, talking about
his
sex life, in front of two women. Could anything be more embarrassing than that?

Lifting her hand to shoulder height, Mistress China wiggled her fingers at the other Dominants. “But I think we found a solution to that for now. Nick can be classified at the club as a switch.”

Ian raised an eyebrow. “That’s not a bad idea. The subs call him Master anyway. We have several male and female switches here, so no one would think anything of it.”

“Are you…” Devon paused. His question was about to be directed at Nick, but he caught himself and glanced to Jake for permission—that’s the way things were done in this D/s setting. A nod of the head told him to continue. “Are you sure this is what you want, Nick? I’m not trying to be a ball-buster, but this isn’t a game we play here. I know you’ve observed a lot when you’ve visited, but do you really understand what this is all about?”

The tone of his voice told Nick his brother was sincerely concerned about Jake and him. While he was grateful Dev cared, no one was going to change his mind about this. If he didn’t give this a try, he knew he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Straightening his stance, he eyed Devon. “Yeah, I do. I’ve been doing a lot of research and after talking to the girls yesterday, I’m more convinced than I was before. I don’t know what’s going to happen down the road, none of us do. But I do know if I walked out that door now and never came back, a part of me would be left behind.”

Trained as SEALs, they never left a man behind in combat. It was a loose analogy, but one that his brother got. Dev stared at him for a moment, but Nick refused to back down. This was his life, and he knew his brothers meant well, but the final decision was his to make.

“All right, little brother. I wish you both the best and I hope it works out. We love you both, so don’t go fucking this up, okay?”

Ian groaned and rolled his eyes. “Do not…I repeat…do not call for a group hug, because I’m still bitching that Angie is gone for the weekend and I refuse to get all touchy-feely with you people. I need a fucking drink.”

As their older brother stepped closer to the bar and hailed the bartender, Devon held his hand out and Nick, then Jake, shook it. Taking Kristen by the elbow, her Dom gave her a tug toward the grand staircase. “Come on, Pet. You’re the only one I want to get touchy-feely with right now.”