Torn (27 page)

"For real? How in the hell did that happen?"

"I don't know but that ain't even the good part. Guess what this dumb bitch gon' go and do after she heard us."

"What?"

"Her ass got mad and fucked West."

"WHAAAT?! How you know?"

"Quan told me. Can you believe it? I told you that bitch wasn't shit." Sherry shook her head while licking the blunt to seal it shut.

"Giiiirl, I know Quan is pissed."

"He is. He told me he can't stand that bitch. He said they ain't never gettin' back together."

"Well I know you happy."

"I am. I've been waiting over three years for this. But shit, a part of me can't even hate. If I was Mo I would've did the same thing. West is a tender! That nigga can most definitely get it! In any hole!" Sherry exclaimed, with a mischievous far-away look in her eye.

"Yo' freaky ass." Jahquita scrunched up her nose.

"Giiiirl please, how you think I been keepin' Quan around all these years. You better get wit it."

"Bitch please, I'm the one that hipped you to the shit. You better recognize."

"You right, you right! You did. I can't even front."

"But back to this retarded hoe. I can't believe she smashed West. That shit right there is straight mind-blowing," Jahquita exclaimed.

"I know, right. That girl is a fuckin' idiot. Stupid bitch over there worrying about me, she need to be worried about miscarrying them babies, dumb ass. But what fuck me up the most is that she knew what Quan was out there doing. She knew that nigga was out there fuckin' around. I can just see her ass tryin' to act all innocent and naive like she ain't know.

Please, it ain't that much money making out there in the world," Sherry laughed while puffing on the blunt.

"Right, but anyway, so what now? What's gon' happen between you and Quan?"

"Well, the man was hurting, so I couldn't come at him on some
what's up between me and you
type shit. The only thing I can do right now is continue to play the role of the supportive mistress. Hopefully, if given some time, he'll see that I'm the one he needs to be with."

"Girl, let me tell you something. You ain't got nothing to worry about. Mo has done the unthinkable. Ain't no real nigga gon' take her back after that shit. Especially not a nigga like Quan, wit all the pride he got. As soon as she kissed West, their relationship was a wrap. As long as you continue to be loyal, there ain't shit that girl can do to get him back. 'Cause he gon' be lookin' at it like this - Sherry done gave me a son.

She ain't never cheated on me and she hold me down. Mo can't give him no baby wit her corroded-ass womb. She done cheated and she always naggin'. Which one would you chose?"

"You right. I can't wait to tell the kids we finally gon' be a family!" Quan sat quietly, alone with a glass of Martell in his hand.

The television was on but it was more so watching him than he was watching it. His mind had once again drifted off to memories of Mo. It wasn't fair that he missed her. Without her, his nights had been blacker than they had ever been. Day after day he begged his heart to let her go but it kept on telling him no.

Quan really didn't know what to do when it came to Mo.

On one hand he was dumb heated. He felt that she was really on some bullshit. She didn't have to fuck his man. She could've thugged it out with him, but instead she was buggin' out. Quan was tired of Mo tryin' to act hard. If she wanted to leave, then so be it. He wasn't gonna go running after her. He knew what he did was fucked up, but he was a dog. It was just in his nature to cheat. Quan loved women. Mo had his heart, but the streets had his soul.

And it wasn't like this was some movie or storybook where he could dictate the ending. They were past the infatuation phase, and in his mind fairytales didn't come true. This was real life and they were two ordinary people with heavy baggage which neither of them wanted to claim.

Quan didn't find any pleasure in causing her pain. He just didn't know if loving Mo fully was something he could do wholeheartedly. Growing up, he watched as his parents would argue and fight. He saw what the ugly side of what love could do. It made you cold, bitter and resentful, which was everything he and Mo had become over the last couple of years. A man usually falls in love once in his lifetime. Maybe twice if he allows himself. Quan had allowed himself to love Mo, but only enough to keep her around.

He wanted to give her his all, but the fear of being fooled made him take two steps back instead of forward. His fears came to reality when Mo slept with West. Quan knew he had to let her go, but he didn't want to spend the rest of his life without her. Something had to give. Their relationship was over. Dressed in a pink robe and slippers, Mo sat with her knees up to her chest gazing blankly out the living room window, unable to sleep. She'd had this problem since her breakup with Quan. Sleep had become her worst enemy and crying had become her best friend. But how could she sleep when Quan wasn't there to hold her at night? She missed his touch and the feel of his arms wrapped around her waist.

For the past two weeks, Mo had been trying to figure out how she was gonna live her life without him. Hurt feelings had quickly turned to anger and hate. For the past nine years she had done nothing but give Quan her all. She knew that he would never find a thorough chick like her ever again, but the fact that he didn't want to be with her anymore was just too painful to bear. She had invested too many years, time and patience for things to be over now.

Mo couldn't fathom the thought of another bitch coming into in the picture and reaping the benefits of her hard work and determination, especially not Sherry. Ah uh, no, she would die before she let that happen. She wasn't about to move out the way and let that slut take her spot. Mo was the queen bitch and as long as she had air in her lungs, things would stay that way.
I'll be damned if I let him go
, she thought.

Then all of the lonely nights she spent at home popped up in her head.
He was probably fuckin' her. Yep, that's what he
was doing. I wonder does he kiss her like he kiss me?
Just the thought of him touching Sherry the way he touched her made Mo's skin crawl. She could see Sherry's legs up in the air. She could see Quan licking her pussy and biting her clit softly. She could see Sherry crying out in ecstasy. She could see him giving her his all with every stroke.

The thought of him giving it to her the way he gave it to Mo was just too much to deal with, so she pushed the dis-turbing picture from her mind and tried to figure out how and when things went wrong. She could remember when they met and when they became good friends, but she couldn't remember when he started to go astray and for what reason.

There had to be a reason why loving her just wasn't enough. Hadn't she been there when he needed her? Wasn't she the one who stood by his side through it all? And no, she didn't take it in the ass or suck dick, but hadn't she done enough to satisfy his needs, even though she knew in the back of her mind she wasn't the only one Quan was sexually pleas-ing?

Even with all of that floating through her mind, Mo still felt there was a way they could make things work. All she wanted was for Quan to quit huggin' the block. They never spent any time together and it was all because of Sherry. Mo really hated her now. For some reason, that chick just wouldn't go away.
What could that bitch possibly have over me
? she thought.
Oh, that's right, his baby
. Other than that, in her eyes, Sherry was no threat. She was a Reebok broad, a chicken head and a rat wrapped up all in one.

What the fuck does he see in that raggedy hoe
? she wondered as her eyes became heavy. Anything he ever asked of her she did. Instead of going off to college, Mo stayed when he asked her to. She played the perfect role of wifey even though she wasn't. She stroked his ego when she knew deep down inside he was insecure. She stuck by his side even when he took her through hell. She always respected and held him down.

What hurt the most was that she turned her back on her family just to be with him. But he didn't take care of her needs. He didn't fulfill all of her dreams. He didn't keep all the promises he'd made. He didn't throw his past away. It wasn't fair that she'd given him her all and only received lies in return.

And yes, she could try and pretend like everything was alright. She could try to forgive him, but Mo couldn't look in Quan's son's face on a regular basis knowing his mother had a piece of her soul. The love she had for him couldn't out-weigh the resentment in her heart. Then on the other hand, Mo just wanted to know why.

Why wasn't she good enough? What was it about her that made him give his love away? All he had to do was tell her he wasn't happy. He could've told her that he needed more. She would've tried harder. Mo would have given him anything.

What Mo couldn't understand was that it wasn't Sherry's looks that drove Quan to her. It was her personality. Sherry was cool to be around. She understood his lifestyle. She understood that he was a hood nigga to the heart. She didn't ask him to change. She liked him just the way he was. And most importantly, she supported him and was able to give him something Mo couldn't: a baby It was a dreary, freezing-cold late February afternoon. Mo had been at Quan's mother's house for almost a month. She thought that he would give her some space to think and heal, but it seemed like every other day Quan was stopping by for stupid shit. Either he was hungry and wanted his mother to fix him something to eat, or he wanted to wash his clothes.

Sometimes he would just come over for no reason but to sit and watch television.

He never acknowledged or said a word to Mo. He wouldn't even look in her direction. Since he wanted to be ignorant, Mo decided that two could play that game. She would intentionally dress up and leave the house for hours on end. Quan pretended like he didn't care, but he would sit there and wait for her return each time.

He didn't want to admit it, but Quan was dying without his boo. One night he even went as far as to play on her phone, he missed the sound of her voice so much. Mo was knocked out in bed asleep with her face sunken into a pillow when the sound of LeToya Luckett's ringtone "
Torn
" awakened her.

Startled by the music, she jumped up, clutching her chest.

Disoriented, she wondered where the sound was coming from until she realized it was her cell phone ringing.

Looking over at the clock on the nightstand, she noticed that it was two o'clock in the morning. Perplexed, Mo wondered who could be calling her at that time. She found out when she gazed at the screen. It was Quan. Rolling her eyes to the ceiling, she picked up her phone and groggily whispered, "Hello," only for him to hold the phone for a minute and hang up.

Wondering what the fuck, Mo pressed send and called him right back, but Quan didn't answer. He simply looked at the phone and let it go to voicemail. Sucking her teeth, Mo flipped her phone shut, turned over and went back to sleep. Forty-five minutes later, her phone rang again. It was Quan calling back, and just like before, when she picked up he held the phone and then hung up. Irritated beyond belief, Mo called him back once more but Quan still wouldn't answer. Unlike the first time, Mo decided to leave a message. "You's a stupid ass," she spat. Twenty minutes passed by before Quan decided to call again.

"What?!" she answered with an attitude.

"Damn, what's up? Why you got an attitude?"

"What you mean what's up, why I got an attitude? You the one keep callin' my phone."

"Girl, gon' wit all that, ain't nobody called you."

"Quan ... yes you did."

"Look, I ain't call you. My phone must have dialed your number on accident."

"Twice?"

"Man, please! Whateva. What was you doing?"

"I was sleep," she responded as if he were dumb.

"So what? You can't call nobody? We ain't friends no more?"

"We'll always be friends."

"Well why you ain't call and tell me you love me today?"

"Why you ain't call and tell me?"

"Why you think I'm callin' now?" he shot sarcastically.

"But at two o'clock in the morning, Quan? I was sleep."

"Well go back to sleep then. I ain't mean to wake you up." Quan hated to get off the phone. If he could he would've stayed up all night and talked to her.

"Alright."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay."

After that, Quan was good. He'd heard her voice and held a conversation. But he knew that sooner or later another urge would arise that only Mo could cure. Quan wasn't used to being without her. He wanted her back home where she belonged. He was tired of being without her. She was his best friend. He never related her love to pain. No one understood him like she did. Being without her was driving him crazy. He wanted things to go back to the way they used to be.

Quan hated spending his nights alone. He tried replacing her with Sherry but Sherry just didn't do it for him. He loved her but he wasn't in love with her. Sherry was fun to kick it wit, talk to and have sex with, but that was about it. His son was the only tie that bound them together.