Torn from You (20 page)

“Try,
baby.”

I shook my
head back and forth. “I did. I hoped. I tried to believe you were
the man I first met. But you snuffed that out every morning, and
then when you let me go ...”

“I had to be
cruel, Eme. I was losing control, and I knew you saw it. You were
beginning to have faith in me again. I needed you to leave.”

“Why? Why,
damn it. Why didn’t you just come with me then?”

“Fuck.” He ran
his hand through his hair and groaned. “Raul ... wanted me. He used
you to make sure he had me. So, it was imperative I stayed, so he
wouldn’t come after you.”

I choked on my
sob. I didn’t want to believe him, yet I saw the truth like a
flashing beacon in front of me. It was so much easier to bury the
past than to have it plastered in front of me. And the reality was
... when I looked at Logan it hurt, and I didn’t want hurt
anymore.

“I can’t do
this.”

“Emily.”

“No. Please. I
can’t.”

His eyes
darkened for several seconds, and I shifted under his intensity. A
tremor of fear slithered through me, and I wrapped my arms around
my chest like a shield.

He strode to
the door and turned. I recognized the look, because I often had it
in my eyes whenever I looked in the mirror—torment. “I won’t walk
away from us.”

“Sculpt—”

“You need
time—I get that. But I won’t give up.”

“You can’t
stay here. I live here and—”

“I own the
fuckin’ place, Emily. You’ve been living on my farm for two
years.”

Kat found me
an hour later sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of my
bed. Shock had settled in, and I felt as if I was buried under a
sea of water. Too cold to react, numb and staring but not
seeing.

Logan owned
the farm. I’d been living here for two years thinking ... But the
puzzle fit; it made sense—Matt bringing me here instead of the
house in the city where the three of us had lived.

It had been
their parents’ house before they died in a drinking and driving
accident—their father was the driver and the drunk. He smashed into
a cement bridge going ninety miles an hour.

Matt put the
house on the market, a house I never thought he’d sell. Not only
that, he also put his bar up for sale. It took several months, but
the house and bar sold, and Matt bought instead a condo downtown
and the farm, at least I thought he had. With the sale of his old
bar, he purchased a new one and named it Avalanche.

Had Logan told
them to move? Or had it been Deck? Why did they listen? How did
they occupy the farm so quickly? And how did Logan buy it when he
was with me?

Kat stood in
the doorway. There were tears in her eyes. Kat never cried, not
since we met when we were ten. “Can I come in?” And she never asked
to come into my bedroom. She bounced in whenever it suited her.

I
nodded, and she walked over and sat beside me, leaning against the
bed, legs out, ankles crossed.
She bowed her head and her
short blonde hair swayed
forward to cover her brilliant sea-blue eyes. She was a classic
beauty; smooth and flawless skin, thin brows, and sharp
features.

“
Sculpt’s gone.” Of course if the farm belonged to Logan,
Kat had known, and yet she’d never said a word. “When you
disappeared that night ... God, Eme, it was like Armageddon.” I
could see her hands shaking. Kat was always steady and sure of
herself, full of life, no regrets. Not now. Now she looked worried.
“When you didn’t come back from the bathroom that night, I got
Matt. And then he called the police who weren’t much help
considering you’re over eighteen, had been gone fifteen minutes,
and we were at a bar. Matt lost it. He went right up on stage in
the middle of the band jamming and shut it down. Everything. Closed
the bar. When Sculpt found out ... he lost it. When his phone rang,
his face ... as he listened ... it went so pale.

I was
terrified. Fuck, it scared the shit out of all of us. Sculpt talked
to Kite, and then he threw his guitar over the edge of the stage,
broke it in half. He was ... Jesus, he was angry ... and scared,
Emily. It was just a hint of it, but I swear he was scared. I
didn’t think a man like him ... I’d never thought I’d see something
so raw and exposed in him.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and
lay my cheek on them. Tears began to leak from my eyes as I fought
the feelings I was having at picturing Logan like that.

“
He knew
Emily. He knew what happened to you. We weren’t to tell the police
anything otherwise your life ... He said if we did we’d never see
you again. So we didn’t. He promised to bring you back. And then
there was a mad rush to get hold of Georgie. She was the only one
who had Deck’s emergency number. Sculpt left that night. I hadn’t
seen him ... until today.”

“Why’d Matt
sell the bar, Kat? And the house? It was your parents’ house. Why
are you ... Why are we living on a farm that belongs to
Sculpt?”

Kat
reached over and took my hand. “I’d do anything for you ... you
know that, right? Matt would too. You’re our family, Emily.” She
squeezed my hand. “Kite told us about Sculpt’s dad. The sex
trafficking.”

Tears fell
faster as I thought of the girls I’d left behind, the girl with Kai
who was so destroyed I didn’t think she’d ever come back from the
abuse she’d suffered. I’d tried to forget them when ... when maybe
they weren’t to be forgotten.

“
Kite
told us that if Sculpt ... no,
when
Sculpt got you out, you couldn’t go home. That you needed
to start a new life somewhere else in case ... in case the plan
failed, and Sculpt’s father tried to come back for you.” She
shuffled closer so our shoulders touched. “Everything Matt and I
own is now under my grandmother’s name, so Raul couldn’t link it to
you. Or at least not as easily.”

“And the
farm?”

“
Sculpt
bought it under a numbered company he has with Kite. I don’t know
when that was set up or why, but Sculpt emptied out his account the
day he left, gave everything to Kite and told him to buy a farm in
the company’s name that had room for horses and immediate
occupancy. He gave up the tour money. All of it, to buy the
farm.”

Oh, God.
Logan. No. His dream. For ... for my dream.

Kat
paused, and I raised my head to look at her. There were tears
streaming down her face, her black mascara leaking lines onto her
cheeks. “I wanted to tell you. But when Matt brought you back, you
were so angry and hurt, and then you were ... you were a zombie,
Emily. Matt and I tried to talk to you, but it was like talking to
a stone wall. You wanted to forget. So, after a while we let
you.”

I lived in a
dark hole for months, and it wasn’t the therapy that brought me
back, it was the horses. Kat made me come to the barn and help her
offload six horses from the trailer. Horses that were so skinny
their heads sunk in and their spines stuck out. Their coats so dull
that you couldn’t even tell what their real colors were. But the
worst ... the worst was the look in their eyes. I knew that look so
well. I’d seen it in Kai’s girl. Their eyes were dead. Glassed-over
and dead. Their spirit ... It was gone—broken.

That was
the day I began to fight to put myself back together. The horses
and I rebuilt our trust and refilled the light in our eyes. The
horses started to gallop in the fields, and I began to laugh. It
was also when I decided that I’d stop living and hiding under Matt
and Kat and earn enough to buy my own place and build a cliental
helping others with their horses.

“
Kite
asked us never to tell you Sculpt and him owned the farm. He said
you’d leave and you needed to stay.” Yeah, I probably would have.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know if we were wrong to not tell you, but when
those horses came ... Emily, you came alive, and Matt and I knew it
was the right thing. You belonged here. And damn it, I did too.
Never thought I’d like shoveling shit, but the horses are amazing,
and ever since I started painting them, the demand for my work has
tripled. Who would’ve thought we’d both be living our dreams doing
what we love.”

I smiled. In
the short time they’d been here, Kat was learning to ride and was
often out fixing fences and repairing the tractor. She was also
selling her art work in three galleries in the city.

I hadn’t been
the only one who suffered. Matt and Kat had too. I’d put them
through months of not speaking, the unwillingness to continue
therapy even though I probably needed it. They stood by me and were
there for me, never once telling me to stop hiding, to stop hating
Logan, to stop feeling sorry for myself. No, they’d just accepted
who I’d become and embraced it.

“
Was it
Sculpt’s idea to bring in the abused horses?” Of course it had to
have been. I’d told him my dream of having my own horse farm and
helping abused horses, and now I was living it. I felt sick to my
stomach at how much I’d loathed him, and he’d ... he’d given me my
dream and taken away his. I made good money helping people with
their horses. He’d given me that.

“
I’m
guessing, but I don’t know for sure. None of us heard from Sculpt
for months after you came back. Not even Kite. Deck went back down
to Mexico, and this time he was gone a while. Don’t know what
happened, but when Deck came back Sculpt wasn’t with him.” Kat laid
her hand on top of mine. “I’m sorry, Emily. God, I wish I could
take away what happened to both of you.”

“Do you know
what happened there?” I could feel my chest tightening and the
panic begin to creep into my veins at the thought of telling
Kat.

She
shook her head. “No. Not really. I just know when Matt brought you
home you were so broken and hurt. I could see the anger behind your
pain. I love you. Matt and I would do anything for you.” Her voice
quieted. “Sculpt ... I know you hate him, but now that you know the
truth maybe—”

“Kat. God, he
... he did everything to get me out, but I can’t. I just
can’t.”

She lowered
her head and nodded.

“I can’t
forget. I get it. He did it to protect me. He got me out. And I
guess ... He was a victim too. But the memories when I see him ...
They’re too much of who he became.”

“
If you
ever want to ... Shit, Emily, I know you don’t want to go back to a
therapist, but if you need to talk, I’m a good
listener.”

I smiled.
“Kat, you’re a horrible listener—you’re way too impatient.”

She laughed.
“True.”

“Kat, you and
Matt mean the world to me. You’re my family. After what happened
... you gave me time to heal. Yeah, I hate finding out Sculpt owns
the farm. It makes me feel ...” Guilty, maybe. He’d given up his
tour money so that I’d have a place to live and be safe from his
father. “Kat, you and Matt gave up everything for me.”

“God, I hate
to say this but, so did Sculpt.”

My breath
hitched. I looked at her, and my insides twisted as if she’d just
punched me in the stomach. She was right. He had. But she had no
idea that Logan watched me being dragged away to be tortured. The
worst was when Raul held the gun to my head and I heard his feet
shift, and then ... he left me there.

In my head I
knew the truth of why he had to do it that way, but I couldn’t let
him in again. The trust. The laughter. All that had been good
between us, it was tainted.

A second
chance ... there wasn’t one for us.

Kat stood and
placed her hands on her hips staring down at me. “I need a drink.
You need a drink. Lots of drinks. And I’m sure Georgie needs lots
of drinks, so we’re going to Avalanche tonight.”

I really
didn’t feel like dancing or socializing, but staying here wondering
if Logan was coming back was the last thing I wanted to do. I
needed to numb out the plague that was running through my head.

Kat went into
action as she pulled open the closet doors and started tossing
clothes out onto the bed. “Go put your makeup on. I’m picking you
out something to wear. We’re looking extra hot tonight.”

What I
wanted was a bottle of wine and to plop down in front of the
TV
.
I walked into the bathroom and
stared at myself for a long time in the mirror, unable to see who
was looking back at me—the girl broken and lost to a man she fell
in love with or a woman who learned to survive with a broken heart.
Maybe I was a little of both.