Toronto Tales 1 - Cop Out (22 page)

“Uh, sure.” Justin pulled back a little, wary.
“I’m kind of new at… this.” Kurt gestured to the two of them. “New at?” Justin’s brows drew together, and he leaned forward

into Kurt’s space. “Wait. You’re just out?”
Kurt nodded.
“How long?”

How long? This was the first real break he’d had since his birthday—the days had started to merge into one big blur. “Six weeks?”

“Oh my God. You’re practically a virgin!”

Kurt’s face flamed, which he hoped wasn’t visible in the gloom. It wasn’t dark enough to miss Justin adjusting a bulge in his pants, which, in turn, constricted his own pants even more.

Justin glanced around. “Want to talk somewhere a little more private?”

 

No mistaking that invitation. Kurt’s cock swelled even further. “Sure.”

T
HEY
walked into the shadows beside the house, keeping a careful distance between them. The sounds of the party were subdued, like they couldn’t penetrate the darkness. It created a sense of isolation, like he and Justin were the only ones around. Despite his smaller size, Justin crowded him against the rough brick wall and leaned up to kiss him.

Kurt opened his mouth, letting Justin’s tongue inside. He clutched Justin’s slim hips, pressing their groins together, as he explored Justin’s mouth with his tongue. Justin undulated against him, rocking his erection against Kurt’s hard cock.

The sensations of kissing a man were as right as they were the first time he’d done this, but thoughts of Davy pulled him out of the sensual fog surrounding him. He put Davy out of his mind, and dived deeper into Justin’s mouth, trying to devour him. Justin moaned and wormed a hand between them, rubbing at Kurt’s groin. It had been so long since he’d been turned on… so long since Davy… and so much better with a man than it had ever been with a woman.

Justin made quick work of his zipper, drawing his dick out into the night air. The sense of vulnerability, the sense that someone could see, might catch them, made his cock throb and weep. For the first time he understood why people took the risk of getting arrested for public indecency. As a cop he should know better, but his brain was no longer in charge. The thick column of flesh Justin jacked was making all the decisions.

“Undo my pants,” Justin whispered.

Right. He should be returning the favor. Fingers slightly unsteady, and working awkwardly around the hand at his groin, Kurt managed to unzip and free Justin’s erection. His own pleasure took a back seat as he wrapped his hand around someone else’s dick. It was hard and soft at the same time, familiar and foreign. He pulled at it, stroked it like he would his own, and if he imagined it was Davy’s dick, well, no one had to know. Something sharp and painful cracked open in his chest as he lamented he’d never actually gotten to touch Davy. His fingers slid around the head, dragging through the precome he found there. He never got to taste Davy, either. In the lonely days since, he’d tasted his own spunk… always imagining it was Davy’s.

Justin maneuvered them together, grasping both dicks in his hand, leaving Kurt free to just feel as Justin stroked faster and faster. Kurt’s breath sped up in tandem, and his orgasm broke over him, Justin’s hand sliding more freely as his cock jerked and spit.

With a shudder and a groan, Justin found his own release, and the sultry smell of sex permeated the summer humidity around them.

Justin let go, and squatted to wipe his hand on the grass before standing and tucking himself away. Kurt followed suit, but slower. He’d had an orgasm, and not alone. Which should have been great. But it wasn’t. The crack inside widened, leaving him empty and hollow.

Leaning back against the wall, he wondered if his sex life, his love life, was ever going to get easier. Whether he’d ever have the comfort his friends and family had found in relationships.

“That was great, Kurt.” Justin pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Can I see you again?”

Kurt thought about it. Justin seemed like a nice guy. They’d talked for a long time, and he was attracted to him. But Justin wasn’t Davy, and until Kurt made peace with that, it wasn’t fair. His mother would kick his ass if he treated one woman as a substitute for another, and she wouldn’t be any happier if he did it to a man. But the most convincing reason against it was that he wouldn’t be happy doing it. He became a cop because he believed in doing the right thing. This wasn’t it.

“I’m sorry Justin. I’m….” He sucked in a deep breath. The sudden resurgence of male musk in his nostrils made him question, for a fraction of a second, his decision. “I’m in love with someone else, and until I get over that, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“In love? Oh. Right, well, I like you Kurt. How come you’re not with this guy?”
“It’s a long story, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I’m trying to come to grips with that. He’s the reason I came out.”

“And what, he kicked you to the curb when you did? Why the hell wouldn’t he snatch up a guy like you? I know we just met, but I have an instinct. You’re a good guy, and you’re hot as hell.”

The darkness hid Kurt’s embarrassment. “You’re a good guy too. Actually, he doesn’t know I’ve come out. He thought I wanted to keep him a secret, so he dumped me. And I came out because he was right. It wasn’t a secret I should have been keeping.”

“So, why aren’t you… holy shit, Kurt. Does he even
know
you came out?”
“No, I…. Shit.”

“Oh, Kurt.” Justin gave him another, longer kiss before he stepped back. “Tell him. And if it
still
doesn’t work out, give me a call. Pass on my thanks to Simon and Jen for a great party, but I think I’m going home now.”

Justin left him there in the dark, as his worldview shifted and reformed beneath his feet. He wasn’t going to text Davy about this. For all he knew, Davy wasn’t even reading his texts. Seeing Davy in person, making him listen, that was what he had to do.

Kurt grew up fighting for the independence to make his own decisions, not to let his family coddle him. He’d fought his way up the rank and file to detective. He struggled through his self-revelation, admitting to himself he was gay. He’d even found the courage to tell his family something that could have ripped him from their regard. But it never occurred to him that he might have to fight Davy for the chance to make them both happy. He’d wallowed long enough. As soon as this damned operation was over, he was going to.

The sounds of the party got louder, or at least, he became more aware of them. Glancing down, he determined his appearance wouldn’t show anything untoward, like he’d gotten a hand job in the dark. He laughed. Just like a high school party, hooking up like the hormoneriddled sex fiends they were. How… embarrassing now that he was an adult.

He walked back around to the yard, where it appeared most of the party had moved out to the patio. Tiki torches cast welcoming yellow light, and Kurt stepped out of the shadows, hoping no one would wonder where he’d been.

No such luck. Simon bent over a cooler, grabbed a beer, and headed straight over.

“So… where’s Justin?” Thankfully, Simon kept his voice low. “He went home. He said thanks for inviting him.”

“Uh-huh. Went home, eh? I noticed you two were missing for a bit. You seeing him again?”

Oh God. Maybe there is something to be said for a friend who didn’t want to know about your personal life. Still, he was grateful he met Justin. If nothing else, it gave him further confirmation he was gay, despite not knowing all the rules for gay dating or hookups. Orgasm aside, the interlude went a lot smoother than any of his recent dates with women.

“No. I don’t think so.”
Simon’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected Kurt’s response.

“Nope. I’m… gonna talk to Davy. In person. Try to clear the air. See if we can get past this.”

“Good for you. I was wondering when you were going to figure that out. I hate seeing you text him every damned week.”
“Yeah. I don’t know if it will change anything, but I need to either shit or get off the pot. This half-life is kind of stupid.”

Simon elbowed him. “I’m glad
you
said it was stupid. When are you going to do it?”

“Honestly, I’m afraid he’s not going to change his mind. With this operation coming up, I’d rather wait until after. If it doesn’t go well, I might have trouble keeping my head in the game.” But if it didn’t work out, if Davy truly was done with him, at least he knew he’d be able to go on. When he recovered from the blow, he’d jump back into dating—men, this time.

They both sipped at their beer.
“Hey, did you end up getting anything to eat?”
“No.” Kurt’s stomach chose that minute to chime in. “C’mon, I think there’s a few burgers left.”

By the barbeque, Simon quickly slapped a grilled patty on a hamburger bun and handed the plate to Kurt. “Basics are here— ketchup, mustard, relish. Everything else is inside.”

Kurt set his beer on the table and reached past the Dijon mustard for the plastic yellow bottle behind it. Squeezy bottle in hand, he froze. Mustard. Oh, God. He remembered the discussions with Davy about mustard. He remembered the first time he’d had burgers at Davy’s house, with no mustard. Burgers at Lettie’s, where Davy handed him the mustard without asking if he wanted it. Mustard arriving with Davy’s homemade Greek burgers… mustard that Davy had bought and kept in his house just for Kurt, even though Davy hated the stuff. And that was only one of several instances where Davy had shown he cared what Kurt liked, cared about his preferences.

The mustard was one of the little things he’d envied about the relationships his friends and family had. The silent dance couples did, communication, inside jokes, meaningful looks. Kurt had had all that with Davy, but hadn’t realized it. He’d thought it was only the best friendship he’d ever had, but he’d been in a relationship and didn’t know it. Davy maybe didn’t know it, either, which was probably why the introduction of their aggressive sex had thrown them both off stride. Neither of them had been ready to acknowledge the sudden shift in their comfort zone from friends to lovers. Hell, Davy probably hadn’t known until that night that Kurt was wavering in his sexuality, which maybe explained their vicious fight.

Hope, true hope, filled the dark emptiness inside. Maybe his chance at happiness wasn’t so improbable after all.

 

Simon looked at him, saw the huge grin stretching muscles Kurt hadn’t used in quite a while.

 

“What?”

 

“I just remembered something. Something that means maybe Davy cared about me too.”

He got a snort in reply. “Hell, I knew he cared about you the night Jen and I met him. I just didn’t know you cared the same way. Jen did, though.”

Surprise wiped his smile away. “Jen did?”

“I didn’t really believe her, not until I heard it from you. Although I recognized how comfortable you were with him. And Jen said she’s started wondering after the Tiffany incident.” Simon lowered his voice and glanced around before he said the name
Tiffany
, in case she was within earshot.

Huh. Strangely, that made him appreciate his friendship with Simon, and Jen, even more. Because they never questioned, never treated him differently, and Jen had even saved him from that woman at Mike’s birthday. Hell, women were friends with gay men all the time, or so TV seemed to say. She might have suspected long before he did. Made trying to hide himself from people who cared about him even more stupid.

Two weeks. Two weeks and he’d talk to Davy. Maybe he’d get the chance to bring Davy over here or double date with Simon and Jen. Take Davy to one of his family’s raucous birthday celebrations.

If things didn’t work, it would wreck him, but he couldn’t squelch the hope rising, and wasn’t sure he wanted to. Reminding himself of the mustard would get him through the next several days.

Chapter Sixteen

 

F
LASHING
red lights strobed in Kurt’s eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The stretcher rattled as it hit the back of the ambulance, drawing a hiss from him. He wanted to shout, to cry, but the pain was so intense he barely had the air to breathe.

“Careful with him,” Simon barked at the EMTs.
Moisture leaked from his eyes.

Simon climbed in beside him, and Kurt stared up at him from the gurney. His partner was the milky color of a cartoon ghost, splashes of blood stark against his blue shirt. A coppery scent warred with the antiseptic fumes in the back of the ambulance.

“Hang in there, Kurt.”

He tried to force a reply out, but his lungs, his throat failed to function. A pinch where the IV was inserted surprised him, mostly because he didn’t think he’d ever be able to feel anything but the gunshot wound. He didn’t want to die, but it felt like a cannonball had punched through his chest.

“You’re going to be just fine,” the female EMT said. Probably meant to soothe him, but Kurt didn’t believe her. This wasn’t fine. He might never be fine. He was slowly suffocating in an ocean of pain.

“Sssss….” Fuck.
The vehicle went over a bump in the road, and he cried out.

“Jesus, give him something for the pain!” Simon was pissed and scared. Which scared the fuck out of him. He reached out and tugged at Simon’s sleeve.