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I wasn’t sure how long I bumbled behind the counter before
Beatriz tugged me to the backroom and sat me down with a sandwich she pulled
from a plastic baggy.  It looked like something Gran made.  My hand trembled as
I ate it numb inside and out.

Beatriz left me alone in the backroom for twenty minutes, just
enough time for me to finish a soda and the shakes to fade.  Then she put me
back to work.  This time, I slid into the routine with more ease.

Beatriz flipped the sign on the door at exactly one.  We
cleaned in silence.  Mona tried giving me tip money, but I saw the pathetic
amount in the jar.  I shook my head.  She didn’t push me.

Back in the car shivering as the chill of the leather seats
seeped into the backs of my legs, I looked out the windshield.  “I know what
you’re doing,” I said quietly as she started the engine.

“Good for you,” she said sarcastically.  It lacked any
malice.

“Pulling me back into my old life won’t change anything,” I
pointed out.  She had to know.  The sooner she accepted it, the faster she
could move on.

“You’re right.  It won’t.  If he’s still alive, he’ll be
back soon.  If he’s not, you’ll die in a few weeks.  I just don’t see how
staying in your room is a better option for anyone.  Your life isn’t just about
you, Tessa.  It’s about the people who love you too.”

Ouch.

“I know you’re dying.  Not just in a few weeks, but inside…
right now.  I can’t make that go away.”

We both sat in the idling car outside the Coffee Shop,
staring straight ahead.

“But maybe I can help it fade.  Just a little bit every
day,” she said, turning to look at me.  “If I only have you for a few more
weeks, please let me try.”  Tears thickened her voice.

A few of my own spilled over my lower lashes.  I nodded
stiffly.  I would pull myself up.  Live again for as long as I had.  Morik
wasn’t the only one who loved me.  I needed to remember that.

*    *    *    *

During the following week, Beatriz stuck to my side.  She
continued to use her mother’s car to take me to and from school.  She sat with
me at lunch and met me in the hall after each class.  She didn’t try to keep a
cheery disposition or lighten my mood.  In fact, she adopted a snarky attitude
that kept most people at bay.

Slowly, I caught up on homework.  Sitting at the kitchen
table ignoring the snack Gran placed between us, I listened to Beatriz’s
repeated sighs.

“What?” I finally asked setting down my pencil.

“Nothing,” she grumbled while scratching another answer on
her paper.  She found math easy, so I knew the work wasn’t the source of her
sighing.  I continued to wait and she gave in.  “Ted didn’t last more than the
dance.  I’d really hoped he’d be…” she sighed and shook her head, “something
special.”

I hadn’t thought much of Ted to begin with.  Sure, he would
have been nice, but a little too boring for Beatriz.

“So find someone better,” I said not wanting to talk about
Ted or any other boy.  I picked up my pencil, but she wasn’t done with the
conversation yet.

“That’s just it.  How do I know if the next one will really
be any better?  I need a way to see into them.  Who they really are.  Who they
will be.”  She eyed me expectantly.

I wilted into my chair.  “Mom told you.”  How much more had
my mother told Beatriz?  Since Beatriz stayed until just before the chant, I
never got a chance to ask.

“Please, Tessa,” she begged.

“Who they are for me might not be who they are for you.”

“A wife beater is a wife beater.  You can give me the
basics,” she insisted.

I wrinkled my nose and rolled my eyes.  She clapped knowing
she’d won.

*    *    *    *

The next day, using the years of skill I acquired, I
casually touched over fifty boys while Beatriz hovered close by.  At first, we
started random.  Then we moved to specific targets.  A few I just shook my head
and wouldn’t give any explanation.  For the most part, the images of my
possible futures invoked more heartache, which for the purpose of the exercise
was good for Beatriz.

Touching one boy started me crying.  He reached out to pat
my arm in sympathy without even knowing what started the tears.  With him, I
saw six beautiful girls.  I wouldn’t let him die alone, not after losing
Morik.  I set it up to go with him leaving six girls all under the age of eight
with my mother and Aunt.  The largest number of children yet.

By Friday, I begged Beatriz to let me alone.  She conceded…
for the weekend.

With relief, I went to work Saturday morning.  Mona welcomed
me back, officially, with a smile.

Beatriz and Brad came in just after one.  Their parents were
once again out of town and Brad planned another party.  Neither would accept no
for an answer.  Beatriz, promising to return me home, before dark coaxed me
into Brad’s car.

Dressed in work clothes, I went along thinking I’d help them
prepare like I’d done before.  Only, the party was already in full swing when
we arrived with Tommy running the bar.  He looked at Brad with relief and
pulled Beatriz and me to the air hockey table.  Beatriz, in her element,
started challenging others.  Rudely.

When she returned me home just before dark, she waved good-bye
with a promise to see me the following day.  Everyone waited for me inside,
ready to chant me to sleep.

*   
*    *    *

True to her word, Beatriz and Brad walked into the Coffee
Shop five minutes before close.

“Save me,” I whispered to Mona.

She gave a small laugh.  “No way.  She was lost without you
for that week.  She came in three times asking questions and planning.”  Mona
abruptly stopped talking and looked at me with worry.

I smiled weakly.  “Don’t worry.  I know what she’s doing,” I
assured Mona.  “I love her too much to tell her to give up.”

Mona grew serious, following me in back when I went to
restock the sandwich containers.  “I don’t know what went on with you and your
man,” she held up her hands, “and I don’t want to know.  But seeing how it
affected you, how you looked when you walked in here last week compared to how
you are now… she did what needed doing.”

Beatriz came back, interrupting our conversation.  “Hurry it
up, slacker,” she grinned.  “Brad’s taking us shopping.”

I groaned and started slicing tomatoes.  Slowly.  It didn’t
matter.  When it came to shopping, Beatriz had plenty of patience.

Thirty minutes later, we sat in the car heading to the mall.

Brad and Beatriz kept up a teasing conversation about the
party the day before.  Tommy had defiled Beatriz’s room again.  She refused to
speak to him.

“Did he clean it up?” I asked from the backseat.

“There wasn’t anything to clean up,” Brad said with a
laugh.  “Tommy just fell asleep in Beatriz’s bed, the only place in the house
where he knew no one would bother him.  He wasn’t feeling well.”

“What’s wrong with your room?” she demanded.

He shrugged.

“Where did you end up sleeping?” I wondered as Brad pulled
into the parking lot.

“In my bed.  I managed to shove Tommy to the floor, but he
was too medicated to move him any further.  I’m just glad he didn’t snore.”

I caught something in her tone that gave me pause.  Perhaps
I needed to take a peek at Tommy.

She led the charge to her favorite store.  Brad sat outside
the dressing room with me to give his opinion.

“So is Tommy a good friend?” I asked while we waited for her
to emerge.

“Yea, we went to high school together, but didn’t really
walk in the same circles.  I really got to know him this year.  We both picked
the same university without knowing it and ended up across the hall from each
other.”

Beatriz opened her door turning for us to admire her
outfit.  When she ducked back into the dressing room, I turned back to Brad to
continue my questioning.  “Is he seeing anyone?”

Brad’s eyebrows rose an inch.  He cleared his throat
uncomfortably before shaking his head.  I took pity on him and stopped
talking.  If I could find someone for Beatriz before my time ran out, I’d feel
better about leaving.  Mom had Stephen.  Aunt Grace didn’t want anyone.  Her
car made her happy.  Gran had Aunt Danielle and the widow down the road.  I
just needed to solve Beatriz.

The more the idea tumbled around in my head, the more merit
it had.  A boyfriend would do more than keep her company.  He would distract
her.  I could see her crazy determination intensifying as my birthday
approached.  It would only be a matter of time before she outright suggests I
start looking for a replacement.  I knew that was her intent behind me
“looking” for her.  Yes, she needed a distraction.

I sat beside Brad for twenty minutes struggling to contain
my agitation.  Sitting at the mall shopping hadn’t been my idea of fun before… 
I swallowed audibly.

“Ready for a break?” Brad asked beside me.

Since bringing up Tommy, he’d kept to himself.

“Yes,” I whispered desperately.

“Bea, we’re heading to the court to get a drink.  Coming?”

Her reply came back muffled.  “No, I’ll catch up.  Just a
few more to try.”

I rolled my eyes and followed Brad out of the store rolling
my shoulders to ease some of the tension caused by waiting in a hard plastic
chair for more than twenty minutes.

“I didn’t think there existed a girl who didn’t love
shopping,” Brad laughed watching my expression.

“Shopping’s okay if you can go in get what you need and get
back out.  The waiting gets a little boring,” I admitted.  Brad smiled and
nodded.  He bought me lemonade and we sat at one of the tables people watching,
which suited me fine.  Mostly, I kept remembering the last time I’d stood in a
dressing room with a pin poking my side.  A pain tightened my chest.  I missed
him so much.

Brad reached over and laced his fingers through mine.  The
unexpected gesture took me by surprise, and I pulled back.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.  “You looked like you needed a friend.”

Quickly scrubbing my hands over my face, I wiped away the
visual traces of my misery.  “Thanks.  I’m okay,” I lied.

*    *    *    *

Beatriz cornered me Monday morning.  I should have known
she’d find me when I hadn’t spotted her at the entrance.

“Let’s skip first hour and go to the library,” she said
leaning against my locker.

“I just got caught up with homework,” I protested weakly.

She shrugged.  I sighed and tossed my books back into the
steel locker.

The librarian didn’t look up when we walked in.  The one
place they didn’t take attendance.

Beatriz led me to the overstuffed chairs near the back.

“So,” she whispered.  “I’ve been patient, but now I need to
know.”  She looked at me expectantly.

“Know what?”

“What happened.  Your mom said you didn’t say much before
you went catatonic.”

I glowered at her feeling a true pinch of anger toward my
friend.  “Maybe it’s because it hurts too much to talk about it.”

She leaned forward.  “There may be something you overlooked
that can help us figure out…” she trailed off.

“If he’s coming back,” I finished for her.  “The answer is
no.  When he first started driving me around on the motorcycle, he told me he
could be hurt just like us.  That morning, I’d just come out of the bathroom,
ready for work.  I thought I heard him outside on the front walk.  It was
Brian.  A kid from my old school.  He had a gun in his hand and asked me if he
was there.  He pointed the gun at me.  His hand shook so much.  He looked like
hell.  Like he hadn’t slept since…”  I looked at Beatriz in astonishment. 
“Ahgred.”

“You lost me,” Beatriz said confused.

“Ahgred is like Morik, but not.  He’s bad.  He’d been using
people to watch me.  Possessing them.  Remember Ashley?”  Beatriz’s eyes
rounded.  “I made a deal with Morik.  Trading my freedom to keep Ahgred from
using people to watch me or speak to me.  People he used remembered everything. 
He’d been using Brian.  When I saw Brian last, before the shooting, he’d been
crying, curled in a ball in the woods.  Morik said he got him help.  I’m
thinking Ahgred tried using Brian again.  That’s why he showed up at the door. 
How else would he know where Morik lived?”

“Does that help us?” Beatriz asked clearly confused.

“Yes and no.  It doesn’t give us an answer, but gives me a
place to start asking questions.”

“Whoa, wait.  Are you saying you want to talk to this Ahgred? 
Didn’t you just say he was bad?”

I chewed on my lip.  Ahgred came out at dark or through
other people during the day.  I’d cut off the possibility of daytime contact. 
That meant nighttime contact only.  I remember what happened the last time I’d
seen him at night.  He’d chased me.  I could just image what would happen if he
caught me.  He’d finished burning his mark into my skin.  I shivered.

“You’re right.  I can’t.  I’d rather die than let him touch
me again,” I whispered truthfully.

We sat there in silence, each lost in our own thoughts until
the bell rang.

After school, Beatriz gave me a ride home asking questions
about Ahgred until she knew as much about his as I did.

“Maybe you could make a deal with him to get information,”
she suggested pulling into my driveway.

“No.  Whatever he could tell me isn’t worth the price.  Like
you said, either Morik’s alive, or he isn’t.  Knowing won’t change anything.”

She sighed and said what I knew she’d been working up to for
a week now.  “You would know if you should start looking for someone else.”

“No, Beatriz.  I won’t kill someone, so I can live.  And I
won’t pass on Belinda’s stupidity to another generation.  It ends with me.”

She nodded, but didn’t look like she took me seriously.  I
got out of the car and waved as she pulled away.  Down the road, a figure
abruptly turned and walked away.  I recognized the back of Brian’s head and
felt a shiver of fear.  He walked stiffly away, a slight twitch to his walk.