Touch Me (3 page)

“Everything okay?” Jeremy looked up at him, dark eyes wide and trusting.

He shook off his momentary disorientation. “Yeah, fine.” He positioned his hands on Jeremy’s collarbone and worked his fingers in small circles up his neck to the back of his skull. Jeremy sighed and closed his eyes.

Erik found himself entranced by the faint freckles across the kid’s nose; a young man teetering on the brink of manhood. Give him a few years and that mix of shy charm and boyish good looks would make him irresistible. He found himself wishing he could be around to see it.

He flattened his palms on Jeremy’s chest, smoothing out the pectoral muscles and then working down to his abdominals. The position made him lean forward as he reached, brought his face close to Jeremy’s; close enough that he could smell the soap he’d used in the shower. Erik skimmed his hands back up, flicking Jeremy’s nipples on the way. Jeremy’s lips parted as he gasped. His tongue darted out, swiped across them and left them wet and shining. Erik wondered how receptive he would be to other things.

On his second pass, he nuzzled Jeremy’s ear and was rewarded when he didn’t pull away. On his third, Erik pressed his lips to Jeremy’s temple, made sure to graze the kid’s cheek with his sandpaper stubble. And on the fourth pass, Jeremy turned his head and kissed him. It was a chaste, close-mouthed kiss, upside down and awkward. But a kiss nonetheless. Erik’s heart stuttered. His cock gave an eager pulse.

He tried again. This time Jeremy’s lips parted, his tongue flicked at the seam of Erik’s lips. When he opened them, Jeremy licked inside eagerly.

Erik had to pull away before he lost himself.

He moved to the side of the table, fervently hoping Jeremy didn’t notice the way his hands shook. But those chocolate-brown eyes were watching him closely.

“You’re hard,” Jeremy observed. Erik found it difficult to tell if he was excited or repulsed by that.

“Of course,” he replied, trying to sound casual. The outline of his erection was very visible through the stretchy fabric of the warm-up pants. “This is very hot.
You’re
very hot.”

“It is? But I’m not even touching you.”

“Arousal happens primarily in the brain, you know. The body is secondary.”

Jeremy seemed to consider this as Erik refreshed the massage oil and glided his hands over that smooth, taut stomach and pelvis, letting his thumbs skim the shaft of Jeremy’s upward curving cock. It flexed eagerly against his stomach, beckoning.

Erik felt something flutter at his hip. He looked down to find Jeremy’s hand there, not moving, his fingers curled in the waistband. Even through the fabric, the touch burned. His breath caught. It seemed like forever since someone had touched him. Probably had been.

“I never kissed a guy before,” Jeremy mused. His voice had a soft, dreamy tone to it.

“Did you like it?”

“Could we do it again?”

Erik knew it was dangerous. This kid was bringing out a side of him he had forgotten existed—playful, passionate, exciting—but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He bent his head and kissed Jeremy hungrily, trying to silence the riot of emotions building inside him. Jeremy nibbled on Erik’s lower lip before he pushed his tongue into his mouth. Erik sucked on that slick tongue, wringing a moan from Jeremy’s throat. He wrenched away before things got out of control.

Jeremy’s smile was soft and knowing. Erik gave himself a mental shake. He couldn’t recall a session ever working him up so much. He needed to end this, soon.

Picking up the lube bottle, he squeezed and let the clear liquid drizzle over the head of Jeremy’s stiff cock. The kid’s stomach contracted at the sensation. Next, Erik slicked him up. Then, grasping the base of his shaft with one hand, he began to jerk Jeremy’s cock with long, slow, tight strokes. Each time he neared the tip, he lined his fingers up so that they teased that bundle of nerve endings where glans met shaft. Jeremy twitched and shook with each stroke. “I swear I’m going to come if you keep that up.”

Erik shifted gears and cradled the now slippery erection between his palms. He began rubbing them together, almost as if he were starting a fire and Jeremy’s cock was the starter. Then he circled them in opposite directions. Jeremy’s head rolled side to side on the table; his breath came in loud and ragged bursts. The fingers of one hand clutched the cotton cover; the other explored his chest, sliding repeatedly over his pecs before slipping down between his legs to rub beneath his balls and down into his crack. Simply watching the young man touch himself was enough to push Erik to the edge again.

Not long now
, he thought.

Then he stopped, changed his mind. He wasn’t ready yet.

Jeremy’s eyes flew open, so dark they were almost black. “Why’d you stop?”

“You’re enjoying this too much.”

“Thought that was the point.”

“It is. But I’m not done playing with you yet. You’re so responsive.”

“Yeah? I think I’m ready for one of those.” The kid nodded toward the display of sex toys.

“Are you?” Erik watched the kid’s face as he pretended to consider which toy to use. He’d already made up his mind the minute Jeremy walked in the room. He let his fingers still on a nine-inch dildo that was snaked with bulging veins and saw Jeremy’s eyes widen in alarm. He passed it over and selected one of his favorites—a small vibrator, about the size and shape of a ballpoint pen.

Jeremy frowned when he saw it. “That’s it?”

“Tsk, tsk. It’s not the size that matters. Don’t you know that?” With a knowing smile, Erik clicked the button at the base of the vibrator’s shaft and a tiny electric hum filled the room. The kid’s brown eyes glinted with new interest.

He held the vibrating wand against the arch of Jeremy’s right foot until he started squirming. Then he slowly dragged it up the inside of his leg, bypassing the kid’s bobbing cock, over his hip bone and up his side to his armpit. Jeremy flinched and then laughed.

“Ticklish?” Erik asked. He moved to the opposite side of the table and repeated the same path on the other side of Jeremy’s body.

When he drew the point over one tight nipple, Jeremy gasped. “Jesus,” he whispered. He kept his eyes open and on Erik’s face. Erik held his breath expectantly as he lowered the wand to the young man’s groin. He ran it over Jeremy’s swollen sac and watched as his nuts jumped inside. Unhurriedly, he teased the underside of the kid’s dick.

He worked a bit more lube into Jeremy’s hole and slid the vibrator right in. “Oh my god, oh my god,” he repeated in wonder. He covered his face with his hands. His legs thrashed restlessly on the table. His balls were drawn up tight. The kid was on the edge. He wouldn’t be able to take much more. Neither would Erik if he were honest.

Jeremy moaned when he removed the vibrator. He peaked out from behind his fingers. “I don’t know how much more I… oh, fuck,” he gasped as Erik bathed his nut sac with his tongue and then sucked one tender orb into his mouth. Erik moaned at the salty, sweaty taste. He never gave head to a client—it wasn’t worth the risk—but goddamn, he wanted this boy’s cock. He released Jeremy’s ball reluctantly, before he was tempted to break his own rules.

Another squirt of lube and he began jerking Jeremy in earnest. Tight, quick strokes.

Jeremy grabbed his wrist and tugged his hand back down between his legs. “Do it again,” he pleaded. “Please. Put your finger back in my ass. That was so good.”

Jeremy spread his legs, drew his knees up, making room. Erik pressed his aching erection into the edge of the table, but instead of dimming his need, the additional discomfort only inflamed it. If he didn’t get the kid off soon, he was going to come in his pants.

Still keeping the one hand jerking Jeremy’s cock, Erik slowly penetrated Jeremy again. He added a second finger. Thrust them in and out, working both hands in tandem.

Jeremy’s hands slid over his chest. He pinched his nipples, his moans growing louder. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m gonna…”

His back arched. His thighs quivered. A second later, a jet of come exploded from his cock, splashing all the way up his chest. Another followed. And another. Erik continued milking him until Jeremy was wrung dry and he was trembling on the table. A touch on his wrist told him to stop.

Erik’s chest was tight, his head muddled. He struggled to get his breathing under control. He turned away to wipe his unsteady hands on the towel he’d left nearby.

“Oh my god,” Jeremy moaned weakly, one limp arm flung over his closed eyes. “I think you ruined sex for me.”

Erik would have laughed except his own body was aching for a release he couldn’t have. Not yet anyway. “No reason your girlfriend can’t do that for you.”

Those plump, rosy lips curled downward. “No. She can’t do
that
.”

“Just lay there a minute,” he instructed. He resisted the strongest urge to lap up the come from Jeremy’s heaving chest and used the rag instead.

“I couldn’t move if I tried right now.” Jeremy chuckled. “Sorry. I hope you don’t have to be anywhere in a hurry.”

Because he couldn’t help himself, Erik leaned down and placed a gentle buss on Jeremy’s lips. Those fathomless dark eyes opened and stared into his.

Jeremy’s gaze lowered to the obvious tent in Erik’s pants, then flicked back up to his face. “Do you want me to…?”

Erik shook his head. “No.”

Whoa. Was that disappointment on Jeremy’s furrowed brow? “I don’t get it,” he said. “If you don’t nut, why do you do this?”

It was impossible to explain to an outsider. He didn’t bother to try. When he first agreed to this crazy set up, when he and George devised this game as a way to maintain intimacy even when they could no longer be intimate, Erik promised himself to never let it get personal. And it hadn’t. This kid was as close as he’d come to crossing that invisible boundary he’d set for himself. It wasn’t fair to George, no matter what he said. He couldn’t do that to the love of his life.

But over the years it had also become more than a game to Erik. He saw that he could actually help people.

“It’s not about that,” he said now. “It’s not about me, really. It’s about making a safe place for people—men—to explore their sexuality.”

“Did someone do that for you?”

A memory of his much younger self flashed through his mind; twenty-six years ago, fresh off the bus and straight into the first gay bar he could find. Horny and naïve, his first real experience would have been a raw fuck with a stranger in a grimy bathroom stall if George hadn’t stepped in. AIDS was a full-blown epidemic then; if not for George, he could be dead by now.

“In a way,” Erik responded. He’d already revealed more about himself to this kid than he had to any other client.

“It’s not really fair though, is it? You get to do the touching, but no one touches you.” Jeremy’s words pierced his invisible armor like a sharpened arrow. Bull’s-eye.

Unaware of Erik’s turmoil, Jeremy sat up gingerly and swung his long legs over the side of the table. “I didn’t get to use one of those big ones,” he said with a sheepish grin and a nod of his head toward the dildos.

Wouldn’t that have been something
? His breath caught at the mental image of flesh-colored silicone cock crammed up Jeremy’s ass. Maybe he’d even want something real.

Jesus, what was wrong with him? Erik was alarmed at the direction of his thoughts. He knew George would understand, hell he’d be downright encouraging, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It felt too much like cheating.

“Why don’t you go get dressed. Use the shower again if you want.”

Jeremy seemed far less concerned about his nudity than he had been earlier. He left the door open this time, giving Erik a glimpse of his naked body as he hopped in the shower.

Erik’s hand went to his cock, massaging it through the soft fabric of his warm-up pants. What would Jeremy do if he went in there now and joined him in the shower? Uh, oh.
None of that, mister
. He thrust a hand down his pants and gave his balls a hard tug. He had to wait until he got home. Those were the rules he had created for himself.

He kept busy by blowing out the candles and stripping the massage table for tomorrow’s laundry.

A short time later, Jeremy was pulling his t-shirt over his wet head as he walked out of the bathroom. “Can I see you again?” he asked.

Erik wanted to say yes, he really did. Which is exactly why he said the opposite. “Sorry, I don’t take repeat customers.” That much was true. It was safer not to encourage further relationships with his clients. He had made an exception or two over the years, but he didn’t think it would be safe to do that with Jeremy. The boy brought out something in him. He could easily see himself getting too attached.

“Oh.” Jeremy’s shoulders drooped. “I guess this is goodbye then.”

Erik handed him back his coat. “Thanks for coming.”

Jeremy laughed hollowly. “Coming. Right.”

Saying goodbye to a client wasn’t normally this difficult. A twinge of guilt nettled Erik. He felt as though he’d started the kid on his journey of self-discovery and then thrown him to the wolves.

Jeremy was quiet as Erik guided him back down the corridor to the rear entrance. At the door he stopped.

“Can I like, email you at least?” Those huge brown eyes searched his face. “I-there’s not really anyone I can talk to…”

Fuck, it was a bad idea. But Erik felt himself caving. He couldn’t let the kid struggle through a sexual identity crises on his own, right? He remembered feeling the same isolation at Jeremy’s age. Besides, what could a few emails hurt? “Okay,” he said.

Jeremy’s grin was brilliant, a flash of big white teeth. He suddenly threw his arms around Erik and squeezed him tight. He planted a quick kiss on his lips and then he was gone out into the night.

Erik shivered in the cold, the biting March wind wilting the last of his erection. He shut the door and engaged the deadbolt before heading back to his room.

He packed away the dildos and toys they’d never gotten to and threw the used towels into the laundry hamper. As he tidied up, he called home. He let it ring. Sometimes Luce was in the middle of something and couldn’t make it to the phone quickly.