Touch Me Gently (9 page)

“Good morning, bro, Kaden! Mmmm, smells good.” She sank gracefully down in the chair beside Logan, and smiled at Kaden. “So did you survive that storm last night?”

Kaden almost choked on a bite of toast, coughing to clear his throat and taking a sip of his orange juice to ease the crumbs down. His voice strained, he replied, “I survived it… okay.” Another flush crept up his neck to invade his cheeks.

Logan hid a smile behind his glass of orange juice, but couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as he ate, sneaking little glances at Kaden. At one point, he caught Kaden looking at him, and he winked, almost laughing out loud at the way Kaden’s eyes immediately dropped to his plate and the embarrassed expression that graced his features. The younger man was absolutely adorable, and he couldn’t wait to have a few moments alone with him again.

Unbeknownst to the two of them, Shea spent most of breakfast observing the glances they shared. She could sense something had changed between them, and as soon as Logan and the men left for the fields, she pounced. “So, Kaden, want to tell me what’s goin’ on between you and my brother?”

Her abrupt question shocked him so much that he dropped one of the plates he carried, watching in dismay as it smashed to the floor and pieces of glass went everywhere. “I… I… don’t know what you mean.” He put the rest of the plates in the sink and returned to start picking up the pieces.

Shea leaned back in her chair, a knowing smirk on her rosy lips. “Sure you do. I mean after all, anyone with enough brains could see the looks this morning between you two. Did he kiss you?”

“Eh?!” Kaden winced as a piece of glass wedged itself in his palm due to his being distracted by her words. Pulling it out carefully, he grimaced at the sight of the blood welling up and spilling down his wrist.

“Now look what you made me do!” He glared at her and stood, dumping the pieces of the plate in the trash, and stuck his hand underneath the water running from the faucet, filling the sink. He watched the blood stain the water pink and wondered what he should tell Shea.

Shea stood up and moved to his side. “If you tell me what happened last night, I’ll go get you a BAND-AID,” she teased, studying the red-faced teenager.

“I… don’t like thunderstorms. They… scare me. I guess he heard me last night and came down to check on me. He… we… kissed.” He looked down into the soapy water, waiting for her to be disgusted, but to his complete surprise she squealed happily and side-hugged him tightly.

“Finally! I can’t believe how long you two have been dancing around the issue!” Shea practically bounced off the floor with her giddiness.

“You… aren’t disgusted?” he asked incredulously, turning his head to look at her, his eyes slightly wide.

“Of course not! Why would I be? Because you’re two guys? Please. Love comes in all forms, honey. There’s no difference between a man and a woman, two men, or two women. I’m so happy! It’s the first time I’ve seen Logan look happy since our parents….” She trailed off and looked away, down at the floor.

Even though curiosity about their parents stung Kaden, he held his tongue, knowing it wasn’t right for him to ask when he wasn’t exactly forthcoming about his own past. He smiled encouragingly at her and leaned into her hug. “As long as you are okay with it, then I won’t worry what others think, I guess. I still don’t know if he’s okay with what happened.”

He looked uncertainly at her, his own concerns and worries obvious in his eyes. “Maybe it was a one-time thing, and he won’t want to repeat it. Maybe he did it to try and calm me down since I freaked out about the storm. I don’t know.” He sighed and pulled away from her to finish getting the dishes from the dining room.

Shea followed to help him, and tried to soothe his fears. “Logan likes you, Kaden. I could see it that first week you were here. Yesterday really upset him when you left. I know it. Besides, if he does anything to upset you, he knows I’ll kick his ass.” She winked at him, causing him to laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

He finished washing up the dishes, drying them, and putting them away for the next meal. Shea went upstairs to get the BAND-AID for his palm, and insisted on rubbing it with alcohol, which stung, and then applied the BAND-AID herself. He noticed the way she glanced at his wrist to check if he’d stopped cutting himself. He’d only done it once since the day he’d been in Logan’s bathroom. About a week after the incident at the pond, he’d been overcome by memories of his past and his lust for Logan, sending him over the edge. But as he’d watched the blood well up from the first cut, he remembered the promise he’d made to Logan and Shea. Unwilling to ruin the friendship they were building, he’d stopped, dropping the razor into the bathroom sink, watching the blood staining the white porcelain pink. He’d worn the wristband for a while longer, just until that cut had healed enough to where it didn’t look fresh. Then he’d removed it and left it off ever since.

After cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, he wandered outside to spend time with Mantacor. Shea left to go see some friends in town, and he waved goodbye, chuckling when Mantacor bumped his shoulder with his nose to get Kaden’s attention on him. The horse lapped at his hair, and Kaden wondered if the horse would let him in the corral with him. Maybe it would be all right since Logan suggested that he help him with Mantacor. So he moved over to the gate, opening it and slipping inside before latching it again. Mantacor backed away, and Kaden’s expression dropped. Instead of giving up like he would have in the past, he just knelt down where he stood and waited for Mantacor to approach him. The horse continued to shy away from him, coming close only to dart away if Kaden even flicked an eyelash.

Kaden lost all sense of time, concentrating only on the horse, waiting for him to show the trust they’d built together. Mantacor studied him from the middle of the paddock, and after what seemed forever, he slowly moved toward Kaden, step by step, until he stood in front of the boy. Kaden held up his hand and smiled when Mantacor’s nose dropped into his palm. “That’s a good boy, Mantacor. See, I would never hurt you.”

He wrinkled his nose as Mantacor nuzzled his neck where he kneeled, tickling him, and he laughed, startling the horse for a split second before it relaxed again. The sound of trucks and hooves plodding along brought his head up, and he spotted the men heading back to the ranch. That must mean they were bringing back some of the cattle to brand or castrate again. Mantacor heard the sounds and snorted nervously, shifting his hooves against the packed dirt beneath them. Kaden slowly stood up, patting Mantacor’s neck gently before turning to leave the paddock. To his astonishment, the horse grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged, trying to keep him in the paddock. Kaden laughed and turned his head to peer over his shoulder.

“It’s all right, Mantacor, I’ll come back.” But the horse stubbornly refused to let go and started pulling him back into the middle of the corral.

Not knowing what else to do, Kaden followed, and that’s where he stood when Logan climbed down from his truck. “Kaden,” he called in confusion, coming close to the corral.

“He won’t let me out,” Kaden explained, feeling a little uncomfortable with the fact that the ranch hands were all standing around staring at him.

Logan felt fear when he saw the nervousness radiating from the horse, and he moved toward the paddock, trying to think of a way to get Kaden out of there. He’d yell at him for entering the corral later. Right now, fear and panic coursed through his veins when he saw that whenever Kaden tried to leave the corral, the horse would push him back. What the hell was that danged horse doing? Then it hit him. Mantacor didn’t want to allow Kaden out because he thought they were going to hurt him. Damn, that kid really had accomplished more with that horse than he had in a year.

“Kaden, listen, I think he believes we’re going to harm you. Try to talk him down, and as you do that, move toward the gate.” Turning, Logan motioned for his men to go about putting the cattle in the other corrals, and then swung back around to see Kaden crooning softly to the horse, lightly trailing his hands over the horse’s muzzle and neck.

Kaden couldn’t believe that Mantacor felt the need to protect him. “Hey, buddy, you don’t have to protect me, you know. Logan would never hurt me.” His voice trailed off for a split second as he realized that a phrase had never been truer. “I need to go, but I promise to come back.”

He slowly inched his way backward, still patting Mantacor and whispering soothingly to him. It felt like another hour before he reached the gate, and the horse finally let him go, giving a neigh of fear as he saw Kaden leaving the paddock and the large cowboy coming up beside him. Kaden smiled at the horse and took another sugar cube from his pocket to feed to him. “See, it’s all right. I’ll be fine, and I’ll come back in a little while.”

Logan almost slumped to the ground with relief. “What were you thinking?” he demanded, his eyes flashing dangerously.

“I have to earn his complete trust, Logan. You have to understand that. It’s not about want; it’s what I have to do.” Kaden locked his gaze with Logan’s, pleading for the older man to understand. He saw the reluctant admiration in the man’s eyes, and the way the fight seemed to drain out of him.

“Just don’t do that again unless someone is out here with you. You don’t know what he would have done,” Logan said sternly, his heart finally beginning to settle down after pounding with terror.

Logan waited impatiently until the men had sat down to lunch, and the two of them were in the kitchen, to express his emotions. Kaden stood at the counter, putting together a meal for Logan and himself, when he walked up behind the boy, sliding his hands around the thin waist and resting his chin on Kaden’s shoulder. “Don’t ever scare me like that again. I don’t think my heart could take it,” he whispered, his eyes closing as he remembered seeing the teenager in the corral and cornered by the most dangerous horse he’d ever met.

“He would never hurt me.” Kaden hesitated for a split second before adding, “Just like I know you’d never hurt me, Logan.”

Affection and another emotion he couldn’t define flooded Logan. He moved his head up to press his lips close to Kaden’s ear. “I wanted to kiss you again so badly this morning. I couldn’t think of anything but that while we were heading back in. My only fear is that you regret that it happened.”

“Never,” Kaden said fiercely, leaning back into Logan’s embrace, and he felt the arms around him tighten for a fraction of a second.

“I actually wondered the same thing about you,” Kaden admitted a moment later. “That you would regret it, or it had only been a way to distract me from my fears.”

“No matter how afraid someone was, I would never kiss someone unless I wanted to.” Logan had been just about to spin him around to take the kiss he wanted when they heard the sounds of chairs scraping against the floor in the dining room, and he pulled away reluctantly.

“I’ll just take it with me to eat outside. I’ll see you tonight, Kaden.” Logan quickly wrapped up his lunch and headed back out to join his men, frustration eating away at his patience, and he snapped at the first man who made a mistake.

Kaden
spent the rest of the afternoon on cloud nine, a wide grin spreading across his face, flushed in pleasure. While listening to the sounds of the men shouting and the cattle fussing about being branded, he made up chicken parmigiana and fettuccini Alfredo for the dinner meal, setting up the dining room and kitchen in a nice layout. Shea came home a short while before dinner, helping wherever he needed. She kept hounding him to tell her what had him so happy, but he wanted to keep it secret, held to his heart, the ice slowly melting away. So he kept his mouth shut and would just smile that mysterious, I-know-something-you-don’t smile. It drove her to toss her hands up in the air and let out a frustrated growl. “Fine. Don’t tell me. Meanie.”

With that, she darted up the stairs to change. Kaden shivered in anticipation when he heard the sounds of men laughing and boots crunching along the ground. His horse-riding lessons had advanced far enough to where he could saddle a horse on his own, and even go riding if he wanted to by himself. He preferred to wait until Logan or Shea could accompany him, though. Plus, he didn’t really know too much about the ranch just yet, so it wouldn’t do to get lost. He’d only serve to cause problems for them. It felt so good to have something that had lasted longer than a week, and to know that Logan wanted him to stay on even after the job was over.

His writing had taken a turn from a sense of dreaming for something he could never have to a more upbeat “I have what I want” in the last couple of weeks. He was still uncertain about showing or telling Logan or Shea about his writing. It was so personal, and it would open the door to his mind and soul. Showing them the truth of whom and what he is. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that, or if he would ever be. But it might be the last step toward showing them that he trusted them. His fingers traced over the scars on his wrist, and he wondered if his mind could handle reliving those memories enough to tell his story to Logan and Shea. It would be the first time since he’d been fifteen that he’d contemplated talking about his past with someone. If he did let Logan know his secrets, would Logan be disgusted with him? Would he want to touch him after he told him all the horrific details? Those thoughts brought him to a blinding halt, and his lips twisted bitterly. He’d probably go running as fast and as far as his long, muscular legs could take him. And Kaden would never be able to blame Logan, because he wasn’t clean or innocent like Logan believed him to be.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard someone enter the kitchen. Schooling his features into a bland mask, he turned to find Logan leaning against the doorjamb, just watching him. His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he pictured that soft smiling expression changing to one of horror and disgust. Would he be able to handle watching that happen? His eyes stung slightly, and he swung back around to face the sink, finishing up washing some of the dishes he’d used to prepare the dinner meal. He didn’t want Logan to realize he’d begun to cry.

“Is something wrong, Kaden?” That deep, husky voice drizzled over his ears like sweet caramel over ice cream, sending a shiver of pleasure down his spine.

“I’m fine. Just a little tired. Is everyone enjoying the meal?” Kaden bent his head slightly, partially shielding his features from Logan.

“Mmm. They seem to be. I thought I’d eat in here with you again. If you don’t mind, that is.” Logan moved closer, sensing Kaden hadn’t been entirely truthful, but he didn’t know how to get Kaden to open up to him.

“Of course. It’s your house, right?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Logan demanded, straightening his body and stepping closer to Kaden, leaning against the sink.

“N… nothing. I just….” Kaden swallowed painfully hard, realizing that it probably sounded like he didn’t want Logan there. Forcing himself to smile, knowing that it merely trembled on his lips, he turned to Logan. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t go back to sleep last night, and I’m just tired.”

It must have worked, because Logan’s features softened, and an affectionate gleam invaded those beautiful green pools of his. Kaden’s eyes slid closed as Logan brushed two fingers over his unmarred cheek, caressing him gently. “It’s all right. I didn’t sleep, either.”

Kaden leaned into the caress, feeling his throat tighten with unshed tears, and he wondered again if Logan would be so willing to touch him if Kaden told him how disgusting he truly was.

“I’m sure you’re hungry. Sit.” Kaden opened his eyes, smiling up at Logan, unaware that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes or noticing the way that Logan’s eyes narrowed a tiny bit at the edges, taking in the weary look on the teen’s face.

“Sit with me. Tell me what you did today. Besides enter Mantacor’s corral,” the cowboy reprimanded without any heat behind it.

Kaden settled into the seat beside Logan, going through the motions of eating, and gave him a brief rundown of what he’d done that day. The moment their plates were clear, Kaden stood up from his seat to start doing dishes. He could hear the men in the dining room also finishing up. Gratefully, he started the water to fill the sink, adding soap, and then Kaden started carting dishes from the dining room to the kitchen sink. Logan didn’t say much, just stood up and started helping him before taking up station beside him to dry them. They worked in companionable silence until the task was completed, and then Logan gently took Kaden’s hand, drawing him close to his chest. He tipped Kaden’s chin up with one finger and searched the boy’s eyes with his own. “No matter what’s happened to you in the past or what you’ve done to survive, I could never judge you for anyone other than who you are right now. You do know that, don’t you, Kaden?”

Kaden’s eyes widened at how intuitively Logan picked up on his thoughts, and he let out a small breath of air in surprise. Before he could respond, Logan’s lips claimed his in the kiss that the cowboy had been waiting for all day. They moved softly, seductively over Kaden’s, shifting like they had a mind of their own. Kaden felt Logan’s tongue questing for entrance to his mouth, and with a slight sigh of pleasure, he granted it, his body shuddering when Logan pushed inside. Their tongues slid slickly over one another, dancing and undulating, pressing close and drawing back, only to push close again.

Logan groaned low in his chest at the feel of the soft, moist flesh his mouth dominated. The kid tasted like cinnamon, and spices, clean and fresh, all rolled into one. Nothing existed except this feeling, nothing but the two of them together—touching, caressing, their mouths locked together in mimic of another more primeval act. Logan felt his body hardening and moaned. Not wanting to frighten the younger man, he stopped, unlocking his mouth from Kaden’s to lean his forehead against his.

“You have no idea what you do to me. I know something is bothering you, and I may not have gained your trust one hundred percent yet, but when you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen. Good night, my little one.” He drew out the last sentence, savoring the feel of the endearment on his tongue before he disentangled himself from Kaden. And without turning back, because turning back would only send him straight into the other man’s arms, he strode from the kitchen and directly up to his own bathroom to take a cold shower.

The next morning, Kaden groggily slapped the alarm off and groaned as he rolled out of bed. He’d only just fallen asleep, the words Logan had uttered the night before leaving him breathless and sleepless. Could he trust Logan to that depth? Rubbing his eyes, he yawned as he made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair. As he ran the toothbrush over his molars, he stared at his sleep-deprived features in the mirror and pictured the moment between them last night. The kiss could only be defined as erotic and amazing, but at the same time, too good to be true. The feel of Logan’s lips on his had been more exquisite than anything he had ever felt in his life. Sighing, he spit the toothpaste into the sink, rinsed his mouth out with water, and wiped his mouth with a small hand towel lying on the bathroom counter.

He dressed in his usual clothing, studying himself in the mirror that hung on the back of the closet door, and wondered what the big cowboy saw in a scrawny little nobody like him. His eyes, as always, were shadowed with the horrors from his past, his skin having tanned slightly in certain places from his horseback riding lessons, and he slowly lifted his shirt up to look at the various scars and marks all over his chest and belly. Similar ones ran the length of his back and arms. They were different sizes and shapes. A knife here, a cigarette there, a razor blade across his soft stomach, the tip of a knife heated to the point of glowing pressed against his nipples, leaving them puckered and ugly. He almost sobbed at the thought of showing someone as beautiful as Logan his repulsive form.

Yanking his shirt back down roughly, Kaden slammed the closet door shut and ran down the hall to the kitchen, the demons of his past on the edge of his heels. Halfway through breakfast, he heard Logan’s boots on the stairs. He tried to school his features so he wouldn’t appear upset, but by the look Logan gave him, it wasn’t very successful. “Good morning, Kaden,” Logan bid as he entered the kitchen.

“Good morn—” His words were cut off by the soft, yet firm, lips crushing against his, and he was dragged, flour-covered hands and all, up against Logan’s broad chest. His head whirled with the feelings raging through him, and if Logan hadn’t been supporting him where he stood, he would have crumpled to the ground when he felt that wonderfully wet, incredibly slick tongue brush over his bottom lip, seeking entrance, which he gladly granted with a soft moan.

Logan pulled away, gasping for breath, and smiled softly down at Kaden, running his fingers through the dark hair on his right temple. “Mmm. Now, I could wake up that way every morning.” He dropped a light kiss on the tip of Kaden’s nose before setting him away from him and turning to pour himself a cup of fresh coffee.

Kaden’s breathing was slightly heavy, and he turned back to preparing the pancake batter in a daze. His body tingled everywhere, and that was only from a kiss. What would it be like if he were to actually touch him everywhere? Immediately, he felt overpowered by the same violent sensation of lust being wrong, shameful. The urge to cut weighed on him, and he gritted his teeth, gripping the counter hard. He breathed deeply, trying to keep from letting it overtake him. “Kaden? What’s wrong?” He heard Logan’s voice over the angry buzz in his head, and tried to smile reassuringly, but it only made it to a grimace before it slipped away.

“I… it’s… no… nothing,” Kaden gasped, shaking his head.

“It’s obviously something! Or you wouldn’t be so freaked out.”

“I’ll ex… explain it la… later.” Kaden closed his eyes and bent his head down toward the sink, turning the water on full blast, and shoved his head under the water, ignoring the gasp of surprise from Logan. The cold water sluiced over his head, drenching his dark hair and causing it to fall around his face like a wet curtain. His mind began to clear, and he started to breathe a little easier. When he turned the water off, he jumped when he felt Logan place a towel over his head and begin to dry his hair, his strong fingers massaging his scalp at the same time. He stifled a groan at the feel of Logan’s body lightly leaning against his side and tried to stay relaxed while the cowboy dried his hair. “Th-thank you,” he stuttered once Logan had finished.

“You’re welcome. Someday you’ll have to tell me what that was all about,” Logan commented as he laid the towel over the back of a chair to dry before picking up his coffee again, sipping at it while watching Kaden from beneath hooded eyes.