Touched (26 page)

“I’ll go if it makes you feel better, darling. But I’m good. Really. Are you going to be this way the whole time I’m pregnant? It’s not that I mind it. It’s rather cute in an overprotective kind of way, but I think the doctor will know what’s best.” She gives me a playful smack on my back and then leans up, pressing her full lips to mine.

Once I can make myself release her mouth I raise one brow and my cocky grin appears without my consent. “Yes, I’m afraid so. I can’t help myself where you’re concerned.” My hand moves to cup her face and my thumb traces the outline of her lips. “You’re my life now and I can’t bear the thought of anything hurting you in any way. I may even have to take something to help me when you deliver because seeing you in any pain may cause me to lose it.” My other hand makes its way to cover her flat stomach and begins rubbing it soothingly. “My princess is part of our lives too and God help anyone who causes any sadness in any way for her. I will go ballistic and it won’t be pretty and most likely will be highly embarrassing for anyone around.” She closes her mouth tightly but a muffled giggle erupts and I tilt my head and frown with seriousness. “I’m not kidding, Angel. I will go all animal on anyone that tries to hurt you or our princess and have no issues going to jail over anything that is done to keep you both happy.”

Her finger presses against my mouth and I can’t help but smile under it with her soft touch. “You are our hero and always will be. There’s no doubt…” My phone starts ringing on the breakfast bar, interrupting us. Her finger leaves my mouth as I lean down and kiss her hard and then walk over to retrieve it. She smiles as she walks back to the table and sits, picks up her spoon, diving back into her fruit. Once I’ve picked up the phone I quickly walk to the stove, turn off the burners and begin filling our plates with food.

“Dunway. Yes. Very good. I’ll be over in a couple of hours.” When I end the call and turn to her, I find her face pale, her phone in her hand. I run over just in time to catch it as it begins to fall and squat down beside her. “Jade, what’s wrong? What happened?” I didn’t even hear her phone ring or know that she even had it on her. Her head turns slowly to me, her eyes wide with fear and her mouth open, the look of shock on her white face. “Angel, you’re scaring me.”

She swallows hard. “That was Mom. The first time I’ve heard her voice in years and she tells me that she got a call from the hospital about Father. He was admitted after blacking out while driving into another lane and hit a guard rail. After being taken to the hospital and having tests run he’s been diagnosed with…” She swallows again, and chokes back some tears. “Dementia.” She literally falls into my arms and begins sobbing. “Even though he’s been so… So cruel… To me, I still love… Love him,” she chokes out in between sobs.

I start rubbing her back and just stay quiet as she cries out her grief, kissing her from time to time on the top of her head, her cheek and just continued trying to soothe her. I’ve never known what it’s like to love a parent, but I know what’s it’s like to love her and if something bad happened to her, it would kill me, and I’d never recover. I only hope that I can be what she needs to help her get through this. Finally, her sobs wind down to sniffs and she looks up at me with her bloodshot eyes and my heart breaks for her. “What do you need me to do, Angel? How can I help? I know the best doctors. They could give a second opinion. Do you need to go to him? What do you want to do?” Her chin quivers as I speak.

“I… I’m not sure yet. I think it’s time I talk more with Mom.” She pulls free of my arms and sits up straight. I can tell she is gathering her inner strength, something I admire her for. “I’m ready to make amends with her and bring her back into my life. Father? I’m not sure how receptive he’ll be especially with what he’s going through now but first step is Mom.”

My mouth finds hers, and she is so receptive and so loving. When I pull away, her eyes are drier and there’s a small smile on her pretty lips. “Sweetheart, I’m so proud of you.” I brush back some hair from her sweet face. “You’ve had to grow up so fast and yet, you’re so much stronger for it than me in so many ways. Please know I’ll always be here for you when you need me, when you need a strong shoulder to cry on or when you just need to scream and rant. I love you so much.” Her lips crush against mine, and we stay like this until my legs begin to hurt from squatting. Finally, I rise and walk over to the counter, picking up our plates of now cooled omelets and zap them in the microwave quickly then take them over to the table, setting them down and sitting beside her. “Eat. Do you want me to stay home with you? I was going to run over to talk with the contractor for a little bit to go over a few questions he has. They’ve got the framing done on our castle but needs me to tell him a few things.” I take a bite of my food and watch her pick at hers with her fork. Setting my fork down on my plate, her eyes move to mine. “Please eat? You know I’ll be crazy with worry about you if you don’t.” She smiles sadly and takes a bite even though it’s really small. My girl is hurting, and I don’t know what I can do to help her. It’s killing me.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. I’ll eat as much as I can. You go and take care of our castle and I’ll get cleaned up and call Mom.” I’m a little more relieved with her words and watch her take another bite. She swallows and then gives me a look of a lost little girl. “Just hurry back to me, ok? Don’t be gone too long!”

My heart breaks but I gather my strength and give her my best smile. “Anything for you, my love. Let’s eat up and then I’ll hurry. You know I can’t stay away from you for too long anyway.” Her beautiful face lightens a bit more, and we both begin to eat earnestly. My mind is spinning with thoughts of what I can do to help, to make her happy and carefree again. A light bulb goes off, and now I have some calls to make while I’m out.

C
HAPTER
E
IGHTEEN

I already feel so alone, and it’s only been twenty minutes since Knox left, but I finally get in the shower hoping that it will help me feel better. Once I’ve tended to all my bathroom duties, dried my hair and got a pair of jeans on with one of Knox’s t-shirts that has become my favorite, I walk to my room, sit down in the chair and just look out the window for a few minutes. I need to call Mom back, and I desperately want to but part of me is dreading it. Sitting there and staring out into the bright sunlit garden memories begin overtaking me. My father laughing at something cute I did as a little girl, my mom taking me shopping as a teenager and how close we used to be and my dad actually saying he was proud of me over a paper I did for school. He didn’t say it often but when he did all the love he feels for me would envelope me, and I’d feel so cherished. But that stopped many years ago and then my life changed so drastically. I know he wouldn’t be proud of what I’ve done, what I’ve had to do to survive, and he’d more than likely disown me all over again if he knew. I finally muster up my strength, pick up my phone and hit call on my mother’s name. It barely rings once when she answers.

“Jaden, my baby. Thank you so much for calling me back.” I haven’t heard anyone use my full name in years and it takes me back to a place before all the horrible things that happened in my life. “Your father is asking for you. Now before you get upset please know that he told me that he’s so very sorry for hurting you, for allowing himself to take away the only person he’s loved and…” I hear sniffling and something rustling, a tissue maybe and then she clears her throat. “He feels horrible and so alone right now. Won’t you come and see him? Please? If you can’t do it for him I completely understand. Do it for yourself. Maybe get some closure to the nightmare that happened? Would that help you, baby?”

My mind is full on confusion. Memories keep bombarding it. I want to make amends, especially now, but then I remember all the hurtful things he said when I needed him the most. My eyes move up and stare at the ceiling. Can I forgive him? I’m close to forgiving my mom, at least I’m trying to. Can I do the same with him? I want to but at the same time I can’t. I don’t know what to do.

“Mom,” my voice is cracking with emotion. “I want to but I’m not sure… So much has happened that I’m…” I stumble with my words. Do I tell her everything I’ve done? Will that help make peace or cause more anger and resentment? Damn! I need Knox. I should have talked this through with him before he left. Feeling alone again I try to keep my tears at bay. “I’m getting married,” I blurt. There’s not even a second of silence when she screams in my ear.

“JADE! What? Oh, my God! I’m so very happy for you. Where did you meet him? What’s he like? Oh, I’m sure he’s the most wonderful man in the world if he captured your heart. What…?” I cut off her excitement when a little bit of relief hits me.

“Mom, slow down.” A giggle escapes me, and I’m remembering the times I came home excited from meeting the little boy at the playground, how she sat with me as I talked nonstop about how cute he was. How sweet and so much fun he was. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. “Mom, do you remember that little boy I met at the playground when I was little?”

“Oh, my! Do I? I’ll never forget your face when you came running into the house after you met. I could barely keep you away from there after that. Every day you went. When I told you we were moving you had the world’s worst fit I think ever known to man. And when you went to tell him goodbye the morning we were leaving and he wasn’t there you cried almost all the way to Colorado. You didn’t eat for days once we got there and I thought I’d have to take you to a child psychiatrist to get over him. Such a thing to happen to a four year old, I swear.”

My heart starts racing again with the memories. “Mom, that little boy whom I fell in love with so long ago, it’s the man I’m marrying. His name is Knox Dunway.” Sitting there waiting for her reply is killing me. I hold the phone away from my ear looking to make sure we haven’t gotten disconnected. “Mom?” The sniffles I heard before return.

“What? How?” Great questions that I ask myself every day.

My face brightens and my smile is huge. “Fate is on my side, I guess. He found me and our love is stronger than it ever was at such a young age. Mom?”

“Yes, dear,” she answers through her crying.

“I’m pregnant. It will be the best of Knox and myself and will feel all the love I’ve missed out on. Knox is so excited and worries about me constantly. He may make me crazy until…”

“I’m going to be a grandmother? I’m too young.” She laughs, and I can’t possibly hold my laughter back either. I’m so relieved that I feel like everything just might turn out ok. She becomes quiet, too quiet. “I’ve missed so much in my foolishness, doing whatever that man wanted in staying with him. I’m such an idiot.” The sadness in her voice causing my heart to slow, and I feel like crying again.

“Mother, I want to try and put all that behind us but you have to help me.”

“Anything. I’ll do anything. What do you want me to do and I’ll do it,” she speaks so hurriedly that I barely an understand her.

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk or think about all the horrible things that happened in my past anymore. I’ve moved on and away from them and only want happiness now. I’m having a baby and I have a wonderful man to think about and I want nothing but the best for our lives. If you want forgiveness from me then you have to abide by my wishes and trust me. I can only tell you things that have happened after I left that I choose to, don’t ask for anything more than that from me. There are some things you’ll never know and if you can’t live with that then it will kill me but I can’t have you in my life. Please understand I don’t want that but I won’t have a choice.” My breathing is heavy as I await her answer and the fear of her not being in my life again is beginning to overwhelm me to where I feel nauseous.

I hear her take a deep breath and release it. “My sweet Jade. I won’t ask what you’re not willing to tell me and I’ll respect that. I love you so much and it’s torn me apart not having you in my life. I’ve hated your father for what he’s done. I didn’t just leave him because of that but because of years of unhappiness. In my heart I’ve forgiven him for a lot of it but I won’t ever be able to forgive him for what he did to you nor can I forgive myself but I’ve made strides to have some peace and knowing you’re doing so well helps. I just want you back in my life, sweetheart, and to be able to get to know the man who stole your heart and hold my grandbaby in my arms, make loving and happy memories for them. I want that so much.” Her crying begins again and it breaks my heart.

“Oh, Mom! I’ve missed you so much,” I say through my own sobs. It seems like we’ve been talking and crying for a long time when my head turns around at the sound of someone walking in, and I’m quickly up and running into Knox’s arms. I keep the phone pressed to my ear as his hands rub my back, and his arms squeeze me tight.

“Sweetheart, I’ve missed you so much and I love you with all my heart.” Her words make my heart swell and I’m rendered speechless as I begin to cry into Knox’s chest.

I open my hand, releasing my phone, and he grabs it before it hits the ground. When I hear him talk gently to my mother, I cry even harder. “Mrs. Morley, this is Knox. I’m afraid your daughter is crying with joy right now and cannot continue her conversation. Yes. I know. I’m sure you are. Yes, I’ll have her call you back as soon as she is able to. Thank you, it’s my pleasure speaking with you as well. Take care.” My arms hold his waist even harder, and I can only nod with his next words. “Come. Let me take care of you.” Never releasing me, we walk over to my chair, and he’s sitting with me on his lap in a matter of seconds, my head never leaving his chest. “There now. Better?” I can only nod again, my hair a tangled mess around me and my eyes feeling swollen. “Good. Let’s just sit here and relax for a few minutes. I’ll tell you about our castle.” As he begins in his soft tone my eyes open a little and look up at his gorgeous face, my hand reaching up and wiping some of my tears away. “They are ahead of the deadline and have called in another two crews. I told the contractor I want it done as soon as possible and will pay him three times the agreed price to get it done faster. He has assured me it will be done in four weeks, if at all possible, and will hire even more crews if needed. I’ve brought home some books on decors that you can look through and pick out anything your heart desires. I want to make this as easy on you as possible, Angel.” He pulls back some of my hair that’s fallen over the side of my face and lovingly plays with a strand.