Touched by a Phoenix (10 page)

Drained of all energy, he collapsed across the bed. His mind began to replay all Alexandria had shared with him. His brain fought to understand, to absorb, all she had been through. He didn’t understand why some men felt compelled to take something that didn’t belong to them, not when they could get it for free. Hell, if they wanted it dirty…they could pay for it. No wonder she remained distant, kept everyone at arm’s-length. It wasn’t his imagination. She was attracted to him but her fear outweighed her feelings. Would she be able to get past it?

He padded to the small kitchenette and made a pot of coffee. While it brewed, he pulled out his laptop and turned the power on. There were things he needed to know before he faced her again. Pouring a cup of coffee, he sat down at the table and opened the Internet. He searched and read everything he could find on rape. He could not—dared not make a stupid mistake. Not now—not with Alexandria.

Unlimited information was available, some painful to read. Women bore such pain, humiliation, deep loss, suffered terribly, and endured such fear. The thing that disturbed him most was how poorly some men handled the situation and the added hurt it caused. So many women were victimized—repeatedly. First by a stranger and then by the people they trusted the most.

His heart ached as he realized in many cases he had behaved no better than most. He was—no, had been a womanizer. Never taking a female against her will, but instead casually…not for love…never for love.

What was it about Alexandria that drove him mad? Everything…absolutely everything about her made his heart beat wildly, sent his body into a raging inferno, sent his mind reeling. He didn’t understand the why, or the how, he just knew that she did.

He wanted her; he would have to wait patiently, until she was ready to trust him with everything. His heart vowed never to hurt her, to keep her safe from harm. If she’d let him, he would be her friend and help her find a way to get her life back…to do with it as she chose.

He glanced over at the clock; it was nearly noon. He couldn’t say that he felt better but at least he possessed the basic knowledge of what to do and what not to do when he saw her again.

He needed a shower. As he dressed, he wondered if she had eaten. No, he doubted it—after the rain, she did not eat for days. As he walked to the elevator, he decided to grab something for the two of them and hoped she would allow him to join her.

He knocked on the door. When she opened it, he caught the distance in her eyes. “I brought lunch, would you like to eat on the balcony?”

“Brad, thank you, but I’m not hungry,” she muttered as she began to shut the door.

Brad put his hand on the door to stop her from closing it. “Whoa, you don’t have to talk, but you do need to eat.” Brad forced a hint of a smile to cross his lips, but his eyes conveyed his concern.

Too tired to argue with him, she let him in. She picked at her food in silence. Finally, she said, “Thank you for lunch.”

“You’re welcome.”

She glanced at him with trepidation. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”

“No, how about you?”

“No, I can’t sleep.”

“Why?” he asked cautiously.

“Nightmares.” Her body tensed involuntarily.

“Is there anything that I can do?” his voice was laced with worry.

She shook her head. “No.”

“What if I sat on the sofa while you slept, would you be able to sleep then?”

“Brad, I’ll be fine. I just need…a few days.”

He wasn’t taking no for an answer. “How about if I stretch out on the sofa while you nap? We can both rest a little and you won’t be alone.”

Her mind was numb. How was she supposed to face him, to work with him now—now that he knew? “Brad, I’ll be fine. Why don’t you go and enjoy your weekend.”

“Alexandria, I’m not leaving you to deal with this alone, so you might as well go get some rest.”

She noticed his lips pressed firmly together, his brows furrowed slightly, “All right, I will try.” She walked to the bedroom, partially closing the door behind her.

Brad stretched out on the sofa, thinking about all he had read and learned. He struggled to come to grips with what he considered data overload. How was he supposed to reassure her…keep her safe…help her understand she was not alone anymore? It would be easier to walk away.

“Yes, it would,” the angel softly whispered to him. “But if you are willing to let your heart lead you, the rest of your life will follow.”

With the reassurance from his conscious, he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

Muffled sounds came from the next room. It took him a minute to figure out that Alexandria was making the sounds.
Shit…
the nightmares. He jumped up too quickly and banged his knee on the coffee table, letting out a growl. He rushed to her; she was thrashing in the bed as if she were desperately trying to escape.

Her whimpers grew louder…no…no…until the bloodcurdling scream erupted…,
“Noooo!”

He hurried over to the bed and without thinking, tried to comfort her, “It’s all right, Alexandria.
Shh,
I’m here.”

She fought him, catching him off guard; she landed a vicious blow to his jaw. Her entire body shook. He got a firm hold on her and pulled her close. His heart pounded in his chest as she gasped for air. He repeated, “Alexandria, it’s me Brad, calm down…you’re okay now.”

It felt like an eternity passed before she made the transition from the nightmare to reality. As her confused gaze focused on him, she realized who held her and disintegrated into his arms, crushing his rib cage with a death grip. As her sobs subsided, he laid-back on the bed and held her close to his chest until she drifted into a more peaceful sleep.

His jaw hurt like hell. Would this ever be over for her? It seemed as if sharing her secret devastated her. He was scared. He loathed himself for pushing her. This was his fault. He had no idea how to make things right. Fearful tears ran down his face at the pain she must have suffered. Alexandria was remarkable, full of strength and bravery. If she could be brave enough to keep fighting, so could he. His muscles burned with profound exhaustion—he slept.

He woke several hours later—the sun was fading in the sky. Alexandria continued to sleep as if her soul had finally found a little peace. He kissed her forehead and prayed she would continue to sleep on a cloud of dreams. He knew it would be too much to expect of her to awake vibrant, but if she could at least find some peace, it would be a start.

He thought she might be startled if she woke to find him holding her so he tried to slip out of bed without disturbing her. She stirred. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you but I thought I should go back to the sofa.”

“Please don’t go,” she whispered in a small voice.

He pulled her a little tighter.

“Did you sleep?” she asked.

“A little,” he said softly, “how do you feel?”

“Better, thank you for staying with me.”

He didn’t know what to say; he simply kissed her on the forehead in acknowledgement. After some time had passed, he asked, “You didn’t eat much at lunch, are you hungry?”

“A little.”

He smiled. If she was willing to eat, that was a good sign. “Would you like to get out of here for a while and grab something to eat?”

“No, not tonight…how about room service?”

“I think I can manage that request,” he said confidently as he rose from the bed.

“Brad, I’d like to get a shower first if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, I’ll go back to my room and come back in an hour or so.”

“Thank you,” she smiled softly at him as she walked him to the door.

Brad returned with better than room service—pizza and beer. She couldn’t help but smile at him as he walked through the door. “That smells wonderful.”

“Would you like to sit on the balcony while we eat?” he ventured with a boyish grin.

“Brad, what happened?” She reached up and touched his jaw. She seemed confused for a moment, then appalled. “Oh my God, Brad I did that…I am so sorry.”

He placed dinner on the table and turned to face her. Capturing her face in his gentle hands, he reassured her, “Alexandria, it is okay, it only hurt for a minute.” Although, if he had to admit it—it still hurt like hell but he’d never tell her that.

“Brad…,” she trailed off. She reached up and caressed his jaw. It had a purplish tint to it; it was going to leave a mark.

They ate dinner in silence. Alexandria was the first to break the silence; it was so loud it was maddening. “You have questions,” she stated in a timid voice.

He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. He drew in a deep breath before he spoke, “A few, but I don’t want to pry or make you feel uncomfortable so if you don’t want to answer them, all you have to do is say so.” His normally strong, confident voice was soft and tentative.

Telling him had been more grueling than she expected. This was the first time she had recounted the entire ordeal since it happened. After all these years, it had been as painful as the night it occurred. Her body tensed, she just wanted it to be over. If she didn’t answer his questions, it…this…would always hang between them like some dark mist shrouding them.

“Okay,” her scantly heard whisper barely reached his ears.

He seemed scared. This was not her normal confident Brad Scott—the man who feared nothing. His voice quaked when he spoke, “Are the nightmares always this bad?”

She hesitated. Out of all the questions he could have asked, thought he might ask—this one had not crossed her mind. She expected questions—questions about the…rape itself.

“Yes.”

“Do you have them often?” his voice hushed.

She knew she could continue to give him one-word answers but that would likely lead to more questions or she could choose to fill in the gaps. Her demigoddess showed up most unexpectedly.

“You need him, help him understand. You don’t want anything left between you. He is your future.”

As much as she hated to admit it, Demi might be right. Whatever was going to happen or not happen between her and Brad had to begin…or…end tonight. She couldn’t go on this way. She needed to know, would he stay with her or would he walk away?

With all the strength she could muster, she explained, “Yes and no.” She paused as if to think. “At first they came every time I closed my eyes, but as time passed, they became less frequent. I buried myself in my schoolwork, career, and martial arts, anything to keep busy—anything so I didn’t have to think…or feel.”