Touching the Wire (35 page)

The boy swallowed. ‘I want
Mama, too.’

His heart bled for him.
‘You’ll be with her soon, I promise. Come.’

The boy put a small hand
trustingly in his large one. The walk to the surgery was like forcing his feet
through treacle. Arturas and Peti’s eyes would follow him to the grave. He
pushed open the surgery door and lifted Peti to sit on the table.

The boy shifted uneasily at
feeling cold stone against his bare bottom and legs. He looked around at the
unfamiliar room. ‘What are all these things?’

He forced his voice to stay
calm, centred his resolve. This was the best he could do. ‘I’m going to give
you a small injection.’ He put a finger in the space between two ribs, above
Peti’s heart. ‘Here… It will mean you will feel no pain.’

Peti looked at the syringe
and nodded slowly. He wanted to shout
run.
There was nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide; no escape for either of them, except in death. He filled the
syringe, an adult dose Mengele would call a waste of resources, and placed the
point to Peti’s chest. ‘Can you count to ten, Peti?’

The boy nodded.

‘We’ll count together then,
shall we? You can tell me if I get it wrong.’

Peti mumbled as he munched.
‘One, two,
three
…’

The needle slid smoothly
between Peti’s ribs and the little body tensed.

‘You’re very brave. Five,
six,
seven
…’

Peti swallowed. ‘You missed
out four.’ He jammed the rest of the chocolate into his mouth.

‘So I did. Four, five, six,
seven… Peti?’ He withdrew the syringe and laid it on the table. He sat in the
surgery for a long while cradling the dead child.

Quiet sobbing brought him
back to the present. No, his worst nightmare hadn’t prepared him for the horror
of Mengele’s experiments, and the one child that had become two, and then
three, and then many. ‘A phenol injection to the heart ended his short life. I
loved those two boys like sons. I murdered Peti in cold blood, but he was the
lucky twin. He didn’t suffer, like Arturas.’

Faces blurred through his
tears. Pain spread across his chest.
Truth begets hate.
No-one spoke.
Faces judged, the compassion replaced by outraged shock: not one offered a
morsel of comfort. It was as he deserved.

He broke the silence at
last. ‘I watched Miriam die and I survived. I condemned the sick to death,
telling myself I was saving those with a better chance. I played God with
people’s lives… killed newborn babies. I survived.’ He couldn’t meet their
eyes. He buried his head in his hands. No-one spoke. He was forced to continue.
‘I was a doctor. My vocation was to save lives. I did abominable things.’

Adam cut in. ‘The
experiments that are recorded in the documents?’

‘I aided Mengele. I did
those things. I should have had the courage to kill him. I’d have been shot but
it would have been an honourable death.’

‘You could have saved the lives
of thousands of children.’ Charlotte’s certainty intensified familiar guilt.
‘You could have spared their suffering at Mengele’s hands.’

‘It wouldn’t have saved
them. They’d have been gassed. And his death would have caused terrible
retribution. Had I known Miriam and the others would die anyway, perhaps
…’
Breath shuddered through his chest and he shook his head.
‘Nothing I could have done would have saved a single soul.’

Robin sneered. ‘You’re a
cold-blooded murderer. You should hang.’

Condemned by the wolf,
himself. ‘It’s what I deserve.’

Adam frowned. ‘But, after
the war, why didn’t you hand the documents over to the authorities? The
Nuremburg trials…’

‘Cowardice. I have no
defence. Josef fled. I escaped from the forced march west and made my way back
to camp. After Miriam died, Albert and I left.’

‘You didn’t wait for
liberation?’ Robin’s eyes bored into his. ‘You abandoned sick women?’

‘Some were strong enough to
care for the others, once they had food inside them. We’d found clamps of
potatoes and turnips, and left them a heap of firewood. They wouldn’t have
starved.’ The pain crept into his arm and throat.

Charlotte shook her head.
‘Those women needed you.’

‘The Soviets arrived the
next day. I’d have been arrested if they’d realised I was a Nazi, and Albert
didn’t want to end up in a Soviet work camp. I had a promise to keep and I
wanted to live, for Miriam. I brought the diary and documents to England.’

Charlotte’s expression was
grim. ‘Enough evidence to hang all the Nazi doctors.’

‘Especially Mengele, Muench
and myself.’

Robin’s perfectly groomed
eyebrow made an arc. ‘How did you escape detection?’

‘The network of Nazi
sympathisers working out of Newcastle provided me with papers in the name of
Carr.’

‘Albert didn’t make it home,
Grandpa?’

‘He died of pneumonia
somewhere north of Warsaw, Lucy. I had no antibiotics, and no sulfa left to
save him.’

‘And you took his identity
when you left the documents at the bank.’

 ‘And then changed my
name again to distance myself further. If the Nazi sympathisers had discovered
I had any of Mengele’s records no evidence would have survived. I travelled to
Kettering intending visit Albert’s widow, Irene.’ He paused, breathing heavily.
There was so much he had to tell them: will power alone drove him now. ‘I met
Jane. I didn’t think I’d ever love again. Her love was sanity in a world gone
mad. I lost myself in her, buried the pain. Too late, I discovered she was
pregnant. I couldn’t desert her. The shame of being an unmarried mother would
have ruined her life. I had to leave the past behind and protect my new
family.’

His lungs and throat ached
with the effort of speaking. He garnered his remaining strength. The daughters
of Night drew closer, the edges of his vision faded, the veil grew dark. The
Keres would do their work but he craved forgiveness Hebe, Goddess of
Forgiveness and Eternal Youth would never grant. He fought against oblivion,
the feel of Lucy’s hand buttressing his resolve, sustaining beat after painful
beat. The wolf, too, lurked silent and deadly. He had no right to ask. ‘Lucy…
Charlotte?’

Charlotte couldn’t see for tears: she couldn’t
speak. She felt sick.

Lucy spoke for her. ‘
I am
holding the wolf by the ears
. I remember Wselfwulf too. He gave me
nightmares. Charlotte, Grandpa was trying to protect those he loved, like he’s
always tried to protect us.’

She swallowed a sob. ‘
Who
keeps silence
consents
.
You consented, Grandpa, then and later. How could you do such terrible things
to
children
?’

‘I was a coward.’

Lucy’s eyes held compassion.
‘Charlotte, we all do things we regret.’

‘Regret!’ She glared at Lucy
and then fixed her stare on Grandpa. ‘You lied to us, Grandpa.’ She brushed aside
Adam’s restraining hand. ‘You lied to Gran and Mum and us. I thought you were
just my Grandpa. I loved you.’

‘I
am
your Grandpa. I
love you too. It’s why I had to leave.’

‘And what about us? Lucy and
me, and Mum? And have you any idea what it did to Gran? She had to identify
your body by its clothing. She showed the police a shirt like the one that was
found on the body. She said she could only find one.’

‘Then she’d have realised it
was Eric’s body. He had a shirt the same. He was wearing it that day. I only
ever had the one.’

‘What? Gran knew?’

‘Not who I was, though she
must have suspected something. The years of nightmares, the diary. She loved me
enough to let me go.’

She jumped to her feet. ‘You
mean Gran lied to us, too? Dear God, she denied Eric’s family a funeral.’

‘Charlotte, Gran thought she
was doing the right thing.’

 Adam tried to calm
her. ‘She did it for you and Lucy, and your mum. She gave you your farewell.’

 ‘It wasn’t damn well
final, was it?

‘If I’d been recognised,
after they offered that huge reward for Mengele’s capture in ’85… The backlash…
you were all in danger.’

Lucy squeezed Grandpa’s
hand. ‘I understand, Grandpa. I forgive you.’

Tears ran down his face. He
took Lucy’s hand in his, and pressed it against his heart. ‘You understand? I
fear Charlotte never will.’

She shook her head and
stumbled away, conscious of Adam’s feet thudding behind her. ‘Leave me alone!’

Adam caught her, outside in
the fresh air. ‘You must try to forgive him.’

‘How can I?’

‘Charlotte… sweetheart… why
do you think he made those carvings when he could have left the documents where
they were?
Let justice be done though the heavens should fall
. He
wanted
to be punished.’

‘He hid, like the coward he
was.’

‘It was you he was trying to
protect, not himself. All this anger and hatred… this is the wolf that has come
back to bite us. Don’t let Hitler’s evil win, not now, not after all this
time.’

‘But how could he lie like
that, Adam? All those years of deception, pretending to be someone he wasn’t.
He was a
monster
.’

‘How could he tell you? You
heard why he did those terrible things, how he hated it. He was a coward, yes,
but it was Mengele and Hitler who were evil. You heard him crying out in the
night.’

She could hear him now, a
child again, her head under the bedclothes.

‘You don’t have to condone
the act to forgive the man. You’ve read the diaries. You know his heart stayed
true.’

She understood at last.
‘Need is a powerful weapon in the armoury of seduction?’

Adam nodded. ‘You’ve never done
anything you were ashamed of?’

‘I’ve never murdered
children.’

‘Sweetheart, I realise
you’re hurting but that isn’t my point. You are totally guilt-free?’

The ground at her feet
occupied her attention. Guilt-free? Adultery… betrayal. She’d lied to both Adam
and Robin by omission. Guilt consumed her.

‘Tell.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘It would hurt…’ She had to
confess or she was little better than Grandpa. ‘It would hurt you.’

‘I’m immune to pain, look.’
Adam pinched his arm but the smile showed he was dying inside. ‘I do a great
line in forgiveness.’

Gran had loved Grandpa
enough to let him go. Now she must let Adam go. He had a visit planned to Lyon,
to see Gabrielle and Effie; her confession could drive him into Effie’s arms.
‘I’ve slept with Robin, since we first met.’

‘He’s your husband. We
weren’t an item. What’s to forgive? Like Lucy said, we’ve all done things we
regret.’

The scrunch of gravel made
her turn. Robin stood beside Lucy, an amused smile on his face. ‘Confession
time, Charlotte?’

Lucy looked at each of them
in turn. ‘Tell them, Charlotte. I warned you what would happen if you
didn’t.’ 

Was it easier to forgive a
murderer than a lying adulteress? Lucy was right. She had to let go of the
wolf. She looked from Robin to Adam. ‘I’m sorry, Adam.’

Adam’s face drained of
colour. ‘You’re going back to Robin?’

‘No.’

‘What then?’ Adam gestured
his confusion. ‘Charlotte, I love you. I want to marry you.’

She buried her face in her
hands. She had to break his heart. She lowered hands wet with tears. ‘I slept
with Robin, again, after you and me. After Trier.’

‘After…’ Adam’s blue eyes
held the pain she’d tried to spare him.  The pain Effie had inflicted so
callously. His expression was blank, unreadable.

Robin’s smile was smug. ‘I told
you she was a whoring, deceitful cow.’

‘I’m pregnant.’

The momentary hope in Adam’s
eyes became fear and heartbreak.

‘I can’t be sure, but I
think
it’s
Robin’s.’

Adam turned away, his back
rigid, fists clenched by his side.

‘Adam, I’m sorry. Robin…’

Robin had lost his smile.
‘If this is a ploy to get maintenance out of me, forget it. In fact, if you
don’t want
Family harbours Nazi war criminal
splashed all over
the nationals you’ll forget any money from our divorce at all.’

She didn’t doubt he’d do it.
The newspaper reporters would rip them to shreds; Grandpa’s trying to protect
them all these years would be for nothing. ‘I don’t want your money. I’d like
nothing more to do with you, but if this is your child…’

Adam swung back to face her.
‘You told me the consultant was doing tests.’

‘I lied.’

Robin sneered. ‘See, a
lying, cheating whore. Did she tell you she picked up Chlamydia, too, sleeping
around? Looks like you’ll be bringing up this bastard alone, Charlotte.’

Her cheeks prickled with
heat. ‘It was years ago, Robin, and I did not sleep around. If you don’t want
to acknowledge that this could be your child, why don’t you butt out?’

‘Read tomorrow’s headlines.’
He thrust her away and opened his car door.

‘Robin, no… Don’t take this
out on Gran and Mum.’

Adam caught her as she
stumbled. He looked dazed.

She pushed him away. ‘Robin,
please…’

Gravel flew from the wheels
of the Porsche as Robin accelerated out of the car park and into the sweep of
drive. She took a short-cut across the grass, ignoring Adam and Lucy’s shouts,
and stood, feet apart in the road. 

The Porsche hurtled towards
her. Robin’s face was fixed in a mask of hatred. She didn’t want to live
without Adam.

Touch the wire…

The car windscreen filled
her vision: sweat glistened in beads on Robin’s forehead. His mouth opened in a
scream of rage, spittle flying.

I wanted to live. Darja
wanted to give her baby life.
Her baby…
Life. Her muscles locked: she couldn’t move. The roar of the engine deafened
her.

A weight hurled her onto the
grass. The sickening thump of metal on flesh caused no pain.

‘
Adam
…’

Lucy’s voice shocked her
back to reality. Adam was sprawled half on the road, not moving. Brakes
squealed and she got to her feet, screaming. ‘Adam!’

He groaned. ‘Is Charlotte
...’

‘Charlotte’s fine.’ Lucy
turned on her. ‘You stupid, stupid girl. Do you think Gran and Mum would want
you to risk your life, your baby’s life, Adam’s life, for them? Would Grandpa
want that?’

For them? She hadn’t done it
for them. She’d lacked the courage to bear the pain of losing the man she
loved, and had almost thrown away the gift of life for which Miriam, and so
many others, had fought to their last breath. She could have harmed her baby,
could have got Adam killed. ‘Adam, I’m sorry. Are you hurt?’

He got stiffly to his feet.
‘I’ll live. Are
you
okay, Charlotte?’

‘I’m fine. I’ll drive you to
A&E. You’re bleeding.’

Adam shook his head: blood
ran down his forehead. ‘I’m going nowhere until you’ve sorted this with Robin
and made your peace with your grandfather.’

She stared at him; how could
he worry about that after what she’d done? ‘Adam, I’ve never stopped loving
you. My heart stayed true.’

Adam gave her a sad,
lopsided smile. ‘Talk to Robin.’

She yanked open the
passenger door. ‘You tried to run me down.’ Robin’s eyes were fixed on a scene
only he could see; tears glistened on his cheeks. She slipped into the
passenger seat and put a hand on his arm. ‘Robin, this isn’t about me, is it,
or the baby? It’s about your mother, and Simon, and what your Dad said after
the accident.’

Robin stared ahead.

‘You can’t keep taking out
your anger on everyone else. You have to talk to your dad. You have to forgive
him, for both your sakes. He loves you.’

‘I still want you,
Charlotte. I was afraid you’d leave me.’

‘So you drove me away before
I could leave? I loved you.’

‘Is there no chance for us?’

She couldn’t hate him. He
needed her to hold him, comfort him,
forgive
him. She
wouldn’t tread that path again, wouldn’t be a victim, but she gentled her
voice. ‘Love died the first time you hit me. I’m sorry, but you have to accept
that and move on. Sort yourself out… You have to learn to forgive yourself.’

The hurt in his eyes flashed
to anger. ‘Forgiveness? You’re great on that aren’t you? I didn’t see you
rushing to forgive Walt. Why should I keep quiet about his crimes?’

‘Who keeps silence
consents?’ She sighed: she’d kept quiet about how Robin had treated her. ‘The
documents are public now, and so will the diary be, but I won’t let Gran and
Mum suffer being pilloried by the media. If you breathe a word to anyone about
Grandpa I swear I’ll have you charged with attempted murder. I have witnesses
who’ll testify that you tried to run me down, and witnesses who’ll testify to
your motive. I don’t want your money. I won’t contest the divorce. I’ll ask for
nothing, not for me or the baby. Robin, let me
go
, please, for your own
sake.’

He leaned across her and
opened the door. ‘Get out.’

‘And what about the baby?

‘It isn’t mine.’

‘How can you be sure?’ Robin
wanted children. Why was he rejecting this one? Two and two obediently made
four. ‘You went to the clinic alone. What did they really tell you?’

‘Enough to know the little
bastard isn’t mine.’

‘My God, it’s
you
who
was infertile…’ She pounded her fists on his chest. ‘You let me think it was my
fault, that I’d never have a child of my own. How could you do that? You accuse
me
of lying?’ 

‘Go, before I change my
mind.’

‘You’ll keep Grandpa’s
secret?’

He nodded.

‘Thank you.’ She paused.
‘Talk to your dad, please, Robin. He needs you as much as you need him.’ She
watched the Porsche disappear round the corner in a shower of dust and flying
gravel.

Lucy’s voice behind her was
tight with unspilt anger. ‘And you can’t bring yourself to forgive a man who
loved you selflessly all your life, Charlotte? A man who only ever acted out of
love
?’

She couldn’t look at Lucy
and she didn’t deserve Adam. ‘We need to get you checked out, Adam.’

‘I told you, I’m okay. You
need to see your grandfather. Go on, now.’

‘If you promise to go to
hospital afterwards.’

‘If you get checked, too.
Your baby…’

‘Our baby.’ She touched his
cheek. A bruise was developing around the cut on his forehead. He looked
stunned. She let her hand drop to her side. ‘I’m sorry, Adam. I let you think I
was on the pill. Robin lied to me… I thought I couldn’t conceive. I’ll never
forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.’ She turned towards the front door of
the home, and Lucy and Adam moved to follow her. ‘No… please. I have to do this
alone. I have to do what’s right.’