Towards a Dark Horizon (47 page)

Hattie was shocked and almost speechless. She spluttered, ‘Do you mean to tell me that, after that bomb in Rosefield Street, you still stay inside after the siren goes off?’

If Maddie answered, I didn’t hear it.

‘Well, I’ll have a word with your mother. Ann shouldn’t allow it.’

At that point I should have moved into the living room or gone outside but I did neither. I was so upset by Hattie’s implication of neglect.

Maddie retorted harshly. ‘It’s not Ann’s fault, Hattie, if I want to stay in my own house. What do you want her to do? Pick me up bodily and carry me out?’

For one moment, I had the intense urge to laugh as that would take some doing considering the size of Maddie now.

Maddie added, ‘Until I know for sure that Danny is truly dead, then I’m staying here. Ann doesn’t think he’s dead.’

I groaned inwardly.

Hattie’s voice was soft. ‘Listen to me, Maddie. I know Ann thinks she has this telepathic thing with Danny and maybe she does but you can’t possibly rely on it. Now can you?’

‘No, I can’t but it’s the only hope I have. Call me superstitious if you like, Hattie, but I feel, if I leave our flat, then I’m somehow abandoning Danny. I know it sounds stupid to you and my parents but it’s the way I feel.’

When Hattie replied her voice sounded tearful. ‘I miss Danny as well. He’s my only son – my only child.’

Maddie started to cry as well. ‘Oh, Hattie, I know that and I also know the pain you’re going through, just like me, but you’re pain must be worse than mine because you’ve had him all his life while I’ve only had him a few years.’

I quietly opened the door and went downstairs. There was a small shop at the top of the road so I took refuge there until I saw Hattie hurry away along the pavement. To my distress, I saw her dabbing her eyes with a hankie.

Maddie was sitting at the window when I walked in with large tears streaming down her face. She tried to stand up but she wobbled slightly and grabbed the back of a chair for support.

‘You’ve just missed Hattie,’ she said, through her tears.

‘Maddie, I’m sorry but I did overhear your conversation. I didn’t mean to listen but by the time I thought of going out I had heard every word.’

Maddie was tired looking and white faced. ‘Hattie thinks Danny is dead and so do my parents,’ she said wearily.

I had to make her listen to me. ‘I think you should go and live with your parents, Maddie – just until the baby’s born.’

‘What about Danny?’

‘Well, that would be what he would want, Maddie.’

She studied my face for a moment then sat down heavily in the chair.

‘I’ll just stay for another few weeks but I’ll make up my mind soon about going when the baby comes – I promise.’

There was nothing else I could say. Maddie was certainly one stubborn woman in spite of her fragile and gentle nature.

To take her mind off her problems, I told her the latest developments with Margot. Maddie’s eyes were round with amazement when I told her that Margot was standing trial for theft and bigamy.

I said, ‘She’s in jail at the moment, awaiting her trial. She’ll not like being in there because she’ll not get to flounce around in her bonny frocks while being in a cell.’ For some reason, there was a tinge of sadness in my voice. Oh, I knew she had a criminal streak in her but I also knew that prison would be a terrible experience for her. In a way, I felt a little bit sorry for her – not real sorrow but more a tinge of sympathy.

Maddie noticed this and commented on it. ‘Don’t feel sorry for her, Ann. She ruined your Dad’s life and all her other husbands’ as well.’

I nodded. ‘OK, Maddie – no more sympathy.’

This was an easy promise to keep because we all had bigger worries on our plates. The news on the war front was becoming more and more grim by the day.

As usual, Joe regaled us with the latest casualty figures in the London Blitz.

Connie glanced at me. She knew Maddie’s time was near at hand. She had just another few weeks before the baby was due and the last thing we wanted was to be always reminded about the war, especially with Danny missing – or dead.

After Joe left, she said, ‘I can’t stop him talking about the war, worst luck.’

‘It’s not your fault, Connie, that he gets great pleasure in mentioning every new development.’ Also I knew that Danny’s fate wasn’t Joe’s fault.

Connie laughed. ‘I’ve nicknamed him “Winston” because he seems to know more about the war than Churchill!’

The newspapers were now much thinner due to the paper shortage which meant the pile of papers on the counter didn’t loom so high and we could see the new delivery girl, Betty from the next close, waiting patiently. Because of Joe’s gossiping we were running late. The next hour flew past quickly.

While Connie went to put the kettle on for her morning tea, I went to collect Lily from Maddie’s flat.

They were normally asleep when I left to go to work but I knew Lily would be up and ready for school when I arrived. Maddie had offered to walk her to school but I felt it was too far for her at the moment. As I hurried towards the flat I felt I was forever running here and there. Time was a thing I was always running out of. With Dad now working at the shipyard, his overalls were dirtier than usual which meant I had to spend more time at the wash-house. I normally went one afternoon a week when Lily was at school and I tried to time it so I could be at the school gate at four o’clock.

Lily would help me to push the pram and bath full of wet washing up the Hilltown then, after our tea with Dad, we would put the washing on the pulley before setting off for Maddie’s house.

It was now December and I couldn’t believe how quickly time had flown. It only seemed like yesterday when Maddie had told us of her pregnancy. Now she was in her last few weeks and all our worries were intensified.

Her moods had swung between highs and lows during the last months but she had become really withdrawn and depressed during the last month. We all tried so hard to cheer her up but nothing seemed to make her feel better. All she thought of during these long winter days and nights was Danny and she would sit at the window with her wedding photo in her hand and cry silently. When I tried to shake her out of these black moods, she would become ashamed of herself and try to enter into the conversation. Yet, after just a few words were spoken, she would drift off again to her secret place.

Mrs Pringle sent for me one day. ‘Ann, we really need to get Maddie to come here and stay. Can you help us?’ The poor woman was worried and anxious looking.

I was honest with her. ‘I’ve tried, Mrs Pringle, but she’ll not listen to anybody – not even Hattie or me.’

‘Still, you will try again to make her see sense?’

I promised I would. As I walked down the road a sharp, heavy shower of sleet fell from the steel-wool coloured sky. Even the weather was in a miserable mood which matched most of the citizens of the town. People passing on the street hurried by with their hands deep in their coat pockets and they had their headscarved or bonneted heads tucked into their chests like half-emerged tortoises. Their worried and frowning faces looked so pasty grey in the fast-fading light of the December afternoon.

Lily decided to stay with Dad that night – partly because of the cold sleety weather but mainly because of the unexpected gift of a pile of Christmas annuals that Connie had unearthed in one of her cupboards. So I set off alone into the dark winter’s night. Although it was barely seven o’clock, the street was deserted and I could hear the noise of my heels as they echoed against the slippery pavements.

When I got to the flat, I had just missed Hattie by a few moments. Maddie sat in her usual chair but the thick velvet curtains were pulled across the window to shut out the weather and the light. She looked white faced and there was a tightness around her mouth.

‘Are you feeling all right, Maddie?’ I asked although I could see that she certainly didn’t look fine.

She didn’t answer and I became worried. I started to ask her the same question when she turned an anxious face to me. ‘Ann, I think the baby’s coming.’

I almost fell over in shock. ‘Oh, Maddie, why did you not tell Hattie? She would have been able to get your parents here to help you.’

She gave me another anxious look and I saw the beads of sweat on her upper lip and her forehead. ‘I wasn’t really sure when she was here and I didn’t want to cause a false alarm.’

‘But you don’t think it is a false alarm? Is that what you’re saying, Maddie?’

She nodded then her face contorted in a spasm of pain. I jumped towards her, unsure what task to do first.

Thankfully Maddie’s voice was clear. ‘We did midwifery during my training – not a lot but I have an idea of what to expect. The pains weren’t regular when Hattie was here. That’s why I said nothing but they’re getting quite regular now.’

‘What do you want me to do first, Maddie?’ I tried to calm down and said a silent blessing for Connie’s annuals as at least I didn’t have to worry about Lily.

Another spasm of pain came and the sweat was more distinct now as it ran in small trickles down her neck. When the pain passed, she said, ‘I’ve got my suitcase all packed. It’s in the bedroom.’

I darted across to the bedroom and found the case sitting beside the wardrobe and I carried it through.

‘I’ll have to phone your mum, Maddie. What’s her number?’

The one item I always thought was a luxury in this flat was the telephone but the previous owner had installed it and Maddie and Danny had merely taken it over. Now it was proving to be a blessing. She called out the number and I quickly dialled it. Thankfully I had learned to use a telephone when employed by Mrs Barrie at the Ferry so I wasn’t a complete novice. Mr Pringle’s cool and calm voice answered and I was aware of my own excited and high-pitched tone.

‘Mr Pringle, it’s Ann. Maddie’s baby has started to come and I don’t know what to do.’

He was calm and that helped. ‘Now listen, Ann. Tell Maddie that we’re coming for her in the car to take her to the nursing home. Just keep her calm and we’ll be there in a few minutes.’

Maddie was really distressed by now and she was pacing back and forth across the floor. I repeated her father’s message. I also knew petrol was scarce and rationed but he must have kept some in his car for this very reason.

I laid her case on the chair and went into the tiny bathroom to get her facecloth and toothbrush and paste. There was a small flowery case on one of the shelves so I put the things inside it.

Suddenly she started crying for Danny. ‘Where is he, Ann? Where is …’ She stopped as another pain swept over her.

I felt so helpless as I put my arm around her shoulders but I couldn’t answer her question.

‘I’m leaving the house and I haven’t heard from him. I feel as if I’m betraying him by going away. Where is he?’

I tried to get her to sit down but she said walking around was more comfortable so I walked beside her, trying to soothe her cries for the missing Danny. ‘He’ll turn up, Maddie – just you wait and see. He’s a survivor.’

Oh, my God, I thought, why did I say that? And at this crucial time as well.

Thankfully I didn’t have time for more regretful thoughts because her parents came hurrying through the door and took charge. Before leaving with her, Mr Pringle said, ‘Can you wait till I’ve taken Maddie to the nursing home, Ann? I’d be very grateful.’

I nodded wordlessly.

I wandered into the small kitchen and made myself a pot of tea. I switched the light off and opened the curtains. The sleet clouds had passed away and the sky was now clear. A pale silver moon shone over the river and although it looked lovely I had read about the dreaded ‘bombers’ moon’. It was ideal weather for the Germans to fly their planes and drop their deadly cargo of death on the cities and their innocent populations.

I kept hearing Maddie’s cries for Danny and I wished I had stayed silent when she had asked me months before if I thought he was dead. Why, oh, why had I pinned her hopes on my stupid intuition? Had I wanted to impress her with this secret thing I shared with her husband? Had I wanted to show off?

My thoughts were interrupted by Mr Pringle’s return. I quickly closed the curtains and switched the light back on when I heard the key in the lock. He looked tired. ‘Thank goodness you were here, Ann, and we’re both so grateful for all the help you’ve given Maddie over these awful months.’

I muttered that it was no problem.

‘Well, now that she’s out of the house at last we are hoping she’ll stay with us. Can you pack all her clothes, Ann, and I’ll take them with me? Then we’ll lock up and I’ll get the plumber to turn the water off.’

‘How is Maddie?’

He seemed rueful. ‘Well, you know what matrons are like – they whisked her away and told us to phone tomorrow morning.’

I was shocked. ‘Tomorrow morning?’ I said in amazement. One thing was clear as crystal – I was terribly naive when it came to childbirth. Then I remembered Mum. I had thought at the time what a long drawn-out process it seemed to be and I also remembered how astonished I had been then.

I gave a small laugh. ‘Oh, I thought the baby was coming there and then – in this room.’

He smiled. ‘If only it was that quick!’

I did the packing for him and we both stood on the landing as he locked the door.

‘This is the second time we’ve both locked up a house, Ann, but maybe you’ve forgotten?’

But he was wrong. I remembered the time quite clearly when we had locked up Mrs Barrie’s house after her tragic death. I also recalled how I knew at that moment I would never again go back to her house. Would this be the same? Would I ever be back in this flat? More painfully, would Maddie?

Maddie had a son. Hattie arrived at the shop just before dinner-time, red faced and out of breath, and it was clear she had been hurrying around with the news of her grandson.

‘Maddie had a son this morning at eleven fifteen,’ she said. ‘He weighed seven pounds, eight ounces and his name is Daniel James Patrick Ryan.’

Connie laughed. ‘That’s a big mouthful for a wee bairn, Hattie.’