Toxic (Addiction #1) (18 page)

“I know,” Quinn said, as she placed her hands in Grey’s.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” she said, while shaking her head.
 

“Don’t do that. Don’t pull that nothing bullshit. I know something is bothering you, so just tell me.”

Grey’s voice was sterner than normal which startled her. She wasn’t expecting Grey to be so direct with her.
 

“I see the way you look at her,” Quinn blurted out, while rubbing a tear from her eye.
 

“I don’t look at her any differently than anyone else. You just happened to walk in on a very awkward moment when we both reached for the same sweatshirt. I promise you, nothing happened.”

“I know nothing happened,” Quinn shouted as she blew past Grey and headed out to the sink to splash some water on her now blotchy face. Grey followed her and she saw the look of concern on his face in the reflection of the mirror while she was drying her face off with a towel.
 

“Sweetheart, talk to me.”

“I am.” Her voice rose. “I’m telling you I don’t like the way you look at her. You look at her like you want to rip her clothes off and devour her. You never look at me like that. I know you want her, it’s all over your face. If you want her so badly, then why don’t you just break up with me and date her. I know she’s better than me, so just do it already.” Quinn choked on a sob.
 

Grey pulled her into his arms. She tried to free herself, but he was too strong for her so she stood in his arms, facing defeat. He cooed in her ear and told her to settle down as he rubbed her back.
 

“I don’t want her. I want you. I love you, Quinn. You’re my girl and the only girl that I ever want.”

“Then how come we haven’t had sex in two weeks? It’s because my body repulses you, isn’t it?”

He lifted her chin and looked her in the eyes. “You know that’s not true and if you say that again I’m going to be seriously pissed off. I love everything about your body. You’re hot as hell. It’s been hard to be intimate with you lately because we’ve been sharing a bus with Twisted Perfection. As much as I want you, I’d rather not have an audience when we make love.”
 

“But we’ve stayed in hotels along the way. What happened to those nights? How come you didn’t want me then? It’s because you want Willow.”

“Seriously, stop it with her. I don’t want her. I want you! Damn it. I’ve been so fucking tired lately that, when we do get a hotel, all I want to do is sleep. You know I don’t get much sleep on the bus. Please, sweetheart work with me here. You don’t think I haven’t been suffering? I have God damn blue balls from not being with you. The only release I had was when we were in the restaurant almost two weeks ago.”

Quinn didn’t know what to say. She knew when they were on the road it was harder to be intimate, but why didn’t he take her up against the studio wall when they were alone like he used to? How come he never whisked her away when they had a chance and locked the bus so no one could disturb them?
 

“You don’t try anymore,” Quinn said, while looking down at the ground.
 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you used to be adventurous. You couldn’t take your hands off of me, but ever since my stint in the hospital, it’s like you’re repulsed by me.”

“Damn it, Quinn. I’m not fucking repulsed by you!” Grey said, while throwing his hands up in the air. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go do a damn photo shoot. I will tell you this, I love you with all my heart; you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I’m beyond lucky to have you in my life. You make me happy, you turn me on, and you are the only one for me. Get that through your pretty little head,” Grey shouted and then walked out of the bathroom.
 

Quinn stood there motionless. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to go after him and kiss him all over, but something was stopping her. Whether it was her self-consciousness or the fact that she was stubborn at times, she didn’t know, but instead of apologizing to him, she looked at herself in the mirror in disgust.
 

Her clothes hung off of her, she had dark circles under her eyes, her hair looked like it was thinning and she looked paler than normal. She cocked her head to the side as she told herself she was hideous. She was absolutely hideous and there was not a damn thing she could do about it.
 

Instead of walking out of the bathroom, she headed back into the stall and knelt down in front of the toilet. She looked at her fingers and examined her nails. They were starting to erode again which was the first sign of her sickness. She needed to get acrylics right away before someone noticed.
 

Staring at the bowl in front of her, she bent over the toilet and stuck her fingers in her mouth. Sweet release came as she threw up in the toilet. She hated herself, absolutely loathed the idea of her existence. But at that moment, as she stared down at the contents in the porcelain bowl, she knew all her fears, insecurities and depression would be washed away when she flushed. It was the only way she knew how to cope with the devastating black hole she was slowly slipping into.
 

Chapter 9

“Kaid, put your arm around Maisy and the other arm around Willow’s waist. Girls, lean in toward him, but curve your backs a little so your curves stick out. We want you to work it,” said the photographer, as he circled them and took pictures. “That’s it, beautiful, just like that.”

Maisy felt absurd, but she did as she was told because, frankly, she had no reason to complain. These people had her best interest at heart and only wanted to make her a star, so if that meant sticking her ass out and her breasts up against Kaid, then so be it.
 

Quinn really played up their style and gave each of them an individual look, but also matched them when they all came together. The girl had talent and she knew how to use it. Maisy was extremely grateful for Quinn because, before her, they looked like bunch of hobos trying to look good. Now they actually looked good.
 

Quinn loved putting Willow in tight, hip-hugging jeans and V-neck tops while Maisy was always in skirts and shorts that showed off her legs. Apparently, she had a good pair of stems that Quinn loved to play up. Kaid was handsome as usual, dressed just like the guys from Shattered Souls, once again playing off the group camaraderie they’d formed between bands.
 

“I think we got it,” said the photographer. “You guys were great, thank you.”

They all shook his hand and started to walk off as Pete came toward them.
 

“Stay where you are, we have a phone call with the label in a couple of minutes. I don’t want you guys going off too far or else I won’t find you again. I’m going to go secure a room for us so we can maintain a little privacy, so hold tight and then I’ll come get you.”

“Can we get something to eat at least?” Kaid said as he rubbed his stomach. “I haven’t eaten all day and my shoes are looking just as good as a steak to me right now.”

Pete waved toward the food. “By all means, help yourselves. I don’t need you wilting away on me.”

Kaid and Willow high fived as they sprinted toward the Kraft Foods table that was full of sandwiches, treats and drinks. Maisy wasn’t too hungry, so she sat in a director’s chair as she watched her bandmates chow down.
 

She was thinking about what the label was going to say when someone covered her eyes with two big, calloused hands.
 

“Your legs look hot as hell,” Cruz whispered in her ear.
 

Maisy laughed as she lifted his hands off her face. He walked in front of her and stood close enough so her knees touched his thighs. He leaned both hands on her arms rests and looked her in the eyes.
 

“How’d it go, sweet cheeks?”

“Sweet cheeks?”

“Yeah, trying something new. What do you think?”

“I’m thinking no.”

“Damn. I was kind of liking it. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something else. So did they get the shot?” Cruz asked while using air quotes and rolling his eyes, making Maisy chuckle.
 

“Yeah, but how could they not with such a good looking band?”

“You’re right. Kaid is so hot, I get a boner just looking at him.”

They both looked at Kaid as he shoved a Twix bar in his mouth followed by a bologna sandwich that left a streak of mustard across his cheek.
 

“Yup, he’s a looker alright.” They both laughed. “How did your shoot go?”

“Good, we’re vets by now, so we know exactly how to pose and what they’re looking for. Doesn’t take us long these days.”

“Well you look good. You should dress like this more often,” Maisy said, while playing with one of the buttons on Cruz’s shirt.

“If it gets you to look at me like that, then I’ll dress like this every day.”

“Is there a moment in your life when you’re not flirting?”

“Yes, when I’m taking a shit.” Cruz thought about it for a second then shook his head. “No, that’s a lie. Sometimes I have to flirt with my ass to coax…”

Maisy held up her hand. “Please do not finish that sentence.” She shivered. “You’re so gross, you know that?”

Cruz gave her a quick peck on her forehead and laughed.
 

“Hey, we’re friends, right?” she asked, trying to find out what Cruz really wanted from her.
 

“The best,” he said with a grin.
 

“Seriously though, you don’t want more do you?”

Cruz stood back for a second. “What’s bringing this all up?”

“I’m just wondering. I don’t want you to think this is going anywhere.”

“Maisy, we’re friends, good friends. Maybe friends with benefits?” Maisy was about to protest when he laughed. “I’m just kidding. We’re friends. I promise. We’re just affectionate friends, that’s all. I like the comfort and I know you do too, so there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Okay, I was just checking.”

“Chill out, girl. It’s not like I’m going ring shopping.” He smiled at her. “And if I was going ring shopping, it wouldn’t be for your tiny ass. It would be for that hunk of a man over there.” Cruz nodded at Kaid who was now sitting on the floor, holding his belly and drinking an orange soda. “Man, I can’t wait to tap that.”

Kaid let out a long and bubbly belch while laughing to himself. Clearly he had no clue anyone was watching him.
 

Maisy patted Cruz on the face. “Good luck with that. He’s a real prize.”

“So I have your blessing?”

“You have it alright. Good luck roping him in.”

“Thanks, doll. That means a lot to me.” Cruz leaned down and kissed Maisy on the lips which she reciprocated, but then scolded him.
 

“Watch it, you get one of those a day. You can’t be crossing the line.”

“Oh please…”

“Hey guys,” Rook said, as he sidled up next to Cruz with his arms crossed. He was wearing jeans that were rolled up to the top of his old boots, which looked amazingly adorable. He was wearing one of his tight t-shirts that showed off every sculpted muscle on his body and a vest that hugged him in all the right places.
 

Maisy swallowed at the sight in front of her. Cruz was hot, but Rook was beyond any male specimen she could ever conjure up in her mind. She could probably write five number one hits about his body, three about his chiseled jaw that was dusted with scruff and six that went into great detail about the different blue hues of his eyes.
 

“What are you doing out here, you old stingy bastard?” Cruz said, while clapping Rook on the back, harder than it looked like Rook expected.
 

“Just wanted to see how the shoot went.”

Cruz looked at Rook as if he had two heads and then threw his head back and laughed.
 

“Holy fuck!” Cruz laughed some more which only confused Maisy. She glanced at Rook and saw rage scorching through his eyes. If Cruz didn’t stop laughing soon, Maisy would bet five ball sacs that Cruz’s vocal cords were going to be ripped from his esophagus.

Cruz shook his head as he calmed himself, kissed Maisy on the cheek, and then walked away muttering something that sounded like, “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Rook watched Cruz walk away and then turned and smiled at Maisy. She didn’t think she could handle the new Rook. She liked it better when she was considered a piece of mold on a garden gnome’s ass to Rook; it was much easier to handle her feelings. Now that he was being sweet, she didn’t know how to hide her infatuation, as he so blatantly pointed out a while ago.
 

“Did you have fun?”

“What?” Maisy said, trying to think about what the hell he was talking about because the only thing she could focus on was the way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. When did a damn Adam’s apple become sexy?
 

She loathed herself.
 

He chuckled at her inability to focus. “The photo shoot, how did it go?”