Toys and Baby Wishes (17 page)

He could lead her into it.  He could ask her a few probing
questions like– Would she rather use another form of birth control?  Or, if she
had children, did she want them to look like her?  Or...  No.  He wouldn't bait
her.  He wouldn't force her.  She had to tell him freely.  On her own.  He just
wished she'd do it.

***

Josh's lower body stuck out from the cabinet under Clare's
sink.  His voice was muffled as he stuck his hand out.  "Wrench."  
Clare put the tool in his hand.

A few minutes later, Josh swore.  When he emerged from the
cabinet, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I can't fix it.  I'm
not a plumber."

Clare wagged her finger at him.  "Don't you dare give
me a rendition of 'I told you so'."

He bit back a grin.  "I'd never do that."  At
Clare's harrumph, he laughed.  "But you'd better call a plumber before
that stream under there becomes a river."

"It started with a little drip."

"Most leaks do.  Although I'm very handy to have
around, this is beyond my expertise."  He picked up the dishpan on the
floor next to him and set it under the dripping pipe.  Taking a dishcloth from
the door handle, he mopped up small puddles.

After he stood, he washed his hands in the sink.  "I 
can turn the water off for tonight and you can try to get a plumber first thing
in the morning."

"All right.  I made a chocolate cake today.  We had it
for supper but there's some left.  Would you like a piece?"

Josh glanced at her over his shoulder.  "Do I ever turn
down your chocolate cake?"

Clare lifted the top on the cake holder.  "It was a
rhetorical question."  She sliced a large wedge.  "When's Lexa coming
back?"

Turning off the spigot, Josh dried his hands on a towel
hanging from the oven door's handle.  "She called last night and said
she's taking Dani to the doctor's tomorrow to make sure everything's all right
before she comes home."

"How did she sound?"

"Tired.  I don't see why Dani couldn't have gone home
and just stayed.  It's only another week or so until her Christmas break."

"Maybe she can get more work done up there."

Josh grunted.  "I don't think she's doing much
work."

"But is she feeling all right?"

He reached for a glass in the cabinet and crossed to the
refrigerator.  "Lexa says she is.  I get the impression Lexa's worrying
for two, but she won't say so.  She's so damned independent."

"Joshua, that's a good quality and you know it.  You
wouldn't want a clinging vine."  Clare set the large piece of cake on the
table.

"No, I wouldn't.  But sometimes I'm not sure how much
she loves me," he confessed.

"You can measure it?" Clare asked wisely.

"Of course not."  He poured himself a full glass
of milk.  "But if she depended on me a little more..."

Sitting down at the table, Clare advised, "Give her
some time.  She's a loving, intelligent woman.  She'll work it out."

Josh pulled out a chair with his foot and sat down. 
"She's too loving, Clare.  She doesn't save much for herself or for
us."

"Maybe you expect too much."

"I don't think so."  He cut a piece of cake off
with his fork and lifted it to his mouth.  He swallowed, took a swig of milk
and smiled in appreciation.  "As great as always."  Scrutinizing
Clare carefully, he asked, "So.  Despite the plumbing, do you like life
here?"

"I love it.  I do the cooking.  Trudy cleans and we all
do the laundry.  Jim takes care of the outside work, dishes, and repairs.  But
plumbing's not his thing either."

"He must be a brave soul living with two women.  I bet
he doesn't get to say much."  Josh noticed a new flicker in Clare's eyes. 
"Does he?"

Clare ducked her head and wiped a few crumbs from the
table.  "He says what he thinks."

"And what does he think?"

She met Josh's gaze squarely.  "He wants to take me out
for lunch this week."

"So go."

She waved her hand in the air as if he was suggesting pure
foolishness.  "I'm too old for that nonsense."

"This is the woman who tells me she's still kicking? 
This is the woman who yelled at me because I thought she was too old for a new
venture?  Don't you use that as an excuse now."

Her eyes got a faraway look.  "So you think I should
go?"

"You bet.  You only pass this way but once.  Go for
it."

Clare grinned at her nephew and her blue eyes sparkled. 
"Maybe I will."

***

Lexa felt as if she had the weight of the world on her
shoulders as she drove home from the college campus.  Dani's doctor had tried
to reassure Lexa that Dani was perfectly healthy and so was the baby.  But
Dani's moods had swung up and down the four days Lexa was with her.  Lexa was
worried.  Something was going on in Dani's head that she didn't want to talk
about.  Lexa had prodded, poked, and babied.  Dani had talked about everything
under the sun but what was troubling her.

Along with being worried, Lexa was exhausted.  They had
talked late into the night many nights--memories about their childhood, their
father, their mother, and Loretta.  Lexa had insisted that Dani rest as much as
possible.  So Lexa ran errands, picked up meals three times a day, drove to an
ice cream stand when Dani had a craving for a hot fudge sundae at ten PM.  As a
result, Lexa was worn out.

And anxious to see Josh.  She had missed him more than she
ever thought possible.  But she was tired, so tired.  She didn't want Josh to
see her when she was feeling so low, but she needed to hear the sound of his
voice.

As soon as she entered her townhouse and hung up her coat,
she called his cell.  She answered his hello with, "I missed you."

His voice was husky.  "I missed you, too.  How's
Dani?"

"Okay for now."

"And how are you?"

"Tired."

"Do you want me to come over?"

She wouldn't let him see her when she was this down. 
"No, I have laundry to do, groceries to buy, errands to run."

He must have heard the strain in her voice.  "Are you
all right?"

"I'm fine."

"I'll pick you up around six-thirty and we'll go
someplace quiet for dinner."

"Josh, I have a meeting at the Y.  If I stop for
dinner, I might never get started again, and I don't know what kind of company
I'll be later."

"Are you saying I shouldn't come over at all?"

"No, of course not.  I really missed you and I just
want to lie in your arms."  Her voice caught and she strove to steady it
and cover up emotions that were too close to the surface.  "I'll call you
when I get home tonight."

His voice was gentle.  "Call me.  I'll see you
later."

After Lexa hung up and lugged her suitcase onto the sofa to
take out the used clothes, she sat down next to it and put her fingers to her
temples.  What was wrong with her?  Where was her energy?  She never had
headaches.  She went to the kitchen, found a bottle of aspirin in a cupboard,
and took two.  She was separating the clothes in her suitcase when the doorbell
rang.  A moment later the door opened and Josh was standing in her living room.

She was so happy to see him, tears gathered in her eyes.

He saw them and in two long strides covered the distance of
the room and enclosed her in his arms.  Her tears began flowing in earnest,
dampening his gray dress shirt.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked with concern.

She bit her lip until she gained control.  "I don't
know.  This is so stupid, so foolish."  She couldn't stop the tears and
she felt ashamed for feeling so weak.  Her chin quivered and words stayed stuck
on her tongue.

Josh led her to the sofa, held her close to him, and let her
cry.  "It's okay," he soothed.  "Just let it out."

As her tears subsided, she held onto him.  He was safety,
love, warmth.  He probably thought she was a hysterical female.  She sat up,
turned away from him, dug in her pocket for a tissue and blew her nose.  When
she was finished, she knew her nose was red and her eyes were puffy.

"Lexa, look at me," Josh commanded.

When she didn't, he brushed his fingers through her hair,
then lifted her chin until her eyes met his.  "Tell me what you're
thinking."

"I'm thinking I look a mess and you're probably wishing
you had never walked into this scene."

He moved closer to her and pulled her back until her head
was against his shoulder.  She was tense and stiff so he closed his arm
tighter.  "Remember our conversation on Thanksgiving after you talked to
your father?"

She moved restively.  "I remember."

He tilted his body so he could look into her eyes. 
"Let me give to you, Lexa.  Learn how to lean on someone other than
yourself.  That's what loving's all about."

The love in his eyes surrounded her and she felt tears
beginning to spill again.  "Oh, Josh, I feel so...so drained.  There's no
reason for this."

He kissed her forehead and she relaxed against him. 
"Of course there's a reason for this.  I don't think you realize how thin
you spread yourself.  You have a lot of people making demands on you.  Look at
what you went through with Stanley.  And taking care of someone like you took
care of Dani the past few days is damned hard."

"I love Dani, Josh.  I love her baby.  I can't help
worrying about them.  I want this child so badly."  Her voice careened
around a curve and she let herself soak in Josh's presence, his strength. 
"I'm glad you're here," she whispered.

His embrace was as strong as his voice was soft.  "All
you have to do is call me."

She frowned thoughtfully.  "That's so hard for me. I've
been alone a long time.  Even when I was involved with someone before...he went
his way, I went mine.  We were together but separate."

"I don't want that kind of relationship."

"I know, but what you want scares me.  It's like losing
part of myself."

His large hand caressed her cheek.  "I don't want to
take anything from you.  I want to give to you.  Just because you depend on me
doesn't make you weak."  He traced his forefinger under her eye.  It was
dark with a blue shadow.  "You're exhausted.  How much sleep have you
gotten this past week?"

"College life isn't conducive to sleep."

"Not to mention running yourself ragged for Dani."

She shrugged. "It wasn't like that."

Josh knew better.  "Wasn't it?"

Lexa was silent.

"You have black circles under your eyes, you're pale,
you probably need twenty-four hours of straight sleep."

"I can't do that."

His voice grew gruff.  "You can, but I know you won't. 
Compromise and go to bed for a few hours."

Bed did sound good.  Cool sheets, the weight of the quilt. 
She looked at the soiled clothes on the floor in front of her.

Josh picked up a bra and slid his fingers over the delicate
beige lace.  "I'll do your laundry."

"I can't let you do that."

"Are you afraid your clothes will come out in tatters
or ten shades of red?"

She smiled.  "I trust your capabilities.  But you don't
have to."

He stood, took her hand and pulled her up.  "No, I
don't have to, but I'm going to.  After you go up to bed, I'll start it.  I can
finish it when I come back for supper."

"I don't have any food in the house."

He wasn't daunted.  "No sweat.  I'll pick up something
on my way."

She capitulated.  "Do you know how sweet you are?"

He grinned.  "Like cotton candy."  He pulled her
to him, gave her an uncommonly eloquent kiss, and gave her a gentle push. 
"Go upstairs.  I'll come up before I leave."

Lexa kissed the top of her finger and held it to his lips. 
No words were necessary.

She mounted the steps slowly, feeling as if she had run a
marathon.  After finding a flannel nightgown, she slipped between the sheets. 
She was propping herself on two pillows when Josh came in, a mug in hand.

He smiled crookedly, not knowing what her reaction would
be.  "I thought tea would make you feel better."

"Thank you," she said simply, taking the mug and
sipping while Josh partially closed the blinds so the room darkened.

Lexa's eyelids were already heavy.  She rubbed the back of
her neck, trying to release the tension.

Josh took the mug from her hands and placed it on the
nightstand.  "Scoot around.  I'll massage your shoulders."

The idea of his hands on her shoulders sounded heavenly. 
She flipped her legs to the empty side of the bed.  Josh's thumbs began under
her hair, up and down her neck, soothing and loosening.  When he started on her
shoulders, she sighed with pleasure.  Her head dropped down as he worked out the
knots with professional skill.

"That feels so good," she murmured.  "Where
did you learn...?  Never mind.  I don't want to know."

He patted her back gently.  "Lie down and close your
eyes."  When she was flat on her back, he sat down beside her.  "I
knew a physical therapist in college."

"Knew?"

His eyes twinkled.  "In the technical, not the biblical
sense.  We were friends."

"Who gave each other massages," she summarized.

"She had to practice on someone," he teased.  He
straightened the covers under Lexa's chin.  "Now go to sleep."

"You'll wake me up when you come back?"

He gave her a considering look.  "We'll see."

"Josh..." she warned.

"I'll wake you up in time for supper."  He kissed
her on the lips, waved, and went downstairs.

***

The room was dark when Lexa awoke from her nap.  Light from
downstairs illuminated the hall.  She pushed her pillows back against the
headboard to prop up her head.  She was getting her bearings when the bedroom
door opened and Josh strode in.

She mumbled, "I'm not awake yet."

"We can postpone supper for a while."