Trace + Olivia Series Boxed Set (98 page)

I woke up groggily, something having awoken me. It took me a moment to realize it was a phone ringing.

Trace was sitting up too, rubbing his eyes. His hair stuck up around his head and he looked at me with sleepy eyes. “What the fuck is that?” He growled, the sheet falling to his waist.

“Phone,” I answered, looking around to see if it was his or mine. It was five in the morning and I was too exhausted to figure out why anyone would be calling us at this time.

He slipped his boxers on and searched the room for the annoying thing. He found it on the floor, under the dresser.

“Hello?” He answered, scratching the back of his head.

I watched the color drain from his face. He didn’t say anything to the person. Instead he took his phone and threw it against the wall. I watched as it shattered into pieces. He lowered his head into his hands and his sobs filled the room. I had never seen anyone look so completely and utterly broken before and I hated that it was Trace of all people. He didn’t deserve to go through this. No one did.

I slowly rose from the bed and approached him like one would a frightened animal.

“Trace,” I whispered his name so I didn’t startle him.

His chest heaved with desperate breaths and he refused to look at me. “Trace,” I repeated.

When he didn’t lower his hands, I responded by wrapping my arms around him. That got him to move. His hands left his face and he hugged me against him. My tears dampened his skin. I tried to dam the back, to be strong, but it was pointless.

“He’s dead,” Trace murmured unnecessarily. “Gramps is dead,” his voice was flat with no emotion. I knew he was processing the news and wishing it wasn’t true. His sobs increased and I didn’t know what to do to fix this. I was pretty sure there was
nothing
I could do, but that didn’t keep me from wanting to try. Trace was always so strong and never the one to get so emotional. I had never seen him quite like this … so broken and helpless. It tore me apart. I loved him and wanted to heal everything that hurt. But I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I was clueless.

So, I held him.

And he held me.

Maybe, somehow, we could keep each other together.

“Fuck this!” Trace yelled from the bedroom.

I came running into the room to see what the problem was. He stood in front of the mirror and the tie he’d been trying to put on had been thrown on the ground. It lay there in a heap looking sad and pathetic … sort of how I’d looked ever since we’d gotten the call about Gramps.

I picked the tie up off the floor and smoothed it out.

“Here, let me help you,” I forced a smile, draping the tie around his neck.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hate this.”

“What? Your tie?” I joked, feeling the need to alleviate the tension in the room.

“He shouldn’t be dead. It’s not right,” he opened his eyes to look at me.

“I agree,” I tightened the tie and fixed it into place. “There,” I stepped away.

He was dressed in a black suit with an emerald tie that brought out his eyes.

“I don’t want to go to this,” he stared at his reflection, fiddling with his collar like it was restricting his oxygen even though it was loose.

“Trace,” I grabbed his hands and held them in my own. “We have to. You’d hate yourself if you missed your grandpa’s funeral. It’s okay to be sad and angry. It’s even okay to cry. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”

“You know how my mom wants us all to speak about Gramps?” He waited for me to nod before continuing. “I don’t want to,” he admitted, looking at me with sad eyes partially concealed by his thick-framed black glasses. I hated seeing him like this, but it was understandable.

“Then don’t. She’s not going to be mad if you don’t. Do what
you
need to do.” I caressed his face with the back of my fingers, trying to offer him as much comfort and support as I could. The past two days had been hard on the both of us, but Trace was handling things better than I’d imagined. He’d had a few outbursts of anger, like with the tie, and he’d broken down crying last night … but I knew he’d be okay with time.

He glanced at his guitar case leaning against the bedroom wall. “What if I sang a song?”

A genuine smile met my lips for the first time in days. “That would be wonderful and I know it would mean more to Gramps than a speech.”

He swallowed thickly, glancing down at the watch adorning his wrist. “We better go.”

He grabbed his guitar case and left the apartment, not bothering to see if I was following.

All I wanted to do was make him feel better but I didn’t know how to do it. There wasn’t an instruction book for something like this. All I could do was love him, no matter what.

With a sigh, I opened the drawer in the nightstand beside the bed and pulled out the letters Gramps had written to Trace and me. I tucked them into my purse, planning to give Trace his after the funeral. I was sure I’d end up reading mine then too, but a part of me wanted to leave it unread. I didn’t want to know Gramps’ final words to me. If I didn’t read them, then it was like he wasn’t really gone.

“Bye, Ace,” I petted the dog affectionately on the head and closed the apartment door, making sure it was locked.

Trace was already in the car and he didn’t say anything as we drove to the cemetery.

Even though Gramps had known lots of people, we’d chosen to keep the funeral private. My mom, Nick, Avery, and Luca would be there, but that was it outside of the immediate family.

I followed Trace through the grass, around the headstones, to a spot under a large oak tree. Gramps’ casket was closed, on a platform above the freshly dug ground where it would soon be lowered. I was glad they’d chosen to keep the casket closed. I didn’t want to see Gramps like that. I wanted to remember him like I knew him when he was alive … smiling, laughing, and strong.

Trace set his guitar case down and his mom eyed it with a question in her eyes, but didn’t ask.

Everyone else soon arrived and a man I’d never met before began to speak about Gramps. It was clear the man hadn’t really
known
Gramps, so I found myself tuning him out.

After he was finished speaking, we each took turns saying a few things about Gramps.

When it was my turn, Trace stood up with me. He entwined our hands together and I knew then, that we were united, and we’d really be okay. Greif had a way of making you forget that in time you’d heal.

You live.

You love.

You lose.

You heal.

You move on.

I held my head high as I spoke. “Gramps, is one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met. He welcomed me into the Wentworth family with open arms. He made me feel comfortable, but most importantly he made me feel loved. And I loved him back, like he was my own grandpa. I spent a lot of time with him over the years and he became not only my family, but a friend as well. When I say I’m going to miss him, it doesn’t encompass the magnitude in which I’ll feel empty. There will always be a part of me missing because of his loss. But I won’t dwell on his death. Gramps wouldn’t want me to do that. I’ll remember him often and I’ll always love him.” I squeezed Trace’s hand, letting him know I was finished speaking.

I expected us to sit down, but he tightened his hold on my hand so that I couldn’t move. He swallowed thickly and a heavy breath gusted between his lips. “Gramps was more than a grandpa to me. After my dad died, he helped fill that role. I was in a bad place for a long time after my dad died, but Gramps
never
gave up on me. I put my family through hell, but they stood by my side, and with Gramps’ help I found my way back home … and I eventually found the love of my life. Without Gramps, there are so many things I wouldn’t have today. I’m not going to lie, I’m angry that he’s gone. Really fucking angry. But that’s life, sometimes bad things happen and we have to decide how to deal with them. I’m not the same person I was when my dad died,” he stopped, taking a moment to compose himself. “I was a boy then, but now I’m a man. I’ve grown a lot since then, and I won’t let this break me. Like Olivia said, I’ll always remember and love him.”

We sat down together and everyone was silent, soaking in our words.

Grammy began to cry beside Trace and he released my hand to hug her. “It’s okay, Grammy,” he rubbed her back. “We’re all here for you.”

When he turned back to me, I said, “I thought you weren’t going to say anything?”

“I wasn’t,” he shrugged. “But after you spoke … it would’ve been wrong not to say anything.”

After Trent gave a short speech, Trace opened his guitar case.

“I’d like to sing a song to honor Gramps’ memory,” he cleared his throat.

His mom smiled.

He pulled his chair out and turned it around so he was facing everyone.

He strummed the guitar lightly, closing his eyes as his teeth bit into his bottom lip.

“‘Oh, oh, oh, oh,’” he began. “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, and the dreams that you dream of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly, and the dreams that you dream of. Dreams really do come true. Some day, I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemondrops high above the chimney tops. That’s where you’ll find me.’”

I closed my eyes, listening to the song and soaking in the words.

When he finished singing, I heard Grammy sniffling and even his mom was crying. There was a lone tear on my cheek and I swiped it away.

“That was beautiful,” I told him as he packed his guitar back up. “That was different that the original,” I stated. “Did you change it yourself?”

“No,” he shook his head. “That’s Jason Castro’s version.”

“It was perfect,” I placed a hand on his arm. “Very fitting.” We stood, standing by the casket.

“Yes, it is,” he skimmed his fingers over the mahogany top. “Gramps is with the rainbows now.”

Everyone was hugging and saying goodbye. I managed to keep Trace from leaving, saying I wanted a moment longer. When everyone was gone, I pulled his letter from my purse. Trace watched my movements carefully, eyeing the letter with apprehension.

“Here,” I handed Trace his. “Gramps gave me this when he was in the hospital.” His hands gripped the envelope tightly and I feared he might rip it. “I don’t know what it says, but I think you should read it. There’s one for me too,” I pulled the second letter from my purse.

He took a deep breath, staring at his name scrawled on the envelope.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he confessed.

“I don’t know I can either,” I admitted. “Maybe we should do it together?” I suggested.

He nodded and we sat beneath the tree. The leaves cast shadows over us and we both stared at the sealed envelopes, reluctant to open them. He looked at me and I looked at him. At the same time, we ripped the envelopes open.

I pulled the piece of paper out carefully, like it was a precious artifact I was worried I might damage.

Tears leaked out of my eyes as I began to read.

Olivia,

If you’re reading this then that means I’m dead. Sorry about that. Some things cannot be helped. I held out for as long as I could. I fought hard, I promise you that. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay longer, but my time has come to an end and I must say goodbye. I love you very much. I know you know that, but I felt the need to say it again. I couldn’t have picked a better woman to steal my grandson’s heart. You bring out a side to him that’s been missing since his dad died. You make him smile and laugh. You’ve shined a light into all his darkest places and driven away his demons. I can’t thank you enough for that. You don’t know what he was like after his dad died … I feared he lost his way. I worked hard to bring him back, but you didn’t have to work at it. You’re his soul mate, Olivia. Soul mates are hard to find, but I managed to find mine in Ellie. Hold him close, and never ever let go. Live your life, Olivia. Don’t dwell on the bad things. Move past them, together. That was one of the most important things I learned while married to Ellie … together, we could solve any problem and conquer any hurdle. I want the best for you and Trace. I know you’re both bound for great things. I’m proud of Trace for following his dream and choosing not to take over the company. He should be admired for making the less easy choice. If he ever doubts his decision, remind him of this. As for you, my sweet Olivia, write that book. Don’t let life get in the way of your dreams. Our dreams can take us anywhere as long as we let them. So, spread those wings and fly baby girl.