Tracing Holland (NSB Book 2) (2 page)

I’ve just pulled on a
pair of gym shorts when a knock thumps on my door. Surprised, I move toward it
and peek through the hole. I breathe a curse, but can’t stop the resigned smile
as I shake my head and invite the intruders to enter.

“What are you doing?”
I ask as the parade marches into my room.

“Celebrating the
opening of your tour,” Callie quips. She holds up a bottle of ginger ale, and I
can see Casey has three glasses.

I stare at them in
confusion. “What about Saxon?”

“If you’re not going,
we’re not going,” Casey chimes in. “I already called Molly and told her to meet
us here instead.”

I sigh. There’s no way
out of this one, but I suspect it’s probably good I’m trapped right now. I
didn’t like the direction of my thoughts in the shower. I need a buffer, and
these two have turned protecting me from myself into an art form.

“Well, then I guess I
better finish getting dressed,” I mutter moving back to my suitcase.

“Don’t feel like you
need to wear clothes on our account,” Callie teases.

“Hey!” Casey cries,
and she rolls her eyes.

“Oh, please. Even you
think he’s hot. Get over it. Pass me those glasses.”

I laugh as they exchange
mock glares before Casey finally relents and hands over a glass. God, I love
them together. It’s like watching a rainbow trying to trash-talk a unicorn.
Casey would kill me if I ever said that out loud, but it’s just so damn
adorable.

“Wow.
Blanchard Crest Ginger Ale, no less.
You’re serious about
this,” I observe, pulling a t-shirt over my head.

“Only the best for my
favorite rock star,” Callie sings, earning her another annoyed look from Casey.

“Fine. Second favorite
rock star,” she groans.

It’s Casey’s turn to
roll his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Love you,
hon
,” she chirps, giving him a quick kiss. He shakes his
head, but they exchange a grin that turns me into the intruder.

I clear my throat. “Do
the others know we’re not going out?” I ask as Callie returns to pouring the fake
Champagne and hands me a glass.

“Yeah, we told them
we’re just going to do something with the gang tomorrow. I let Holland know.
She didn’t seem to mind,” Callie says.

I find my stomach tightening
at the mention of Holland. I still don’t know why.
That look
.

“She’s really a remarkable
person,” Callie continues, which is how I know I’ve done a good job hiding my
reaction. She can read me better than anyone. “Did you know she actually has a
biology degree? She was pre-med before she decided to pursue music full-time. Oh,
and she writes children’s books! I think she’s published a couple. Crazy.”

“Wow,” I say. “That’s
impressive.”

She nods. “She’s not
arrogant or anything, though. You wouldn’t know how smart she is talking to
her. She’s really down to earth. Gosh, her music is so good, too. Dude, they
killed ‘Perfect Storm’ tonight, don’t you think? I mean, killed it!”

Casey and I exchange
amused looks at her casual use of our lingo. We’re converting her. Uh oh.

She waves her hand.
“Ok, anyway, this is about you two, not Holland. So, back to business.” She
raises her glass and we do the same, holding our breath, preparing for her
masterful speech that will go down in the annals of history and be inscribed on
monuments. She’s probably written us a beautiful ode to friendship and stirring
aspirations. We grip our glasses. We watch. We wait. And…silence.

She stares at us. We
stare back. Her face scrunches into the adorable pout she does when she’s annoyed
with us. We shrug.

“Well, is someone
gonna
say something or what?” she
blurts.

“I thought you were
giving the speech, babe!” Casey cries.

“Me? Why would I give
the speech?”

“I don’t know!” he
returns in exasperation. “This whole ginger ale thing was your idea!”

“It’s a good idea! I
just don’t think I should be the one giving the speech.”

“Well, why would we
toast ourselves?”

“You do it all the
time!”

I
laugh,
I can’t help it, and put an end to their argument. “Ok, fine, I’ll give the
speech,” I say, and I can tell they’re surprised. Even after all this time, as
far as we’ve come over the last few months, they still seem shocked any time I
demonstrate even an ounce of interest in acting like a human being. I try not
to be annoyed.

“
A dark road traveled is not a dark road lost when light turns dark into
a path. Labor on, oh weary one, for the end has come now that the journey’s
begun.”

There’s silence as
they stare at me, and I almost feel shy.

“What’s that from?”
Callie asks, her gaze searching mine.

I swallow. “Tuesday
night.”

I swear there’s a
glisten in her eyes as she nods. “Well, ok then,” she says quietly, clinking my
glass. “To the new journey.”

“I love it, man,”
Casey says, touching my glass as well.

We all take a sip.

“That would make one
hell of a cat poster.”

I laugh as Callie
smacks him.

∞∞∞

Molly joins us about an hour later, and I get
a huge hug. She’s a sweet girl, and is one of Casey’s closest siblings. She’s
never blamed me for Elena the way most of his family did, although no one
blamed me more than my own aunt. I haven’t spoken to her since that day, since
the news broke. The day she left me a message saying no one who could do that
to an angel like Elena would be family to her.

I guess it hurt at the
time. I mean
,
I was such a mess during those first few
months it’s impossible to tell which dagger slicing into your gut is the one
causing the fatal bleeding. My aunt actually told me it should have been me.
She always loved Elena. Thought I didn’t deserve her. She wasn’t the only one.
I still believe that. I’m not sure there’s enough therapy on this planet to ever
change that.

I’m happy Casey and
Molly
have
the chance to connect while we’re in
Houston, but family reunions don’t work the same for me. Molly looks a little
bit like her. Ok, a lot like her, the way her eyes light up when she smiles.
The texture of her hair.
Her laugh. Of course it’s not her
fault she’s bringing it all back, and I try to stay polite and positive during
the visit, but the earlier heaviness returns as a concrete block.

“Sorry I wasn’t able
to make it to your show tonight,” she says. “I bet it was amazing.”

“It was,” Callie confirms.
“I’m Callie, by the way.”

“I figured. So nice to
finally meet you,” Molly responds, exchanging a warm hug with her before
smacking her brother. “Thanks for introducing us, jerk.”

Casey shrinks a bit
with a sheepish grin. “Sorry! You figured it out.”

She rolls her eyes and
turns back to Callie. “Anyway, thank you for giving my brother a reason to
actually call us. Even though all we ever get is Callie, Callie, Callie, it’s
nice to hear his voice more than once a year.”

“Oh, please! I actually
went home for Christmas last year!” Casey points out.

“Uh, no. You needed a
place to crash when you came home to play that show at the Towne Centre.”

“Whatever. I was still
home.”

“Except you wouldn’t
even come to dinner at Mom and Dad’s.”

Callie and I exchange
a look as they argue, and she casts me an amused grin. I try to return it, but am
having a lot of trouble with this conversation, with Molly. I can’t stop
staring at her hair. I wish she’d cut it. I wish she didn’t allow her long,
dark locks to flow down her back in gentle waves just like Elena used to do.
When she turns her back to continue yelling at Casey, I almost choke.

“So, Luke, how have
you been?” she asks, suddenly confronting me. My heart starts racing, something
akin to panic mounting in my chest, and I have no idea what to do with it. I
don’t understand what’s happening, just that I can’t focus all of a sudden,
breathe in enough oxygen. I blink.

“Um, good. I’m doing really
well,” I force out. She smiles at my lie and squeezes my arm.

“That’s great. I’m
glad to hear that. We were so worried about you. You just disappeared.”

I nod in a numb daze,
and can feel Callie’s eyes. She has to know something’s wrong. She always does.
She has to see the walls are shrinking.

She clears her throat.
“So, Molly, tell me about working at the animal shelter. That must be so interesting!”

Her redirection works,
and I hate how I suddenly want to hide more than anything. I love Molly, but I
can’t see her. I can’t be here. I hate that this is happening, that once again
my drama is ruining a moment, dragging down the people I love.

Still, I can’t stop
it, and a small ember of fear burns low as the evening wears on, panic that
it’s going to be a hard night when the room quiets and the lights go out. The
heaviness grows, pressing on my lungs until it reaches a physical ache. I can
sense Callie’s attention more and more as I withdraw into myself, and know
without a doubt she’s aware something’s up. She knows I’m starting to shatter
again, that I need to be in someone’s arms, to be held, but I don’t want to let
that happen. It shouldn’t be her. I know that, and I try to force as many smiles
as I can to ease her mind. To temper that vigorous compassion that drives her
into other people’s pain. I know they love me, but I don’t want to be their
constant burden. I love them, too.

But I just can’t
breathe all of a sudden.

“You guys have an
early morning, don’t you?” Callie asks finally, and I immediately know what
she’s doing. Rescuing me like she so often does with that grace that disguises
it from everyone else. It’s her smile, the way it always seems to turn a
goodbye into a simple invitation for the next meeting. I’d never really felt
like I’d had a choice except to show up again in those early days at
Jemma’s
.

Casey sighs. “Yeah, we
do. The
car’s picking
us up at 7 to take us to the
radio station.”

“Oh, ok! Well, I won’t
keep you up then. I’ve got work in the morning anyway,” Molly says with an
understanding smile as she rises.

We do the same. “It
was so good to see you again, Molly,” I manage, reaching for a hug. She returns
it, a real one, and I start to shake. Oh god. I need them all to leave. Now.

“I’ll walk you out,
sis,” Casey says.

“See you tomorrow?”
Molly asks Callie who grins and gives a hug of her own.

“Looking forward to
it!”

Then, we’re alone. I
feel Callie’s gaze and draw in a ragged breath. I need her to leave, too. I
don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want her to comfort me right now. I
just want her to be happy and safe and force me to confront my demons on my own
for once. But I know she won’t, so I don’t even try.

She doesn’t say anything
as the horrible tears invade my eyes. I swipe at them and drop to the edge of
the bed, leaning my head in my hands. I don’t even know how to start explaining
what’s going on inside of me, which is why I love her so much. I know I won’t
have to. She covers the distance between us and puts her arms around me,
pulling me against her. I try to breathe. To fight the weight pressing into my chest,
clamping down. God, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.

“It was a long day,
Luke. A difficult one with everything you had to face coming back. You were
amazing,” she says softly.

I nod through my
silent
tears,
grateful there are no embarrassing sobs
this time. I pull away and swat at my face again. Fighting to put myself back
together.

“I’m ok,” I whisper.
“It was a lot to handle…and then seeing Molly again.”

She sighs. “I know. It
was brave of you to even try.”

I let out a harsh
laugh. “Brave. Yeah right.”

“Don’t even think
about belittling yourself,” she barks with a smile, and I manage to remove the
rest of the tears. She grows serious again. “But you’re not alone anymore. You
need to promise me you understand that.”

I blink and meet her
gaze. She hugs me again, and I can almost feel the tension start to lift.

“Thanks, Cal.”

“Get some rest, ok?”
she says, pulling away and squeezing my hand.

I nod and draw in
another deep breath. “You, too. Tell Casey I said good night.”

She smiles and rubs my
arm one last time as she rises to her feet. “I will. You got this, kid. I know
you do.”

∞∞∞

The radio session goes well the following
morning. We do a brief interview with host Russ, followed by a short acoustic
set, which seems to go over well with the station and listeners. Houston has
always embraced us, so
I’m not surprised by the outpouring of
support
. There’s something about your hometown, the way they claim you.
They raised you, created you, so now you belong to them.