Tracked by Trouble (Bad Boys Need Love, Too #3) (22 page)

“Nah, I’m good. I just spaced out for a moment.”

His sister scrutinized him, her gaze drilling holes in his head, like buckshot.

“Go! Your child’s about to lose it.” Zed shooed her away. After she’d departed, his mind began racing.
I blacked out again, didn’t I? Shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?
He scanned the headlands. Pinpricks of light came from the viewing station at the top of the rise.

When he focused on them, they disappeared.
A camera? Binoculars?
He shook his head, trying to displace the fear.
Fuck. I’m being paranoid.
Another flash of light came from the hills.
What if I’m not? What if Lawson’s up there with a gun trained on me? What if he misses and shoots the kids instead?
Zed tried to calm down, take deep breaths, something, anything to quell his anxiety attack.

When Caitlin returned, she said, “Zeddy, you don’t look so good. You’re pale. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I must’ve ate some crap for lunch. I stopped at a fast food place. I’ll be all right.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m certain. I’ll be fine. Let’s focus here. They’re moving outside to the deck. I’ll bet you’d like to find an otter, wouldn’t you, Ms. Muffin? That’s something you and I can do, even though we’re not in school.” He winked at her, feigning lightness.

“Yeah!” she said, grabbing his hand. She tugged him out the door, his sister behind him, still studying him. He took one last glance over his shoulder and, yep, the same lights, in the exact same position blinked in the distance, then disappeared when he trained his eyes in their direction.

His good mood had holes shot in it, thanks to a marine-grade trained sniper. Determined not to let his brother get the best of him, he focused on the children, the teacher, Anna, his sister—anything but the unwelcome apprehension taking root in his heart.
So much for being in love. Now I’ve got someone to lose.

“Mmm,” Beck hummed, pushing the covers to the side. “Now
that
was spectacular.”

Zed stood in the doorway, staring at her, arms crossed, his eyes hooded and seductive. “You said that last night. And the night before. And the morning before that.”

“That’s because you never cease to amaze me, Zed Farrell.” She eyed the reddish purple discoloration on his naked chest. “I’m afraid I marked you.” A small embarrassed laugh escaped her lips. “I got a little carried away.”

His head dipped. He glanced at the hickey on his pecs, swept his hand absentmindedly across it, and said, “I marked you even bigger,” his eyes glittering with tease.

“Did you? Do I have a huge bruise on my ass?” She shoved her hand underneath her backside, rubbing the place where he’d bit and sucked her hard.

“You’ll have to check in the mirror. I enjoyed myself. I like letting go with you.”

“I feel like a teenager.”

“I guess that makes you
my
teenage lover. Isn’t that the way the game is played? We each make our claim on the other through demarcation?”

She grinned at him. “I think we’ve each made our claim on the other through continuous passionate expression. Seriously, baby, you’re the most creative lover. I love it. I love
you.
” Beck rolled on her belly to the side of the bed and retrieved her lacy, eggshell colored bra from the floor. She twirled it around her finger, taunting Zed, jeans hanging low over his hips, still looking at her with hungry eyes. “Are you okay with this? My stuff is everywhere. I’ve kind of moved in.”

“You have indeed. And I’m better than okay. Thrilled, happy, ecstatic is more like it. It only took us a couple of weeks to get here. I love living with you, Beck honey. It’s been an easy transition.”

“Yeah,” she said, dropping the bra in favor of her soft, red T-shirt. “Well, it’s not official yet. Don’t call it ‘living with me,’ yet. I haven’t given notice or anything.” Sitting cross-legged on the messy, love-tossed sheets, she pulled it over her head.

“Whenever you’re ready. You decide. I’m not going to push you. The door’s open when you’re ready.”

She loved Zed for saying that. He made decisions
her
choice, gave her time to weigh things, didn’t try to corral her into moving too fast.
Not like Tyler who pushed me into everything.
She’d been comparing her new, blissful relationship against her stormy one with Tyler for the last two weeks, as if verifying her decision to be with Zed.

Points weighed heavily in his favor, making it a no contest kind of situation. She smiled, figuring the comparison game would stop soon enough, as the two of them made their own history. She swung her legs over the edge and retrieved her panties. “You’ll be home around seven tonight?”

“You do hear yourself, don’t you? You call this place home.”

Her face grew red. “Yeah, well…”
It took Tyler months to convince me to move in.
She waved a hand breezily at him.  “Training again, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Jace is turning up the heat. I think he’s pumped to be my coach and truly invested in the outcome. He wants to take me out for a beer so we can go over strategy. Only a few weeks left.”

“No chicks allowed?”

“Not just any chick.” His tongue slid between his lips. “You’re always allowed, welcome and encouraged, even. Stop by your old place of employment when you get off work. That’s where we’ll be.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Okay, deal.” She paused, biting her lip. “So…” She watched his face transform to wariness. The guy seemed wired to her thoughts and feelings. “Have you given any thought to the…”

“To the psychologist? No.” A wall fell into place. “I’ve been seeing and talking with Mitch. He’s helping me sort things.”

“But…” She sauntered up to where he stood, placing her palms over his heart.

He stepped away. “But nothing, I’ve got this.”

Ouch.
Her hands dropped to her hips. “No, baby, you don’t have this. You’ve had seven mild blackouts in the last two weeks. One last night.”

“What, you’re keeping tabs on me? Carry around a tally sheet, do you? ‘Oh, there he goes again. Another blackout. That Zed. Can’t keep his shit together.’” He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Come here.”

“What if I don’t want to?” she huffed.

“Do it anyway. I was being a jackass. I’m sorry.” He took a step toward her and held open his arms.

Another thing to love about Zed
, she thought.
He takes responsibility for his actions.
She’d never been with a guy like that. In fact, she hadn’t believed that men could do it—be honest and responsible. She stepped into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his strong back, pressing her cheek into his warm shoulder. “I’m still worried about you. You haven’t passed out again but it’s like you start sleepwalking all of a sudden. Your face gets all blank and I can tell you’re far, far away. Not present. Not with me, anyway.”

She leaned away from him. “What if you blacked out during the race like we talked about? You’re zooming along on your bike and then….nothing…and you find yourself in a ditch somewhere. Have you put any more thought into that?”

His handsome face crumpled into a frown. “Yeah, actually. I’ve, uh…I’ve been talking with Mitch about that possibility.”

“What’s he say?”

“Same thing as you. Get some help. I want to try to work it out on my own, though.” He seemed desperate, like “working it out on his own” meant his own salvation.

Her quicksilver temper rising, Beck shook her head. “That’s stupid.” A look of surprise flashed across his face. “I’m sorry, but it’s dumb, Zed. Get some frigging help, for Christ’s sake.”

“Thanks for the show of support.”

“You know what I mean. Stop being so stubborn.” She wanted to strangle sense into him.

“Stop being so bossy, babe.” He glared at her.

“Okay, okay.” She lifted her hands, palms facing him in surrender. “But I can’t help you. You need an expert.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“You hear from your brother lately?”

“I don’t pick up the phone when I see his number. If he leaves a message, I delete it.”

“But he’s been trying to contact you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you still don’t know what he’s up to, where he is, right?”

“Nope. Don’t care.”

She squinted at this cavalier response. “And your reaction to being pursued by him?”

“I call Mitch. He calms me down.”

“So how many times has he tried to contact you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does he call at a certain time?”

“I don’t know, when I’m driving home from work usually, I guess.” Blotches of color crept up his face. He looked away from her.

“Think. How many? This is important. Look it up on your phone log.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I will.” She turned and began to stride toward the side stand where he always placed his phone.

“Beck, stop! Stay out of my business.” He lunged for her, snagging her arm with tight, unyielding fingers.

She spun to face him, peeling his hand from her biceps. “How many times, Zed?”

His face reddened. “I don’t know, honestly. I don’t count.”

“Wager a guess.”

“Six or seven times, I guess.” He looked shamefaced and sheepish.

“And then you experience a mild episode when you come home. Zed, honey, you
have
to see the connection.”

“I see it,” he said, sheepishly. “I don’t want to believe it. I keep trying to prove to myself I’m better than that.”

“This has nothing to do with better or worse, baby. It has to do with you being stuck in a trauma. Probably several traumas from the sound of it. Its physiology. It’s the body’s method of coping with shit. Please, please,
please
, call the number I gave you.”

“I’ll think about it.”

She threw up her hands. “Zed! Come on! Do you want me to move in with you or not?”

He appeared stunned. “Yes. Why would you have to ask that?”

“Because you’re acting like an idiot…about this, I mean. Get some goddamned help! Get unstuck! If this guy can’t help you,
someone
can.” She craned her neck to look at the clock on the bed-stand. “I’ve got to eat, get showered, and get to work.”

“Dressed like that? That’s what you’re wearing to breakfast?” He smirked.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Yes, wearing last night’s panties and yesterday’s T-shirt. My robe is still at my house.”

He shrugged. “We can remedy that. Just say the word.”

“Soon. Anyway, I’ve got a busy day. Tell me your answer while I’m drinking coffee. Or when I get in the shower. I’ll give you that much time.”

“Can I watch?” He smirked at her.

“No!”

His face fell.

Argh.
She didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m sorry, too. You’re right, I’m being bossy. I’m seriously worried about you. We’ve confessed our feelings for one another. We know we love each other. Things are moving really fast between us. It only amps my fear. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Baby,
please
.”

“I, uh…” He looked away from her again. “I feel the same way,” he mumbled.

She stepped closer and took his hands in hers. “I’m here for you, you know that. Tell me.”

He cleared his throat. “I, uh. Well, shit. Lawson’s a goddamned marine, serving his country. He deals with life and death all the time. And here his wimpy brother can’t handle his temper and goes into some fucking trauma response like a big frigging baby.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Is that what this is about?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He pulled free of her grip and wandered into the bedroom, sitting at the edge of the crumpled bedding. He rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head in his hands, looking completely defeated.

Beck stepped softly in front of him and crouched low so she could catch his gaze. She rested her hands on his knees, next to his elbows. “Babe,” she said gently.

“What?” he said, not removing his head from his hands.

“I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere. But I
need
you to get help. I can’t keep stressing and fretting about you. I think about you all the time. I stress and worry, wondering what your dumb ass bully brother is going to do to you – to us. He might not have to be in the state, even, to break us apart.”

Zed looked up at her, his eyes lined with weariness. “That’s what I’m afraid of. He’ll simply win, whether he’s here, or not. He’s already winning.”

“Not yet, he’s not. Not even close.” She got up from her crouch and sat beside him, stroking his back, something that always seemed to soothe him. “But he might get an edge on you if you don’t seek help.”

He squeezed the bridge of his nose, the thing he seemed to do when his thoughts threatened to overwhelm. “All right,” he said, eyes closed. “All right, Beck honey, I’ll do it for you.”

“What, like you’re not worth the time and energy? You have to do it for someone else?” She scowled, knowing she should shut up and accept his answer. “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry. I’m behaving like a bitch. I think you’re important, baby,
way
important. But thank you. Thank you for doing it for me. I accept. As long as you make the call.”

“Yeah, I’ll make the call. But it still has to be my process.”

“Understood,” Beck said.

“And, Beck honey…” He cleared his throat, placing his hand on her thigh.

“Yeah?” She stroked the back of his hand.

“Thank you…for caring…about me.” He reached to push her hair back from her face. “For wanting to stick around. For even considering moving in with me. It means a lot to me. That’s why I don’t push it. I’m filled with gratitude…for you…” He chewed his lip and cleared his throat again. “For you wanting to be with me. I’m grateful. And happy. Incredibly happy.”

“Zed…you melt me.”

His gaze locked on hers, somber, serious. “You’re like a gift, you know? Like everything ever taken away from me, everything snatched out from under my hands, returned to me in…in you.”

“Baby…you take my breath away.” In that moment, Beck fell deeper in love than she’d ever experienced in her life. Zed seemed to not take anything for granted, but especially not her.