Tracks (Rock Bottom) (28 page)

“Dylan,” he begins and sighs, his voice shaking. Strange, I had never heard him truly cry before.
He’s sobbing. The voicemail is silent for a few seconds, and I hear his sharp breathing and sniffling. “I don’t know what to say. I always knew I was a loser. That you were too good for me. That I could never deserve someone like you. I wish you could have heard what I was thinking when I first saw your beautiful face in the crowd.” He stops. My eyes clench closed, the pain overwhelming.

“I’
m a bad person, Dylan… a selfish person. But the love I feel for you is so beautiful. You made me feel like I could be worth something. You made me feel like a better man. The music, the fame, the girls throwing themselves at me… that never mattered. It never made me feel anything.”

I’m shaking, desperately debating whether or not to hang up and call him. Even through all of this, I didn’t like hearing hi
m talk about himself that way.

After a few moments of him quietly crying again, he continued. “So thank you, Dylan, for making me want to be
better; for believing that I’m more than this. It meant more to me than you know. And I’m sorry I disappointed you,” his voice cracked on the last sentence. Tears poured down my cheeks.

He cleared his throat. “My plane is waiting for you at the airport. Please use i
t so I know that you’re safe.”

After then, the message ends.

I put the phone down in my lap and wipe my cheeks quickly. I figure I might as well take his plane home, since its here and ready, and not put Scott through the trouble. It’s just a plane, what’s the harm it could do?

My phone begins to vibrate again
. I nervously check the caller ID, and answer it when I realize its Scott. My voice is calmer now, but I’m still shaken. “Hi,” I breathe.

“Dylan,” Scott’s low voice is still full of worry. “I have a plane ready to go for you in 30 minutes, ok
ay? You can go to terminal 34A and get on the plane now and wait on it until it can take off.”

“Scott, I appreciate it. But Jeremy left me a message letting me know his plane is ready for me to take home if
I want to.”

“No,” Scott almost interrupts me. “No way. I don’t know what he did, Dylan, and it’s probably best you’re not telling me right now, because I know it has to be bad for you to be shaken like this. I don’t want you anywhere near him or his thing
s or tied to him in any way.”

I sigh. “Ok
ay, Scott.” He’s probably right, anyway.

“Dylan,” Scott begins hesitantly
. “Just tell me… shit…” he pauses. “Just tell me he didn’t lay his hands on you.”

“God no!”
I say. “He wouldn’t do that.” Even now, I’m defensive of him.

Scott seems to pick up on that. “Right,” he says, almost sarcastically.
“34A, okay?” he says, more gently.

“Ok. Thank you so much, Scott.” I really tried to sound gratef
ul. I had no one else to call.

“Anytime.
Thank you for letting me help. I’ll be at the airport to meet you when you get off the plane. And I’ll take you home, stay as long as you need, do whatever you need me to do.”

Scott, stay with me? I’m uncomfortable with the idea but I agree and start heading towards my terminal.

After I got on the plane, I
was amused for a moment that this private plane is so much bigger than Jeremy’s. Somehow, Scott always seems to one-up him on everything. The rest of the plane ride home, however, was long and grueling. Left basically alone, my emotional brain had no distractions but to focus on the events of the night. I cried so long and hard that I thought I would at least pass out and sleep, but sleep never came.

When
the plane had finally landed back in Boston, I waited until the door to the plane opened and the stairs were pushed to the door. The sun was rising now over the horizon, making it hard to see the stairs below me. After I stepped onto the first step, I grabbed the railing tightly. I walked cautiously down to the last step when I felt two big, strong arms wrap around me. Initially, my heart fluttered despite myself, thinking it was Jeremy.

“Are you alright?” Scott’
s deep voice boomed in my ear.

“No,” I said, flatly. I wasn’t up for trying to lie.

Scott put his hand on my back and led me to his car, sitting me in the back before he slid in next to me. He told his driver my address and put his arm around me. It felt so nice to be there in his arms. I felt protected and safe. I nestled into his chest.

We stayed that way, silently, for the rest of the ride home.
I could tell Scott was anxious for me to tell him what happened by the way he fidgeted from time to time, but he never pushed me. That’s not Scott’s style. He wanted me to tell him when I was ready.

But the only time I’d be ready to talk about it would be when the pain stopped. As of right now, it felt like that would never happen.

            
 
I vaguely remember walking up to the door and into my home, but I don’t remember how I got into my bed. I woke up later that morning, with Scott asleep on a chair next to the side of the bed I was laying on. I was still in my black dress, but the necklace and earrings were laying on the night stand next to me.

I stirred and stretched, feeling comfortable in my post-sleep daze for a minute, until the heart crushing feeling returned with the memory of what had happened. I pulled my knees up to my chest and looked at t
he time- 11:00 in the morning.

Scott began to stir in the chair. I watched him as his long eyelashes fluttered open. He looked surprised to see me awake and began to stretch
his long arms.

“You could have slept on the couch…” I said, lightly. I felt bad seeing him sl
eep in an uncomfortable chair.

“I was alright. I wanted to be in here with you.”
He rubbed his handsome face for a moment. He stood up and sat at the end of my bed, tapping my knee. “You okay?”

I made an effort to give him a smile. It probably looked
as ugly as it felt. “Trying.”

His hand still rested on my knee, and he began to move his finger lightly, stroking it.
His big, tan hands covered my knee almost completely. Honestly, it did feel good having Scott touch me. Despite myself, my breathing increased a bit.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked, not making eye contact. I sighed, and figured he deserved at least that much, so I told him the story. I went back to the beginning, describing his strange behaviors, the alcohol, the brother and sister…everything. His face grew more and more h
orrified as the story went on.

“Jesus, Dylan. I thought the man was supposed to be clean now? And I never remembered hearing about heroin. That’s a whole different ball pa
rk than marijuana or cocaine.”

“I k
now,” I said in a small voice.

“That selfish prick.
Did he even know the kind of danger he put you in? What if you had been around him when they found the drugs on the people in his party? You could have been arrested and expelled from Harvard. Even if they just brought you in for questioning on something like that, no DA office would want to touch you.”

I guess I had never thought about it that way. But the way Jeremy thought about everything, and from some comments he had said in the past about not being good for me and my dreams, I bet he had thought about it. My sadness was turning into anger
. I guess he really didn’t care too much about what would have happened to me.

I stood up, nonchalantly knocking Scott’s hand from my knee, and grabbed the necklace and earrings. I found a shoe box in my close
t and threw them inside of it.

I turned and handed the box to Scott. “Can you
overnight these back to him?”

Scott stood up and put the box under his arm. “With pleasure.” I saw him taking a phone out of his pocket and texting someone. He walked out of the room a few
seconds later, and I heard him open the door and mumble something to someone. The door closed and he walked back into my room without the box.

“My driver is taking it to my office now to be securely overnighted. It will be there to
morrow morning at the latest.”

Suddenly, there was another knock at the door. Scott looked confused, but walked o
ut of my room to answer it. I took this opportunity to quickly fling my dress off and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the floor. I vowed to try and take a shower later.

I heard Scott’s voice getting louder and louder, as if he was arguing with someone. I walked out of the room and down the hallway, peering around the corner of the kitc
hen towards Scott at the door.

“She’s being well protected. By me. We don’t need or want any of your help. We haven’t been bothered here by anyone yet so why don’t you get lost
so you don’t cause a frenzy?”

Hearing his words made my throat close and a terror rise in my che
st. Oh my God, Jeremy is here.

But the voice I
hear responding on the other side of the door is too deep to be Jeremy, I realize. And anyway, Scott would probably have different things to say if Jeremy showed up here.

“I was sent here to help Miss
Dylan and that’s what I’m going to do. It’s my job.”

“Well, then, I’m officially releasing you from the job. Goodbye,” Scott says, attempting to close the door. I see a massive, dark h
and come around the doorframe.

“Rich?” I say loudly. Scott turns towards me and allows the door to open. I see Rich standing
at the door, looking worried.

I walk down the hall towards him. He opens his arms and I
give him a hug. “I’m sorry, Miss Dylan. But he told me to come and check on you. And to still stay with you awhile.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I asked, still in his embrace.

Rich sighed. “It wasn’t my story to tell.” I guess I couldn’t blame him, even though I wanted to be angry at anyone and everyone. He had years of loyalty to Jeremy, and basically none to me. I probably wouldn’t have told, either, if I were him.

I can feel Scott’s glare on my back, so I release Rich and lean against the doorway. I sigh, looking at Rich. Just seeing him reminds me of Jeremy, and that just isn’t going to work. “Rich, listen. I really appreciate you being here. But I don’t want any connection to him anymore. I don’t want his help. I just…” my voice shakes for a moment. “I just want to forget he even exists. That I ever met him.”

Rich nods. “Ok
ay. I’ll just tell him.”

I nod sympathetically, knowing that Jeremy will probably unfairly ream him out for not doing his job. But I think Rich secretly agrees with me and knows where I’m coming from.

I step back away from the doorway as Rich turns to leave. “Bye, now,” Scott says sarcastically and slams the door.

I turned to him, annoyed
. “You don’t have to be mean.”

“Sorry,” he says, shrugging his shoulders and trying to look guilty.
“Just wanted to get the message across.”

We walk into the living room and I flop down on the couch. Scott s
tands above me, studying me. “I talked to Theresa this morning before I fell asleep. Told her what happened up until what I knew at that point. She wanted to come home but I told her to stay with Sean and give you space.”

I sighed, gratefully. “Thank you.” It’s not that I didn’t want my best friend, but I didn’t want to have to talk about it with anyone else right now. And I didn’t need another person looking at
me as if I’m going to lose it.

Scott runs his hands through his hair. “I had my driver drop some clothes off for me. So I ca
n stay as long as you’d like.”

I looked down from his face, embarrassed, and nodded. I’m beginning to think he might be worried I’m going to try to kill myself. I would definitely never consider that no matter what, a
nd I would hope he knows that.

“You need to
eat. What can I get for you?”

I was hungry, but thinking of eating made me want to vomi
t. “I can’t right now,” I say.

I can hear him beginning to protest, but I stop him. “I will,” I say, looking back up to him. “I
promise. Just not right now.”

He sits on the edge of the couch by my feet and puts his hand on my leg. “Dylan, I know you love him. It kills me that you ever did, but I know you do. I just want you to know that it will get better. Maybe there are better things for someone as special as you out there,” he says, with implied meaning. I stare back and him blankly, not knowing how to respond. Selfishly, I know I should shoot him down so he doesn’t get his hopes up, but I like him being here and I don’t want him to go.

He stands up when he realizes I’m not going to answer. “I’m going to take a shower. Then your turn. Okay?”

I nod and watch him walk down the hallway. After he disappears into the bathroom, I pick up the remote and turn on the TV. I blankly flip through channels, not paying attention to what’s flashing in front of me.
My home phone rings, but I decide to let it go. No one calls me but telemarketers and my Dad on that phone, and I don’t want to talk to either one right now.