Trade Winds (Choc Lit) (26 page)

‘I’ll buy you a better one as soon as we’re back in Gothenburg,’ he’d promised. ‘This will have to do for now, I’m afraid.’

Jess didn’t mind. Whether or not she had a proper wedding band was the least of her concerns.

Standing in front of Mr Ekman with Killian that morning had felt so right in the end, as if it had somehow been meant. Jess didn’t know why. It was purely a business arrangement, there was nothing remotely romantic about it at all, despite the kisses he had given her both before and after the event. And yet … a part of her had wished there was more to it. Much more.

Don’t be such a ninny
, she told herself. Killian wanted her money, as much as she wanted to escape from Robert, and together they would achieve their aims. Nothing more, nothing less. Only fools married for love and hadn’t she proved to herself what happened when you fell in love? Believing in the sweet nothings murmured by scoundrels like Karl gave you nothing but heartache and tears. No, far better to marry for other reasons without involving emotions in any way.

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to drift off to sleep. Life was never quite the way you thought it would be, but at least being married to Killian would be interesting, to say the least. She had a feeling life with him would never be dull.

The timbers of the old house creaked as they tried to accommodate the cold that whistled in through numerous cracks. Floorboards groaned as if they bore the weight of hundreds of feet, long gone. The eiderdown on top of her sheets and blankets kept out the freezing draughts and Jess burrowed underneath it, revelling in the warmth and comfort. She was used to the sounds of Askeberga. The familiarity of them soon lulled her into that half-state between waking and sleeping where it’s impossible to be sure what is real and what is a dream.              When a floorboard creaked somewhere near her bed, therefore, she didn’t react, only sighed in satisfaction. Moments later, however, a gust of cold air entered her sanctuary, followed by a body which slid into her bed so quickly she didn’t even have time to protest. Jess opened her mouth to cry out, but a hand descended on it and cut the sound off before it left her throat. Her eyes flew open.

‘Shh, it’s only me.’

Killian’s words were unnecessary, because she had known it was him even before he said a word. It scared her to realise that she already recognised his scent and found it intoxicating. Her body reacted to his presence next to her by a sudden tingling, and she gritted her teeth, angry with herself. So much for her resolve to stay aloof from him.

He took his hand off her mouth, seemingly confident she wouldn’t raise the alarm, and she gave vent to her feelings in a furious whisper. ‘What are you doing here? You agreed to a marriage in name only.’

She could see him clearly in the shaft of moonlight still spilling in through the chink in her curtains and she tried to scoot away from him towards the edge of the bed. He stopped her by putting both arms around her and without answering her question, kissed her thoroughly.

Emerging breathless from this, Jess tried to remonstrate with him again, but he put a finger on her lips and shushed her once more. ‘I had to come,’ he whispered. ‘We must finish what we started this morning or it won’t be legal.’

‘What? But … no! You signed the contract, remember?’

He smiled and began to rain kisses on her cheeks, nose and mouth, while murmuring soothingly. ‘I know, I know, but even you must realise that if we don’t consummate our marriage, Fergusson can have it annulled. You don’t want that, do you? There must be nothing he can do about it otherwise he’ll find a way to keep the money. Just this once, that’s all it will take, then he’ll be powerless.’

‘I suppose you’re right, but …’

‘And I seem to remember your contract said the marriage could be consummated if you so wished.’ His fingers glided slowly down the front of her nightshift, which had somehow come undone at the top, and caressed her breast, sending a shockwave through her stomach down into her legs. ‘Are you sure that’s not what you want?’ he whispered, following his hand with soft lips that burned her nipple through the flimsy material before he flicked it with his tongue.

Jess felt herself dissolve, as if her limbs had no will of their own whatsoever. His hand was now travelling lower, while his mouth continued to work its magic on her breasts. She forgot all her reasons for not wanting to consummate the marriage except one.

‘No, wait, Killian, please. We can’t do this. What if I become with child? I don’t want to be left a widow with a child to support if anything happens to you during the voyage. It would be too much.’

‘It won’t happen that quickly. We’ll only do it this once and there are things I can do to stop you from conceiving. Trust me.’

He kissed her on the mouth again, preventing her from voicing any more protests, and the truth was she didn’t want him to stop any longer. Her body was crying out for something, what she wasn’t sure, but she knew only he could give it to her. She wanted him, desperately. The weeks spent in close companionship, with him teasing her senses at every turn, had left her with a hunger for more. Here was her chance to find out what that was. She couldn’t resist.

His fingers caressed the inside of her thighs, having bunched her shift up somewhere around her middle without her noticing. When he found her most sensitive spot, she almost cried out, so intense were the sensations he was creating inside her. A crescendo built and waned, as his fingers came and went, and she heard him murmuring encouragement and words of love. She found herself believing him.

‘You’re so beautiful. That’s right, relax and let me give you pleasure. There is nothing to be afraid of, you know you want this as much as I do, sweeting. I want you, only you …’

With a sigh, half-pleasure, half-protest, she gave herself up to the enjoyment. She allowed him to do whatever he wanted until he positioned himself on top of her and entered in one swift stroke. As if he had known she would cry out, he put a hand over her mouth to stifle any sound, but her eyes opened wide and the spell was broken temporarily while pain penetrated her fog of pleasure.

‘Killian, I …’

‘Shh, love, just wait a moment. It will pass.’ He kept still inside her and instead inserted a finger between them, finding that spot which had so entranced her earlier. Slowly, the pleasurable sensations began to build inside her once more. When he moved again in a slow rhythm, the discomfort faded away.

Somehow, her body knew what to do now and she followed his lead in an ever faster crescendo which ended on a tidal wave of sensations, her mind splintering into a thousand fragments. She wanted to cry out again, with pleasure this time, but he covered her mouth with his and they swallowed each other’s cries.

When it was all over, he took her in his arms, wrapped all the blankets and sheets around them like a cocoon, and just held her until their breathing returned to normal. At first, Jess felt languid and content to stay there, but as her senses returned, so too did her misgivings.

It had happened, exactly what she didn’t want – she had fallen under a man’s spell, unable to withstand him in any way. She had allowed Killian to do whatever he wanted with her, had been prepared to give in to his every command as long as he didn’t stop what he was doing. She had, to put it baldly, been helpless, the way her mother was helpless to resist Robert.

She understood now the hold her stepfather had over Katrijna. If this was what he did to her, she could quite see that a woman as weak as her mother would be unable to refuse him anything. But Jess was made of sterner stuff and this must never happen again.

‘You have to leave now, Killian,’ she murmured.

‘What?’ He sounded drowsy and content. She could almost hear the smile of victory in his voice – he had won. Only this time, though, she promised herself.

‘I said, you should go back to your room. It’s done. Our marriage is legal in every way, so there’s no need for you to stay.’

He frowned at her. ‘You don’t want to try again? It always gets better with practice, you know.’ He trailed a hand down to cup her breast, but she pushed it away, despite the enjoyment even that small caress gave her.

‘No. I didn’t enjoy it and I don’t want to do it again. You said once was enough. If you don’t leave now, I’ll scream.’

He sat up and scowled at her. ‘The devil you didn’t enjoy it. You’re lying.’

She sat up too, ignoring the shiver that went through her when the cold night air hit her bare shoulder. ‘You can’t possibly know what I felt, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Now please, go away and don’t come near me again. We have a business arrangement and you have signed a contract to that effect. Kindly stick to it.’

He stared straight into her eyes, as if he could see into her soul and she was very much afraid he could. ‘I have no idea what maggot has got into your brain now, but I know for a fact you’re lying and I could prove it to you. However, I don’t stay where I’m not wanted, so have it your way. Next time you want to be pleasured, you’ll have to ask me. I won’t come begging.’

He snatched up his shirt with angry movements and dragged it over his head. She heard it rip, but he didn’t seem to care or even notice. After sending her a penetrating glare, he stalked to the door and disappeared as silently as he had come.

Jess gathered the covers around herself and lay down, shaking with emotion and cold. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, but she dashed them away with impatient fingers.

So what if he was right? So what if she had enjoyed his lovemaking immensely? She couldn’t let him have that hold over her. It would only be the first step and before she knew it, he would be controlling everything the way Robert did. She had to stay firm.

Why then did she feel as if her heart was breaking?

Killian was furious with himself.

He should have been less impatient and given her more time to get used to having a man in her bed. She was a virgin after all, a complete innocent. Instead, he had blundered straight in and treated her the way he would have any other woman. The way he pleasured experienced women.

‘Damn!’ he muttered, punching his pillow in frustration.

He could have sworn she’d enjoyed it. In fact, he would almost take an oath to that effect, but perhaps it had all been a bit too overwhelming? For someone who had probably never even seen a man without his clothes on, what they had just done could have seemed disgusting or immoral or … he didn’t know what else.

But no. She had been content afterwards, he would swear to it. It was only after she’d had time to think about it that she came out with her demand for him to leave. Something had spooked her. Or was it simply that she didn’t find him to her liking?

He almost laughed out loud. Well, that would be a first. How ironic if the one woman who
didn’t
want him was the one he’d married.
Lucky at cards, unlucky in love …
The silly phrase ran through his mind and he frowned into the darkness. That was complete rubbish.

Either way, he now found himself with a wife who didn’t want him in her bed. He’d been so sure he could persuade her to tear up that ridiculous agreement she had made him sign, but it would seem he was wrong. No point staying at Askeberga any longer. He might as well go back to Gothenburg and confront his new mother-in-law and her husband and try to squeeze the money out of them that was his due. No, his and Jessamijn’s. His wife had her part of the bargain, he would have his.

He ground his teeth in frustration. This was not at all how he had imagined his wedding night, but as he’d told his
wife
– the word made him take a deep breath − he refused to stay where he wasn’t wanted. In the morning, he would leave, snow or no snow.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Gothenburg, Sweden

‘Mr Kinross, am I glad to see you again! I thought something bad had happened to you.’ Mrs Ljung was overjoyed to have her protégé back and ushered him into the house with a beaming smile. ‘And you have a visitor too. He’s been waiting for days and I didn’t quite know what to say to him.’

‘A visitor?’ Killian was exhausted from the journey, which had been accomplished at great speed since there were no ladies to take account of this time. He certainly wasn’t in the mood to be sociable. ‘Who is it?’

‘A young lad. Doesn’t speak Swedish, so I’ve not been able to talk to him much, but I think he understood when I told him to wait. I put him in your rooms and fed him. I hope I did right?’

Killian smiled reassuringly at her. ‘Yes, thank you, Mrs Ljung, you’ve been very kind. I think I know who he is now and although I’ve no idea why he’s here – he shouldn’t be – he is almost like family to me.’

He took the stairs up to the first floor two at a time and, just as he’d suspected, found Adair sitting in front of his tile stove staring into the flames.

At the sound of the door opening, the youth turned around. A huge grin spread over his thin face and the amber eyes lit up. ‘Mr Kinross, ye’re back at last. I was fair worrit ye was dead.’

‘Not yet, varmint. Although where I’ve been it was certainly cold enough to freeze to death. But what are you doing here? I didn’t send you permission to come and I thought we agreed you’d wait until ...’

‘I ken,’ Adair interrupted, ‘but I
had
tae come. I heard one o’ yer cousin’s men buyin’ passage tae Sweden. When I told yer friend, he said it were best I come and warn ye. We werenae sure why he was goin’ ower here, but he cannae be up tae nae guid. ‘Specially since I seen him pocket a bag o’ coins from yer cousin.’