Traded for Love (42 page)

“So … what do we do about it?”

“
Do
? Nothing. You leave and never come back.”

I stared at her in wide-eyed disbelief. “Just like that? You're just going to kick me out?”

“Just like that.” She put her cigarette out.

“No!” I reached out and took her hand. “You can't just walk out like this.”

“Watch me.” She wrenched out of my grasp.

“Stop!” I got her other hand but fell to my knees in the process of catching her. “Please. Don't go. I don't have anybody else.”

“I'm aware of that. Things have gotten a little snug around Drake's house if you know what I mean.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Never mind her. All that matters is us.”

“Don't you get that there
is
no
us
? There never was. You were nothing but a fucktoy to me.”

“But—”

“There
are
no buts, Jack. I didn't want to mention this, but I think it's important you know a little secret about me.” She turned back to me and sat on the lip of the table by the door. “I can't love.”

“You just
think
that. I thought that, too, but I've changed.”

“No … You don't understand. I have a rare brain defect. My doctor describe it as a glandular disorder. Basically, my body doesn't produce oxytocin—that special chemical that allows for creating connections to other human beings. I don't give a shit about anyone—not my family, not the countless lovers I've had, not you, not even Drake.”

“That's not possible. You … made me believe—”

“—I never said I loved you. You drew your own conclusions. Most of this was just an act. And a damn fine one I might add.”

“So you felt nothing? When we slept together … when we kissed … ”

“I felt less than nothing. It's just
emptiness
. I don't know what it feels like to be bound, or to need people. I barely know how it feels to
like
someone.”

I turned away. “You're lying. I don't believe you.”

“Come on. Think about it, Jack. How could I make up something like this?” She sighed.

My eyes watered with the weight of her confession. “Is it fatal? Are you … dying?”

“No.” She tapped her fingers on the table impatiently. “Does that satisfy you? Will you leave now? I'd rather not have to do this again.”

“I can't just
leave
. I—I
love
you.”

“I don't care. I don't love you. I never did.”

My hand fell away from hers. “How can you do this to me?”

“I consider myself an agent of karma in this particular situation. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be her, to know what it's like to love somebody who doesn't care about you. Nobody else could do it except me. Only a woman who couldn't feel could be immune to your manipulation. I'm impervious to attack or attachment.”

I was speechless. Everything she said was true, and there was absolutely nothing I could say in my defense.

She smiled sweetly. “Don't worry. You might forget me, one day, if you're lucky.” She pulled on her smock and straightened it over her tank top. “I believe you know the way out.”

She disappeared through the door and I listened as the sound of her footsteps faded in the distance, only to be eclipsed by the sound of my own frantic heartbeat.

I don't care. I don't love you. I never did.

(Emily)

“On Friday, he ate through
five
oranges, but he was
still
hungry,” Drake read aloud, turning to the last page of
The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

I watched in pure adoration of the man who had already charmed my little girl, and had successfully kept her calm even though the worst of her ear infection.

He checked to see if she was asleep. Her eyes had floated closed two pages ago, but I hadn't had the heart to stop him from reading. There was something irresistible about a man who read bedtime stories to little girls. “I guess
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
was too much for her,” he said with a grin.

I nodded. “I'll put her in the pack-and-play.”

“I can do it,” he whispered. “No problem.”

He slid the book off his lap and onto the floor, then stood up slowly. She didn't stir, much to our mutual relief.

I'd bought a temporary crib for her. It sat low to the floor. He'd insisted we put it in his room and that I sleep in his bed. I wasn't about to argue.

Things were awkward with Chastity in the house, but she'd kept to herself. She left for the bakery early and came back late. Drake had taken a few days off to help me recover from leaving Jack. He also wanted to make sure my now-ex didn't do anything rash. I couldn't say I blamed him. Jack was in a volatile state.

Just as we were about to turn in for the night, the door opened and closed downstairs. Footsteps came up the stairs and stopped outside Drake's bedroom.

“Drake. Can I talk to you, please?” Chastity asked through the door.

“I'll be right back,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

I nodded and settled into bed.

(Drake)

I stepped out into the hall.

“What's wrong?”

“He—” Outside, I heard the sound of a car engine roaring, then turning off. A muffled shout issued from the vehicle. “—followed me,” Chastity finished her sentence, rolling her eyes.

“I've had just about enough of this assface.” I made a beeline for the front door and was careful not to slam it on my way out.

Jack vacated his douchebag-red Porsche looking terrifyingly gaunt. “Chastity!” he screamed.

“Hey!” I belted out from the porch. “Get the fuck out of here. We have a sleeping baby upstairs. She's sick, in case you didn't know.”

“You … ” Jack growled. “
You're
the reason she left!” he barked.

He had the
audacity
to run up on me like some kind of thug.

“You want to go, asshole? Bring it! I'll break you in half, motherfucker! I've been
praying
to get a chance to put you down.” I shoved him. “Just say the fucking magic word!”

“I didn't come to fight you,” he mumbled, straightening his coat. “I came to talk some sense into Chastity. She says she can't fall in love. She chooses to believe what some crackpot doctor has told her about her brain.”

“She wasn't lying. There are miles of charts and tests to prove it.” He laughed. “You fucking chump. You got in way too deep, and you got nothing to show for it. Look at you now: all the money in the world and nobody who loves you,” I said with a sneer. “Serves you right.”

His hands clenched at his sides.

“Stop it!” Emily yelled from the front door. “Just stop it!”

Jack looked past me. His eyes glazed over. “Emily … ”

She took long strides across the lawn and came between Jack and me. “Get out of here, Jack. Go home. Nobody wants you here.”

“
She
wants me,” he insisted. “She does … even if
you
don't, Emily.”

“You'd better listen to your
ex
-wife,” I taunted. “Chastity doesn't want you, and neither does Emily.”

“If I could just
talk
to her … ” he began.

Emily shook her head. “Go, or we'll call the police.”

He looked simultaneously indignant and afraid. “Fine, but I'll talk to her eventually.” His gaze bore down hard on me.

I narrowed my eyes in return.
Do it. Hit me! Come on, bitch! Hit me!

The coward got back into his Porsche and drove off.

As soon as his car disappeared, Emily eased back and nearly collapsed against me. I caught her in my arms.

“I wish you hadn't done that,” she whispered wearily.

“I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.” I held her close.

Upstairs, the baby started crying. Emily rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Looks like we'll be reading to her again.”

“I'll read her that book about the caterpillar a hundred times if it makes her happy,” I said, kissing Emily's forehead. “It's not her fault her father's a loud jerk.”

Emily giggled. “Let's go back inside.”

I brushed my lips against hers. In that gentle exchange was the promise of much more … years of more … a forever's worth. “Your wish is my command.”

One More Chance

(Jack)

After quitting the bakery, Chastity moved out of Drake's house. I watched her from a comfortable distance, but she must have waited until my back was turned to finish her move.

Some weeks passed without a single word from her. I called and texted repeatedly, but she didn't answer. Three days after she moved out of the house, a Hispanic woman picked up on Chastity's line. Assuming she changed her number, I tried calling from a payphone. When the same foreign woman answered from what would have been an unknown number, I gave up.

Could anyone blame her? I
was
stalking her, after all. But I wasn't doing it because I wanted to hurt her. All I needed was a chance to convince her to be with me. She hadn't wanted to listen to me before, but I hoped it was just because I'd been so emotional.

I wasn't sure I could hold back my emotions if I saw her again. If she wanted the cool, collected Jack of yesterday, she wouldn't find him in me. The detachment I felt in regard to her was buried in the past. In its place was something much deeper. The animal attraction hadn't disappeared, but there was more behind the attraction now. It had
body
and
substance
, which was both terrifying and exhilarating. I wanted her for what I
knew
were the right reasons.

I just had to make her see that.

After two weeks of not seeing her, I narrowed down my leads. They were slim. Drake's neighbors didn't know where she'd gone, and neither did the other employees at the bakery. I was left with finding out which rental company she used to get her truck.

It took a while for me to remember which logo had been on the side of her moving truck, but I eventually remembered. I contacted the nearest branch, walked in, and offered the minimum-wage worker behind the counter a wad of cash to tell me Chastity's new address. He gladly forked over the information.

I should have suspected that she would have hidden in Brooklyn. She knew I was unfamiliar with lower-class urban areas.

Smart
, I thought, as I drove down Ashford Street.
Not smart enough, though.

I pulled up to a brick apartment building. The doors and window frames looked as if they'd been painted a hundred times. Satellite dishes held on to its ancient shingles for dear life. I got out of my car and checked the post-it note in my pocket for the unit number.

Apartment C had large buckets of generic white paint sitting on the sidewalk out front. I maneuvered my way around them and up to the door, where I knocked gently. I heard footsteps on the other side.

It opened and there she stood, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

“Aw fuck,” she cursed. “You must have gone through a lot of Hell to find me.”

My eyes dropped in shame. “I figured you'd be happy to see me.”

“I broke up with you.”

“That was only because you didn't give me a chance to explain myself.”

“I think you said pretty much all there was to say.” She groaned. “You aren't going to leave me alone, are you?”

“I just want one more chance. Would you spend a week with me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Jack … ”

“Please!” I dropped to my knees. “Please, I'm begging you.”

“Who is it?” a man's voice came from behind her. A hulking black guy filled the rest of the doorway behind her. He looked even bigger from my spot on the ground.

“It's fine, Andre. He's … a friend.” She rubbed her temples. “Look, if I promise to spend a day or two with you, will you leave me alone?”

“Only if you want me to,” I stipulated.

“Fine. Let me get some things together.” She went back into the house while Andre glared at me from the couch.

I moved back onto the sidewalk and waited. Bees buzzed around my head and I swatted at them.

It took her twenty minutes to pack an overnight bag. She joined me on the sidewalk and a foreign sense of completion made my heart feel light.

We drove in relative silence. I resisted the urge to reach out and hold her hand. I'd already wasted my luck on finding her; I wasn't about to risk scaring her off by being too forward. This was coming from a guy who'd tied her up and clamped her nipples.

At stoplights, I stole glimpses of her curves. Her clothes fit snugly to her body, leaving little to the imagination. I had a new appreciation for her, one I assumed had been born from her absence from my life.

After a half-hour drive, the house loomed into view. I used my remote to open the gate. She watched as the wrought-iron halves parted, allowing us to enter.

I pulled up to the front of the house and she seemed mesmerized by its size.

Attempting to play the gallant gentleman, I picked up her bag and ushered her up the front stairs and into the entry.

There were no staff in the house. I hadn't seen the point in keeping anyone around except Nadine and Drake. The place wasn't in tip-top shape in terms of cleanliness, but I didn't think she minded so much.

She tentatively stroked the bannister of the spiral staircase, then looked up at the second and third floors as she ascended. I followed close behind, hoping she'd ask where the bedroom was. Instead, she walked down the halls, peering into rooms silently.