Tragic Desires (27 page)

“Do you know what happened?”

“Not really. I just happened upon it by accident. I only heard he was shot.”

“Fuck. How does shit like that happen?”

This is so not what I want to talk about. “I don’t know. Crazy people, I guess. But I’m here because I’m dying to ride. I need a bike, Jason. And some gear.”

“So is this the first time
since …?”

“Yeah. So I have nothing.
I’m starting from scratch.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place.”

“Which is exactly why I chose your store. What do you recommend these days?”

He looks thoughtful and says,
“I have just the thing. It’s a bike designed for Enduro racing. It’s ultralight with dual shocks.”

“Stop. You know how I love a
hardtail.”

“Yeah, but you’ll love the rear shocks on this one. They’re
super smooth and not squirrelly at all. You won’t feel like it’s too squishy, or like the tail is sliding out behind you. It’s just a softer ride. I swear you’ll love it when you catch some air. It’ll make your landings so amazing and you’ll have that control you like with a hardtail. The front fork has awesome suspension and your wrists, elbows, and shoulders are going to love it too. Take it out for a demo. But I have to tell you … you damage it, you own it, and it ain’t cheap, Gemini. With your skills, you’re gonna love this baby.”

“Ok
ay, let me take a look at her.”

He walks me to the back and I’m instantly smitten. She’s red and black with an
X-wing-shaped frame. Love at first sight.

“Jason, if she rides half as good as she looks, I’ll be a happy trailer.”

“Oh, just wait until you’re pedaling. And the gear-changing is the damn smoothest you’ll get. Now what else you need?”

“I want a full suit. A racing helmet, gloves, shoes, get me an extra inner tube
, and some tools, and an Allen wrench set. Set me up with the whole package.”

“Damn
, girl, you just made my day.” He’s grinning like he won the lottery. I suppose he should be. I’m getting ready to drop over ten grand in here today.

“Jason, I need a
CamelBak too. One with a good-sized bladder. Oh, and some grub.”

“Sure thing.
I’ll pull this stuff together, so go try on some shoes. You know where they are. While I’m putting your cleats in, you can try on some riding suits.”

“Cool.” I head to the back where all the shoes are and find my size. I’m quick to pick out my style. It’s easy
—mountain-biking shoe with a rugged sole, black, and I’m happy. I hand Jason the box and head to the clothing. I find the onesie I want and try it on. Next I hunt down the helmet and I choose one that covers my entire face. I’m all set. I also pick out some liners for my top and bottom and put everything on for my ride.

Jason has everything ready for me and
when he goes to ring it up, I ask, “Can you do me a big favor and not run this card until the end of the day? I’ll even leave my card with you. I swear I’m good for it. And one other thing. When I’m done riding, can I store my stuff here? I’m only here for a little while and until I can figure out a place to keep this, would it be okay?”

“
Yeah, that won’t be a problem. Where are you living these days?”

“Denver for now. I was in Austin for a
while, but I miss this too much.”

“Okay. Go on now and have a muddy day.”

“You can count on it.”

In less than
a half hour, I’m at the trailhead and pulling my bike out of the back seat. This car is going to be a muddy mess when I return it to the rental place. I don’t give a damn. The only thing I want right now is to ride. My CamelBak is filled with water and snacks, and it’s strapped and tightened on my back. My gloves and helmet are on.

I get on the bike, clip my shoes into the pedals
, and I’m off. I play with the gears a bit before I actually get on the trail. I want to be comfortable with how they feel when they switch. I’m jumping the bike in place and I realize Jason was right about the rear shocks. They feel firm like a hardtail but much more comfortable. Once I’m content with the feel of the bike, I shoot off toward the trail.

Considering how out of shape
I am, my adrenaline has me pushing the limits. I’m huffing as I pedal, climbing a steep grade and moving around the obstacles as if I’d last ridden yesterday. The very thought of being here and doing what I love fills me with such joy that I shout it for the world to hear. A few months ago, when my migraines controlled my life, I never thought I’d be able to do this again. Now that I’m nearly free of them, this ride makes me doubly happy.

My quads and hamstrings burn every bit as much as my lungs, but I don’t give a shit. I’m golden because I’m doing what I love best. Oh
, how I’ve missed this. The air rushes around me and my eyes water. I didn’t put the shield on my helmet down, so I flip it into place and continue my ride.

This is heaven. Everything about it has me in a state of bliss. My body is long overdue for this workout, and though I’m sorely out of shape, I love the burn. Branches tear at me since I’m on a
single-track trail, and I even love that. My trepidation passes after my first couple of spills, knowing that I can still do this without busting my head.

When I get to my first stream crossing, I laugh as I skirt the rocks and water splashes everywhere, sending mud flying. Some lands on my face shield and I wipe it off with my hand, still laughing.
At the crest of the next ridge, I stop for a water break and a snack. The view is unreal and I’d forgotten how amazing the mountains were in late summer, when the tips of the leaves were dabbed in reds, oranges, and yellows. I gasp as I gaze across the vista and a peace seeps into my bones that’s been absent for months.

When I feel a chill hit my body, I check my watch and
am surprised to see it’s almost three. Time has gotten away from me and I’m astounded at how happy I feel. It only lasts for a moment, though. I have to get back down the mountain and figure out what I’m going to do next. Time’s running short and I’m against the wind.

The plans I made were only for today. What should I do? Go back to Drex? As much as I
love him, the thought of living as a captive again fills me with panic. On the other hand, I know I’m risking myself, even being out here. My comfort lies in these woods because I know my way around the trails. They could blindfold me and spin me around until dizzy, and I could still find my way out of here.

Pushing the pressure of making that decision out of my head, I fly down the trail as if I were being chased by the devil himself
. My bike catches air over and over again, and I’m thankful for the excellent shocks. I remind myself to thank Jason when I get back to the store. I’m hauling ass, pushing to my limits, chewing up rocks and mud, wanting to see how far and fast my body can take me. When I round the final curve of the descent, I laugh, because I’m happy with the outcome. Not bad for someone who hasn’t ridden in close to a year.

After another couple hundred yards, I bust out of the trees and I’m back in the parking lot. When I see him leaning against my car
, his arms folded across his chest, I squeeze my front brakes so hard, I almost fly over the front wheel. Why am I surprised to see him here? I should’ve known he’d find me.

W
hen I wake
, I know right away something’s wrong. My hand reaches for Gemini and the bed’s cold. She’s gone. I don’t have to get up to figure it out. I already know. I lie there for a few minutes and then move through the apartment. When I walk into the bathroom, I see the bloody knife and the microchip on the counter. She doesn’t want me to follow her. Fuck. That.

After
a quick shower, I head to the kitchen to make coffee. That’s when I see the envelope. I rip into it like a mad man.

Drex,

I hated lying to you last night, but there was no other way for me to do this. After that panic attack, I knew I had to leave. I think you know how I feel about you and if you don’t, then I’ll spell it out. I love you
… I’m in love with you. But for now, it’s not enough. I’m so confused by everything and I feel caged in to the point I can’t breathe or think straight anymore. Yes, it’s dangerous out there, but I don’t see any other way right now. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve put you and your men through. All of this is my fault and I should’ve walked away a lot sooner than this. That was most selfish of me and I hope you can find some way to forgive me.

Please don’t come and find me. I need this time to sort things through
… clear my head and get my joy back. You always said I clouded your judgment. I wish like hell you could get inside my head because it’s so damn foggy in here, I don’t think it’ll ever clear up.

Thank you for everything, for caring so deeply, for showing me love,
for loving me so deeply and for being so kind when I needed you the most. Take care of yourself.

Always
yours,

Gem

Ten minutes later I’m in my office with Huff and we go over security tapes
as we see her leave the building. I’m a bit surprised nobody woke me when she left. But then again, I never gave anyone instructions to do so. They were only instructed to report to me where she went as they followed her. And building security was only to report unusual entries into the building, not exits. It doesn’t take me long to figure out where she’s gone. The trail she leaves is as obvious as the nose on her face, but for once I feel giddy because of it.

As I get ready to head out, Huff says, “You’ll find her, Drex, and she’ll be fine.” I hope to hell he’s right.

When I get to the bike shop, the owner provides me with the information about the trails she’ll be riding. He also tells me about her purchases and I write him a check, to avoid the credit card alert on her. Then I head to the trail, park and wait for her. By the time she shows up, I’m not at all surprised to see how muddy she is. Before she even emerges from the woods, I can hear her laughing. That sound can bring me to my knees on most days, but today, it does something even more. It wedges its way into my soul. I’m ecstatic she’s okay, I’m pissed that she left, I’m overjoyed that she’s had fun, but most of all, I want her in my arms to convince myself she’s here and everything’s going to be fine.

She stop
s in front of me and I’ve got to say, she looks hot as hell all suited up in her gear.

“
Have a nice ride?” I ask. My voice is deceptively smooth. I’m seething but doing a damn good job of keeping it contained.

“Yeah.”

My head motions toward her bike. “I like your new wheels.”

“Thanks. Just bought her today.”

“Yeah. Your friend Jason told me. You look damn good in that suit.”

“Thanks. Um, did you get my letter?”

“Yep.”

She looks at me and finally flicks her shield up so I can see her
face.

“Got a little muddy, did
ya?”

“Yeah. It was great.” She grins and looks so damned happy
, I could cry.

“Feel better now?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good. Take off
the helmet.”

She dips her head
for a second, like she’s going to argue, but then she does as I say.

“Now get off that bike.”

One of her feet is still attached to the pedal so she unclips and swings her leg over the bike. She lays the bike gently on the ground, like it’s something precious she doesn’t want to hurt. When she stands back up, I say, “Now come here.”

“I don’t
…”

My voice is gruff. “I’m not asking. I’m telling. Come.
Here. Now.”

Her shoes make a clicking noise as she takes the few steps to reach me and when she’s within arm
’s length, my fingers hook into the neckline of her suit and I jerk her in the rest of the way. My mouth is on hers before the gasp can make it past her lips. I kiss her hard and without mercy, bruising her. When she has no air left and I know she needs to breathe, I release her.

“What part about when I told you that you are mine did you not understand? I play for keeps
, Gemini. When I told you I wanted to own you, I didn’t mean for an hour, a day, or a week. I meant forever. You don’t get up and walk out of my life in the middle of the night. Do I make myself clear?”

Her lips press together into a thin line, but s
he shakes her head up and down.

“Good. Now, do you love me?
Yes or no.”

“Yes
, damn it! My letter …”

I cut her off.
“Good. Get in the car.”

Her nostrils flare as
she starts to head for her damn rental car.

“Not that car.
My
car.”

“But
…”

“One of my men is on the way to pick that one up.”

“My bike? I’m not leaving it here.”

“I’ll get it. Just. Get. In. The. Fucking. Car.
Now
.” My jaws are clenched.

She
stomps over to the passenger door and I fetch her bike. When it’s nestled in the back, I get behind the wheel.

“Won’t he need these?”
Her voice is as snarky as I’ve ever heard it.

She holds up the keys to the rental car. I snatch them out of her hand and toss them out the window. They land by the trunk of the rental and I keep driving. There’s no mistaking I’m pissed as hell
, but she’s not exactly smiling either.

My mouth is clamped shut for a few more minutes because I can’t say anything for fear of exploding. When I finally cool down, I say, “If you wanted to go on a fucking bike ride, why didn’t you just say so? I have a shit ton of employees
who come up here all the time. I could’ve arranged it for you.”

“It was more than
a fucking bike ride. It was saving my sanity.” She slams her fist against her palm.

“Then talk to me, goddammit. Don’t leave me a letter and sneak out in the middle of the night after gouging a microchip out of your body. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I needed to get away from you. From everything. I needed a break. Even from you.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?”

“I tried but every time I mentioned it, you’d tell me how dangerous it was.”

“It
is
dangerous. When are you going to get that?”

“I
do
get it but I can’t live like that.”

“I’m setting you up in your own place. You’ll have bodyguards. Apparently you don’t want to be around me, so you’ll get your wish. But you can’t go traipsing off like this. You will die if you keep this up.
And I can’t live with you dead.”

“
Fine.” She crosses her arms.

That’s it. She’s silent for the rest of the drive and I don’t speak
, either. We pull up in front of a high-rise, close to the office. It has underground secure parking. I park and then enter the codes to open the elevator. She’s so quiet, I can hear her breathing. We get off on the third floor. What she doesn’t know is that I own every unit on this floor. My men are outside and step aside as we arrive. We walk inside and I close the door behind us.

Before she says anything
, I tell her, “Get out of that suit now, unless you want me to tear it off you.”

She
gives me a hard look and then slowly unzips. Before she can get it off, I’m on her, tugging the top of it down until it traps her arms to her sides. I pull her bra up and over her breasts and my head dives to her pearled nipples. Her skin is salty from sweat, but it drives me mad with want. I don’t know what’s come over me but I have to possess her … all of her. I want to hear her scream my name. I want to pleasure and punish her at the same time.

I trap her against the wall and my mouth and tongue are nearly cruel as they suck and bite her nipples. She wants more, I know, but I want her to feel my pain too. As my mouth works my torture on her, my hands unzip her suit the rest of the way and tug it lower, right to the point where it hits her panty line.
The sight of that bandage makes me shudder, but I push those thoughts aside and turn them back to her sex. Then my fingers find her and my cock jolts as I feel how drenched she is. I plunge inside of her, punishing, teasing, but I won’t let her come. She’s begging me, but I won’t relent. When I’m just as tormented as she is, I pull her to the sofa and rip the suit and her panties off. I bend her over the back of it and slam into her.

“Don’t you ever think of leaving me again, because if you do, you’ll
never
have this. You’ll
never
feel this again. And you love this every bit as much as I do. Tell me, Gemini. Tell me now.”

“Yes!”

“Yes what?”

“I love this.”

“What do you love?”

“I love it when you fuck me like this. Ah, Drex. Harder.”

“What else do you love, Gem?”

“You. I love you!”

“Damn it all, you’re so fucking amazing. Don’t ever leave me. Promise me or I’ll stop right now.”

“I promise.”

Then I need to kiss her so badly, I pull out.

“What are you doing?” she cries.

“This.” Spinning her around, I pull her back up and my mouth covers hers in a heated, possessive kiss. “This mouth is mine, Onyx. Only mine.” I’m not surprised one iota when I feel her teeth sink into my lip and I taste blood.

“You think you own me, Drex. But I own you too.” Then she bites the other side of my lip before she invades my mouth with her tongue. Fire pours through me as her lips and tongue match my moves, play for play.
I walk her around to the other side of the couch and push her back. She plops down and I fall to my knees in front of her. I lift and bend her legs, spreading them wide, exposing all of her. “Look at this,” I tell her as I enter her, ever so slowly. I’m teasing her now. I know this drives her wild, which is why I’m doing it. “You’re so perfect here. Everywhere.”

“Ahh, Drex.
Yesss.” She pulls my face to hers and we kiss again. My hands grip her ass, fingers sinking into the soft flesh of her cheeks as I thrust in and out. I pick up a bit of speed and she catches my rhythm, matching my every thrust. Her hands are on my hips and I love it when her nails dig into me.

“I love to fuck you, Gem. Your body was made for me. Don’t you ever think about leaving me again.
”

“No. Never.”

My thumb moves to her clit and I press on it, as we continue to move against one another.

“
Yesss, right there, Drex. That’s perfect.”

“Look at me when you come, babe.” I can tell she’s about to have her due. She nods and then it happens. Every time I watch her, it
catapults me over the edge too. My hands are braced on the back of the sofa and I lean in to kiss her.

M
y voice is gruff with emotion. “When two people love each other, they share their hopes and dreams along with their fears. They don’t run, Gem. Please don’t ever run from me again. I’ve loved you from the start. I felt it from the first moment I saw you. You didn’t, but it didn’t take long for you to figure it out. We’ve never just liked each other. We didn’t fall in love. We plummeted. It’s been hard and fast for us since the first time we slept together. After that, I knew my life was going to change and that you would be the reason. Only I didn’t know how much or that I would go to any lengths to make sure you were safe. I kept asking myself why I was doing all these things for you. But deep in my heart I knew. I knew all along.”