Train Station Bride (19 page)

“Sounds dreadful to me,” Jillian said as she plopped down in a chair. “Who’s Flossie?”

“My husband’s sister. And Millie and Danny are her children. Harry’s her husband.” Julia supposed until she was well and divorced she could still call Jake her husband.” Julia sighed. “I loved it there.”

Jillian harrumphed. “Yeah, away from Mother.” The girls’ cheeks reddened. “I’d still rather be home than here.”

“We’ll only be here for a day or so until we catch the train to Aunt Mildred’s.”

“I hate Aunt Mildred. She’s a hundred years old, and she smells.”

Julia cocked her head. “Aunt Mildred has graciously invited us to stay as long as we need. Until I figure out what I can do for an income.”

“An income?”

Julia rolled out the dough on the wooden table. She did not look at Jillian when she replied. “I’ll need to earn money. I have enough to get us started but not enough to live on indefinitely.”

Jillian’s mouth dropped. “Are you saying we’re poor?”

“Not poor exactly. I believe I have enough to buy a small house with, but I’ll have to do something to make money.”

“And what could you do to earn us money. Mother said your husband would be lucky if you didn’t burn his house down.”

Julia bristled. “Mother would say that.”

“It’s true.”

“Not anymore, Jillian, not anymore,” Julia said. Her hands were shaking with anger. She’d gathered the courage to leave her home in Boston, to be away from ridicule; by damn she wouldn’t live with it again. “Mother doesn’t know everything, you know.”

“Mother said your husband was sweet to you while she was there. She said it wouldn’t last. She was right about that. I don’t see him here,” Jillian said.

Julia heard traces of Jolene and her mother in Jillian’s tone. She would either bend to it or stop it. “What happened between my husband and me is private. He is certainly the reason I finally faced the mistakes I made in the past. I will forever be in his debt.”

“I hate him for it.”

Julia slammed down the wooden spoon in her hand. Jillian jumped. “I will not allow you to slander a man, a good, kind, honest man, you don’t even know.” Julia punched out the circles of dough with a vengeance. “The Shellings are the kind of people I always dreamed of for a family. Don’t you dare judge what you don’t yet understand.”

Jillian sat silently while Julia placed the dough on a blackened pan. She cut ham into small chunks, potatoes as well and boiled them in water while she opened jars of beans. Julia was sweating and angry when Eustace walked in, Mary in tow.

Mary and Jillian eyed each other warily.

“Something smells mighty good,” Eustace said as she pulled off her bonnet. “What a pleasure it is to see you, Miss Jillian. Mary, show Miss Jillian your doll collection.”

“What doll collection?” Jillian asked warily.

Mary stood straight and met Jillian’s look head on. “My mama makes dolls made of porcelain and she paints the faces. They’re the most beautiful dolls in the world.”

Julia glared at Jillian as she sat rooted in her chair. “Jillian, be gracious, please.”

Jillian jumped up. “Fine. Can’t imagine how beautiful dolls’d be made by a cleaning lady.”

Julia shouted. “Jillian. Apologize this instant. You have one of Eustace’s dolls in your room, and you always told me it was your favorite.”

“Is not,” the girl shouted, tears brimming in her eyes.

“You say you’re sorry to my mama,” Mary said.

Eustace took a deep breath and a step towards Jillian. “I was thinking about making gingerbread cookies tonight, Miss Jillian.” She saw Jillian’s lip tremble. “Now, I knows there your favorite. I made them the night before you left for …”

Jillian dissolved into pitiful sobs and launched herself into Eustace’s arms. “I’ve missed you so much. I hated school, Eustace. Hated it.”

Eustace stroked Jillian’s hair. “I know you did, child. I know you did.” Eustace looked at Julia’s face over Jillian’s head.

Julia ran from the kitchen and to the spare room she was staying in. She locked the door before the tears came. And then they came in torrents.

* * *

Eustace sat Jillian down and sent Mary to the neighbors for salt. “I think you’ve had a mighty hard day.”

Jillian’s sobs quieted and she hiccoughed. “Do you know? About me?”

Eustace nodded. “I knew before you was born, Miss Jillian.”

Jillian’s lip trembled. “Then why did everybody wait so long to tell me?” Jillian sat quietly and then faced Eustace. “My mother, the, the one I always thought was my mother can be, well,” Jillian dipped her head, “mean. Julia always told me stories and took me to the park and hugged me. But she’s my sister. Mother and Jolene said not to tell anyone at school who my sister was.”

“So you’re thinking you ought to be ashamed of her.”

Jillian nodded. “But I … I don’t know what to think, now.”

“I think this is a lot of big changes for a little girl.” Mary came in the kitchen door and eyed her mother and Jillian. “I think Miss Jillian would like to see your doll collection.” Eustace hugged Jillian and whispered in her ear. “Don’t think about anything right now, child. Just try and understand your Mama loves you and always has.”

Jillian looked unconvinced but dutifully followed Mary.

Eustace didn’t knock on Julia’s door till much later. “Miss Julia?”

Julia dried her face and opened the door. Eustace followed her into the small attic room.

“Why don’t you let Mary sleep up here? Then you can sleep in her bed. It’s a nice, big room,” Eustace said.

“I don’t need a bigger room, Eustace,” Julia said. “You’ve been more than hospitable already.”

Eustace saw Julia’s face and the dried tear tracks. “Now don’t forget what I told you. One step at a time. You gave Miss Jillian lots to think about.” Eustace stepped closer to Julia. “You knew this weren’t gonna be easy.”

Julia looked out the window as if looking for the answers eluding her. “She called you horrible names and was nasty to you.” Julia faced Eustace. “Yet she came to you for comfort. I don’t understand.”

Eustace took Julia’s hand and led her to the bed to sit down. “Now listen here. That girl is nasty just to cover up her own hurt. It ain’t right, but that’s all it is. She was mighty sad when you left to get married, then your Mama ships her off to that school, and you know what those high falutin’ girls act like. Then you come home and tell her you is her Mama.” Eustace grabbed Julia’s hand. “Sure, she’s mad. She’s goin’ say lots she don’t mean till she sorts all this out.”

“I know so little about children. I am surely out of my depths to be a mother.”

“Nonsense, child. You’ll learn. Ain’t goin’ to happen in one day, though.”

Their evening meal was eaten in near silence. Julia was ashamed of Jillian’s behavior and announced they’d be leaving the next day for Delaware. Eustace welcomed them to stay longer. Mary looked relieved. Jillian’s face was a hard angry mask. She ate little, and Julia found her in their small attic bedroom, staring at the ceiling. She sat down on the low cot beside Jillian and rubbed her hand. “Won’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I’m thinking I’d rather be dead than here.”

“Don’t say such things, Jillian.”

Jillian rolled on her side to face the wall, pulling her hand unceremoniously from Julia’s grasp. When Julia thought Jillian slept, she heard her low whisper.

“Why did you leave me?”

How could Julia explain? How could she describe the shame and fear she felt without making her daughter feel she was the cause? “Jillian, do you know how babies are made?”

“I’m not a baby, Julia. I know you’re supposed to be married, cause then you sleep with your husband.”

Julia’s face colored even though her daughter did not face her. “A woman does not have to be married to get pregnant. It’s an intimate act between a man and a woman. It should be between husband and wife, but it isn’t always.”

Jillian didn’t respond but Julia continued. “What happened shouldn’t have happened, but then I’d have never been blessed with you. I’ve spent years being ashamed and afraid. I know now my shame and fear are small compared to how much I love you. Through everything that happened I was never ashamed of you. Just myself. How I wish I’d not let Mother tell me what was best for my own daughter.”

“But you did.”

“And for that I am deeply sorry. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to explain it all to you. But I thought I was doing the right thing. When all along I was doing what Mother thought was best.”

Jillian pulled the blanket over her shoulder. Julia lay down on the bed. Missing Jake. As she supposed she would for the rest of her life. The day had been an emotional nightmare. She needed him. Her daughter needed her more.

Chapter Sixteen

Julia awoke as the winter sun filled the room. She dressed quickly in a navy traveling suit, shivering all the while. Jillian was already up. Julia took her time washing, knowing she had another long day of travel ahead. She didn’t see Jillian as she entered the kitchen. There was a note from Eustace who had already gone to work at her parent’s home. She had walked Mary to school before leaving. Eustace said her goodbyes and good luck in the letter. She promised that she would consider taking Julia up on her offer to live with her in Delaware once she was settled.

Julia looked around the kitchen wondering where Jillian was. She walked out to the small backyard to check the privy. No Jillian. She checked Mary’s room, wondering if Julia had climbed into the girl’s bed, although she doubted it. No Jillian. Julia’s heart began a panicked beat to her throat. Julia ran to the front door and threw it open, expecting, hoping, praying, Jillian sat on the front porch. As she slowly closed the door and willed herself to remain calm, she saw the hooks by the front door. Jillian’s coat was not there. Julia raced to the small room she’d been staying in. Jillian’s shoes were not there.

Julia’s hands were shaking and her knees weak by the time she sat down at Eustace’s table and tried to clear her head and consider where Jillian may have gone. The girl would have never gone back to Ramsey. The only place Jillian could have gone, if she wasn’t walking the streets of the city, was Market Street. The confrontation, Julia had hoped to avoid was now inevitable. Julia gathered her and Jillian’s bags and sat them by the front door. She set off up the hill to an area busy with business and hailed a carriage. Julia had the driver take her back to Eustace’s first to gather her things. She was amazed at how calm she was. As if there was no ugly scene yet to witness. Her hands trembled slightly in the cold air of the open buggy. There would be no Jake to stand between her and her parents. No hiding somewhere, whether it be in spinsterhood or fear or South Dakota. Julia would face her family alone.

It was near ten o’clock in the morning by the time the cabbie pulled up to the house on Market Street. She saw Turner’s carriage and her father’s as well. Everyone would want to be there, Julia thought to herself. See the fat, clumsy one humiliate herself one last time before finally admitting her inability to raise, even hold on to a ten-year-old girl. They would have a surprise.

Julia took a deep breath and looked up at the grand porch of her parents’ home. She loved Jake desperately at that moment. Unwittingly he had given her the strength and the courage to face what would surely be ugly. She was no longer the embarrassment of this family. Nor the odd newcomer of Jake’s family. Julia was a family of one. Soon to be three. Herself and her daughter and Jake’s child. Nothing would stand in her way now.

Julia opened the door of her parent’s home and lay her coat down over the velvet settee as if she had never left. Julia heard bits of conversation from behind the closed library doors. She went straight to Jillian’s bedroom. Jennifer was holding Jillian in her arms as they sat together on the bed. They both looked up at once. “Julia!”

Julia marched to the side of the bed and stared at Jillian. Her heart was pounding. Her daughter was safe. Now wrapped up in a nightgown, under covers and safe. “You scared the life out of me, Jillian.” Julia’s lip trembled of its own volition. “Thank God, you’re safe.”

Jennifer stared at her older sister. “Is it true? What Jillian told me?”

“If she told you I’m her mother, it’s true.”

Jennifer nodded slowly. “That’s what she told me.”

“I don’t want to live with Aunt Mildred. I don’t want to be poor.” Jillian sputtered between tears. “But Mother was so mad. I never saw her so angry when Eustace told her I’d followed her here. That I wasn’t at Ramsey.”

“Mother has little to say about this, Jillian. I told Miss Abernathy. You were there. I’m your mother, and I have the papers to prove it.”

Jennifer slipped from the room.

Julia sat down beside Jillian. “I won’t say I’m not angry with you. I am. Angry and afraid but I understand this has been overwhelming for you. It’s been for me, too.” Julia held her daughter’s hand. “I have missed you so much, Jillian. I’m not leaving without you.” Jillian looked up at Julia. “I know there’s going to be some angry words when I go downstairs. I don’t care. I’ll stay as long as it takes for you to understand. I’m never, ever going anywhere without you again.”

Jillian stared out the window. “Mother is so angry I left school.” The girls’ lip trembled. “She said she should have expected this behavior from me years ago. That the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Never mind what your grandmother says.”

“But you always made Mother angry and you would cry in your room for days. Now it will be me.”

Julia took her daughter’s face in her hand. “No, it won’t. I won’t let it be that way. We’re going to go live with Aunt Mildred for a short while. We’ll find a house. A school for you. Friends. It will be hard, but we’ll be together.”

“She says you’ll never leave if you come here. That … that you don’t know what you want, and you’ll soon be happy in your old room again,” Jillian whispered.

Julia swallowed. How well her mother knew her. How much she’d changed. “I’ll stay in a hotel until I can convince you to come with me. I won’t stay here. If I have to get an attorney to get you, I will.”