Transcend (21 page)

“I’m…not…your…mother.”

She sounds like Sister Anne and I pause. Her eyes change into the milky white orbs. Her skin pales and thins.

“Sister?”

A loud pop signals the end of her life. I open my fingers and watch her drop to the ground. My stomach lurches, as guilt coats my throat. I push the body with my foot.
Please vanish, be nothing but illusion.

Solid.

The Sister’s face blurs and changes into that of a stranger…

Dead.

~~

I return to the stables, my mind still lost. There is no respite this time, no peace from the voices which invade my thoughts. Kiera’s rejection sears my soul; her betrayal fans the embers of my hate.  I pace, consumed by the death thoughts I can’t escape.

Mother.

James.

Kiera.

Me.

The voices urge me on, forcing me to be the monster Kiera already assumes I am. But I resist, praying I can be something more. Something better.

The
Ien
Kiera can love.

I regain control of my thoughts and settle myself. Sliding down the wall, I sit. Think. Jenna has been here while I was gone. The basin is filled with fresh water. A tray of food sits next to the well. A stack of clothes is neatly folded next to the food, followed by a basket filled with things from my room. A book, paper, a pen.

A note lays on top of the items:

     
I thought you may need something to occupy your mind.

                                                      ~J

Jenna.

I am touched by her thoughtfulness, a kindness I’m certain I don’t deserve.

“Ien?” Jenna whispers, her voice booming in my ears.

“I’m here,” I say. I look down, unwilling for her to see my pain, my regret. I cannot let her see the monster I am becoming.

“Did you see the things I brought you?”

“Yes.” I say. “You’re too kind to me.”

Jenna says nothing.

“I wonder, will you do another kindness for me?”

“If I can.”

“I need something formal to wear to the reception tomorrow. It is a masquerade, yes?”

“Yes, but—”

“I would like to wish my friends a happy marriage.”

“That’s a bad idea.”

“I will be shrouded by a mask. They will never know it’s me. Please, Jenna. I need this; I need to say goodbye.” The lie sticks to me, a welcome part of my new existence.

Jenna pauses. “I can’t.”

I close the distance between us, placing my hands on her shoulders. “I can’t move on without doing this. Please.” We stare into each other’s eyes as a lifetime of promises and vows passes between us.

Again I am compelled to act on the growing desire lodged between us. Again I push it aside. She deserves more than a broken version of me. And I belong to Kiera.

Forever. 

After a moment, Jenna speaks. “I’ll bring something for you to wear.”

I nod, knowing again that I owe her a debt I will never be able to repay.

“But, Ien.” Jenna stares through me as always. “This is the last favor I can do for you.” She walks away before I can respond.

The silence of the stables clings to me in Jenna’s absence. My mind again whirls on Kiera and James. I will not let this betrayal pass. I cannot. She is promised to me and me alone. I will remove any temptation, any barrier. And she will honor our commitment.

I rifle through the basket, retrieving the paper and pen.

“This is your last chance, Kiera.” The words bounce off the stable walls. “Please don’t disappoint me again.”

I roll the pen in my palm, writing the letter in my thoughts:

Kiera, my beloved,      

You disappoint me. Five months ago, you promised yourself to me – said that you would love me forever. And now, what truth lies in your empty words? You have allowed James to twist your mind and confuse you. You have allowed him to betray us both.

Take heart, I will right the wrongs he has committed. I will save you from him—from yourself.

You belong only to me. We were meant to have a future. Not him. I have survived the pains of my existence only for this moment. For us.

I will help you keep your promises to me, help you honor your word, your vow.  You will see the lies James has told you and he will, at last, be revealed for what he truly is, the real monster.

Come back to me, Kiera. Fulfill your promises to me and make everything right again.  

You are my greatest love and for you I would sacrifice everything, even my own life. But know this, if I find that it is too late, if James’s hold on you is too great, then I will do what I must to preserve your soul. I will not let you live as a betrayer, a harlot. I will not let you be sullied by him.

I beg you Kiera, do not make me hurt you in order to save you from him. Make right this lie which you have fallen for.

                                          Your one true love,                                                                              Ien

I write down every word, read it over and over. “This is your last chance, Kiera. Don’t fail me. Don’t fail us.” I fold the letter in half, and again in half.

Fragments of remembered conversations overheard fill my thoughts.

“…Kiera and James…”

“…reception, engagement…”

“…Virtuoso…”

“…I hope she’ll play for us…”

The phrases weave through me as a plan begins to take shape. “Will you again play our song, my love?” I wonder aloud. The details reveal themselves and I know how this must end. “Will you play with me?” 

The oil candles adorning the stable walls flicker in a light breeze. They cast ominous shadows across the barn, matching the madness rising within me. Kiera forms from the images, taking position in front of me, behind me, everywhere.

“You promised yourself to me,” I say to the Kieras. “You were betrothed to me!” My voice thunders around me, shaking the walls of the stable.

But not Kiera’s image.

That remains ever-firm and unwavering.

“You lied to me. Everyone lied. I cannot let this pass.”

She never loved you. Only James. Always James
.

I spin around, watching the shadows. The Kieras stare at me, smiling. Laughing. Voices collide with her image as my doubts take form.

Why would she ever love you, a monster?

My hand crunches my letter. “You will be mine, Kiera, one way or another.” My voice drops to a whisper. “Nothing else matters.”

More laughter. More voices.

I charge at the images as my fury blinds me. “You promised yourself to me!” I scream. Kiera disappears with my touch. “No! I will have you. You will

be

      mine…”          

28.

“Behold a pale horse:

and his name that sat on him was Death,

and Hell followed with him.”

~The Bible (Revelations 6:8)

~~

The reception is underway as guests arrive to the estate. I slip into the house undetected, dressed in the clothes Jenna has provided and donning a simple mask. No one will know it’s me.

Vengeance fills my heart and my mind. James has taken what was mine. Kiera must have known that I lived; she had to have felt my heart still searching for hers. Until James confused her.

He will pay for what he’s done. Mother will pay.

And Kiera will honor her promise.

I finger the letter folded tightly in my pocket.

Make them pay.

Make them all pay for what they’ve done to you.

The voices imbue me with a feral rage impossible to control. I yearn for more than Kiera’s life entwined with mine.

I crave the end of James.

Kill

James

Take

Kiera

My mind coils around the voices, drawing strength from them. They repeat their words over and over.

 
KillJamesTakeKieraKillJamesTakeKiera.

The symphony swells through me. I am the madness I’ve feared for so long. But this time, I am not afraid.

I am empowered.

Memories of the explosion tease up from my subconscious.

James told you to walk through town that night.

The voices send chills through me as I let the madness caress my thoughts.

He told you to go to Clinton Place.

James pulled me from the wreckage, saved my life.

And made certain Kiera would think you dead. 

James.

Everything winds back to him. He and Mother. They planned my death, I’m certain. And now, she has given Kiera—my Kiera—to him. The betrayal sears through me as I again consider what I must do.

I meander through the guests, searching. They have to be here. The party honors them. That reality wraps around me, chilling my heart.

They will pay.

The musicians, a small ensemble of strings, take their places on a make-shift stage. I am dressed like them—a plain formal black suit and simple mask. They play selections of Bach, Vivaldi and Mozart. The crowd claps their approval and returns to discussions of meaningless business and gossip.

None of it matters to me.

More music comes from the ensemble. This time, a violinist plays the familiar notes of Mendelssohn’s Concerto in E minor. The music surrounds me, taunting me. I am instantly transported to the moment I met Kiera. I see her playing the movement, her eyes closed, completely entranced by every sound she coaxed from her instrument that night.

I knew then that our futures would be inevitability entwined.

The musicians continue to play and I can barely breathe.

The memories hold me prisoner until the movement comes to an end and I again find the oxygen I so desperately need. I gasp, filling my lungs and emptying my mind of anything but revenge.

The crowd erupts in cheers and applause. They push into me as I search for Kiera. Every moment increases my panic. I need her, need this night. My heart races with every twist and turn taken.

Thump thump.

I hear the melodies of her laughter and the sound caresses my thoughts. My pace quickens.

Thump thump. Thump thump.

The guests guide me to the foyer on an invisible current. I hear her behind me and I freeze.

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

My palms sweat in anticipation as I strain to hear her voice again. The mob pulls me away. But, I must see her. I must get close to her. I push my way through the throng of well-wishers.

Kiera.

Her face and eyes are exactly as I know they will be. Dressed in layers of black silk, she looks ready to attend a funeral, not an engagement.

“What’s wrong, my beloved?” I whisper to the walls. “Are you feeling guilty? Do you wish I was with you?”

Soon.

Very soon.

I walk to the couple, lightly bumping into Kiera. “Excuse me, ma’am,” I say. She smiles, no recognition of who I am. “You dropped this.” I hand her the letter, sealed with my family crest.

Kiera shakes her head.

“Just now. It fell from your bag.”

She takes the letter, confusion painted across her face. “Thank you.”

I nod and retreat, hearing James as I walk away.

“Who was that?” he asks.

“I don’t know. He said I dropped this.” Kiera stares at the letter, fingering the seal. She shakes her head. “I think I’m losing my mind,” she whispers.

“Don’t be nervous. The Montgomery family isn’t that bad, no matter what Ien may have told you. Come, let’s go outside, away from the noise.”

Kiera is silent, mesmerized by the letter she holds. She slips her finger between the pages, splitting open the seal.

“Kiera?”

Her face blanches as she reads the letter over and over. She grabs onto James and the paper falls from her grasp.

~~

Kiera bends to pick the letter back up and James rushes her outside before anyone can notice the fear in her eyes, or the way her body trembles.

Are you afraid now, my love? Do you believe me now?

I slip behind the couple, silent and unseen.

“What is it?” he asks.

They sit on a bench in the gardens that borders my family cemetery. I stay in the shadows, listening.

“He’s…here.” The quiver in Kiera’s voice increases.

“Who? Who’s here?”

“Ien.”

There is no light in Kiera’s face, nothing but a terror that kills a part of me. She will never stay with me now, letter or no. I will be forced to take her, save her from James.

From herself.

“Kiera, honey, he’s dead. Are you seeing ghosts now?”

James caresses her arms and my anger seethes, welding my mask to my face. I can’t breathe. Can’t think.

“Ghosts don’t write.” She hands the letter to James.

Reading it, his eyes move from confusion to concern. Does he know the truth of my existence? Did Mother warn him?

Has he always known I’d return?

“This is probably just someone playing a trick on you. Maybe another suitor?” James smiles.

Kiera still shakes.

“Oh come now, you can’t really think this is true, can you? You were at the funeral.”

“But we never saw his body. Only the casket. What if—”

“What? What if he didn’t die? Ien’s parents were hard on him, yes. But they would never lie about something like this. Not after losing their first son.”

“Can you really be so sure?”

“Kiera! Look at everything they are doing for us. The party, the job. Our future is secure because of them.”

“They are only being nice to me because they need you. They need your family.”

“Regardless, they wouldn’t lie about their son. I saw Ien before he died. He looked...”

Kiera looks into James’s eyes and swallows hard. “Like what?”