Transformation of Minna Hargreaves, The (5 page)

Jax said, ‘Why did you do it?’

Lizzie flounced, then leaned back against the door. ‘Oh! All
right
. I know I shouldn’t have. I know I’m a cow.’ She brushed the blonde mop back from her forehead. ‘But I wanted to be on television.’ She looked at each one of us, her eyes intense. ‘I’ve always wanted it. And this was my chance. I thought if Cara saw me — if she could just see how I can relate to the camera — then she might choose me for her next project.’ Her eyes travelled over the three of us. We said nothing. ‘You have to take chances when they’re offered, don’t you see?’ Apparently we didn’t. She leaned towards me. ‘You’re so lucky, Min. You’re going to be on national television. You’ve got the chance to be a star and all you can do is moan.’

We gaped at her, standing there with her fists all bunched up and her face intense and yearning. ‘Haven’t you forgotten what I’ve got to do that’s going to get me on telly?’ I asked, with just a touch of sarcasm.

‘And what about having to leave her boyfriend for a whole year?’ Addy asked.

Lizzie shrugged. ‘Seb King! Look, you’d have broken up in a month or two anyway.’

I wanted to hit her. Jax grabbed my arm, and said, ‘How can you say that?’

Lizzie snapped, ‘Because it’s what happens. Look how long he stuck with Jilly and she’s having his baby.’

I walked towards her and opened the door she
leaned on. ‘I think you’d better go home, Lizzie. I think we need a break from each other.’

She went without another word.

None of the three of us said anything for the longest time. Then Jax said, ‘I didn’t know she felt like that about being on telly.’

Addy and I shook our heads. It was news to us as well. ‘Things are already changing,’ Addy said.

Later, I watched them walk down the road away from me and a chill touched my heart. What if we grew apart while I was away? My world that had been so solid just a few days ago now felt like it was built on a meeting of earthquake faults, any of which might open and swallow me.

There was still no postcard from Seb.

A couple of days later we did the first-aid course. I decided that if anyone got sick or injured it had better be me, because I’d faint, run or vomit if I was faced with any of the dinky little scenarios they’d dreamed up for us to practise with. Dad, of course, bounded through the whole thing, grinning all the way. Mum kind of wafted, looking as if her mind
was
somewhere entirely different. Noah’s mind was somewhere entirely different. I hoped that if I did ever require first aid it wouldn’t be up to him to give it to me.

At the end of the course, Dad took us out to dinner. Noah ate a complete side of beef, then asked a question — the first I could remember him asking for about a decade. ‘How come she gets to do the filming?’

I saw Mum and Dad glance at each other and I could read their thoughts:
He’s showing interest! Fantastic!

Dad punched the calm-voice button. ‘We discussed it. You’ve got a big year of school to get through. Correspondence isn’t a breeze, you know. We didn’t want to load you up.’

I pushed the button for cool and inscrutable. I wasn’t fooled for one second. Old Cara would have sized Noah up in a glance. Stoner.
Don’t want him on the end of a camera
. Then a thought occurred to me — why not Mum-the-artist, or Dad-the-conservation-expert?

Mum: (brief and tone not inviting discussion) I didn’t want to.

Dad: (hearty) I’m going to be too busy.

Great. I was the choice you make when you haven’t got a choice.

My first filming lesson was scheduled for the next day, but I wasn’t looking forward to it because old Cara had said
no
and
absolutely
not
when I’d asked if my friends could come too. I’d decided to forgive Lizzie and even though I knew she’d perform again if there were cameras around, she was still my friend. Luckily, the others felt the same way. ‘We can handle it,’ Jax had said.

‘Yeah,’ said Addy. ‘She’s a nut, but she’s our nut.’

But no chance. Cara wouldn’t be budged and I was not enjoying myself.

‘Minna, concentrate!’ she ordered. ‘This entire enterprise is going to depend on you. I thought they taught filming at school these days.’

I dumped the camera on the floor. ‘Look Cara, I’ll do a heap better if my friends can be here.’ She was too
serious, too impatient, and I didn’t like her.

‘No,’ she said. ‘Now let’s get serious here.’

‘No,’ I said, and started walking away. I realised, rather late it’s true, that I was the one with all the power in this particular exchange. She knew it too because she gave in, but not exactly gracefully.

I went home, phoning my friends as I ran.

‘Excellent!’ Addy said.

‘Tell her we want a camera each,’ Jax said.

‘Thank you!’ chortled Lizzie.

My spirits lifted. Today there would be the postcard from Seb and he’d say how much he loved me and tell me he’d wait for me.

There was nothing. I was glad to have the filming to do. It was fun with all of us there, and we got down to business once she’d told us how much the dinky little cameras cost. We were careful enough with them to not give her a heart attack every second minute.

Lizzie was definitely a pain. She didn’t want a camera, she wanted to be the star. Oh well, what the hell — it gave us something to film.

‘You’ve done well,’ Cara said at the end of our final session. ‘I congratulate you, Minna. I thought we were in trouble when you wanted your friends to come along, but I was wrong.’ She grinned at the three of us. ‘I’d be happy to let any one of you loose with a camera now.’

Lizzie sidled around until she was in Cara’s line of sight, then she pushed at her curls. Cara nodded at her. ‘There’s some very nice footage of you, Lizzie.’

Lizzie looked back at her, didn’t say anything for several seconds, then murmured, ‘Contact my agent if
you’re interested in using me in the future.’ And she gave Cara a business card!

The three of us nearly died trying not to laugh. You had to hand it to Lizzie — she had class.

‘You are classic!’ Addy told her as we ran home against the wind.

Lizzie smirked. ‘She’s been useful to me, but she doesn’t do the type of stuff I’m interested in.’

So when did all this interest start? But I couldn’t be bothered asking. Instead, I said, ‘Watch out for Cara. If something’s good television, then she’ll crawl over broken glass and her dying grandmother to get it.’

‘A slight exaggeration,’ said Jax.

I stopped walking in order to make my point, which they needed to inscribe in their souls. ‘You think back to that stuff we did in the warehouse. D’you want that appearing in living rooms all over the country?’

They shuddered — Lizzie too, I was interested to see. ‘No way! Ask Cara to can it.’

‘I did. She laughed and said it was great footage.’ I rubbed my face. ‘It was a wake-up call for me. I’m not going to film anything embarrassing.’

I stayed the night at Lizzie’s house. She fiddled around after we’d eaten and I got fed up and told her to sit down. She did, then burst out, ‘Min — I really am sorry about what I did — you know, on the day Cara got your clothes. It was awful. I should have …’ Her voice trailed off artistically.

Maybe I’d have been convinced, except I remembered her advice about getting Mum sweet again. So I just said, ‘Yes, you were. Let’s not talk about it.’

Ha, Lizzie — got you.

Sunday rolled around — the last day of the holidays, but also the day Seb was to get home. If he hadn’t bought me a koala I’d die, I really would — plus he’d better have a damned good excuse for the lack of postcards. I collected up all my gear that had got spread between my friends’ houses and took it home.

I went looking for Mum with the intention of telling her I was going to have dinner at Addy’s house. Worth a try. She might have forgotten Seb was due home at seven tonight. She was in her studio. I paused in the doorway, wondering if it would be a good idea to disturb her or if I should just leave a note. I heard a sniff followed by a distinct sob. My mother was crying. I backed out of the room and slipped from the house. I sent off texts:
Crisis mtng beautox
.

In thirty minutes we sat at our favourite table, upstairs looking down on the street.

‘Spill!’ Addy commanded once we had lattes in front of us.

I turned mine around and around on its saucer and said, ‘I think Mum’s losing it.’

They put down their cups and I felt their eyes on me.

‘This stuff is foul.’ Addy pushed her cup away. ‘I’ll never develop a taste for it. What d’you mean — losing it?’

I stirred the froth into different patterns. ‘She was crying. In her studio.’

‘Why?’ asked Jax. She was the expert because her mother cried regularly for an entire orchestra of reasons.

I wriggled my shoulders. ‘How would I know?’

They said nothing for ages. Then Lizzie pushed away her cup too. ‘To hell with this. Let’s have hot chocolate instead.’

I was jumpy. There was Mum falling apart for starters, but more important, there was Seb. I couldn’t get him out of my head. ‘What if he says he won’t wait for me? What if …’

Lizzie put a hand over mine. ‘Shut it, Min. What’s the use of all the worry? He either will wait, or he won’t. Nothing you can do.’

True, but it didn’t help my state of mind. I got up. ‘Going home. Thanks, guys.’

I crept into the house, and tiptoed to my room. I hoped Mum would have it together by the time I came face to face with her. The time dragged. Seven o’clock came and went. Seb would have landed. How soon till he phoned me? Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d already decided I was history.

The phone went. Lizzie. ‘Just wanted to tell you to stop chewing your fingernails.’

Ha ha, very funny. I didn’t talk long, just in case Seb phoned. Two minutes later, the phone rang again and it was him. ‘Hiya, doll!’

‘Seb! I’ve missed you!’ Don’t cry, Min. You were crying the last time he saw you.

‘Look babe, can’t talk now. Just leaving the airport. Got you a koala. Bye now.’

‘Goodbye.’ But he’d already gone and that was it for the day. I didn’t know what to think. I phoned Jax. ‘It’s great that he phoned me. I’m so happy about that. But he didn’t say … ’

‘Yeah,’ said Jax. ‘I know. He’s a boy.’

Mum called out that dinner was ready. I hung up and wandered out to the kitchen wondering what I’d find in the way of embarrassing weeping mothers, but she was totally normal.

School started again in the morning. It was difficult to get excited about it seeing as how I was going to be out of there in two short weeks. The only reason I went was to see Seb, and that wasn’t the romantic tryst of the century either. Most days I only got to spend intervals with him and usually we got interrupted by some stupid idiot who just had to chat to him about this team or that match.

He gave me the koala on Tuesday because he forgot to bring it on Monday. It was sweet and furry and cuddly. I hoped he’d say something sweet and loving, but he just thrust it at me and said, ‘Here you are, doll.’

Every day I hoped he’d say something about loving me and waiting for me. But he didn’t, and I couldn’t ask.

The weekend came — my last weekend in the civilised world for eons to come. And there was no hope that I’d be able to spend any of it with Seb because Mum stuck to me like chewing gum all weekend and if she wasn’t there, Dad took over.

My friends came over to my house on Saturday afternoon because the chewing-gum duo wouldn’t let me out of their sight. Mum actually came into my room at about five and told the girls they’d have to go home because we were going out, which was news to me.

I hid my face in my hands. ‘She is so embarrassing!’

Lizzie rolled off my bed and stretched herself. ‘You know, she’s different. Kind of edgy and strung out.’

‘Losing it,’ I said.

They left and I went back to my room. Mum turned up again, probably to make sure I hadn’t done a runner. ‘You need to get ready,’ she said, as if I knew what I had to get ready for.

‘Why? I can’t go anywhere.’

She spoke slowly and clearly. ‘To the farewell dinner with the grandparents.’

Oh, that.

‘And wear something that won’t upset Gran H.’

Well, that cheered me up. I dug down through the layers in my wardrobe till I’d assembled an outfit that turned me into the fashion victim of the year: crop top, g-string with diamante flower (recycled from the dirty washing but I’d be the only person to know that) and low-cut jeans I’d grown out of last year but still almost fitted.

I examined myself in the mirror. Have to admit I nearly gave in and put on something stylish. But my grandmother’s face swam into my head — an occurrence I do not encourage. I swear I could see her pinched-up mouth and scrunched-up frown at the sight of all that naked flesh, and that did it. I’d stay as I was, which would give her something definite to disapprove of instead of the general and non-specific disapproval I normally got.

I still had Lizzie’s straightening irons so I did my hair and then I hit the make-up. Gran H likes the natural look. She doesn’t think young girls should wear any make-up at all. I gave myself Cleopatra eyes and a bright red cupid-bow mouth. Last of all I threw on a sweatshirt as camouflage until we got there.

Seb was going to a party. Lizzie was going to a
concert. Addy and Jax were going into town and then back to Addy’s place to watch DVDs. I was spending my last Saturday night with my grandparents but, damn it, I was going to have fun.

‘Come on, troops. Time to go.’ Dad at his most cheerful. He was getting more and more unbearable the closer we got to Banishment Day.

I ambled out to the lounge. Noah was slumped on the sofa. Mum came in wearing a new dress — it was blue and floaty and she would have looked okay but for the stress lines she was busy cultivating on her face. She examined me from top to bottom, frowned a bit at the make-up but held her peace. I was glad I’d thrown the sweatshirt over my ensemble.

We arrived. The party to end all parties was at the Hargreaves grands’ house. They had a superb view over the harbour which was about all the place had going for it — there was no clutter, no books, only sterile walls with very disciplined pictures on them but none by Mum, although I knew for a fact she’d done one specially for them.

Cara was there with her camera.

I went into the bathroom, took off the sweatshirt, checked make-up and hair, then made my entrance.

Mum rolled her eyes. Dad didn’t notice. Noah was back on the couch but I was prepared to bet he wouldn’t stay there long because it was a slippery, unfriendly couch.

Gran Aveson hugged me and her eyes twinkled. ‘Great outfit, Minna.’

Gran H kissed the air near my cheek. She pulled back
and whispered, ‘For heaven’s sake, Minna — cover yourself up and take off that make-up. That television woman is here. What’ll she think of you?’

I smiled graciously. ‘Lovely to see you too, Gran.’

The grandfathers both smiled at me and I don’t think they noticed the make-up or the bare flesh. I decided to be helpful. ‘Can I hand around the nibbles, Gran?’ I asked Gran H with a sweet smile.

Her face was in the process of turning to stone, but Dad had heard. ‘Great idea, Min. Here — take these.’

I took the plate of smoked mussels. I went around the room making sure I bent over enough so that Gran H got a full view of my diamante flower.

Gran H, though, was no slouch in the revenge department. She cornered Cara and spoke to her and the camera in a voice of considerable volume and excellent clarity. ‘This is a ridiculous escapade to put a child of Minna’s age through.’

That was clever. The
child
word was a good ploy. I waited for the punchline.

‘Why do you think it’s ridiculous?’ asked Cara, who was drooling with all the good television she was getting.

Okay — punchline coming up. Gran H ticked the points off on her fingers. ‘One: she’s never had to struggle for anything in her entire life. Two: she doesn’t have a practical skill to her name. Three: she’ll go crazy if she can’t have a phone glued to her ear day and night. Four …’

Gran Aveson jumped right into the middle of the battle, waving her white flag of peace. A pity — things were warming up nicely. ‘Minna will be just fine.’ She
smiled at Gran H. ‘She’s like you — tough at the core.’

Masterly! A compliment for Gran H but she was not pleased to be in any way compared with me. Actually, I wasn’t that stoked either.

I took my tray of mussels away from the grans and as I departed I heard:

Gran H: Disgraceful! She might as well be naked.

Gran A: Shall we go and check on the dinner?

That was the total excitement for the entire evening.

Sunday arrived. I spent the day packing up my bedroom with the help of Lizzie, Addy and Jax. I managed a short chat to Seb before he took off with his mates to ride to Makara.

‘You still haven’t talked to him about The Issue, have you?’ Lizzie said, wagging her finger at me.

‘According to you we should be breaking up about now so why should you care?’ Bitchy, but if you can’t bitch at your friends when you’re deep in misery, then who can you bitch at?

She jumped up and hugged me. ‘I’m sorry! I was such a cow that day. I didn’t mean it and I hope you stay together forever and I want to be your bridesmaid.’

That was what I liked about Lizzie — she loved you even when you were bitchy. ‘Sorry. The way my parents feel about him we’ll have to elope.’

We laughed and clowned around — did no packing, but I felt better — until they had to go home. I wanted to walk with them to the corner, but Mum said she’d come with me if I did. I could feel the sympathy oozing from the girls.

I returned to my room and shut my mother out. I might as well be stuck on the island already. She was so unfair. Noah did exactly as he pleased and came home stoned hours after he finished work — and I know for a fact that he hadn’t been at school for most of last week. Double standards were alive and thriving in the Hargreaves household.

Only six more sleeps until the year of imprisonment began. I tried to stretch the week out to make it last forever.

Seb met me at the corner every morning. I spent every interval with him, but that was it. The rest of his time belonged to other people. ‘Sorry, babe. It’s a bad week.’ He didn’t say he loved me. He didn’t say he’d wait for me. He did say he’d miss me. He did say we’d ‘get it on’ when I got back. I had to hang on to that, although I told the girls he said we’d ‘be together’ when I got back.

I made the most of the time I had left in the world of civilised living.

On Monday after school I had my hair highlighted and cut to just clear of my shoulders.

On Tuesday the girls took me into town but wouldn’t tell me why. They led me to a beauty salon where they’d booked me a manicure and pedicure.

On Wednesday we went into Magz and I stocked up on magazines.

Thursday we spent at BeauTox while I got photos of them and Seb developed. It took us an hour to choose frames for them.

I kept busy. It was good because it stopped me thinking, but by the time Friday rolled around it was
getting pretty difficult to hide from the truth of what was about to happen.

On Friday morning Cara turned up and filmed me walking to school. I didn’t bother asking her not to — why waste my breath? ‘Ignore me,’ she said, looking at Seb loping towards me and practically falling into her camera with excitement. ‘Pretend I don’t exist.’

Seb did pretend she didn’t exist. He completely ignored her. ‘Hi, babe.’ He kissed me and we walked off hand in hand to join the girls.

Lizzie took one look at Cara, smiled and said, ‘Hello Cara. Lovely day, isn’t it.’ Then she proceeded to carry on a weather conversation with Jax and Addy.

Lizzie: It’s really warm for this time of year.

Addy: Lovely to see the sun after all the rain we’ve had.

Jax: If the wind drops we might get a frost tonight.

I hoped Cara was grinding her teeth over the wasted film.

At school, she shoved the camera in my face just as Seb was kissing me goodbye. He stuck out a hand and pushed it away. God, I was going to miss him.

Cara followed us to class. We sat together and we didn’t say a word.

‘Are you going to miss Minna?’ Cara asked my teachers.

‘She’ll certainly leave a gap,’ said Mrs Stannard (Science).

‘She’s a very vivacious pupil,’ said Ms Wiley (Maths and hander-out of detentions by the mile for talking).

‘Oh, yes,’ said Mr Hanson (English and who had
pointed out only yesterday that you can miss people you don’t at all care for).

And then Cara had to go — oh what a shame.

We relaxed.

She came back and caught us in the canteen queue at lunchtime. Oh, what the hell. ‘Ignore her,’ I said.

So we stuffed our faces with doughnuts, pies and all the things we’d been avoiding in the interests of slimness and elegance.

The afternoon sped past. Cara came to Social Studies where I doodled on my book. She followed me to Art, zoomed the camera in on my still life and I knew that would make the final cut along with a smart remark about how I was the daughter of well-known artist Livana Aveson. She wouldn’t need to say I’d had a talent bypass — one picture being worth a thousand words and all that.

I wondered how Cara got on with filming Noah. She gave me a funny look when I asked. ‘He had the day off to pack. Didn’t you know?’

Wagging again.

The girls came home with me. They stared at my bedroom. ‘It’s so bare and sad,’ said Jax.

My stuff was all in boxes except for Seb’s koala which I intended to carry with me.

Addy picked up the new acoustic guitar Dad had bought me to salve his conscience over locking me up for a year. ‘You’re really going to learn to play this?’

I shrugged. ‘Face it — what else will there be to do?’

Lizzie grabbed my arm and gave it a shake, her
fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. ‘Min — listen. Please don’t think I’m an unfeeling, hard-hearted bitch but …’ she paused to give us time to brace ourselves for a burst of unfeeling, hard-hearted bitchiness, ‘but look at the opportunities you’ve got. Play your cards right and you could come out of this with modelling contracts, celebrity appearances — the works!’ She jammed her hands on her hips and glared at me. ‘So stop moaning and start maximising.’

‘Maximising?’ I said. ‘What crap have you been reading?’

Addy rolled her eyes. ‘Ignore her.’

Jax said, ‘She’s not just a nut — she’s the whole freaking fruitcake.’

It was time for them to go. ‘Write to me,’ I begged. ‘Please write me long letters that I can read slowly and pretend I’m still here.’

They promised. We hugged and cried and they promised to be there tomorrow too when we flew away in the chopper. They left and I felt my old life dissolve and drain away through cracks in the floorboards.

After dinner, Cara turned up with a camera crew for us to separately record our thoughts about the whole deal. She wouldn’t let us watch each other, but I bet all she got out of Noah was grunts and
cool, man. It’ll be cool.
What a loser.

When it was my turn, she sat me down in the lounge. ‘So, Minna, nearly time to go.’ She gave me her beaming, friends-together smile and leaned forward in a disgustingly chummy way. Chums with Cara the Cow, without whom I would still be living my real life? Not in a million years.

She hit me with the first question. ‘What do you think you’ll learn through being on the island?’

You ain’t getting nothing out of me, lady
. ‘Oh, Cara — you know I haven’t looked at the correspondence courses yet.’

She smiled again but not quite so chummily this time. ‘Besides schoolwork. Do you think you’ll learn any — life lessons?’

Not if I can help it
. I leaned towards her so that our heads damn near crashed together. ‘You know, I might. I mean, if you look at Dad and how keen he is on the whole conservation thing. It’s never really pushed my buttons but when you’re with somebody and they’re doing something they’re really
enthusiastic
about — well, stands to reason it’s going to rub off. Don’t you think?’

She didn’t even blink, the cow. She swapped the chummy expression for one of great seriousness. ‘This is a big chunk of your life. Tell me what you’re feeling about the year ahead. Are you excited?’

I looked her dead in the eye. ‘I feel like I’m being sent to jail. Solitary confinement. I guess that’s pretty exciting.’

After that, the interview didn’t have a lot of places to go. I hoped she’d use the entire thing in the final cut.

I stood at the window and watched her drive away. Dad came bouncing into the room. ‘Well, that was excellent. She said she got some good footage from all of us.’ He clapped me on the shoulder. ‘Exciting, isn’t it, Min!’

I removed his hand and took myself off to my room. I talked to Seb for two hours. He promised he’d be
there to say goodbye when I left. It took me forever to get to sleep that night.

The morning came. Dad packed the last of our stuff into the taxi. I got in the back seat beside Noah. I held my koala in my arms. I wasn’t crying, but only by a supreme effort of will and a determination not to look like a cry-baby on film because Cara would be there with the camera for sure.