Translation of Love (6 page)

I open up yesterday’s paper and am struck by the headline.

Fans Line up to Meet Latin Heartthrob Victor Garza

I’m even more floored by the image of the man in the picture. How can this be possible? I’m taken back to the night at the bookstore.

“You’ve been on this line for almost forty minutes and you don’t even know who you’re waiting to meet? Victor Garza is like the hottest Latin singer in the world!”

Shit! Victor Garza, the man who I’ve spent the last two nights with, is an international superstar! I don’t know how to process this information. Am I angry that he lied or do I even care? I asked him what he did more than once and he tiptoed around the question. Why didn’t he just tell me who he was? I mean, I guess I can understand that he may have wanted to fly under the radar but it’s still no excuse for keeping me in the dark. Why am I getting upset over this anyway? It’s not like I want him to be a part of my life. He didn’t even ask to see me again. He just kissed me and left. Ultimately, this is what I wanted anyway. I wanted him to leave me alone so this turn of events works in my favor.

I’m startled by a knock on the front door. It’s barely eight in the morning. I try to get a rein on my emotions as I get up to see who it is. I’m stunned to see Victor standing there with a grin on his face, a coffee cup in each hand.

“Good morning, beautiful. I thought you might like a pick me up.”

I stare at him, confused, stunned and pissed. He stands there looking annoyingly cool, calm and collected.

“Can I come in?” I can’t speak but I know we need to hash this out, so I step out of his way and let him in. He walks into the living room and takes a look around. “I really like this place, Ellie. It suits you.” He hands me my coffee, finally sensing that something is wrong. “Is everything okay? Are you mad that I dropped by unannounced? I can go if you want. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“When were you gonna tell me?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“Tell you what?” He stares at me for a second, the air in the room getting thicker. He looks almost nervous but resigned to what’s coming. I know he’s figured it out. He’s aware that I know but he’s not giving anything away, he wants to hear me say it.

“Seriously?”

“Ellie.” I move to the dining room table, pick up the newspaper and lift it for him to see.

“This, Victor! When were you gonna tell me who you are?” I yell, tossing the paper back on the table.

“Fuck! It’s not what you must be thinking. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”

“The fuck you weren’t! I asked you two times what you did and you wouldn’t answer. I just assumed you hated your job or something but this… You knew exactly what you were doing.”

“Yes, okay, I knew what I was doing but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just wanted to be myself. For once in my life, I wanted to go out with a beautiful woman and not have her be more interested in my career than she is in the real me.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” I shake my head in disbelief.

“I was gonna tell you this morning.”

“How convenient!” I can hear the contempt lingering in my words. “You think I’m stupid?”

“No, I know you’re not stupid. I swear to you, I went back to my hotel last night and decided I didn’t wanna see you again without being totally honest. It’s the reason I came here.” He takes a step closer to me and I lift up both hands in a silent warning, telling him not to come near me.

“I can’t.”

“Ellie.”

“No! I can’t do this. I want you to go. I don’t wanna see you again.”

He moves into my space, puts his arms around my waist and pulls me into him, my hands on his chest now.

“You don’t mean that, Love.”

I tilt my head up and my eyes meet his. I have my usual, unwelcome response. Every time he looks at me, it’s a direct hit to my armor. I have to stay strong. This is the perfect excuse to end this and I’m not letting the opportunity slip through my fingers. “I do mean it! I don’t like being lied to, Victor.”

“I’m sorry. Can you just try for one second to see it from my side? How it must feel to never know if the person you’re seeing is with you for you or for your fame? Can you imagine how refreshing it was for me to be with you, knowing that I didn’t have to worry about it for once?”

“I… I mean yeah, I get what you’re saying but...”

He brings his lips to mine and gives me a gentle kiss. All of the tension I was holding onto releases, seeping out of my body. He feels it and he knows he’s winning the battle. “I won’t lie to you again. Now that you know, I promise I’ll tell you everything. I really like you, Ellie. All I’m asking for is the chance to explain my life and get to know you better.”

“Okay,” I answer softly. Why do I keep doing this? It’s like my mind and my mouth are at odds with each other every time Victor asks me for something. What did I just agree to and how do I get myself out of it?

“Yeah?”

I nod my head because the damage is already done. I’ve just screwed myself over. He tightens his hold on me and kisses me again, only this time with a ferocity that leaves me breathless and tingling in places that have been hibernating for years. He rips his lips from mine, leaving me wanting more.

“Babe,” he whispers.

“Hmm?”

“I have to go. I have an interview at a radio station in an hour.”

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

“I wanna talk about this though. I’m gonna pick you up tonight at seven, okay? We’ll have dinner?”

“Okay,” I respond without hesitation and then, since I’ve already lost my mind, I do the unthinkable. I tighten my grip around his neck and I kiss him goodbye. Victor leaves and I feel like a hurricane has just swept through my living room, leaving an aftermath of confusion and panic. I’m in serious trouble. I realize that I need reinforcements. I pick up my phone and send a text message to Jordan.

You busy?

No. Why? Are you ok?

I need you. Can you come over?

Be there in 20 minutes.

Jordan and I are sitting on my couch and I’ve just finished telling her everything that has happened since I met Victor on Friday. She’s staring at me with her eyes practically bugging out of the sockets and her mouth wide open. She holds up the newspaper article I’ve just shown her as if she’s presenting it for show and tell.

“He’s a rockstar! Not only is he a rockstar, he’s a frickin’ hot rockstar! What’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I don’t want to lead him on. I’m not ready to be in a relationship.”

“How much more time do you need, Elle? It’s been two years!”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just saying he’s gorgeous and he’s clearly into you. How do you feel about him?”

“Okay, if I’m being one hundred percent honest with myself, I like him. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long time.”

“That’s great!”

“No, it’s not! I don’t want to lose myself again. If I let him in, if I let him get close, then I’m opening myself up to…”

“To getting hurt?”

I nod. “He’s already lied to me about something huge.”

“Come on, Elle. Cut the guy a break. It must be strange to be who he is and try to date. Can you blame him for trying to protect himself?”

I squint my eyes so that I can glare at her. “I hate you!”

“You don’t. You just hate when I’m right. Go to dinner with him, take it one day at a time, but whatever you do, don’t shut the door on getting to know someone you like.”

By the time Jordan leaves, I’m more confused than ever. After the disaster that was my relationship with Brian, I made a promise to myself not to go down that road again, even if it meant I’d be alone forever. I was at peace with that decision. I had trained myself to believe that I could have a fulfilling life without any emotional involvement. Now, I’m not so sure if that’s true. The desire for something more has gotten a hold on me and, try as I might, I just can’t seem to shake it off. I’m not even sure if I really want to.

I’m tying myself in knots over someone that I met two days ago. Someone I’ve spent all of five or six hours with. But if I shut out my fears, everything inside of myself is telling me that there’s something different about him. There’s something that’s worth knowing. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least I can say that I tried. Right? Isn’t that what I told Jordan to do about Mark? I told her to try, so why can’t I allow myself to do the same thing? Maybe I can follow her advice and just take it one day at a time. See where it goes. I can still keep my defenses up, protect myself from getting hurt again. I can do that without giving up control of myself or jeopardizing the life I’ve built. Regardless of the risk, I have to try.

I decide that casual attire is best for tonight’s dinner since I’m not sure where we’re going but I know that most places around here are anything but fancy. I opt for a pale yellow, eyelet halter top, with a nude-colored sweater, faded blue jeans and nude wedges. It’s simple yet feminine and it makes me feel pretty.

As I wait for seven o’clock to roll around, I try to calm my anxiety by reading a book but I’m sure that I’ve been eyeing the same page for about twenty minutes. I jump as I hear a knock on the front door. I pull myself together, grab my purse and answer the door.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Victor says as he pulls something from behind his back. He smiles at me and hands me an enormous bouquet of flowers. “These are for you. My way of saying I’m sorry for not telling you about myself sooner.”

“They’re beautiful! Peonies are my favorite. I love them.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They’re stunning, thank you,” I say, wondering how he could possibly know to get me peonies. “I’m just gonna put them in water, I’ll be right back.”

I scurry to the kitchen, fish out a vase from underneath the sink and arrange the beautiful bouquet. When I’m done, I place them in the center of my dining room table, grab my purse again and head back to a waiting Victor.

“Okay. I’m ready!” I say, locking my door behind me.

“Then let’s go,” he says as he grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of his car. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thanks, so do you.” He chuckles. “Well, not beautiful, handsome, you know what I mean.”

“I gotcha!”

Victor helps me in the car. “So where are we going?”

“We’re going to my hotel.” He grins and closes my door before I can reply. I feel the heat rush up to my cheeks and panic strikes me. He gets in the car and I can do nothing but stare at him in horror.

“What’s the matter?”

“What do you mean we’re going to your hotel?”

“Babe.”

“What?”

He laughs. “Relax.” He grabs my hand and starts to massage my palm with his thumb. “You just found out something kind of shocking about me. You must have a lot of questions and I want you to be able to ask them without being interrupted. We’ll order room service and talk. I promise you nothing more than that will happen.” He gives me the knee melting smile. “Unless you want it to.”

“Talking is good. Let’s focus on that, okay?”

“Let’s focus on that then,” he says with a wink.