Trapped With the Alpha (Balfour Shifters Book 1) (12 page)

Izzy

COLLAPSING ONTO
my back and wrapping his arms around me, Brody releases a sigh of contentment before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on my temple. Releasing my own sigh of happiness, I soak up the feeling of his skin upon my own. I know we have a lot to talk about, but after eight hundred years of solitary, I’m allowing myself this reprieve, no matter how temporary.

Sliding off to the side, he curls me into his body in a protective gesture, a move I have loved since the beginning. “I know we have a lot to discuss, Pixie, but I just need to hold you for a while. Can you give that to me, love?”

“Yeah, I need it too, Brody. Don’t let go. Please, don’t let go,” I whimper as tears start to blur my vision. 

As much as I want to tear into him for taking advantage of my need for him, I do need this fiercely. It’s hard to put into words what it’s been like to walk around for decades, feeling as if my very soul was missing. I think the best way to explain it would be like how amputee patients experience ghost pains. Long after the limb is removed, the pain never seems to recede. You just never feel complete. No matter how hard you try to focus on the remaining parts, the missing piece is the only one you seem to be able to think about.

Laying there in the thick of the forest, we just let each other be for what seems like hours. Neither of us is willing to let go of the other and get back to the nitty gritty of the situation. We have to talk about everything that has happened, and I have to figure out how to do that without losing my temper. Knowing the fight will start again soon, a nearly silent sigh slips from my lips.

As the wind stirs the branches on the trees, I decide that I need to take advantage of the calmness enveloping us both. Rolling over on my opposite side so that we are face to face, I slowly raise my hand to his handsome jaw, tracing the planes and dips of his bone structure, soaking up the feeling of his skin, his scruff, and all that is Brody.

I run my fingertips gently over his full lips and say, “It’s getting late, Brody. As much as we want to stay in our happy little bubble, I think we need to talk about some of this before we head back.”

Kissing my fingers before grabbing hold of my hand and bringing it to his chest, he releases a groan before saying, “I know, baby. There is no escaping this shit.”

Rubbing small circles over his heart, I reply, “No, there’s no escaping it.”

“Even though I really just want to continue holding you and forget any of this ever happened, we have to deal with it.” Leaning forward, he places a kiss on my lips. “Okay, love, you can start. Tell me what you know, even if it doesn’t make sense. It’s imperative I know everything, from all angles, so I can try to make sense of this before approaching the boys.”

Rolling away from him and onto my back, I look up at the blue sky peeking out through the treetops. “Umm, well, I don’t really know a lot more than what I already told you. One second, I was coming back to you in bed, and then the next, I seemed to just be frozen in place. I was unable to move, even though I could still talk.”

“Could you hear me?” he asks, sounding confused.

 “Yeah, I could hear everything. You tried to get to me, called my name over and over, but there was something keeping you from getting too close. You were screaming and smashing your fists against the barrier. I could hear and see everything you were doing, but you couldn’t hear me. No matter how loud I yelled, you couldn’t hear anything I was saying. You were becoming so frantic, I stopped trying in the hopes that you would calm down.”

He rolls to his side, looking right at my face. “Then what happened?”

“Then, it was like I blinked my eyes, and everything was the same but it wasn’t. I was still in your chambers, and you were laying right there in front of me. When I tried to touch you, I couldn’t feel you anymore,” I explain, trying to find the correct words.

“You shifted into your wolf and tore the entire room apart. Then, you shifted back and fell to sleep. I could tell it wasn’t a natural sleep, and it scared the hell out of me. I tried to call for you, but you never woke. I finally just gave up and curled into a ball on the floor beside you, and I spent the rest of the night just crying. I couldn’t even feel the floor beneath me, Brody. I was just all of a sudden nothing, as if I had become a ghost. For a while, I thought I had died.”

“I don’t remember much of that night. I remember you being there and fading away, but most of it is just a blur,” he admits, twirling a lock of my long hair around his fingers.

“You slept the entire night through, until a servant came in and started screaming. After that, you seemed to go about your day as if everything was normal. You never asked about me, never looked for me. You did nothing, and that broke me even more.” My words come out on a broken sob.

Brody reaches up to wipe the tears that are now falling in earnest from my eyes, silently giving me his strength so that I can continue. “I cried for days, unable to comprehend what was going on. I just wanted to give up. I had never in my life felt loneliness like that, and I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to do nothing but lie in your bed and wish for death to take me. I was positive that anything was better than the hell I was living.

“Sadly, I didn’t have the option of staying in bed and wallowing. Every time you moved, I was forced to follow. No matter how hard I fought it, I was dragged behind you like there was some invisible force pushing me from behind. I even tried hanging on to the bedposts while you walked out of the room, but that didn’t work. As soon as you were out of eyesight, it was like I blinked and was right beside you again. It was part of my curse, to stand by your side and never be more than a ghost.”

Unable to continue with the story, a sob escapes me. Reliving that moment is the worst form of torture, even worse than being forced to watch Brody jump from bed to bed. By the time he was doing that, I had come to terms with the fact that there was an unknown force at play. “When you went on with your life, took other women to your bed, it was horrible. In the beginning, the pain was so unbearable that I don’t think I could find words to describe it.”

“I’m so sorry, Izzy. You have to know, I would never had done any of those things if I had remembered you.”

“Watching you with those other women was like a knife to the heart.” Even though I have more than enough words to describe that feeling, nothing more comes out. Just thinking about it makes me see red, and I start to pull away from him again.

Grabbing onto my arm and pulling me back to his side, he threads his fingers into my hair and kisses my forehead. “God, Isabel, I don’t even know what to say.”

“I’m not sure there is anything you can say,” I reply, letting my anger push through. “Can anything take my memories away?”

He’s silent for a minute before looking me in the eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know how any of this happened. How could I forget you?”

“What do you remember about that night?” I ask, unable to answer his question.

“I remember taking you to my room, but not much more. I swear to you, when I woke up the next day, I didn’t remember a thing. Father said we had all drunk tainted ale, but I couldn’t even remember having a drink. The entire night was a blank,” he explains, looking even more confused.

“Tainted ale couldn’t make you and everyone else in the clan forget me,” I argue as thoughts of that night play through my head.

He nods in agreement. “I didn’t even know you existed, let alone that you were my mate. I will never be able to forgive myself for forgetting you so easily. Izzy, you are my life. You were then, and you are now.”

His words have the ice around my heart thawing. “How do we go forward from here? How do we forget everything that has happened?”

“Having you here with me now, it feels like none of the past eight-hundred years even happened. I was there, living my fucked up life, but looking back, it feels like a bad dream or something. I don’t know how to explain it to you any other way than that.”

“I get what you’re saying, Brody. As much as I don’t want to, I do. Something else was in control of our lives, and we weren’t strong enough to fight it. But you have to realize, even though I know all that, the pain doesn’t get any more bearable. Seeing you with all those women, Brody, it was like having my heart shattered over and over again. It was one thing to see you walk off without a care in the world, as if you weren’t yearning for me as much as I was you. Seeing you touch them, though, bringing them the pleasure that was supposed to be reserved for me only, that is something I can’t pretend didn’t happened.”

Releasing me, he sits up, a growl leaving his mouth. Tugging on his pants, he looks over his shoulder and says, “Isabel, I can’t even imagine watching you with another man’s hands on your body. The thought alone makes me want to skin someone alive. I understand why you feel the way you do, and if I could fix it, baby, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat.”

Pulling me up into a sitting position, he pulls his t-shirt over my head. I look up into his eyes, eyes that are overflowing with pain and regret. “I know you would, but that’s not possible.”

 “I can’t make it go away, Izzy, and it kills me. I’m supposed to be the one who protects you. I cherish the ground you walk on. I’m the man who should love you so thoroughly, you can’t walk the next day.” He smirks before continuing. “I was tasked with taking care of you until death, and I failed. You will never know the pain that brings me. I couldn’t keep you safe, even if I was the one you needed to be protected from.”

Wiping the tears from my face, I sit up on my knees and kiss him. “I think that’s enough talk for now, Brody. We’re both raw. Honestly, I just want to be with you right now. I’ve spent eons unable to feel your touch and tell you how much I love you. That’s what I want to focus on at the moment, okay?”

Is my anger and pain forgotten? Absolutely not. However, seeing this pain in his amber eyes is killing me, and knowing I’m the one to put it there is even worse. For the time being, I make a vow to leave it be and try to live my life as happily as I can. Who knows? Maybe from all this pain, something beautiful could happen.

Pulling me up from the ground, he wraps his arms around me, crushing me to his chest. “Yeah, love, that sounds good to me. I would happily spend the next eight-hundred years without us leaving the bedroom. That sound good to you?” he asks, a sexy smile spreading across his face.

I look up at his smirking face and throw a playful punch at his shoulder, then put my arms around him and hold on as tightly as I possibly can. “Sounds like a deal to me. Now, take me home, wolf.”

Reaching down to grasp me behind my knees, he lifts me with ease and gives me a big wet kiss. He chuckles and says, “Well, what my Queen asks for, she will receive. Let’s go back to the lodge, my love.”

Curled protectively in his arms, I don’t say a word as he carries me inside. My emotions are shifting so quickly, I can’t even keep up with which one I’m feeling. One minute, I’m pissed as hell at him, and in the next, I want nothing more than to press my lips to his. One thing I know for sure, I love Brody Balfour so much it hurts. If being forced apart for eight-hundred years didn’t change that, nothing ever will. 

As soon as we step through the door, Knox walks down the stairs. His eyes instantly focus on me, and look of shock covers his face. “Isabel?”

No sooner than the words have left his mouth, Aiden and Caleb walk out of the living room and look at us. Both blink when their eyes land on mine. At the same time, they ask, “Izzy?”

A second later, Finn follows behind them. He stops in his tracks and stares. “Isabel McKay? What the hell?”

Not knowing what else to do, I pull my hand from around Brody’s neck and wave at them timidly. “Hey, guys.” I know it’s a stupid thing to do, but what else am I supposed to say? I don’t think there is such thing as proper etiquette in a situation such as this.

“What the fuck?” Knox mumbles as he rushes toward us. “Isabel, how did you get here?”

“Umm,” I mumble, not sure what to say.

Finn steps forward, looking me right in the eye. “As soon as I laid eyes on you, I remembered growing up together, but a few minutes ago, I didn’t even know your name.”

Caleb walks further into the room, his eyes moving from Brody to me. “I remember you, too, but I’m like Finn. I had no memory of you until I saw you. How is that possible?”

As if just noticing I’m in Brody’s arms, he steps back and asks, “And what are you doing with Brody in nothing but his shirt?”

“She’s his mate,” Aiden states, as if this all makes sense. 

Everyone’s eyes turn to him, and he shrugs. “If she isn’t his mate, she’s someone’s. If not, she’d have been dead and buried long ago. Only the bond of being mated would make it possible for her to be here now.”

“She’s mine,” Brody growls, sounding like the thought of me mated to someone else is something he doesn’t even want to think about.

Trying to refrain from rolling my eyes at him, I look back to the guys, who all look shocked at seeing us. Trying to relieve the tension in the room, I smile. “I’m his mate, or, at least, that’s what he tells me.”