Tree of Hands (2 page)

‘Well, I don't suppose you wanted anything too ambitious, just you and the baby on your own.'

James wasn't really a baby any more, Benet thought, unlocking the front door. He was a year and nine months old, saying a good many words, understanding more. He clambered up the flight of steps, happier now he was home, probably remembering the treasures awaiting him, the toys that littered the floor of the big basement–kitchen–playroom. Mopsa stepped over him to get to the door. Benet wondered how soon it would be before she began on his fatherless state. Or was she, in spite of the enormous improvement, not quite enough, never to be quite enough, of the conventional suburban middle-aged woman for this to weigh with her? Benet hardly expected to escape without a mention of Edward, the disadvantages of illegitimacy, the threat to a boy's normalcy of growing up only with a mother. She ought to be glad, she told herself, that it was Mopsa who had come and not her father. He was still expressing shocked disbelief over James's very existence.

The house was not yet set to rights. Boxes and crates of still-unwrapped ornaments, kitchen utensils, china and glass and the unending hundreds of books were ranked along the hallway. Leaving for the airport, Benet had come from her task of setting books on the shelves she had had built in the room that would be her study, from attempting some sort of cataloguing system. Spread across the floor in all its sixteen foreign language editions lay her best-selling novel, the source of her affluence, of this house,
The Marriage Knot
. She closed the door to keep James from rampaging among the welter of paperbacks.

Though James seemed even farther from rampaging than he had been in the car. Instead of doing what Benet had expected and rushing back to his newest toy, a xylophone with its octave painted in colours of the spectrum plus one in gold, he had taken himself to his small wicker chair and
sat in it, sucking his thumb. His nose had begun to run, and when Benet picked him up, she could hear his breath moving in his chest. It wasn't wheezing exactly, just a sound of his breath moving where there should be no sound. It was warm and cosy in the big basement room, and on a sunny day like this one, bright enough. Benet had had all the kitchen part-fitted with oak units and the floor carpeted in Florentine red and a big cupboard built for James's toys.

Mopsa, having deposited her cases on the bed in the room Benet had got ready for her, came downstairs quite jauntily and said, ‘Now I'll take us all out for some lunch.'

‘I don't think I ought to take him out again. He doesn't seem very well. We can eat here. I meant to give you lunch here.'

Mopsa showed her displeasure. ‘It isn't
cold
even by my Spanish standards.' She laughed, a metallic, rather cracked sound not unlike that made by striking the lowest key of the xylophone. ‘You must be a very devoted mother.'

Benet made no answer. She too was amazed by what a devoted mother she had become. Of course she had meant to be that. In having James, in purposefully setting out as an unmarried woman to have a child, she had planned a perfect devotion, an ideal childhood, the best of love and of material things. She had not guessed how little she need have calculated, how absolutely committed to him she would be within a moment of his birth.

She made lunch – soup, wholemeal bread, duck pâté and salad for her and Mopsa, scrambled eggs, fingers of toast and chocolate ice cream for James. Up at the other end of the room, in the window seat with the little front garden and the stone garden wall rising up behind it, Mopsa sat reading the paperback she had brought with her on the plane. She hadn't attempted to take James on to her knee. Benet repressed her indignation, told herself not even to feel it. James's favourite lunch didn't tempt him beyond a few mouthfuls.

‘He needs a good sleep,' said Mopsa.

Probably she was right, though Benet thought she said it more from a desire to be rid of him than for his own benefit. James's bedroom was the room in the house she had seen to first, the only one without a still-unemptied crate in it. Benet put his favourite toy, a squashy tiger cub with dangling limbs, into his hands and laid him gently in the cot. James didn't like being put down to sleep in the daytime and usually if this was attempted sat bolt upright at once, putting up importunate arms. This time he lay where he was put, clutching the tiger. His face was flushed as if he might be cutting those awaited back molars. Benet thought there couldn't be much the matter with him. She had had him immunized against every possibly threatening disease. His chest had always been a bit troublesome when he had a cold. It growled now when he breathed in. She sat with him for five minutes until he slept.

‘I didn't imagine you'd have all that much maternal feeling,' Mopsa said. She had been up to the chaotic living room and found bottles that hadn't yet been put away and poured herself some brandy. She had never been a hard drinker, never approached alcoholism, but she liked a drink and it sometimes affected her strangely. Benet remembered, from years back, her efforts and her father's to deflect Mopsa from the sherry bottle. Mopsa smiled her vague silly smile, parted lips trembling. ‘It's often the case that you don't want them but you come to love them when they arrive.'

‘I did want James,' said Benet, and to effect a change of subject, one she knew her mother would be happy to embark on, ‘Tell me about these tests you're having done.'

‘They haven't got the facilities to do them in Spain. I always did say there's some enzyme or something that's missing in me, that's all it is, and now it looks as if they're coming round to my way of thinking.' Mopsa had for years denied that she was ill at all. It was others who were ill or malicious or lacking in understanding of her. But when realization that she was not normal was inescapable, when in lucid periods she looked back on nightmares, she had
come to lay the blame not on psychosis but on a defect in her body's chemistry.

‘Take the case of George III,' she would say. ‘They thought he was mad for years. They subjected him to hellish tortures. And now they know he had porphyria and just giving him what his body lacked would have made him sane.'

Perhaps she was right. But whatever vital substance she might lack, it now seemed that the deficiency had lately and by natural means made itself good. As Mopsa talked lucidly, and with a good deal of intelligent grasp of detail, of the tests and the complicated processes that would follow them, Benet thought her saner than she had been since she herself was a child. Even the glaze that lay on her greenish-blue eyes seemed to have lifted and been replaced by a more normal inner light.

Mopsa was looking round the room. ‘Where's your television?'

‘I haven't got it.'

‘You mean you haven't got a set at all? I should be lost without the TV, not that it's very good in Spain. I was looking forward to English TV. Why haven't you got it? It can't be that you can't afford it.'

‘I write when James is asleep, so that means I mostly write in the evenings and television wouldn't be much use to me.'

‘He's asleep now. Do you want to do some writing now? Don't take any notice of me. I'll keep quiet and read my book.'

Benet shook her head. The peculiar conditions necessary for writing – some measure of solitude, a contemplative atmosphere, a certain preparation of the mind – she felt unable to explain to anyone not involved in the process, least of all Mopsa. Besides she was in the highly unusual position of someone who had written down some reminiscences and observations – in her case the time in India with Edward – made them into fiction largely for her own amusement and suddenly finds she has produced a
bestseller. An immediate and enormous bestseller. Now she had to write something else, if not to match
The Marriage Knot
, at least to put up a creditable showing beside it. She was the author of what might prove to be a one-off success faced with the hurdle of the ‘second book'. It didn't come easily even when she was feeling tranquil and James slept.

That reminded her, he had been asleep for nearly two hours now. She went upstairs to look at him. He was still sleeping, his face rather flushed and his breathing rough. She could see Edward in his face, especially in the curve of his lips and the modelling of his forehead. One day, when he was grown up, he would have those ‘English gentleman' looks Edward possessed, flaxen hair, steady blue eyes, strong chin – and perhaps something more than just looks, something more than his father had.

Waiting for him to wake, she stood by the window and watched the setting sun. The sky would become red only after the sun had gone down. Now it was a dark gold, barred with grey, the waters of the Vale of Peace pond sparkling with points of light. A row of Monterey pines on the farther bank stood black and still against the yellow and grey marbling. A good place to live, a fine place for James to grow up in. She had chosen wisely.

Was there some feature of that view, the row of pines perhaps, the sunset, or simply thinking of childhood and an environment for it, that brought back that awful afternoon with Mopsa? She hadn't thought of it for years. Now she remembered it very clearly, though it was nineteen or twenty years ago, but did she remember what had really happened? It had been the first manifestation of Mopsa's madness, her paranoid schizophrenia, that Benet had known. She was eight and the cousin who was with them only three or four. Mopsa had taken them into the dining room of the house they lived in in Colindale and locked the door and bolted it and then phoned Benet's father at work to say she was going to kill the children and then herself. Or had Mopsa only threatened to remain shut in
there with the children until some demand of hers was met? The true version was something between the two probably. Why, anyway, would a dining-room door have a bolt on it? But Benet could very clearly remember Mopsa taking knives out of a drawer, the little cousin screaming, Mopsa pulling heavy pieces of furniture, a sideboard, some other sort of cabinet, across the french windows. Most of all she remembered the door coming down, splintering first, and her uncle breaking through, then her father. They had brought no outside aid; shame and fear of consequences had no doubt prevented this. No one had been hurt and Mopsa had become quite calm afterwards so that one wouldn't have guessed anything was wrong with her. Until she had started the compulsive stealing, that had been the next thing. It became impossible to say you wanted anything – anything within reason, that is – without Mopsa stealing it for you. Benet remembered her father admiring a record he had heard in someone's house, a popular, even hackneyed classical piece, Handel's
Water Music
most likely. Mopsa had gone to great pains to find that identical recording in a shop, and when she had found it, she stole it, though she could easily have afforded to buy it. She stole to make gifts to those she loved and the element of risk involved in the theft rendered her gift, so some psychiatrist had said, more valuable in her own eyes. Since then the manifestations of her condition had been many and various: sporadic violence, divorcement from reality, inconsequential ‘mad' acts . . .

James turned over, sat up and gave an angry yell, rubbing his eyes with his fists. His cries turned to coughing with a rattle in his chest. Benet picked him up and held him against her shoulder. His chest was a sounding box that made almost musical notes. An idea which had been taking shape of asking people round for drinks – a way of passing the evening and quite a good way now Mopsa was behaving so rationally – no longer seemed feasible. James had a bad cold and would need her attention all evening.

The house felt very warm. She was glad she had had the
central heating system overhauled before she moved in. Mopsa, unpacking her case, her bedroom door open, looked the epitome of a sensible, rather ordinary, housewife. No doubt it was a part she was acting, had perhaps been acting for years. Roles of various kinds had been common with her in the past, all of them seemingly having coalesced into this form. Or was this the real Mopsa, emerging at last from shed layers of psychotic personae?

Now it was even as if her true name, the mundane Margaret, would have suited her better than that which evoked connotations of wildness and witchcraft, ancient familiars, ducking stools, eye of newt and toe of frog. It was not from
Macbeth
though but
The Winter's Tale
that she had named herself when playing the part of Mopsa in a school production at the age of fifteen. Familiar with it as a mother's name, as others might be with a Mary or Elizabeth, Benet nevertheless suddenly saw it as fantastic, incongruous, something that should have been disposed of at the same time as that fleece of blond hair. Mopsa's face, a thin and pointed face, always witchlike, though in Benet's childhood that of a young and beautiful witch, had undergone some blurring of the features that was perhaps part of an ageing process. The jawline was no longer hard and sweeping, the lips were less set. The dowdy haircut made her look very slightly pathetic but possibly no more so than any woman of her age who had no particular purpose in life and was not very well or much loved or needed.

Benet was surprised to find her down in the kitchen making tea for herself. Mopsa generally expected to be waited on wherever she was. Once James was better, Benet thought, they would all go out together. He was almost old enough to be taken to places of interest, to begin anyway. Lunch somewhere nice after Mopsa had been for her hospital appointment and then if the weather were as good as it had been that day, they might go to Hampton Court. Little children became ill and well so quickly, she had already learned that. It wasn't going to be easy getting
through this evening. In a day or two she might come to find hiring a television set essential.

‘When is his bedtime?' Mopsa said.

‘About six-thirty usually but it obviously isn't going to be tonight.'