Trent (Redemption Romance Book 4) (6 page)

“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Trent asked, his beautiful blue eyes sparking, worry and fear clear on his face.

I could only imagine the sight I was presenting. Allowing myself down the path of heartbreak again, I plopped onto the corner of the bed, dropped my head into my hands and cried. Would he eventually get tired of my crying?

Crouching down in front of me, he balanced on his toes and pulled my hands away from my face. “Shh, no, come on, what is it?”

Shaking my head, I tried to pull away, but of course, I should have known better. Moving to sit next to me, he wrapped me tight and secure in his arms and pulled me onto his lap.

“Tell me. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.” Trent’s voice was gentle, as he caressed the side of my face as he watched me.

“When will I be strong enough to fix it myself?” I asked, so frustrated with my own weakness that I almost shouted at him.

“You are, you’ve been doing it all on your own for way too long. Lean on me, share it with me. I can’t carry it for you, but I can help you carry it, okay?”

“I was just thinking about how unfair I was to you. About how hard everything was for you, too. But I didn’t care about that. I just pushed you away. I can’t understand why you’d willingly sign up for a woman who treated you like that,” I explained as tears came flooding back, clogging my throat and making my words difficult to understand. I told him about everything, all I felt and why. I wasn’t going to hold back from Trent anymore.

Instead of reassuring me, or giving me false platitudes, he held me, kissed the side of my head and rocked me, until my tears subsided. He wouldn't lie and tell me he wasn't hurt by my actions. We both knew that I caused us immense pain. Maybe my reasons were understandable, and maybe they weren't. All I could do now was move forward.

I wouldn’t do that to him again, and I wouldn’t keep him a secret. We had enough of that, too much really. Trent was my guy. I was his girl, no doubts, no questions. I loved him, and he loved me and if everyone knew it, if shit got real, if shit went bad, all that would still be true. We couldn’t protect everyone else, or try to save ourselves that hardship. We tried that, and it hadn’t been easier, not for me, and I knew, not for Trent. It only kept us from seeking the comfort our friends would have provided.

After he had soothed me, and I pulled my happy mask back on, went back into the bathroom to fix my face and made myself pretty again. Leaning over the counter, I used a face wipe to clean the mascara off my cheeks, when Trent sauntered in. Standing behind me, tall and powerful, he watched. Once I was all cleaned up, I reached to grab my makeup tray, when he stopped me.

“You don’t need that shit, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen just like you are.”

Rolling my eyes at him, I smirked but tried to grab it again. Unfortunately for me, his arms were about as long as my legs, and since he was holding me around the waist with one arm and the tray in the opposite hand, I had no chance. Giving in with a huff and a stomp of my foot I reminded myself that I had pretty much everything I needed in my purse.

Setting the tray down, Trent picked me up, spun me around like I weighed nothing and pulled me into him. He liked to do that, to lift me instead of bending down to me. At his height, he spent too much time bending down. His antics made me giggle, always playful, always sweet. When I needed him, though, to protect me, to cry with me, he'd do that too. He wasn't afraid of his emotions or mine. Trent was honest, and the most real person I had ever known.

Pecking at my lips, he scrunched up his eyes, and looked silly, with my legs dangling off the ground. Trent pulled me toward him and pushed me back out again like he was doing a standing up push-up. He made me giggle all over again, so when he pulled me in the next time, I wrapped my arms tight around him and held on, kissing all over his face.

He squirmed and jerked his face all around, yanking his head back and moving side to side, trying to get away from my lips, but I knew the truth, I knew he was playing. We always played like this, and I loved it.

“This is why I don’t like that shit,” he complained when I finished kissing all over his face. Of course, it would be a problem for him if I had been wearing the bright red lipstick. If he couldn't get it all off, he would look a lot more interesting at work.

“Humph,” I huffed, and stomped my foot again for good measure when he set me down.

Swatting my butt, he left the room and let me finish up. Twenty minutes later, we were both rushing out the front door, needing to get to work.

With Aurora gone on her honeymoon, it was just Dawn and me to work in the store. I would open, and she would close every day. It would be a challenge to cover all the hours and keep up with the workload. Strangely enough, only a few months before, it had only been Aurora and me all the time, but the number of clients walking through the doors every day had increased greatly. I wondered if we would need to hire another person to help us. The time alone in the store would be good for me. I would have plenty of time to think and get my head clear.

I had a few minutes when Dawn arrived to explain about Trent and me. I didn't go into all the details, specifically all the past stuff, but I told her that we had dated a few months before and had gotten back together. The glimmer in her eye gave away that she already knew something, but she confessed that she had only seen glimpses of us gazing longingly at each other. I had to punch her in the arm for that little comment, but we both laughed, and I had to admit that she was right, there was no way I was able to hide the love I felt for Trent every time I looked at him.

The day flew by, and when Trent popped in with Gavin around two, bringing lunch in for both Dawn and me, a wide smile spread across my face. Coming in to see us was something we appreciated and something the guys obviously liked doing. It was the first time I let it sink in, that Dawn and I worked together, Gavin and Trent worked together, but were also best friends. It was strange how closely entwined we’d all become.

Trent and I hadn’t been wrong, all those months ago, realizing that our tight-knit group would be affected if things went bad between us. The group had grown since then and had only grown closer. Unfortunately, it had been Nolan’s suicide that had brought all the guys back together and forced us all to realize the need we had for each other. 

We had about twenty-five minutes of no customers in the store, just enough time to eat the burritos the guys brought from El Gallito. It was my favorite hole-in-the-wall Mexican food place. You could go in, order a burrito and a drink and walk out with enough food to feed three people for under seven bucks. My favorite part, aside from the awesome burrito, was the huge bag of chips, three kinds of salsa and the best bean dip in town

Trent, of course, knew my order without asking, and apparently, Gavin knew Dawn’s too, because before they arrived neither of us knew what they’d bring for lunch. I got a chicken and rice burrito with whole beans, wet. It sounded simple, but it was basically an enormous thing with chicken, rice, and beans, obviously, but they added guacamole, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese and salsa, smothered in mole`, lettuce and cheese, my favorite guilty pleasure, aside from Trent, of course.

Standing around the front counter, we ate, talked and joked. It was nice to be ‘out’ at least with one couple in the group, though knowing this crazy lot, the news would be spread wide by dinner.

The one thing I hadn’t shared with Dawn, and I didn’t know if Trent had shared, was about my miscarriage. I certainly wasn’t ready to talk about that, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. How my mother had survived five, I’d never know.

I’d been the miracle baby, the one they’d given up hope of ever having. My parents had married when my mom was just twenty, and they wanted to start their family right away. She’d had her first miscarriage before she turned twenty-one and her fourth before she was thirty. From what I understood, they had been told that she wouldn’t be able to carry a baby to term after her fifth. They’d wanted a family so much. Dad told me that mom had really struggled with the doctor’s opinion.

The determined woman she was, though, she wouldn’t take birth control, as the doctor had suggested, even though they warned her that additional miscarriages could harm her physically and that she may be putting her own life at risk. Dad said he was afraid of losing her, because he loved her so much, but no matter how much he begged, she wouldn’t be swayed, and he couldn’t force her to take birth control and he didn’t have it in himself to take her dream away, even if that meant that he might not have her. I couldn’t imagine how hard that would have been on both of them. When she became pregnant again, for the first time in three years, at the age of thirty-five, they didn’t even have hope anymore.

Mom did, but she kept it from Dad. Mom told me that somehow, she had a feeling about me. She connected with me early on but didn’t want to share that optimism with Dad, because they’d both been hurt so many times. As three months turned into four, then six and seven, they realized that I made it way longer than any of the others. As she approached and surpassed her fortieth week, she was then convinced that I wanted to stay inside her forever, which was probably true. I loved to lay in a cozy bed, and I loved to snuggle, and I always had. Dad teased me that I wanted to keep snuggling with Mom, even before I was born.

They were overly cautious with me growing up. After I was born, they had another couple of pregnancies, and I could remember the devastating sadness of the last one. After that, no more had come. I didn’t know if they prevented it somehow, or if it just didn’t happen, but either way, they knew that I was it. They wanted a large family and had gotten me. They’d lost so many babies and for some reason, I’d survived. They’d been convinced that I was somehow the second coming, the baby who would grow up and change the world. I wasn’t, but they still believed in everything I did, they celebrated every milestone, no matter how small, with me. I knew they were trying to wring out as much happiness from me, from my life as they could.

My parents wanted so much and hadn’t gotten it. How could I take the small slice of their joy away? I knew, deep down, that my mom’s trouble, the death of their dreams, was why my own miscarriage had been so difficult. I always wanted children too, a lot of them. The fantasy was probably their vision, carried over, I had no idea, but I lost that dream too. Knowing myself, knowing how difficult all that loss would be on them, I wouldn’t allow myself to get pregnant again. I wouldn’t do that, couldn’t do that to any of us, not to Trent, or to myself.

It was Wednesday before I heard from my parents. As unusual as that was, I’d been so consumed with Trent, that I hadn’t noticed their radio silence.

Trent and I had spent every night together, reveling in the joy of being together again, making love, touching, kissing, and being free to share our love openly. Monday night, after work we ate at a local Italian place, and Tuesday had been the Thai place near the store.

Our relationship was old and new, settled and exciting all at once. We knew each other, had shared so much, and yet, we had a lot to learn. The one thing I didn’t do, was hold back. I lived for months without him, had shut him out completely, and though I didn’t regret the decision to do it, I didn’t have any desire to live through that again.

So, on the drive into work Wednesday morning, I wasn’t surprised to hear from my mom. I was a bit fanatical about not talking on my phone while driving, but my car had the built-in Bluetooth, so I consoled myself that it was at least safer than holding the phone.

“Well, good morning stranger. How are you this morning?” My mom teased, the sound of happy laughter in her voice.

“Hey Mom, good. How are you and Dad?” I had been so caught up in everything Trent over the past several days, and busy with the wedding before that, I hadn’t talked to either of my parents for over a week.

Mom told me about their weekend, and how Dad had been working a lot of hours all week. Mom could drone on and on for an hour if I let her, but mostly, she wanted to know about me, about the wedding and every nuance of my life. I shared it, without the details. I told her that Trent and I were seeing each other, explained about our previous relationship but didn’t tell her why we’d broken up. She squealed when I told her that things were serious between us, and she sounded more excited than I was.

Unsurprisingly, she made me promise to bring him over for dinner soon. Trent was close with his mom and sister as well, if we were going to make a real effort with this relationship, our families would be involved sooner than later. I promised that I would check with Trent and see what was on his schedule, and we’d find a good time for a visit.

Mom accepted that brush-off. She understood my schedule, but she wasn’t happy that we couldn’t have lunch this week. Our weekly lunch had been our special thing for years.

When I came home from the University of Louisiana, after finishing my Bachelor’s, mom had decreed that she was done with only seeing me every month or two. She wanted to see me every week. So, our weekly lunch dates began.

Mom and Dad had driven down to see me in Lafayette about one weekend each month if there wasn’t a holiday scheduled when I’d be home. They’d both struggled when I moved, and I knew I had to give in to their need to see me. They both had so much love, so much to give, they would have been the perfect couple to have had that large family they wanted. Dad was worried about me, though, and I thought that their frequent visits had a lot to do with their need to see that I was okay and to get to know my friends. They wanted to have a clear picture of my safety. Dad had even gotten me a panic button, so worried about me walking to my apartment from campus, or being out after dark.